Title: A Chance To Love
Author: Deia
Category: MSR, post-ep
Rating: NC-17
Feedback: deiasm@deiasaddiction.net
Website: http://www.deiasaddiction.net/xsense
Distribution: go ahead, just let me know
Spoilers: Trevor
Disclaimer: Not mine, not making any money from it
Summary: "How many chances can a person afford to miss in a 
lifetime?"

A.N. This story was written for Fandomonium's Virtual Season of 
Smut (Season Six).

Many thanks, my dearest Sallie, not only for being my beta, but 
especially for being my friend. Knowing that you are always there 
for me means the world.

I also wanted to thank Vi for holding my hand when I was writing 
this story, for not letting me give up, and poking me to finish it 
already. I don't know if I'd have done it without you, honey.



A Chance To Love


As Mulder opened the door to his apartment, he felt a pang of 
loneliness. It was happening more often each time he returned from 
a case. Spending days with Scully only a wall away tended to do 
that to him. Carrying his bag to his bedroom, for a few seconds he 
entertained the idea of actually separating the clothes that needed 
washing from the clean ones. He was too weary to do anything but 
lie back on his bed, and try to forget how much this case affected 
him, though.

Not that this specific case was anything extraordinary, at least by 
X-Files standards. At the same time, it didn't sit well with Mulder. 
He would be the first to say that Pinker Rawls's approach to his son 
was totally misguided, but in his own way, the only thing he had 
wanted was a chance to start over, to have some kind of connection 
to the only family he had.

How many chances can a person afford to miss in a lifetime? 
Mulder knew he had lost many-opportunities for a promising 
career, for making peace with his family, for starting his own 
family.  Sadly he realized that  all of his missing chances had 
to do with the same thing--his willingness to put his life on 
hold while he searched for answers.

Sometimes Mulder wondered what Samantha would say if she 
knew what he did and didn't do with his life in order to keep 
looking for her. He never regretted what his search did to him, and 
he would do it over again if need be. The only thing he couldn't 
forgive himself was for what it had done to Scully. It was his 
quest, and if anyone should suffer because of it, it was he. Every 
time he remembered his partner's  pale face against the pillow on 
her hospital bed a few days before they put that chip back in her 
neck, it was like a knife was ripping his heart. And yet, she 
stayed. Against all odds, she never wavered in her loyalty to him.

When he thought of all the chances life had given him and he had 
discarded, there was only one Mulder longed to take. Ever since he 
left Mississippi, he'd been debating with himself whether or not he 
should risk it. He wasn't afraid of rejection. Well, not entirely 
anyway. He was afraid that taking a chance would be the end of 
everything they now had. Mulder knew better than anyone how 
needy and dependent he was on Scully. He knew that if they 
deepened their relationship, he'd be unable to hold back his 
feelings. What he didn't know, was if Scully could handle them.

On their way back to DC, Scully kept looking at him strangely. She 
knew there was something on his mind. He could tell she was 
dying to ask him what was wrong, but couldn't quite bring herself 
to say anything. Mulder didn't know if he should be thankful or not. 
When they left the airport, Scully had squeezed his hand and given 
him a tight smile before taking a cab home. Her eyes had pleaded 
with him to let her know what was wrong while the car pulled 
away.

Mulder looked at the phone and contemplated doing just that. He 
wouldn't say everything, but he could give Scully a few hints 
during the conversation. See how she'd react. Just to test the 
waters. Nothing life-altering. He picked up the phone with a sense 
of anticipation he hadn't felt in so long, he'd almost forgotten 
what it was like.

"Hello," she answered on the second ring.

"Hi, it's me."

There was surprise in her voice. "Mulder? Did something happen?"

"No, nothing. I just wanted to talk. If you're available."

"You want to come over?"

Mulder thought about that, but he wasn't certain his courage would 
last the trip to Scully's apartment.

"No, I'm tired."

"All right. What do you want to talk about?" She was almost 
nonchalant, but he could detect the hopeful tone in her voice. It 
was clear Scully was still curious about what was bothering him.

"This case. I've been thinking about Rawls's motivation--about 
taking chances, starting over."

"Mulder, are you sure you're all right?" Scully asked half-
concerned, half-amused.

Mulder laughed. "Yeah, I'm sure. Just a bit philosophical, I guess."

"Is this some kind of middle age crisis?"

He could feel her relaxing as they started to banter with each other.

"Could be. What do you think? Should I start looking for a 
convertible, and beautiful young women to have affairs with?"

"No, you wouldn't fit into the stereotypical middle age crisis 
guidelines. I think a radical change for you would be the complete 
opposite--settling down, having a 9 to 5 job, driving a minivan. 
That would be *your* middle age crisis."

"Ouch, Scully. You think settling down would be so out of 
character for me?"

"Well, yes." Scully was laughing, and it was the best thing he'd 
heard in days.

"Maybe you're right. You do know me well."

"I do," she said quietly. He felt the change in her mood instantly.

"What?"

"It's nothing. Maybe I'm going through the same thing myself."

"Thinking of settling down?"

"Not exactly, I just..."

"What is it? Tell me," he pleaded.

"It'd be nice to have someone waiting for me once in a while."

"Anyone?" His voice was suddenly huskier and lower, but it didn't 
carry the usual playfulness of when he was throwing innuendos at 
her.

"What about you?"

"Scully, you're changing the subject."

She sighed in frustration. "I'm not. I..."

"Then answer me."

There was a silence, before she said quietly, "No, not anyone."

His heart was racing, and he felt his breath laboring. "Who, 
Scully?"

"I don't want to answer that."

"Why not?"

The silence was even longer this time. "You know why not."

"Scully?"

"Yes?"

"I don't think I'm tired anymore. Can I come over now?"

"What?" The change was so abrupt it caught her completely off-
guard.

"You heard me. I'm coming over."

"But, Mulder..."

"See you in a few."

He disconnected the phone, and made his way to the door. 
Remembering what he was thinking before the phone call, he 
laughed to himself. Nothing life-altering, indeed.

*********

Scully stood in her living room looking at the phone for a full 
minute before Mulder's words finally sank in. He was coming over. 
And apparently he had something very specific on his mind. She 
felt a shiver run through her,  and took a deep breath to calm down. 
She could deal with it. She could act like a normal adult as soon as 
she controlled the butterflies in her stomach.   

Looking around her apartment, Scully noticed a few things out of 
place, and made a move to put everything in order. Before she 
could take the second step however, she stopped and shook her 
head. She was acting silly. Resisting the urge to organize and tidy 
up her apartment, Scully walked to the kitchen. Satisfied that there 
was enough food in her cabinets should they feel hungry later, she 
moved to her bedroom.

She wasn't reading him wrong. When Mulder knocked on that 
door, there wouldn't be much talk. They'd spent six years talking. 
No, when Mulder walked inside her apartment, talking would be 
the furthest thing from his mind. And hers. She would make sure of 
it.

Feeling more like herself, Scully opened the doors of her closet, 
picking a few items she would need. She carried the clothes to her 
bed. If Mulder decided to take a chance, she would reward him 
with a surprise. 'Or two,' she thought looking at the door to her 
bathroom. She smiled to herself. He wasn't even there and she was 
already planning the second act. Mulder was known to act on 
impulse, but Scully was nothing if not prepared.

*********

Scully's place had never seemed so distant. While driving, Mulder 
tried not to think too much about what he wanted to do, or he 
wouldn't be able to do it at all. He wasn't going to talk himself 
out of it. Not this time.

Thankfully, there was a parking space very close to Scully's 
building, and as Mulder left the car, he looked up. There was a 
shadow at Scully's window. He swallowed hard, and forced 
himself to keep walking. Collecting himself, he finally made it to 
her door and knocked.

Mulder fidgeted while waiting for Scully to open the door, and 
wondered if he shouldn't have brought something for her. Wine, 
flowers, chocolate--all three. He dismissed the thought. He wasn't 
a teenager on his first date. It definitely wouldn't do to start 
acting like one. Anxiety. He'd blame all those abnormal thoughts 
on anxiety.

Scully opened the door slowly, all the while keeping her body 
hidden from him. He looked at her quizzically, but walked in when 
she nodded. 

When Mulder turned to face Scully, he was momentarily stunned. 
She was wearing a pale satin robe loosely closed over deep blue 
lacy underwear, dark thigh-high stockings, and black pumps. Her 
eyes never left his, while she shut the door and took a few steps 
closer to him.

The faint blush spreading over Scully's cheeks and chest, as her 
partner's eyes feasted on her body, was what made it real for him--
what made him realize what she had in mind. Mulder remained 
silent.  He still didn't know if he'd be able to speak, and was 
afraid that if he said anything, his voice might crack.

Scully was studying Mulder's face. She knew he needed something 
more from her before he understood that he was allowed to touch 
her in any way he wanted to.

She took one of his hand in hers, while the other touched his chest 
and made its way to his face. Scully took another step closer, so 
their bodies were barely an inch apart. Her lips grazed Mulder's 
jaw, and she felt him swallow hard. She looked up at him again, 
and found he had closed his eyes, and his breathing was shallow. 
Without taking her eyes off  him, Scully lifted the hand she was 
holding, and placed it delicately on her breast.

Mulder gasped and his eyes flew open and locked on Scully's. She 
smiled coyly at him, and it was all over for Mulder.

He pulled her body roughly to his own, and his mouth crashed 
down on hers. The hand on her breast caressed her softly, earning 
him a moan. Mulder's left hand was buried in Scully's hair,  tilting 
her head to just the right angle allowing him better access.

Scully tugged at the shirt he was wearing, needing the feel of his 
skin under her hands. They broke the kiss long enough for Mulder 
to pull off the shirt. His lips returned immediately to her body,  
licking and nibbling every part of her he could reach. Each taste 
made him hungrier for her. He eased off her robe, and started to 
pull her in the direction of her bedroom.

Before they could reach their destination, Scully pushed Mulder's 
body against the wall of the hallway. While she mapped his chest 
with her lips, her hands were busy undoing his pants, brushing his 
penis as she went, and making him crazed with want. When Scully 
finally managed to slide Mulder's pants over his hips, she took him 
in her hands, and he threw back his head. Her touch was more than 
enough to make him come, and as if sensing it, she didn't linger.  

Mulder was transfixed by the look of Scully as she knelt before 
him, and methodically removed his shoes, socks, and pants. She 
looked up at him with a small smile on her swollen lips. Her eyes 
hungry, but tender at the same time. 

If anyone was to see them at that moment, they might interpret her 
position as submissive to his dominant one. They wouldn't be 
farther from the truth. No matter what, Scully would always hold 
Mulder in the palm of her hand. And he was perfectly content to be 
there.

Her hands never stopped caressing him, until she pulled the last 
piece of clothing from him, and he stood completely naked before 
her. Her eyes traveled over his body, and her smile broadened 
while she planted a kiss on his navel. Scully's arms snaked around 
his waist and she nuzzled his belly.

Mulder was overwhelmed with love and lust, and his hands stroked 
her hair softly. His brain was finally functioning somewhat 
normally again, and he understood why she slowed them down. 
They wouldn't last three minutes if they kept that pace.

When he felt in control of his body again, Mulder took Scully by 
the arms and helped her up. His lips moved to her ear, and sucking 
the lobe gently he whispered "You're overdressed."

Scully looked down at her attire, and laughed. "I'd hardly call this 
overdressed," she said gesturing at herself.

"Well, you are. Not that I don't like the view, but fair is fair." 
He pointed to his own lack of clothing.

Scully took a step backwards, out of his arms. "If I must." The 
twinkle in her eyes belied her dramatic tone.

She stepped out of her heels, and looked up at him. "Better?"

"Not quite."

"It's better if we move this elsewhere, then." 

As she walked to her bedroom, Mulder took a moment to 
appreciate the view of Scully's backside, before he followed.

Scully was already sitting on her bed, when Mulder entered the 
room. She made a move to take her stocking off, when he said, 
"Let me. Fair is fair."

Kneeling in front of her, Mulder rolled the delicate garment down 
slowly, his lips following the path of his hands. When he finished, 
he looked up to see Scully's eyes glazed over, her lips parted. He 
decided that they had already taken enough time, and tackled her 
onto the bed. Her surprised scream turned to laugher and then to 
moans, as Mulder began to kiss her neck.

He hovered above her long enough to be able to remove her bra, 
and immediately latched onto her right nipple, his teeth grazing 
lightly, causing Scully to arch her back. Mulder's hips began 
gyrating as she hummed her approval.

Mulder reached out, hooking his fingers on her panties, pulling 
them down and off. He rolled on his side, and looked at Scully. She 
was exquisite. There wasn't any other word to describe her as well. 
She looked up at him, and he could see a myriad of feelings in her 
eyes that he was certain were a mirror of his own.

Mulder pulled Scully to him, and rolled onto his back. Her hair fell 
over his chest, and he brushed it gently away from her face. He 
wanted to see her-wanted to see every nuance of expression as 
they loved each other. She kissed him with mounting urgency, their 
hips grinding against each other. Feeling how wet she was made 
him groan, and Mulder gripped her hips with his hands, as if trying 
to get closer.

Their lips parted, Scully's finding his jaw, as she raised her hips 
above him. Her hand touched him lightly, guiding him into her 
body.

With the first few strokes Mulder could see the discomfort on 
Scully's face, and he redoubled his efforts to help her relax. He 
moved his body, so he could recline his back against the 
headboard, allowing him more access to Scully's breasts. His hands 
followed another path, and as soon as his fingers found her clit, he 
felt her shiver. He looked up at her, pleased to see that there 
wasn't a single trace of discomfort on her face any longer. 

Scully's hands clutched his shoulders for leverage, as she began to 
rock more forcefully. Eyes locked, they moved together harder and 
faster. Mulder tried to kiss her, but they were too breathless. He 
contented himself by brushing her lips with his own, but no sooner 
had they touched her, than she threw her head back and came apart 
in his arms.

Mulder stopped moving for a moment to watch Scully as she came. 
Later, when he could think again, he'd be very grateful for his 
photographic memory.

Scully fell bonelessly into his arms, trying to catch her breath. 
Mulder stroked her hair, trying with all his might not to thrust 
into her as she recovered.

A few moments passed before Scully planted a kiss under his ear, 
and looked up at him, a lazy,  sated grin on her face. "I want to 
see you come, Mulder," she said as her fingers brushed his hair 
back from his forehead. "Please."

Mulder moved them on the bed, so he was laying atop her, and 
began thrusting again. After just a few strokes he felt his orgasm 
engulf him. His arms shook with the effort necessary to keep from 
collapsing onto Scully. Her hands stroked up and down his back, as 
he buried his face in her neck.

When he felt strong enough, Mulder disengaged and rolled onto his 
back, bringing her with him. They spent several long minutes 
gazing at each other, learning how each looked after lovemaking.

Scully looked up when Mulder yawned and placed a tender kiss on 
his chest. "Get some rest, Mulder. You'll need your strength again 
soon enough." He arched an eyebrow, and Scully nodded toward 
the bathroom. His eyes followed hers, and he smiled sleepily. 
"You're getting good at making my heart leap, Scully," he said 
softly, closing his eyes.

"I'm glad.," she murmured into his chest.  Then together, they slept.

End