Title - Cold
Author - Donna
Email address - donnah@pop.uky.edu
URL - donnas-stories.com
Rating - PG13
Category - MSR
Spoilers - Millennium
Keywords - Relationship, angst
Summary - In answer to the January challenge
Feedback - Please 

Disclaimer - Mulder, Scully, the Lone Gunman and Skinner all belong to
Chris Carter,10-13 and Fox. No infringement intended.


Cold


She'd been right, damn it.  The weather was too bad to drive in.  And now
she was being all quiet and superior while they slid along the road.  Maybe
they should turn back. He glanced over at her to say as much when he felt
rather than saw the truck bearing down on them.  Intellectually he knew it
was a truck, but through the iced over windows, the wind and blowing snow
it looked much more medieval than that.  The yellow eyes that opened at
what seemed the last moment and glared at them were baleful and completely
malevolent.  He could have sworn he heard it snort it's disdain of them.
He jerked the wheel to the right and heard her voice cry out his name.
After that the sounds were all mechanical, steel twisting, the frame of the
car groaning, and then glass breaking as the roof took on the weight of the
car.

There was a passage of time though he didn't know how long before he was
aware of the cold again.  What . . . Scully!  His hands fumbled for his
seat belt, releasing himself then searching for her.

There!  Still in her seatbelt, but unconscious.  Her pulse seemed good, as
if he knew.  At least she had one.  He ran his hand over her arms, no
breaks that he could determine.  After a second's hesitation he did the
same for her ribs, thighs and down her legs.  No obvious injuries, so why
wasn't she coming to?  Now his fingers were gently outlining her hairline.
A major lump above her right temple.  She'd connected hard with her window
or something as the car went over.  She probably had a concussion.  There
sure didn't seem to be a stream of aid coming their way.

He got his phone out - no service.  Try hers anyway, nope.  Great.  Where
was the nearest shelter?  He had to get her warmed up.  Himself too, or
they were going to be in even more trouble than they were in now.

It took a couple of kicks, but he managed to break the rest of the
windshield out.  That done he pulled the seatbelt from around her.  He
carefully lowered her to the roof of the car, then wrapped her in the
blanket from the backseat to shield her from the glass.  He then crawled
out and pulled her behind him.  Damn!  It had been better in the car, maybe
not warmer, but not this stinging wind.  Well there goes the idea of going
off to find help. He couldn't leave her here.

He rose and tried to look around.  Hell, he wasn't even sure where the road
was from where he stood.  He pulled his hood over his head and found his
gloves in his pocket.  She'd already had hers on; he'd taken that as an
unspoken criticism of his decision to leave.  Okay, she'd been right.

He hefted her up onto his shoulder in a fireman's carry, making sure her
own hood was over her head.  Now what?  He had to go on instinct here.  The
highway wasn't necessarily the best idea.  The only vehicle that he'd seen
was the behemoth that had run them off the road.  At least then they'd had
some metal around them.

He tried to scan around the car again.  Nothing.  Okay he settled her on
his shoulder, this way.  

*****

Time had lost meaning.  The act of putting one foot in front of the other
was automatic.  He nearly walked into the building that suddenly was
looming above them.  Shelter?  Even the concept seemed foreign.

He stumbled up onto the porch, out of the wind and nearly fell without it
to lean into.  He staggered to the door and managed to force part of his
hand to close around the knob.  It wasn't locked.  He'd think about that
later, inside, come on move. 

The fireplace drew him; a fire had been laid.  He lay Scully on the
colorful rag rug on the hearth.  Dropped her was more like it, and almost
went down himself, off balance suddenly without her weight.  He had to
light the fire.  Light the fire.  Light . . . the colors of the rug came
toward him as he collapsed.


She stirred, becoming aware of the weight atop her.  His weight, she knew
that instinctively as well as knowing it was there as protection for her.
The car, it had rolled, she remembered that.  Were they still inside of it?

No, this was a building.  There was a fire and she could feel Mulder's warm
breath on her throat.  They were both alive.  And that being all she could
process, she slipped under again.


When she next awoke the fire had burned down quite a bit.  She needed to
feed it, she was aware now of the wind blowing outside.  The storm
obviously hadn't let up any.  She tried to move from under his body but his
arm tightened around her to hold her in place.

"Mulder?  Mulder can you hear me?  I need to put more wood on the fire.
I'm not leaving."  That penetrated slightly and she was able to slip from
under him and stagger to her feet.  She was able to rebuild the fire and
then dropped back down beside him.  Was he injured?  Was she?

She managed to shrug off her coat, the dampness had seeped through and the
fire would be of more help without it now.  The same was surely true of
him, so she struggled with the zipper of his jacket and tugged the sleeves
off.  That accomplished she was exhausted again.  Well, no obvious wounds
or injuries.  She spread both coats out to dry and crawled back into the
safety of his arms, which closed around her automatically.

*****

Who the hell was roaring at him?  He opened his eyes and was confused
immediately.  One eye was processing bright colors and the other had a red
film over it.  He blinked and shook his head.  Okay, that was better.  The
bright colors were a rug; he was on a floor and the red film?  Scully's
hair, his face was buried in it and it took all of his willpower to draw
away from it.

She was asleep in his arms and he took the opportunity to enjoy it.  She
was peaceful, her lips barely parted.  He'd kissed those lips, just a few
days ago.  Scully's lips - no he'd kissed Dana's lips.  And this time there
was no right hook to take away any of the pleasure, not that she would
remember that.  He did.

Neither had mentioned the incident since, as though waiting for the other
to say something first.  He had kept quiet because he was still a little
surprised that he'd gotten away with it.

She didn't think he was sorry, did she?  That that was the reason he'd not
spoken of it?  She had been quiet ever since.  He'd taken that for
annoyance, like his decision to head out in this storm.  She knew him
better than that, didn't she?  Well Scully did, but did Dana?

When he'd actually kissed her she had ceased to be a co-worker, at least
for that moment.  She'd been a woman.  He swallowed hard, how was he
supposed to treat Scully the woman - Dana?  For a second he was staring at
a stranger in his arms, not the person he had come to know and care about
over the last six years.  This was a beautiful, desirable woman pressed up
against his body, totally relaxed and secure.

He felt his own body stir.  Mulder, come on!  Scully would castrate you . .
. but would Dana?  Without conscious thought his lips were on hers again.
Tasting her, appreciating the texture, the contour of her.  Would she think
he was taking advantage?  Well he was, but not terribly.  And the fact that
she was responding was reassuring.

He forced himself to pull back.  "Mulder?"  She didn't sound upset, more
curious.

"Am I in trouble?"  He hadn't pulled away from her body, only her lips and
she certainly wasn't struggling.  She hadn't even tensed up.

"No, I guess not.  What's going on?"

"Well, we're laying here in front of a fire, necking I think."

Her eyebrow rose but to his delight she still didn't pull away from him.
"I mean, where are we and why?"

"Oh, that's a little harder to answer.  I don't know where we are.  You
were right about the storm; we shouldn't have tried to leave.  A truck ran
us off the road."  She nodded, that much she remembered.  "I pulled you out
and here we are.  Wherever here is."

"You carried me?"  He grinned and for some reason she blushed.  That was
stupid, she'd been unconscious, of course he'd carried her.  That's when
she realized she was lying very comfortably in his arms.  

She tensed immediately and he felt the difference.  Scully was back; he'd
been talking to Dana.  He didn't resist her movement away from him, though
it took all of his strength.  It was colder without her against him, not
the temperature, the bleakness.  This must have been reflected in his face.

"Are you okay?"  Her hand on his face was so soft, even if she was checking
as a doctor.

"Yeah."  They both turned as the wind rose again outside the refuge.  "Bad
night out there."

"I'm glad you found this place."  He wanted to draw Dana back, pull her
back against his body.  Unfortunately his experience with Dana was limited
and he wasn't sure of the signals.  After the briefest of pauses, Scully
moved even farther from him and sat up.  "We ought to look around."

He nodded and she looked back at him, he seemed sad somehow. Had she done
something wrong?  Now that she wasn't in his arms she was decidedly
uncomfortable.  This was the first time they had been out of town since New
Year's Eve.  She meant 'the kiss' though she didn't say that, even to
herself.  Why should a single New Year's Eve kiss make her feel so strange?
 And now it had happened again.  It wasn't like they were groping each
other in some backseat.  Kissing Mulder was actually quite pleasant.
Pleasant?  Funny, pleasant kisses between friends had never caused moisture
to pool there before.  She didn't know how to react to this - it was
totally new territory and that frightened her a little.  Okay, more than a
little.  She knew where she stood with Mulder, knew where all the pieces
fit and now she was facing a whole new puzzle.  Fox.  The kiss had made him
different - not Mulder.  'I even made my parents call me Mulder.'

But Mulder was her partner; you didn't kiss your partner.  She should have
stopped him, why hadn't she?  She could have, if she'd wanted to.  Aha! The
Dana part of her crowed - she'd finally allowed herself to know it.  She
hadn't wanted to stop him.  She realized it had gotten quiet in here and
she was watching his lips as though for a signal.  This was insane, they
were in a perilous situation, possible life threatening and she was
focusing on . . . she mentally shook herself and rose.

She missed his hand reaching out to stop her before he caught himself.
What the hell was he thinking?  He moved to rise himself but stopped, not
quite stifling a groan.

She turned back instantly, the concern obvious in her eyes.  "Mulder?"

He tried to wave her away, but every muscle in his body seemed locked into
spasm now that he was no longer relaxed with her against him.  "I'm okay."

"Right."  She was kneeling beside him now, her hands tracing the muscles
down his arm and along his shoulder.

"Watch it!"  He tried to move away from her.

"Be still Mulder."  This was her territory; she could examine him without
emotion - well obvious emotion anyway.  She was removing his sweater now
and not allowing his protests to stop her.  "I don't see any cuts, but
you've got plenty of bruises."

"Which you're adding to."  He grumbled.  No need for her to know how good
her fingers felt on his skin.

"Stay still Mulder.  I'll see if there's any aspirin here."

"I said I was o . . . " He sank back down as her eyebrow rose.  She was
enjoying this; he could see it in her eyes.  He closed his own eyes to get
away from her.  He'd just been kissing the woman, letting her remove his
clothes, well she had, and now she was enjoying his pain.

She was beside him again with aspirin and bottled water.  She tried to help
him sit up but he pulled away from her.  Oh that was a great idea.  Was she
laughing at him now?  She'd been a lot more fun asleep more, well pliable.
No, Scully wasn't ever that - he was thinking about Dana again.  He
swallowed the pills and then forced himself to his feet.

"Mulder, how far did you carry me to get here?"

"I don't know, it couldn't have been that far, not in this weather."  He
could feel the building vibrate with the force of the wind.

"Take it easy. You've abused your body enough for today."

"So you're not planning to abuse it later?"  Ah, that was the Mulder she
knew - all innuendo, no action.  Scully once again shoved away the feel of
his lips on hers as she woke.

She turned with no comment and returned to the kitchen area of the room.
Mulder carefully looked around.  Not a lot to see, one large room, kitchen
alcove, the couch he was now seated on and one inside door.  That was
probably the bath.  There was a loft, which must be the sleeping area.  It
would make sense, the only heat seemed to be the fireplace and heat rises.

Scully returned and sat beside him on the couch.  He tried not to wince at
the movement.  "Sorry Mulder.  There's no power or water, except bottled.
There's some food and plenty of wood, so we should be okay for awhile."

*****

They were on the mattress in front of the fire, she had her back to him but
he knew she wasn't asleep.  He certainly wasn't going to get to sleep with
her this close to him.  He wanted to talk to her, but the only topic that
came to mind was off limits.

She took a deep breath, "Mulder, why did you kiss me?"

That stunned him.  They were thinking along the same lines and she wasn't
able to sleep either, but that wasn't a question he expected.  "I wanted
to, I have for a long time."

"Why?"  She was honestly curious.

His eyes widened a little.  Why?  "Scully, have you looked in a mirror
lately?"

"I'm serious Mulder.  I want to know."  But she didn't want to see his
face; she didn't turn toward him.

"I am being serious.  Scully, what do you see when you look in the mirror?"
 His hand had found her arm and was stroking it.  She fought not to react
to that.

"I don't know what you mean.  What do you see when you look in the mirror?"

"Okay, I see a 6'1" geek with brown hair who's obsessive and would rather
work 24/7 than have to be in a social situation and show his ineptitude."
There was silence for a minute.  "Now, what do you see?"

"A 5'2" woman with red hair, a scientist."

After a pause, "And?"  His hand continued moving up and down her arm, it
was damn distracting.

"That's it."

"You're not looking closely enough.  I see a 5'2" red head, a scientist,
whose brilliance, commitment, integrity, and compassion has shown up the
good old boy network at the Bureau and over shone everything we've tried to
accomplish in our work.  And a dynamite body."

"Mulder."  She did start to jerk away then but he stopped her.

"What?  I wasn't supposed to notice the dynamite body?  Sorry, but I am a
trained agent of the FBI and besides, it's damn obvious."

She shook her head but made no comment for a moment.  "Want to know what I
see when I look at you?"

"I'm not sure."  She smiled at that comment, he couldn't see anyway.

"I see a 6'1" brown haired man.  Not a geek, though he pretends to be one
so people will leave him alone.  He's completely focused on his goals and
doesn't need the approval or help of anyone.  He knows exactly what he
wants and how to go about getting it.  A man who's positively spooky with
his own brilliance and insight . . . and a dynamite body."

He gaped at her, unable to process a sound.  She'd noticed his body?  When?
And why?  He cleared his throat.  "I do need approval Scully and help,
yours anyway."  He felt her relax under his hand.  Where did this
discussion leave them?  Was he talking to Scully or Dana?  Or both?

As though in answer to that thought she scooted back, closer to him and he
met her half way, his arm going around her now.  He felt warm, inside and
out and more relaxed than he could remember feeling in decades.  She sighed
and his arm tightened slightly.

"Scully?"

"Yes?"

He didn't know what he wanted to say.  'I love you' would probably be
dismissed again.  Better to keep quiet.  "Nothing."

She turned then in his arms to see his face.  Was he okay?  Had she hurt
him?  Done something wrong?  "Mulder?"

He shook his head and turned her back so that he could spoon her.  "Go on
to sleep, Dana."

She tensed, he knew!  He knew the difference and he realized he was holding
Dana.  Oh god, what else?  What else did he know that she wasn't ready for?
 The desire to get away, far away from him flooded her.  Fight or flight?
It wasn't safe.  If he could get to Dana she didn't have a chance.  She had
to be Scully around him, with him, or she was lost.  Dana was already lost;
she couldn't lose Scully to him too.  She pulled away from him.

"Scully?"

She hadn't meant to jerk away like that.  "I . . . I'm not tired."

"Sure you are.  You just don't want me so close."

"Stop it!"

"Stop what Scully?"  He wasn't about to push her physically, but he
couldn't just let this go.

"We're colleagues, we shouldn't . . . "

"Freeze?"

"Mulder - "

"I'm not being flip.  We need to be close tonight, to save our lives.  The
fact that I'm going to enjoy it is just something you have to live with."

Instead of the protest he was expecting she stopped struggling, her back
still to him.  "Why did you call me Dana?"

That took him a moment.  How much did she want to hear?  "When I hold a
woman in my arms, kiss her, I want to be more personal.  You understand
that, don't you?"

"That's not a good idea Mulder.  Not between co-workers."

"That's what I am?  Just a co-worker?"

"No!  I mean . . . Mulder why are you doing this?"

There was a long pause before he answered.  "I'm sorry Scully, I guess I
thought - nevermind.  You take the mattress, I think you'll be okay.  I'll
be over on the couch."

"That's not what I . . . "

"What do you want Scully?  The status quo?  Fine, but don't expect me to
hold you and not want you."

Want her?  As a woman?  No, not her, she was just the only one available
right now.  He'd moved away and was rising from the mattress.

"Mulder, wait."  He paused, prepared to listen to her.  "Don't go."

"You say you don't want me to move, but I can't stay.  What do we do?"

"Is this my decision?"

He didn't look away from her eyes. Holding her trapped without even
touching her.  "Yeah, I guess it is."  When he saw the tears form in her
eyes he did look away and sighed.  He hadn't meant to hurt her.  This was
all too complicate, too fraught with expected pits and turns.  And it was
his fault, he'd kissed her New Year's Eve - she'd never wanted this.  He'd
made the move.  He sighed again, "I'm sorry Scully, about everything.
It'll be okay, lie down, I'll keep an eye on the fire."

He rose then and headed for the couch.  She watched him go unable to speak.
 He made himself as comfortable as possible on the couch, his jacket thrown
over him to leave her the blankets.  He lay his arm over his eyes to block
his view of her.

She couldn't take her eyes away from him.  What did she want?  Part of her
wanted him so badly she ached, and part of her was so scared it was hard to
breathe.  She'd learned years ago not to count on other people.  Every time
she'd made a friend they'd moved.  She'd lived in her apartment in DC
longer than any place with her family.  Only her family had been constant,
now her father was gone, her sister dead and her older brother estranged.
And at least the last two things could be tied to this man.  Mulder was the
longest relationship she'd ever had.  He meant everything to her - there
had never been so intense a . . . a commitment, a feeling of belonging with
anyone.  Yes they fought, but it didn't tear them apart.  If anything it
drew them closer.  They hadn't been away from each other for more than a
few days in seven years, yet she looked forward to seeing him every morning.  

What more did she want from a relationship, from a man, than this?  Except,
of course, the physical.  She closed her eyes then, that was what had
brought her to this point to begin with.  Why had he kissed her?  Why had
he stirred all of this up?  She had been . . . content; at least she'd
learned to live with it.  She didn't need the physical, honestly, but she
did need Mulder.  And part of that entailed the physical.  She'd always
known this would happen eventually.  Yet even after all these years she was
still surprised, still uncertain.  No that was Scully.  Dana knew what she
wanted; Dana had known for a long time how much she wanted this man.  Maybe
Dana was the smarter, the stronger, of the two.  Now or later, there did
seem to be an inevitableness to this.

"Mulder, Mulder come back to the fire.  It's too cold over there."

"Scully, I'm - "

"Dana.  The name is Dana."

That jolted him into moving his arm, half rising, his eyes opened wide.
She smiled and reached for him.

*****

"Well Mister, I don't know how ya done it.  We've found you a good ten
miles from where your car turned over and in the only building around for
another twenty.  You must have the tracking instincts of an injun."

Mulder glanced over at Scully, seated beside him as the EMTs examined him
now.  She smiled at him and mouthed one word.  "Spooky."

He decided not to argue.