Title: REAL HERITAGE Author: FatCat (feedback to FatCat33047@yahoo.com) Website: Please visit the wonderful home Donnilee has created to house my stories at http://donnilee.tripod.com/fatcat Thank you Donni! Rating: NC-17 Category: MSR, S/O, M/O (very, very slight) Angst-big time Spoilers: Pilot, Momento Mori, Closure, X-Cops, En Ami, 3, Triangle, First Person Shooter Archive: As you wish, but please keep my name attached and let me know where to visit. Disclaimer: Not mine. They belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions and Fox Broadcasting. SUMMARY: Mulder is the last of his family and two old friends makes him realize he wants his own heritage. Author's Notes: Thanks to Donnilee and Cratkinson for the speedy beta. You two are the best! Oh, and if you wonder why M&S are such cowards in this story, don't blame me. CC wrote them that way, I'm just trying to get them together. XXXXX The phone rang and neither Mulder nor I reached to pick it up. I glared at him and he stared back at me. 'When had the phone become just another thing we argued over?' I wondered. I finally caved and reached for the phone just as it quit ringing. "That could have been Skinner," I said testily. "Yeah, well it could have been Dennis, too," he snapped. "Or Marie, or Jacqueline, or Tessa," I retorted. 'Or any other number of bimbos who would like to know what he was doing on a Friday night,' I thought. He stared at me for a moment then shook his head, saying, "No, they won't be calling here anymore." I was shocked. Mulder had started dating shortly after I met Dennis. The three names I mentioned were part of a whole stable of women that were in hot pursuit of The Fox, as I heard him called on more than one occasion recently. For some reason the new title irritated me more than Spooky ever had. Mulder 'IS' spooky in a lot of ways. He's brilliant and has this staggering intuition that allows us, and our co-workers, to stop the bad guys from escaping justice. He's not only intuitive, he's caring and smart and fun. Did I say that already? Anyway, he's a lot of things other than just a pretty face and body. This new name objectified him and demeaned him in a way that the hurtful use of Spooky never had. Besides, who was going to call me Mrs. Fox? "Mulder, why won't ...?" The ringing of the phone interrupted my question and this time Mulder dove to answer it before the second ring. "Mulder," he said. He listened for a moment and then began to sit up straight in his chair. "He asked for me?" The caller spoke for a few moments and Mulder occasionally nodded. He began to search frantically on his desk for a pencil to write with, all of his being stuck in the ceiling again, and finally gave up the search. He motioned for me to give him something to use and I tossed him a pen right away. No use pretending I wasn't listening to his entire conversation, as uninformative as it had been. He repeated some directions back to the caller and told him that he would be there as soon as possible. He stood up before the conversation was over, pushing various files and paraphernalia into his desk drawers, preparing to leave as he talked. When he hung up, he stood there for a moment staring off into space. "Where are we going?" I asked. I'd started preparing for a quick exit when he did, not willing to let him ditch me again just because I wasn't ready to go as soon as he was. "Huh?" he said, shaking his head as if to bring himself back to the real world. "The call," I said. "Where are we going?" "WE are not going anywhere, Scully. That was a call for me." He hesitated again as if not knowing how to continue. "It was personal." I couldn't hide my reaction. I felt like he had slapped me. My feelings must have showed on my face because he hastened to explain himself. "That was Arthur Dales. Do you remember him?" "Arthur Dales, the ex-FBI agent from Florida?" I asked. He shook his head and said, "That was his brother Arthur Dales, the ex-cop, from Virginia, but it was about Arthur Dales, the retired FBI agent who lives in Florida," he said with a wry smile. "And?" I prompted. "He's in the hospital in Florida and is asking for me. He says he has to tell me something before he dies," he mused. "Well, I can call and get two tickets," I said, assuming he would still want me to go. "That's okay, Scully," he said as he rounded the desk and came to stand next to my chair. I looked up at him and waited for his next words. "I know how much you've been looking forward to your date for the symphony with Dennis tonight. You don't need to come. It's not a case. This really is personal. I'm actually going to ask for some vacation time off to go down there. Who knows? Maybe I'll go to the beach, catch a few rays before I come back." His expression was sad, but I could tell he was not hiding anything about the call from me. "All right, if you're sure," I said. "I was going to leave early anyway because I have some personal business I need to finish this afternoon." "Yeah, I'm sure. I'm going to run by Skinner's office and file the paperwork with him for a leave before I go," he said, backing towards the door. "You, um, you have a nice weekend, Scully." And he was gone. XXXXX I finished my report and cleaned up my desk. I did have a date with Dennis tonight for a performance of the symphony and perhaps for sex. It depended on what his blood test reported. How romantic was that? Ever thoughtful, ever methodical Dennis had deemed it was time for our relationship to progress and had made an appointment with his doctor for a checkup to make sure that he wasn't carrying any unwanted STD's. He'd had a vasectomy years ago and hadn't been as careful or as celibate as I had been over the years. He had requested that I do the same. I was vaguely offended when he first proposed our mutual examinations prior to sex, but after I thought about it, I realized that it was typically Dennis. If I was going to have a relationship with an older man as comfortable, normal, and stable as Dennis, I would have to take the good with the bad. I couldn't help thinking that sex with Mul ... a more passionate, younger man, would be a lot more exciting, but that wasn't going to happen. I had chosen Dennis for exactly the qualities that were now bothering me. I realized that I couldn't have my cake and eat it too. I'd visited my gynecologist last week for an exam and lab work, and was going back for my follow up appointment this afternoon. I didn't expect any surprises. I have my blood tested on a regular basis as part of my position. The only blood I had been exposed to in the past had been Mulder's, and I knew from his testing that he was clean. At least he was until a few months ago when he began dating again. Neither one of us had been in the hospital lately nor were our regular physicals scheduled for two more months. I'd decided that it wouldn't hurt to have a checkup before beginning a sexual relationship. It seemed strange that Mulder had gone for so many years without a girlfriend and as soon as I began to see someone, started dating around. I had to be careful. If I allowed myself, I could almost believe that he was hurt by my decision to see Dennis. That was ridiculous, wasn't it? The more reasonable explanation was that he was finally getting over the death of Diana Fowley. His decision had nothing to do with me, did it? XXXXX "Dana, it's good to see you again. I'm sorry I was on call when you had your last appointment. Did Dr. Graber take good care of you?" Shannon asked. "Well, I was a bit surprised at the thoroughness of his checkup, but I guess I should be glad he at least did a hands-on exam instead one from across the room like so many doctors nowadays seem prone to do," I said with a smile. I had in fact been startled by the length of the pelvic exam he had given me as well as the number of tests he had written up for me to take after my visit. "What do all the results say? Am I healthy?" "Ummm, yes, you are," Shannon said with a puzzled look on her face. She flipped through the papers in my file, checking back through past testing. "What is it, Shannon? Have you found an abnormality?" I was suddenly nervous. Shannon's reaction to my test results was unusual and the entire situation was starting to make me edgy. "Uh, Dana, I have found something I need to check. I think I'm going to have Betty take you to an exam room and prep you for an ultrasound. I know Dr. Graber had one done last time you were in, but I need to do my own exam to understand the results of this report," Shannon said without looking up. I know my face showed concern. My first thought was that the cancer was back and had spread to my ovaries or cervix. "Dana, it's not necessarily a bad thing," she said, glancing up at me. "Then why don't you just explain to me right now what you are looking for?" I asked. "I'd rather not say until we get the results from the test. Please, trust me. It's only going to be a few minutes and I'll be able to tell you the results with a clear conscious that they are, in fact, accurate," she assured me. I nodded and stood up. I trusted Shannon White. She had been my doctor for over three years, taking over when her father, Peter White, had retired. She was thorough and cautious, two qualities that kept me coming back to her. Betty knocked on the door and after brief instructions, led me to the same exam room I had been in last week. XXXXX Within the hour, I was back in Shannon's office waiting for her to return with my test results. I was becoming more and more impatient. If I were truthful, I was getting worried, too. For some reason, I wanted Mulder to be there with me. Too bad he was flying to Florida right now. I could have used his moral support. I had a sudden realization that, given what I'd come here for, this was probably the last place Mulder would want to be. He had shown no interest other than disdain for anything that had to do with Dennis. If he wasn't jealous, why was that? When Shannon did come back into the room, her associates, Doctor Graber and Dr. Blake, came with her. Shannon had a small smile on her face that relieved my worst fears, but did nothing to enlighten me as to the results of the tests she held in her hand. "Dana," she said before stopping to clear her throat. "Dana, I have some wonderful news for you. It's so wonderful; I don't know where to begin." She looked to her colleagues as if asking for their help. Dr. Graber gave me a smile and sat down in the chair next to me. "Ms. Scully, are you a religious woman?" "What?" I stammered. "Do you believe in miracles?" he said seriously. I stared at them incredulously before realizing that they were actually waiting for an answer to his question. "Doctors, please understand, I am a doctor of pathology, a scientist. I have based my life on facts and proven theories." "But?" Shannon prompted. "I have worked for several years solving, debunking if you will, cases of unknown phenomenon, ghosts, legends and the like. I have seen things, inexplicable events and happenings that cannot be explained with facts or rationalized away." I hesitated but none of the trio of doctors seemed inclined to interrupt, so I continued. "During that time my faith has been tested but I have found that it remains strong. Does that answer your question?" The three doctors glanced from one another and once again Shannon spoke up. "Dana, the first time I saw you as a patient was when my father was still practicing. Do you remember that?" "Yes." "He had given you to me because he felt I would be a better fit than either of the other doctors in the practice at that time. Truthfully, he wanted me to take you as part of my caseload because he felt that I would be more attuned to your personal needs as a patient. He worried about you, Dana. He'd been your doctor for a long time and he knew all about your past health problems. We discussed your injuries on the job, your coma after your kidnapping, and your cancer treatments. He was convinced that you would not be able to have children." I nodded my head, waiting to see where all this was going. "I was right out of my residency in obstetrics and I felt that he had to be wrong. Many women who'd had cancer and gone into remission were capable of having children. New strides were being made every day. I was sure he was wrong." She shook her head. "I think you will remember that I had you go through a battery of tests after our first consultation." I nodded again. "My father was right. According to every test we ran, your reproductive system had been compromised by the chemotherapy. Not only were you unable to conceive, your ovaries were only working at a bare minimum, we considered putting you on hormone replacements therapy. We discussed it, I believe ..." she hesitated as she thumbed through the old information in my chart. "Ah, here it is, on November 20, 1997." She looked up at me and smiled. "Yes, I remember all that, but cut to the chase, Shannon. What's this all about?" I was scared and losing my patience with their protracted explanation. "Dr. Scully, according to all the tests run last week and today, your hormone levels are normal for a woman of your age and physical condition. Not only that, but both your ovaries appear to be in perfect working condition," Dr. Blake said curtly. I stared at him as if he were speaking a foreign language. My eyes left his and swept to Shannon's. "Is he saying what I think he's saying?" "Yes, Dana. Somehow, your reproductive system has healed itself and is once again functioning normally. You are not only capable of becoming pregnant, but all tests indicate that you should be able to carry any child you choose to have to full term and deliver with no foreseeable problems." Shannon grinned at me. "It's a miracle." "Oh my God," I whispered. "I can have a baby?" "You may have more than one, if you choose," Dr. Graber said and smiled widely at me. "I'm not barren? I can have a baby if I want to?" I asked again, not really believing my own ears. "May I see my file?" I wanted very badly to believe them, but still had to see the proof in black and white before I could truly believe their conclusions. Shannon handed me my file and all three doctors smiled at me. I flipped through my file, noting the results of the test in 1997 and the comments of Dr. Pete as well as those of Shannon. I was definitely barren. I moved forward to the results of the testing done last week and today and studied everything carefully. It was true. Unless Shannon was perpetrating a major hoax on me, I was no longer infertile. Tears came to my eyes. It was a miracle. "Ms. Scully, do you have any idea how or why you would have experienced spontaneous rejuvenation of your reproductive system?" Dr. Blake asked. I stared at him, suddenly realizing that if this had really happened, something had to have caused it. "I don't know any reason for it to happen. I mean, I haven't been actively seeking assistance from a fertility specialist. I haven't changed anything about my lifestyle." I thought for a moment and said, "I haven't even been praying for a miracle." I shook my head. I couldn't tell them any of the extreme reasons that immediately came to mind. They might lock me up if I mentioned that it could have been the microchip in my neck that cured my cancer or the little trip to Africa to investigate the downed alien spacecraft that had happened late last year. I didn't even want to think that it could have been a result of my little exercise in futility with CGB Spender that had almost ended my partnership with Mulder. "Well, whatever caused it, congratulations," Dr. Blake said heartily. "I wish we could duplicate your miracle for at least a hundred other women we've seen in the last year. I don't suppose that you would be willing to co-operate with some testing for infertility research I'm doing?" "I wish I had an answer for you so that I could share it," I assured him. "I can't commit to anything right now, Dr. Blake, perhaps later." Dr. Graber and Dr. Blake stood up and shook my hand. "Congratulations, Ms. Scully. Don't wait too long to use this second chance," Dr. Graber said. "Tick, tick," Dr. Blake teased as they left. "Dana, do you want a glass of water?" Shannon asked me. "No, I'm fine." "You don't look fine; you're pale as a ghost. I'll be right back," she said. I sat in her office thinking about their words. I was fertile. I was no longer a barren woman. I could have a baby with anyone I wanted. Anyone. XXXXX I stopped by the guys' place to ask them to feed my fish while I was in Florida. I'd requested an undetermined leave from Skinner. It had been almost two months since Mom's death and I found out Samantha's fate and I had meant to take some time off before now to assimilate all that had happened. If I were truthful, I also needed time to mourn over the loss of my future with Scully. She'd met Dennis Mead during a consult with the D.C. police right after our outing in L.A. with the 'Cops' show. She had been quiet and withdrawn for a few days prior to their meeting and it was almost as if she turned a corner and decided to step away from our partnership. I could understand Scully's interest in him. He was a slightly older man, around Skinner's age and ex-Navy. He had joined the D.C. police after his twenty-four years were up. Dennis Mead was everything I would never be. He was reasonably good looking, calm, dependable, methodical, and safe. He was as normal as a man in law enforcement could be and he was obviously interested in Dana Scully. I'd gone the dating route. I was angry when she first started seeing him and tried to childishly fight back with a string of meaningless dates with any woman that crossed my path. I was surprised at how many women actually made an effort to do just that in the weeks I'd been actively dating. I was even more surprised when I found I couldn't commit to sleeping with any one of them. I decided that I was totally whipped. I stopped making new contacts and let the 'new friends' I had know that I was going to be very busy at work over the next decade. It wasn't pretty with some of them but others were very nice and asked me what the woman's name was who I was in love with. The guys were shocked by the news that I was taking off for Florida. "What the hell are you thinking, Mulder?" Frohike demanded. "You have a whole stable of gorgeous babes here and you're dumping them all to go see an old man in Florida?" "I'm not dumping them to go see Arthur Dales in Florida, Fro. I'd already decided not to date anymore," I said. "Yeah!" Langly said and snorted. "But you're not going to date any less either, huh?" All three guys laughed until they saw I wasn't joining them. "Oh, my God, Mulder, you're serious," Byers said. I looked at him and nodded my head. "It's Scully, isn't it?" said Frohike quietly. I nodded again and turned for the door. "So you guys will feed my fish, right?" I asked over my shoulder. "Sure, man," said Langly. "Hey, take it easy." Frohike followed me out the door to the stairs. "Mulder," he called. I turned and looked up at him. "Don't give up, man. Scully really loves you. That guy she's seeing is just a passing thing." "Thanks, Fro, but I don't think so. He's perfect for her and he seems to really love her, too." "Don't give me that shit, Mulder. You're the only right one for Scully. If I can't have her, no one but you loves her enough to deserve her." He clapped me on the back and went back inside. Man, I've got it bad when Frohike starts giving me advice on love. XXXXX I needed time to think about this new discovery. I tried to call Dennis to cancel our date that night, but he was out on assignment and I couldn't catch him early enough for him to get another date. I decided to tell him tonight after the concert that I wouldn't be seeing him anymore. I couldn't, with good faith, continue a relationship with a man who had made it clear that children were not in his future after my news this afternoon. Several weeks ago, I'd come to the startling realization that Mulder was never going to love me as anything more than a partner and best friend. He had obviously loved Diana Fowley more than I had realized and was taking the news of her death along with the deaths of his mother and sister very hard. I had hoped that resolution of Samantha's abduction and his mother's death would bring us together as more than professional partners and friends. His actions had put an end to that fairy tale. Mulder was Mulder. He was no more or less attentive and supportive to me since he experienced the deaths of the three most important women in his life. I'd woken up one morning and decided that I needed to move on. I'd resolved that if I couldn't have Mulder, I needed someone. Mulder had accepted his mother's death, found his answers about Samantha's fate and he would eventually get over Diana's death. He was still young enough to marry and settle down. He could have children with someone else. He should have children. He would make a wonderful father. I couldn't have children. I couldn't take that away from him. I knew that if I approached Mulder and told him that I loved him, he wouldn't turn me away. His guilt about the things that had happened to me and his love for me as a friend, while not passionate, would not allow him to reject my overtures and he would settle for a relationship with me. It terrified me to realize that I would have accepted it for myself, but I couldn't do that to him. So, I had purposely started to distance myself from him. Not as a partner per se, but as a friend, hoping it would encourage him to find someone to love. I signed up for some classes so that I wasn't always home in the evenings when he called. I also started exercising in the evenings on days when we were in town and I wasn't in class. It had all seemed so easy at the time. It was perfectly logical. As long as I kept myself busy and I wasn't alone with Mulder after work, I was all right. Working with him had become a bittersweet burden. Too bad logic had nothing to do with love. Our off hours, when we were out of town, were difficult for me. It was occasionally like old times and I would let myself slip into the warmth his companionship had always afforded me. I really missed being around him. I loved him and was going to love him for the rest of my life. I just hoped that I could meet someone who I could get along with, find some measure of happiness without Mulder. I accepted a date with Dennis Mead after working with him on a case with the D.C. Police. He'd been in the right place at the right time. We had just returned from an out-of-state case and I'd been desperate to quiet the loneliness I was feeling over my self-enforced separation from Mulder upon returning home. At first I felt I was doing Dennis a disservice, but after his cool, meticulous approach to our dating emerged, I didn't feel uneasy about my motives anymore. I had been comfortable with Dennis from the first. He was a quiet harbor in the maelstrom of emotions that I was feeling. Through all this, Mulder remained a mystery. When he first found out that I was dating Dennis he had seemed a little sad and distracted, but that had quickly changed. He began dating and our phone hadn't stopped ringing for weeks. Was I too late? Had Mulder moved on? I didn't know for sure, but I did know one thing. I had to tell Mulder my good news and to state my feelings for him. If I didn't, I don't think I could continue working with him. Separating my feelings for him from our partnership was too hard. I walked around feeling as if I'd had an important part of my body amputated and I would find myself checking, two arms, two legs, one head ... ah, that's it. I was missing my heart. I had to tell Dennis I wasn't going to see him again. I needed to be fair to him as well as myself and Mulder. If there was a chance that I could have children with Mulder, I was going to take it. If he couldn't love me in return, the way I loved him, so be it. It would be better than living with this uncertainty. XXXXX "Thank you for the wonderful evening, Dennis," I said at my door. "Dana," he said with a smile. "Aren't you going to ask me in? We have some things to discuss, if I remember correctly." I studied his face for a moment and sighed. "Right," I said. I turned to take his coat at the door. "We do have something to discuss." Dennis walked into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. He was humming part of the aria that the symphony had played tonight as he worked. I couldn't tell you what they played unless I looked at my program again. I had been lost in thoughts of Mulder and the coming discussion with Dennis. He brought us both a cup of coffee back into the living room along with a plate of cookies that my mother had left on the counter. "Hope you don't mind," he said. "I love your mother's cookies so I helped myself." "No, please do," I said distractedly. I picked up my coffee and sipped it as I tried to think of someway to begin the conversation I knew I had to have with this kind man. Several minutes passed in silence before Dennis put down his cup and looked at me. "Dana, did you get some negative news at the doctor's office today?" "Negative? No," I said. "Not negative, just thought provoking." "Hummm, sounds interesting," he said as he moved closer to me, sliding his arm around my shoulders. "Want to share?" "What?" I said as I moved away from him slightly. "The news or the thoughts?" "Both. Either," he said. "The news was personal, and I'd rather not discuss it with you, but I can share the decision that the thoughts led to." He pulled back and looked at me for a moment. "Why do I feel that this is not good news for me?" he said, trying to make light of my words. "Maybe because it isn't," I whispered. I stood up and walked across the room to the window. I stared up at the stars for a moment, trying to collect my thoughts. "Are you ... ill?" he asked. I smiled at him and shook my head. "Dennis, I'm fine, in fact I'm in perfect health." He would never know how perfect. "I was thinking after my doctor's appointment and I've decided that I'm not ready to become intimate with you. I don't have the same feelings for you that you seem to have for me and I feel it would be a disservice to you to take this relationship further at this time." He sat there for a moment, considering my statement. "All right, I can understand that," he said calmly. "You can?" I asked amazed. "Yes," he said with a wry smile. "I was attracted to you for more than just your body, Dana. I admire your mind and your morals. If it's going to take you longer to decide that you are ready to proceed with our relationship, I can wait." "Dennis, you don't ..." "Oh, yes, I do understand, Dana. I know that you love your partner. Any fool can see it. I was actually warned by several of my colleagues that dating you would end in my getting hurt because of that love." "Mulder and I have never been more than friends, Dennis," I said coolly. "Yes, I believe you believe that. For that reason, I'm willing to keep trying. All that I ask is that you give me a chance to make you love me." I didn't know what to say to him to convince him that I would never love him. He was right. I did love Mulder. Mulder, however, didn't love me. I decided to drop the subject for right now. All of this was too new, too painful to think about anymore tonight. "Very well," I said. "I really need to get some sleep and I think it would be best if we called it a night." "Fine," he said, encouraged by my acquiescence. He stood up and walked to the closet and pulled out his jacket. "I'll give you a call in a few days. We'll have dinner. Goodnight, Dana." "Goodnight, Dennis." I was shocked. Not only had I not managed to end my relationship with Dennis, I had somehow given him hope that he could overcome the obstacle he perceived as my feelings for Mulder and make me fall in love with him. Didn't he know you couldn't MAKE someone fall in love? I definitely needed to work on my relationship skills. XXXXX I caught the next flight to Miami and rented a car for the drive to Goodland. Something made me call the phone number that Arthur Dales had given me before I left the city. I was glad I did. Arthur Dales, FBI had been rushed to a hospital in West Miami, very near the airport. I was there within twenty minutes and went to the emergency room entrance as I had been directed. "There you are, Mr. Mulder," Arthur Dales said. He was using a walker and I wondered at how bad his brother was if he was the healthier of the two. "Mr. Dales," I said with a nod. "Please call me Mulder. How is he?" "He's dying, Mulder," the old man said. "Oh, and just call me Art. My brother likes to go by Dales for some strange, FBI- related reason. It'll be easier when we're all together." We walked over to the elevators and he explained that Dales had been taken upstairs to his room. He was on oxygen and had an IV, but there was little else they could do for him. "He told me he had to hold on until you got here," Art said. I was surprised by his statement. I hadn't seen either of the Arthur Dales for over a year. What could Dales have to tell me that was so important that he put off dying to do it? Dales was in a four-bed ward on the geriatrics floor. True to his brother's words, he was clinging to life by a thread. The nurse on duty, Maria Dwyer, tried to block us from his room until she realized who Art was. When he introduced me, her eyes widened and she stood aside. "He's been waiting for you, calling your name. If you can give him some kind of resolution, I'd appreciate it. Mr. Dales is a corker, but he's always been kind to me and I'd like him to have some peace." I nodded at her words and followed Art into the room. Arthur Dales was a shadow of the man that he had been the last time Scully and I saw him. He was propped up in bed, as if fighting death. He turned towards the sound of his brother's walker and said, "Did you get him Art? Is he here?" I stepped around Art Dales to the bedside of his brother Arthur Dales. This whole name thing was very confusing for me. I wondered what his sister, Arthur Dales, called herself. "Mr. Dales," I said. "Who's there?" he asked, turning his head towards my voice. I looked at Art in surprise. He hadn't mentioned that his brother had lost his vision. "It's Fox Mulder, Mr. Dales," I said. "Mulder, you made it!" he panted. He struggled to sit up further and extended his hand, groping as if to find mine. "Yes. Please, lay back. I'm right here." I stepped closer and eased him back as I took his hand. "You wanted to see me?" I was suddenly embarrassed. It was obvious that Arthur Dales would never see again. "Yes, Mulder, had to tell you. Sit," he wheezed. His words ended so abruptly that I was terrified for a moment he had stopped breathing. He gasped and clutched my hand weakly. "I needed to tell you before I die." "What, Mr. Dales? What did you need to tell me?" He mumbled, "Closer." I leaned in and for the next few moments he gasped and whispered his final message to me. His brother Art Dales sat on the other side of the bed, holding his brother's hand, crying silently. He knew as well as I did that the end was near. Arthur Dales, retired FBI, the first man who ever recognized the importance of the unsolved mysteries that had become the X-Files, died moments after giving me what he considered the secret to life. I had tears in my eyes as I pulled away from him. Nurse Dwyer came in to check on him and quickly rushed from the room. Moments later a Doctor Reynolds bustled in and asked us to leave. Art Dales was in no condition to walk so I requested a wheelchair for him. Nurse Dwyer immediately left and quickly returned with the chair, I wheeled Art out to the waiting room and sat down next to him. Neither of us seemed to want to break the silence. When the doctor came out and confirmed our suspicions, Arthur Dales was indeed dead, his brother finally spoke. "He told you about his wife, didn't he?" he whispered. I nodded. "He always regretted not having a child with her," he muttered. "Not that it would have been easy raising a kid alone, you know?" I again nodded. "I mean, they could have had the kid and it could have died in the car accident with her, couldn't it? That would have been even worse to live with wouldn't it?" He looked at me for confirmation. I nodded yet again. I really didn't think I could speak right then. "He loved Janie, loved her like he never loved anyone again. He could talk that woman into anything, talked her right out of my bed and into his. I loved her too, you know." "I, uh," I said before I choked up. I cleared my throat and tried again. "I didn't know that." "Yeah, well, neither did he," he muttered. "I never told him." He was quiet for a few minutes and then said, "Mulder, do you think you could push me over to the window and leave me alone for a few minutes?" I stood up and pushed him towards the window he had indicated. I turned to leave and he grabbed my arm, forcing my attention back on him. "He's right, though. A child is the only real heritage a man can leave. His X-Files are still there, still mostly unsolved, not a true legacy for a man. Same thing with all the cases I worked on for the police department. Only a child can give you a sense of purpose, of true value. Do you love that partner of yours you told me about?" His eyes bored into mine and I couldn't have dissembled or lied to him to save my soul. "Yes," I said simply. "Yes, I do." "Marry her, have babies with her. Don't wait. You can never tell when it will be too late," he urged. "And if she doesn't love me?" I asked quietly. "Well, then you have a problem, but in this day and age, you can still get yourself a child. You could adopt or even get one of those surrogates, something. Don't put it off Mulder. Don't die a lonely, sad, old man like my brother or me." "Mr. Dales," I began, but was interrupted by his words. "Please, I need a few moments. Thank you for coming down, Mulder. It meant a lot to my brother ... and to me." I nodded and walked back to the nurses' station to find out when Mr. Dales' body would be released to the morgue. I thought that maybe Art would want to call the mortuary and I wanted to have a time frame for him to give them. She sent me to speak to the doctor in the lounge. I wasn't halfway down the hall when I heard a code blue, stat called. I turned and saw a number of medical personnel rushing toward the waiting area where I had left Art Dales and knew immediately what had happened. He was dead, just like his brother. I thought of the irony of it. It was an interesting thought, two Arthur Dales and Janie Dales all meeting in heaven again. XXXXX A week later I was laying on the beach in Fort Myers, soaking up the sun and thinking about the last couple weeks. I had contacted the mortician to make arrangements for the internment of the two Dales brothers to find that they had planned and prepaid their funeral expenses prior to their deaths. They had plots in the same cemetery, side by side. I had picked out a double headstone for them, feeling that I owed the two men something for the insight they had given me before they died. I had been the only person to attend their funeral. Even given the distance from their hometown, you would have thought that someone would have shown up. It made their words even more poignant. If I died tomorrow, who would be at my funeral? Just Scully? After the way I've been acting towards her, would she even bother to come? After the funeral, I had thought about where I wanted to spend some time. I considered Miami Beach but decided it was too energetic and wild for the quiet contemplation I needed. I thought about driving down the Keys but couldn't face that trip alone. It's one of my favorite winter vacation spots and I'd always wanted to bring Scully down for a leisurely vacation there at Christmas time some year. I remembered a nice hotel in Fort Myers that I had stayed in while working with the VCS and decided that was my destination. So there I was, lying on the beach in my Speedo, trying to put my life into perspective. Scully was never going to be 'in love' with me. Oh, I know she loves me. I think all partners have a certain amount of love in their relationship. Opposite-sex partners just find it easier to accept than same-sex partners. That doesn't alleviate the fact that I LOVE Scully. I'm 'in love' with her. I tried to remember when I began to love her but found it impossible to pinpoint. There was no epiphany involved, no one moment I looked at her and gasped, 'My God, I love Dana Scully'. I honestly don't know if I even really knew how to love before I met Scully. My family background didn't exactly abound with good role models. The first one I can ever remember wasn't even related to me. Maggie Scully had been the first and best teacher of love -- unconditional love -- that I'd ever had. She loved her children and even when she didn't approve of what they did or said, that love never wavered. When she turned that incredible love and acceptance on me while Scully was missing, I was shocked. At first it was too much. I was hurting, I was guilty, I was angry. I was almost suicidal over Scully's abduction by Duane Barry. I couldn't accept her loving support. I shied away from any contact with her except for a call now and then to let her know how the case was going. When I returned from Los Angeles and the Kristin Kilar case, I was almost at the end of my physical and mental endurance. I had taken the first flight home and it went into the Baltimore airport instead of Dulles. In my fevered mind, I thought it would be best to stop by her house on the way home instead of trying to remember to call her later. Subconsciously, maybe I knew she was the only one who could comfort me. She answered the door that afternoon, took one look at me, and bundled me into her house. She sat me down and fed me. To this day I can taste that homemade chicken soup. She hustled me upstairs as if I were one of her own errant sons, home from playing in the mud, and told me in no uncertain terms that I was to shower and go take a nap in her guest room. I don't remember the shower, but I do remember that she had gone out to my car and brought in my suitcase. A clean pair of sweatpants and a tee shirt were on the counter when I emerged from the shower. I stumbled into the guest room and crashed. I slept until the next day. When I got up she had fixed me a big breakfast, told me that she had done my laundry, and repacked my bag. I tried to thank her but she waved it off as if it were nothing at all. I don't think my mother had done my laundry since I was twelve. She had no idea what it meant to me to have someone care enough to make sure I was alive, let alone comfortable. She told me she had called A.D. Skinner and that he told her to have me report in as soon as possible after I woke up. I stared at her in awe and tried to thank her for everything. She once again blew off my thanks and said that she was the one who was thankful. I couldn't get my mind around that statement until she explained. She was thankful that I was searching for Scully. She had every confidence in me. She knew I would find her. I was humbled by her words. I wished that I had the same confidence in myself. She sent me back out into the world fed, clothed, refreshed, and ready to fight the good fight. I wondered if William Scully, Sr. had ever realized the value of the woman he had in Maggie Scully. I also understood where my Scully got her strength. For some reason, Scully had decided to seek a relationship with someone other than me. Wow! That sounded really self-centered and vain when I actually thought about it. Why shouldn't she want a normal relationship? Dennis Mead was as normal as you could get. I'd had the guys check him out as soon as she'd mentioned that she had a date with him. He was actually pretty boring, but if Scully wanted him, so be it. That left me alone and contemplating my future on a beach in Florida, surrounded by scantily clad sun lovers. I got up to take another swim when a young woman approached me and asked if I would like to join her and her group of friends in a game of beach volleyball. I was getting a headache thinking about my love life, or rather, my lack of one. I decided to say to hell with it for now and went to play. Hey, I was on vacation. XXXXX I thought about my relationship with Mulder all weekend. I wanted to call him, but I held off after trying the first time and reaching his answering machine. I would see him at work Monday. When he hadn't shown up for work by 9:30 AM Monday, I was beginning to worry. I called Kim, Skinner's Administrative Assistant, and asked if he had called in. Imagine my surprise when she told me that Mulder had requested an open-ended leave of absence when he had left on Friday. Past experience had led me to believe that he would just fly to Florida and back over the weekend. Wasn't that what he always did when he hared off to go see an informant? Now I was worried. Not only did I not know where he was, I didn't know when he was going to be back. I once again tried his cell phone only to get the standard out-of-service message. I decided it was time for the big guns. I went over to the Lone Gunmen's place at noon. If anyone knew where he was, they would. All I had to worry about now was whether or not they would tell me what they knew. XXXXX I woke up and moaned. Every muscle in my body ached. I was getting old and trying to compete or even keep up with a bunch of twenty-something's was not a good idea any more. I had played volleyball for hours yesterday. The sun, the water, the beer, had all equaled more fun than I'd had in a long time. When evening came, I could have had a companion for the night. I considered it. She was young and beautiful. She was also intelligent and easy to get along with as well. The only problem with her was that she wasn't Scully. I decided that I had to clear my mind and make some decisions about my life. The words of the two Arthur Dales kept coming back to me. 'A child was the only real heritage that a man could hope for.' Was that how my father felt? Was I his heritage, or had he felt that Samantha filled that bill, and when she was abducted, lost all hope? I came from an unhappy, dysfunctional, and ultimately broken home, but why should that necessarily preclude my desire to have a child of my own? I'd more or less accepted that I was never going to love another woman as I did Scully. Why did that have to mean that I couldn't have some love of some sort in my life? Was I ready for a child? Maybe I should try getting a puppy and see if that filled the need I had to touch and be touched. The need for physical love of some kind almost overwhelmed me at times. Normally I would use Scully as an outlet. I would crowd her personal space, or even, I suspected at times, injure myself in some minor way to get her to touch me. That sounded really pathetic when I thought about it. I spent the day in quiet contemplation, walking along the shore line, keeping to myself. My new group of friends tried to pull me into another day of fun, but I knew I needed to think. I had a lot to think through. I walked by a family on the beach. Well, the father was under an umbrella on the beach with a baby that looked too young to walk, but old enough to play with toys. The mother was at the water's edge with two tow-headed little boys, playing in the incoming waves. The baby had a ball with a lot of odd-shaped protrusions on it, holding it and chewing fiercely on the plastic stumps. Every once in a while he or she would pound it against the father's knee. I watched as he laughed at his child's antics. I smiled at the way the happiness of the little one seemed to encompass everyone and everything within sight. The ball took a wicked bounce off the father's knee and flew out of the hands of the little one, rolling crazily to stop at my feet. I picked it up and carried it the few steps back to the father. The little one had begun to cry at the loss of its favorite toy already. The man looked up with relief and said, "Thanks, I didn't know how I was going to manage the retrieval without upsetting the Little Princess." He smiled as I stooped down to the level of the baby. She reached out to me and I automatically started to touch her, but stopped when I saw the father pull back slightly. "Hi," I said to her, slowly offering one finger for her to grasp. "She's really a beauty," I said, and I meant it. The baby was wearing a sunhat, but under it I could see wisps of red hair and shocking blue eyes in a smiling face. Her complexion was that baby soft white with little dots of pink on her cheeks. When she grinned at me and I could see two teeth on the bottom. "Thanks. Do you have children?" he asked. "No, my partner can't have children," I said. "Oh," he said, and I knew immediately he thought I was gay. "She had cancer a couple years ago and the treatment left her barren," I said, hurrying to restore my masculinity in his eyes. 'Why did it matter what this man thought of me anyway?' I asked myself. Almost as soon as that question rose in my mind, I had the answer. Here was a man who had a woman who loved him and three healthy, beautiful children to prove his masculinity. 'Of course I wanted him to understand that I was as straight and manly as he,' I thought derisively. I didn't need a doctorate of psychology from Oxford to understand that one. While I had been thinking the man had been busy pouring bottled water over the ball to remove the sand and debris from it. He placed it in front of the baby again and she squealed as if she had never seen such a wonderful thing in her life, reaching for it and bringing it to her Cupid's bow mouth to take horrific bites out of it. She stopped and grinned up at her father as if he were the greatest thing since sliced bread, and I actually saw the man melt in front of me. "Yeah, that's a tough one," he said. "You could always adopt," he said kindly. I shook my head, not willing to explain my situation further. "Or there are a lot of other ways to go about it. You could try a surrogate or find an egg donor, sometimes from right in your own family. My wife did that for her sister." I smiled at him and stood up. "Uh, thanks, but my partner's sister is dead. Thanks for the suggestions, but we're just beginning to think about all this." "Sorry, guy. I guess I wasn't thinking before I spoke." He looked down at the baby and then out to the other three people he loved at the water's edge. "I never thought I would be the kind to want a family. Now that I have one, I don't know how I thought I was happy before." I nodded. "I'm beginning to see that myself," I said. I gave him a small wave and turned to walk away, back towards my hotel. XXXXX By the end of the day, I was pissed. Mulder was in Florida, visiting with Arthur Dales and was obviously not coming back for some time. I had thought all weekend about nothing but sharing my news about my fertility with him. I wanted to tell my best friend that I could have a baby and maybe, just maybe, ask him to be the father of any children I had. Now, I didn't even know if Mulder was ever going to come back. The guys had been worried about him when he left. They had hinted that he wasn't happy with me dating Dennis. I asked if he had said anything directly to them about it, but they wouldn't confirm or deny his thoughts. I confessed that I had been confused about a lot of things lately, and that I was thinking of no longer dating Dennis. This news seemed to cheer them up, especially Frohike, immensely. They told me that they would keep me posted. In the meantime, I was on my own. That night I decided that I had to confront Dennis with the news that I was no longer interested in dating him. I called and asked him to stop over and he agreed, but let me know that it couldn't be until late that evening. Apparently he had a date with another woman. So much for sitting around and waiting for me to get over Mulder. He showed up at my house around 10:30 PM. He apologized for the lateness of the hour, but explained that his mother had really wanted to stay and socialize after the retirement dinner for one of her co-workers, and he didn't want to let her go home alone. I, of course, felt like a bitch for my earlier thoughts. I offered him some decaf, and he accepted. By the time I had our coffee made and a plate of my mother's cookies out, he was yawning. "Dennis, I'm sorry I asked you to stop by during the week like this, but I needed to clear the air between us." He looked at me a moment before saying, "So you and Mulder have ironed out your differences and are involved now?" "No," I said blushing. "I haven't spoken to Mulder about my feelings yet. I didn't feel comfortable doing so without ending it entirely with you first." "This is goodbye?" he said and he rubbed his hands over his face. "Yes," I said. "I don't accept that, Dana. I've enjoyed being your company. I want to continue to be considered a friend of yours. Is Mulder so possessive that he won't allow you to have other male friends?" "Mulder is not aware of my decision to stop dating you, Dennis. He's not like that at all. Some of my best friends are men," I protested. "Well, there you go. I want to be one of them," he said with a smile. "Honestly, Dana, I mean it. I understand. Either there is a spark there or there isn't. Just because I found you attractive doesn't mean that my feelings are returned." "Thank you Dennis for being so understanding," I said as I took a sip of my coffee. Why in the hell couldn't I love this man? He sat there for a few moments, drinking his coffee and eating cookies. "I don't suppose your mother is interested in dating a younger man, is she?" His grin was infectious and I wound up laughing with him. "No," I said. "But I do have a girlfriend who is just starting to date again after a messy divorce. She was my best friend in college and we've stayed close. I'm her son's Godmother." "Is she anything like you?" he asked. "No," I said with a snort of laughter. "She's my exact opposite. I think that's why we got along so well." "What does she look like?" he asked bluntly. "Does her looks matter that much?" I asked surprised at his question. "Not really, but if she's your exact opposite, I didn't want to commit to dating a woman who's six feet tall and hasn't got two brain cells to rub together," he said with a smile. I laughed and said, "Ellen is not as short as I am, but she's not tall, about five feet, five, I guess. She's got dark hair and brown eyes and she was Valedictorian of our class." "Ah, I take it you were number two in your class standings?" he asked. "She would have never have beaten me if I hadn't gotten the flu over finals week," I said with a straight face. "I'd love to meet your friend, Dana. Why don't we all meet for lunch some day next week?" "That's great, Dennis. I'm sure you'll enjoy meeting her." "Goodnight, Dana, and goodbye," he said. "It's been wonderful being with you." "Good night Dennis. It's been fun being with you too. Thank you for understanding about my feelings for Mulder." He gave me a strange look and then replied, "Dana, I will never understand your feelings for Mulder, but I understand my feelings for you well enough to know that I would never want to be second best. With the way you feel about Mulder, that's all I would ever be in your book." "I could never do that to you, Dennis. You're a remarkable man. You deserve to be number one to someone," I replied. "Who knows, Dana? Maybe Ellen will be my number one. Gotta be optimistic, right?" He kissed me on the cheek and left. It was an easy conversation, and he was quite the gentleman. Why did I feel so sad? XXXXX Five days after the funeral, I was sick of the inactivity of a vacation. I had spent one day mooning around thinking about Scully. One day in furious activity with a bunch of young people that almost killed me. Then a couple of days in quiet, honest contemplation that led to my decision to go home. I was resolute. I wanted a child. My conversation with the young father on the beach had been both poignant and inspiring. I realized that committing to a baby meant a major change in my lifestyle, but I was confident that I was ready. If I couldn't have a baby with Scully, I would have one with someone else. Oh, don't get me wrong. I didn't want a relationship. I was thinking more along the lines of a surrogate, someone who would have my baby and be willing to bow out when the hard part started. I had a huge trust fund and inheritance sitting there, drawing interest. I could certainly afford to purchase the services of a surrogate. Hell, I could afford to retire and never work another day in my life again, if that was what it took to raise a child. I didn't really think that I would need to do that. I'd had more than one offer from VCS to come back to the fold. Skinner had even hinted that if I ever chose, I could be on the fast track to heading Patterson's baby, the BSU. I could be the head loon in the loony bin if I chose. I just had to say the word. I could make those choices as things went along. Right now, I was interested in getting the ball rolling with the surrogate. I packed my bags and headed home. XXXXX Nothing ever happens as quickly as you want it to. I had arrived home on Friday and called my lawyer. The earliest appointment he had for me was Tuesday. I wasn't happy, but I took it. I figured that I could use the time to research surrogate mothers on the net. I certainly wasn't going to change my mind if I had to wait for a few days. I went to work Monday, and was greeted with a less-than-happy Scully. I forgot that I hadn't told anyone when I would be back. I hadn't really known myself. I confessed to her that I had left my cell phone off on purpose. I told her I'd had a lot to think about and had needed time away without interruptions to do it. She bristled when I told her that, but she eventually understood. After all, how many times had she done the same thing? She was very supportive when I told her about the death of the two Arthur Dales. She wasn't surprised that they had died together. They obviously had been close for years and that kind of interaction between siblings was not unheard of, especially unmarried siblings. I noticed that Scully looked different, but put it down to being away from her for a few days. She remarked on how rested and tanned I looked. She seemed to appreciate the new look for me. I offered to show her my tan lines and for just a moment, I thought she was going to take me up on it. I contemplated what was going on with Special Agent Doctor Dana Scully until I remembered Dennis Mead. Scully had a glow about her that hadn't been there when I left. I suddenly felt sick. If things between Scully and Dennis had progressed to the point where she was wearing a glow, it meant that they were now intimate. The day was suddenly much bleaker than it had been only minutes before. XXXXX Mulder surprised me when he showed up at the office the next Monday morning. I had no idea when he would return, but hadn't thought it would be this soon. He was tanned and relaxed looking. He looked so ... do-able was the first word that came to mind, with lick-able a close second. I wanted him right then and there. When he started talking about his tan lines, I almost pulled my gun and told him to strip down. I wonder what he would have done if I had? XXXXX Tuesday finally arrived and I went to meet my lawyer, Chan Lee, for lunch. I had met Chan through the basketball program at the YMCA years ago. We'd been on the same team in their intra-city league and had hit it off right away. He'd been my friend for years. He was around during the Diana debacle, so he knew more about me than almost anyone except the Gunmen. We made small talk while we ordered. I filled him in on what had happened with the Arthur Dales and told him, after our food arrived that I had decided I wanted a child. He put down his fork and sat there staring at me as if he were waiting for the punch line to a joke while I continued to give him my thoughts on how I wanted to go about this whole procedure. When I was done, he was still sitting there grinning at me. "This is a joke, right, Mulder? You're just pulling my leg?" he said with a smile that started to slide off his face as I continued to stare at him. "My God, you're serious!" His bellow of laughter drew a lot of curious glances from our fellow diners. I scowled at him and said, "What's so impossibly funny about me wanting a child?" He sobered up immediately. He studied my face for a moment and then said quietly, "Mulder, are you serious about this?" I assured him I was. I told him my entire thought process and when I was done he was amazingly supportive. "Well, I actually think you've thought this though, Mulder, but I have to warn you. Most agencies and private parties are going to reject your request." "Why?" I was still slightly pissed by his laughter and was finding it hard to think rationally about his statement. "Mulder, you are a single man, nearing forty. Why now? They're going to ask you why a guy like you doesn't just go out and get married and have a baby that way. What are you going to tell them? The truth?" he asked. "I'm hoping that they will look at me and see the sincerity of my request. I'm genetically sound, I have enough money to support a child well, and I have a lot of love to give a child," I said. He studied me for another moment before saying, "Mulder, truthfully, I'm on your side, but you have to recognize what others see when they look at you." "What's that?" I asked. "They'll see a man in a high-stress, dangerous position who is a loner, and has not been in any kind of relationship for any length of time in years. They'll see a man with no support system in the way of family. They'll see a possibly abusive situation for a child to be brought into and they will turn you down." "Chan! I would never abuse my child!" I said, insulted by his words. "No, Mulder, I know that, but these people will look at it differently. Even possible abuse by neglect is a good basis for turning you down." He explained, "Before you get all pissy with me, an agency considers a father that is constantly working and out of town as neglectful, even if he has a qualified full-time nanny raising the child. "So you won't help me?" I asked, throwing my napkin down on the table. "I didn't say that," he said. "I just don't want you to get your hopes up too high." I took a drink of water and tried to calm down. "Okay, what do I need to do?" Chan explained that he would go back to his office and get the ball rolling. He would contact me as soon as he had a few agencies and or women lined up for me to interview. "You have to be careful about this entire situation, Mulder. Some of these agencies are actually fronts for illegal shakedowns. Men and women have been known to give them thousands and thousands of dollars and later find out that the baby they were promised was actually never conceived or if it were a viable fetus, it's been sold to a higher bidder." "Chan, I don't want to just adopt a baby. I want a surrogate mother to have my baby," I stressed. "I don't suppose that the ideal candidate for the mother should be a petite red-headed woman with blue eyes, would she?" he asked. "Well, that would be my first choice," I said with a lame grin. "Mulder, why don't you just ask Scully to have a baby with you? You might be surprised at her answer." "Chan, Scully is barren. Besides, she's seeing another man," I said with a sad shrug. We had never talked about things this personal before. I felt almost as if I had betrayed Scully by telling him, but I also felt I owed him the truth about our relationship. "I'm sorry, Mulder. I had no idea," he said sincerely. I shook off the feeling of despair I was feeling and nodded my acceptance of his apology. "Yeah, well, it's not something we like to talk about." He nodded in agreement and we spent the rest of the lunch talking about options. I was fairly optimistic about things by the time lunch was over. I was going to have a child of my own. XXXXX Four weeks later, I was sure I was never going to be a father. Chan had approached every reputable agency on the eastern seaboard and not one had been interested in speaking to a single man who wanted a child. His latest suggestion was that I run an advertisement in the paper looking for a surrogate privately. His words of warning about the scammers and the percentage of women who decided to keep their babies after the entire process was over made me leery about trying that approach. I had become increasingly depressed and it was affecting my work performance. XXXXX Something was wrong with Mulder. His behavior had been off plumb since before he left for Florida. When he came back and told me about the Dales brothers dying, I understood some of his upset, but this was going on too long. Something was wrong and like the good little investigator I am, I decided to start a covert operation to find out what. I started with the Gunmen. Mulder was their friend and had been for some time. When I spoke to them right after Mulder left, they were pretty quiet and kept any information they had close to their vests. Hopefully, enough time had passed and Mulder's increased depression would loosen their tongues. I decided a bag full of Philly cheese-steak sandwiches and a briefcase of beer wouldn't hurt. I was ready for battle. The evening started out well. Frohike was in an exceptionally good mood but wouldn't tell anyone why. He practically beamed at me all evening. I had a suspicion that he had bugged my bathroom again. I decided to tell them the truth about my relationship with Dennis. I admitted that we had stopped dating but that I was still friends with him. I told them the surprising news about Dennis and Ellen. When I had introduced them, I had thought that I was doing each one of them a casual favor. Dennis could find his own dates, but Ellen was a different story. She and Mark, her husband of fourteen years, had recently split. He'd found a younger version of Ellen. Janeen was, in fact, exactly like Ellen before Mark had gotten his hands on her and began to mold her into his perfect, little wifey. I'd tried to tell Ellen that keeping a professional identity was a good idea, but she had been so in love with Mark, she hadn't seen the need for it, or so I thought. Now Ellen was left alone with Trent and Karen, their children. Because she had secretly agreed with my advice, it had been surprisingly easy for her to ease back into the job market. She had done a great deal of volunteer work and had continued to do freelancing on the side for her entire married life. She found her skills were still marketable and, with the connections she had made over the years, was back to work making decent money within a few months after the divorce. Dating had been another story. Ellen was totally out of touch with the dating world. She had tried going out with the younger women at work and had come home in tears. The bar scene had never been her thing even when we were in college and it certainly wasn't now. I thought that Dennis would be a nice way for her to slip back into dating. He was a nice single guy who knew a lot of other single men. Who knew? Maybe she would meet Mr. Right through Dennis. I never in my wildest dreams thought that Dennis would be Mr. Right for Ellen and even crazier, that Ellen would be the perfect woman for Dennis. I had introduced them at a lunch date for the three of us. Dennis had obviously wasted no time and they went out the next night. A few days ago, they became engaged. I was shocked when they came over to ask me to be at their wedding. It was to be a very small group, just Ellen, Dennis, the children, me and Dennis' best friend from the police force. Because both of them were divorced, their churches would not agree to let them marry in either one of their faiths without extensive legal and ideological counseling by one or both of their churches. They decided to skip the hassle and have a non- denominational minister marry them. When I had confided their plans to my Mother, she insisted that they use her back yard for the wedding. We had been planning the entire thing for the past two weeks and the ceremony was to take place that weekend. All the Gunmen were happy for me and for Ellen. Dennis' happiness meant nothing to them. "So are you inviting Mulder to the wedding?" Byers asked. "No, Ellen and Dennis have relented and the guest list is up to over fifty people, but I didn't want to impose by asking if Mulder could be included. Besides, he's so down lately, I was afraid to ask him to anything that involved Dennis, even his wedding to another woman," I said with a sigh. "Do you guys know why he's been acting so moody lately?" They hemmed and hawed around for a few minutes before suggesting that maybe it was just a depression over the deaths of his two friends. That didn't settle well with me, so they finally caved and told me the truth. He was depressed over my relationship with Dennis. He had confided in them that I was going to marry him. He had heard me talking to my mother about the wedding plans and had assumed that they were for Dennis and me. He was also hurt that I hadn't bothered to tell him I was getting married. He felt I was trying to hide it from him. I felt like such a fool, I decided then and there that I was going to set him straight. I thanked the guys and left to go to Mulder's house. I was half way there when I remembered that tonight was his basketball league at the Y. I turned the car around and headed over to the Alexandria YMCA. I'd been so excited about my news and had resolved to tell him right away, but he'd extended his vacation and the opportunity slipped away. After he returned, the time had never seemed right. I walked into the gym in time for the third quarter. Mulder saw me and waved, almost missing a pass by a team member. He called a timeout and came trotting over to me, grabbing a towel from the bench on his way. "Hey, Scully, did Skinner call?" "No, I just wanted to come watch you play ball," I said as I picked up the corner of the towel and wiped an errant line of sweat from his neck. It was that or lick it off. I took the high road on that one. "Well, stick around. I was going to call you and ask you a favor later. Maybe we could go somewhere after the game and talk, okay?" He smiled one of the first true smiles I'd seen on his face for months. "Sure, I'd like that," I said. "'Kay. Don't leave." Mulder ran back into the game to a chorus of hoots and catcalls from his teammates and the other team. I got a lot of looks and smiles, but I kept my eyes on Mulder. His team had been losing when I came in, but apparently my appearance had made Mulder come alive. His was on top of his game and they were soon ahead by nearly twenty points, most of them made by Mulder. By the end of the game the spread was down to 6 points but it was still a win. Mulder trotted off the floor after the celebratory high-fives and butt pats from his team and the mandatory, but good-natured, trash-talking by the other team. He asked if I wanted to go get a beer with the team and I stood up as close to him as I could get without becoming soaked by his sweat and said I thought we should, perhaps, take ourselves to somewhere a little quieter and more private than the sports bar the guys were going to. I could see Mulder swallow, hard, and nod his head in agreement. "Stay right there, Scully. Don't move, okay?" "I wouldn't think of leaving without you, Mulder," I said with a smile. Things were looking up. That was the last time I'd smile in over a month. XXXXX Scully came to my game and wanted to talk to me. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw her standing there on the sidelines. She was so beautiful. I rushed through my shower and hurried back out to meet her. I had made up my mind that I needed her help finding a surrogate. My lawyer, Chan, was adamant that a single man could not get a serious organization or surrogate to talk to them. I wanted to ask Scully for her help. I wanted to take her someplace nice to have dinner, but by the time I got back out to the gym, she had decided that she wanted to go to my place and order a pizza. She offered to stop on her way over to pick up the pizza and some beer. I agreed after a few minutes contemplation. Her stop would allow me to get home, straighten up a little, and get out the paperwork that Chan had given me so that we could talk about it. I whipped through my apartment, throwing the old newspapers away and picking up the dirty clothes. I ran one of those little dust thingies, over everything and got out the file of papers. I opened the door to a smiling Scully just minutes after I was done. She stood there with a pizza box and a six-pack of beer in her hands. "Did you think I'd never get here, Mulder?" she asked. I was so glad to see her, all I could do was shake my head and step aside so that she could walk on in. "What's the occasion, Scully?" I asked. "I didn't feel like being alone tonight so I thought I would take a chance and drop by your game." I smiled at her and went into the kitchen to get some paper plates and napkins. I was immensely pleased to see Scully at my door. We hadn't spent time together like this for months. Of course the first thing out of my mouth was an insult. "So does Dennis know that you're here?" I asked. "Mulder, Dennis and I ... Dennis is busy tonight," she said quietly. "Look, Mulder, if you had plans or don't want me to be here, I can leave." She stood up and I rushed over to sit down and pull her down next to me. "Scully, I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. I'm glad you're here." She smiled at me and we started to eat. We finished off the six- pack of beer and I pulled out another six-pack I had in my frig. By the time we had polished off a few more beers, I was spilling my guts to her about the entire trip to Florida. She was shocked by my revelation and that I had contacted a lawyer about a surrogate. Moments later, the beer got to her and she rushed to the bathroom and threw up. I have rarely seen Scully cry but she was sobbing as she worshiped the porcelain god. I picked her up and sat her on the counter by the sink. I pulled out a clean washcloth and wet it. She was still crying and couldn't seem to get control of herself. I didn't know getting sick upset her that much. I bathed her face with cool water, hugging her and talking to her, and telling her how much I loved her and wanted her to be happy about my decision. How I understood about Dennis. How I felt the same way about someone and even though she was no longer available, I couldn't accept anyone else. I didn't tell her that it was her I was talking about. I told her about wanting to find a surrogate mother. I told her about everything that had been going on and couldn't seem to stop talking as she cried harder and harder. Finally my story came to an end and eventually, so did her tears. XXXXX "So you want me to help you find a surrogate mother to have your child?" I said. "Yes, well, there's actually more than that I need from you Scully. You are my best friend, right? Well, Chan thinks that if I could find someone, a woman who is a ... who will agree to help me hook up with the surrogate, I might have a chance of actually succeeding. "My only other alternative is to actually find a woman and impregnate her, then talk her into giving me the child. I think that's almost a criminal thing to do, don't you?" he asked hopefully. "Mulder, you're asking me to lie to a woman so that you can have a child? You want me to tell them that we ... you and I ... are involved and want a baby together? How is that lie not as bad as the other lie?" "Well, it didn't sound that bad when Chan suggested it," he said as he chewed his lip. "Scully, I know that you have Dennis now. It's only a matter of time before you leave me and the X-Files. I need this, Scully ... Dana. I need to have someone in my life who won't leave at least for the next eighteen years." He smiled at his own joke. "Please think about it." "Mulder, I'm not going to leave you or the," I began, but he put his fingers against my lips to stop me. "I heard you and your mother planning the wedding, Scully. How long do you think Dennis will put up with your working with me?" "Mulder, Dennis --" I tried to say, but his fingertips once again stopped me. "It's all right. Honest. I just don't want to talk about Dennis right now, okay? I want to talk about the possibility of my having a child of my own to raise. "Arthur Dales told me, 'A child was the only real heritage that a man could hope for,' and I believe he's right. I know what happened to Samantha now. I said it before and I meant it. I'm free from my quest. "I know that there are younger, smarter, less personally involved people out there to continue the good fight against the conspiracies we've uncovered. I want you to have your happy, normal life, and I want a piece of happiness for me. Is that too much to ask?" XXXXX I stared at him for a long moment. I had already managed to eliminate all the food and alcohol I had ingested over the last few hours. I was suddenly stone cold sober. Mulder thought I was leaving him when in fact he was leaving me. "I can't talk about this right now, Mulder. We've drunk too much tonight to make any sense of it. Let me take the papers home that Chan gave you and I promise to go over them by Sunday. I have a ... an event planned for tomorrow afternoon that will take up most of my day. I'll call you Sunday afternoon and we can get together and talk." I had to get out of his apartment. I slid off the sink counter and brushed past him. He smelled fresh and so good that I wanted to sink into his arms and let him hold me while I cried my heart out over this new turn of events. If he hadn't been the reason that I wanted to cry, I probably would have. I grabbed my jacket and the file and my purse and sprinted towards the door. Mulder, still somewhat muddled from the beers, didn't catch me until I was almost to the elevator. Mulder stood at his door, a sad expression on his face. "Scully, give my congratulations to Dennis. He's getting the best woman in the world for his own." I didn't understand what he was talking about at first, until I remembered the wedding. He still thought I was marrying Dennis and at that minute, for that one tiny minute in time, I wished it was true. "Thanks, Mulder. I'll call Sunday," I said as the elevator doors closed. XXXXX I didn't realize until the next morning that Scully had promised me to look over my file on Sunday. She was going to be on her honeymoon and was still willing to help me out. I didn't know whether to be happy about it or sad. Happy because she was still committed to our friendship and partnership enough to want to help me no matter what was going on in her life. Sad because, well, it was sad thinking that she had married a man who elicited so little passion in her that she could take the time to analyze the problem of my finding a surrogate on her first full day of marriage. I decided that I couldn't stick around the house all day while the woman I love was getting married to another man. I ran, I cleaned and then I went over to the Gunmen's to play a new game that they had received from the makers of First Person Shooter. I refused to talk to them about Scully at all. I made it clear that my presence was based on a Scully-free day. They seemed to understand my pain and agreed readily to my conditions. I didn't get home until early Sunday morning. The new game was better than I had imagined it could be. Too bad the new game Goddess was so strikingly similar to Scully. XXXXX I set aside the folder until after the wedding. I didn't want to be a downer on Ellen and Dennis' day. My godson, Trent, was thrilled that his mother was happy again. Trent's sister, Karen, was happy for her mother as well but she missed her father. Her difficulty in accepting her mother with another man was a definite drain on the happiness of the day. I waited until the last guest was gone and then I helped Mom straighten up the house. The caterer had done a great job on the food and the clean up in the kitchen. Finally I didn't have any reason to stick around. I went home to face my worst nightmare, Mulder impregnating another woman. I read the file from front to back and then began again, studying parts that seemed to need more examination. I sat on the couch with my eyes closed and tried to marshal my thoughts. I woke up the next morning, stiff and sore. I had fallen asleep studying the information on surrogacy that he had given me. I tried to eat an egg but my stomach was too upset so I settled on toast and tea. I showered, changed my clothes several times and when I was finally ready, I called Mulder. He must have been sitting by the phone because he answered immediately. He promised to be there in less than a half hour. He was bringing lunch. 'Oh, joy,' I thought. 'Another meal I can vomit up in front of him.' I decided that I was going to be rational about this. If Mulder wanted a baby this badly, I was going to be a friend and try to help him work through all the pros and cons of the situation. In the back of my mind, I kept hearing this little voice, 'Why don't you just tell him that you can have a baby now, Dana? Why don't you really help him?' I knew that he didn't want to have a child with me. His ready acceptance of his belief that I had married Dennis was proof of that. Wouldn't he have at least asked me not to marry someone else if he loved me? Besides, he had said that the woman he wanted was no longer available, and he couldn't have made the meaning more clear unless he had said those hated two words, Diana Fowley. His shocked countenance at the news of her death and his refusal to discuss her since then was enough proof for me that he had been deeply in love with her all along. I changed my clothes again and brushed my teeth. I pulled some Vicks Salve out of the medicine chest. I had used this many times in the past, usually while doing autopsies on floaters. Maybe it would mask the smell of the food enough that I wouldn't get sick in front of Mulder again. Before I knew it he was here. The Vicks worked and I was able to eat the small chicken salad he had brought for me without gagging. When all the dishes were cleaned up and there was nothing else I could do to stall the discussion any further, I pulled the file out and we got down to brass tacks. "What did you think of the information in the file, Scully? Has Chan covered all the bases?" Mulder asked. "The contract he drew up seems to be fair to all parties. All we have to do is find the perfect surrogate and firm up the price." "Mulder, I can't find anything wrong with the contract, but I do find a huge flaw in the concept of it. It's a lie. I'm not going to be part of this baby's life. If a surrogate mother found that out before the final custody was established, they could take the child away from you." "Ah, but how can they find out? Even if you are married to someone else, you could want to have a child with me. Who knows? Maybe Dennis is impotent, maybe he's sterile?" My face must have given away my thoughts because he said gently, "He is, isn't he, Scully? Oh my God. I'm sorry. Where is he, by the way? Are you delaying your honeymoon? Did he have to work?" "Mulder, you're functioning under a misconception. I've not been dating Dennis for some time. I introduced him to my friend, Ellen and they were married yesterday. My relationship with Dennis or any other man has nothing to do with this." "You and Dennis aren't married?" he asked in a daze. "No," I said succinctly. I refused to add anything to my statement and he nodded. He kept nodding and a quick smile appeared. Just as quickly, he began to frown. "Why didn't you tell me that you broke up before now?" "The time never seemed right and you didn't give me chance," I replied. I decided to get this conversation back on track and said, "You are asking an innocent woman to accept this contract under false pretenses." "I don't see it that way," he said dismissively, still grinning. "I do want you to be involved in the child's life, not just this part. What's your next argument?" "Mulder," I growled. "What will you do about the X-Files? Who will watch the baby while you're on the road?" "I've given this some thought and I feel that I will move into a townhouse or a single home and hire a nanny. There's a lot of good help available out there. I don't foresee the X-Files being open long. After you leave, there will be nothing there for me." "What do you mean, 'after I leave'?" I gasped. "Why do you think I'm going to leave the X-Files and why in hell are you so willing to quit them?" "I'm not saying that I want to quit working on the X-Files, I just don't see it having the importance to me that it once had," he said, again avoiding my question. "Scully, for years I used the X-Files to give me the access I needed to help me search for Samantha. Now I know what happened to her. I hate the fact that she's dead, but I can at least accept it. "When you became my partner and they went after me through you, I was determined to find them and make them pay. Everything you've lost, Scully, all your pain, all YOUR answers that needed to be found has driven me as surely as my search for Samantha. "Well, now I understand why you've stepped back from our partnership and are looking for someone else to live your life with. Even though Dennis wasn't Mr. Right, I know that eventually you will find the right man and he'll want you to quit at some point. That's the way a marriage works. Admit it. You were pulling away from me before you met Dennis. At some future point, you will finally have the normal life you've always wanted and I can't stand in the way of your happiness. I can't stand there waving questions at you, rehashing old misery when you've moved on in your life." "Mulder, this isn't about me. It's about you. What do you want?" I said, shocked to hear his thinking on the subject of our lives' work. He hesitated for a moment then continued. "I want a baby, a child of my own to raise. I'm willing to quit the X-Files if that's what it takes to get one. I'm willing to quit the FBI. There are lots of things I could do that wouldn't preclude raising a child safely. I could do consulting work from home. I could go back to school and get my license to become a clinical psychologist or even go to med school to be a Psychiatrist. I could teach at one of the Universities in the area or even at Quantico. "Hell, I have enough money to retire and take care of a child without working ever again, if I so choose. I could move back to Martha's Vineyard and raise my child alone if I wanted to, but I don't, Scully. I want you to be part of this child's life if you want to be, if your future marriage allows you to be involved." "Mulder, why don't you just find a woman and marry her?" I asked. "You could have a baby the old fashioned way?" "That's no longer an option for me, Scully. The only woman I have ever truly loved is no longer available and I can't live in a loveless marriage. I saw what it did to my parents after Sam's disappearance. I can't face a life like that," he said quietly. My heart sunk. Diana. She was the one he loved and now she was dead. I had been right. "I am almost forty years old, Scully. I need someone to love. Sam's gone, Mom's gone. I feel like everyone I've loved has left me. At least a child would have to stick around for eighteen years or so," he said with a deprecating smirk. I looked at him for several minutes, unable to speak. If I opened my mouth all my feelings for him would tumble out. I would never be able to face him again if he rejected me. I had to think of him and what he needed, not about my feelings of need and want. "All right, Mulder," I said finally. "I'll help you. Where do we start?" "Scully! Thank you," he said. He reached out and grabbed my hand. I pulled away from him quickly. I couldn't stand his touch. If I allowed even the smallest degree of my love for him to show, I would be lost. I stared at him without saying a word. Apparently he accepted that my personal space was to be honored. "Okay," he said, blowing out a deep breath and moving a few inches back away from me. "I guess the first thing we do is go see Chan together. We need to sign some privacy statements and get the ball rolling as a couple in search of a surrogate. Is any day better for you?" "Just schedule us for the first available appointment, Mulder. The quicker we get this over, the better for all concerned." I stood up and Mulder understood that was his cue to leave. I walked him to the door and handed him the folder. "Thank you, Scully," he said. "You don't know how much this means to me." He leaned in to kiss me and I turned my cheek. "You're welcome, Mulder. I only want your happiness, you know that don't you?" I rested my hand on his forearm and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Yeah, I do. See you tomorrow, G-woman." Then he was gone. XXXXX The next several days proved to be the hell that I thought it would be. We met with Chan, I signed the papers, we discussed candidate requirements and I was generally miserable. Chan called back in less than two weeks with several agencies that had accepted our application. He already had a list of possible candidates for us to begin to check out. He couriered over the files and I began to go over them with a fine-toothed comb, looking for candidates who would fill my ... er, our criteria. Mulder, of course, thought anyone with a uterus to rent was a good candidate. I was a little more selective. He became very enthusiastic about a list of women who were actually already married, stating that at least he wouldn't have to worry about them becoming romantically dependent on him. I studied him for a moment, wondering just how much he really had thought about this before. I said, "Mulder, you're crazy. I would never agree to a married woman. The statistics show that married surrogates have a higher rate of last minute regret and have historically won the cases they have fought to keep the baby. Contract or no contract, that is her biological child too." He stared at me for a moment and then grinned sheepishly. "Thanks, Scully. That's why I wanted you to help me with this. I know you'll watch my back. I just want to know that a baby is on the way and you want to make sure I'll get to keep it when it is. What will I do without you?" His last words were something of a mystery to me. I wasn't leaving him or the X-Files. Why did he persist in thinking I was leaving? Maybe he was planning on leaving me. XXXXX What the hell was wrong with Scully? She was making my life hell. She was short-tempered, dismissive and surly. If this is what having a normal life did for her, then maybe she was better off before she started dating. It wasn't just at work either. We had met at my apartment several times to go over lists of candidates that Chan had been providing for the surrogate. I was overwhelmed. I didn't know that there were that many women out there who were willing to rent out their bodies for fifty thousand dollars. Scully went through the lists and systematically trashed almost everyone on the first three lists. Her reasons were as varied as they were strange, one was too tall, one had diabetes in her family, one had an alcoholic parent, one had bad teeth, and one couldn't punctuate correctly enough for her. None of these things seemed to be a big enough problem to eliminate a candidate, at least to me, but they apparently were according to Scully. I finally told her that I was losing patience. I wanted a surrogate mother for my child, not a life partner. XXXXX Mulder was driving me crazy. Everyone on the lists looks good to him. You'd think that the man has no taste whatsoever in women. That thought brought me up short. Maybe he didn't. He did fall in love with both Phoebe Green and Diana Fowley, after all, and he was still mourning Diana enough to want a baby that looked like her. He'd rejected every blonde candidate that I'd come across and I didn't even show him the redheads. I didn't know if I could do this any more. I was finding jealous bones all over my body. I actually ached when I found someone who seemed to fill all the requirements. I was so afraid of having another woman in his life who would dominate his time. He said he wanted to keep this to a business deal, but I knew Mulder better than that. He'd start thinking about the baby and the love he has in his heart would overflow to the woman who was carrying his child. Even if he didn't talk himself into developing an emotional relationship with the woman, he would be endlessly supportive and loving towards her. All that time for her would mean less time for me. What the hell was I going to do? XXXXX It had been weeks since Scully and I started this search. I was almost at the point of calling it off. I didn't think we would ever find a candidate who would meet the standards that Scully seemed to have set. Finally I got the call I'd been waiting for. "Mulder, it's me." "Hey Scully," I said as I turned down the volume on the game. "I've found someone." I sat up straight and flicked off the TV altogether. "You have?" "Yes, she was in the last batch of candidates that Chan sent over. She's a graduate student at Yale, working on her doctorate. She needs the money to live on while she's finishing her dissertation and defending her thesis. Her student loan burden is already huge and she is willing to be a surrogate in order to keep from going into debt further." "Are you sure about this one?" I asked cautiously. I had seen a dozen candidates that I would have accepted but Scully had rejected. "Yes. She sent a video cassette with her information. She's perfect, Mulder," she said with a sigh. "What's her name?" I asked. "She asked not to give her name until the face-to-face meeting, but you could call Chan and tell him that candidate number BM83 is a go and that he should set up the interview." "That's great, Scully! Thank you. Thanks so much, partner. I'll call Chan and set everything up right away. I'll let you know when and where," I said. "You're ... welcome, Mulder," she said softly. "I'll talk to you tomorrow," I said, not really wanting to hang up, but knowing that she was probably waiting for me to get off the phone. "Tomorrow," she sighed. XXXXX Well I did it. I got through the entire conversation with Mulder without him realizing that I had been crying my heart out for the last hour. I stared at the screen of my TV as I watched the video of candidate BM83 once again. She was perfect. She was obviously intelligent. Her school transcripts were almost scary. She was a member of a non-denominational church and did a lot of volunteer work with the aged and frail elderly. She wasn't too young or too old and was in excellent health. She was in her early thirties. She had done missionary work in her youth, and hadn't decided on her career path until a few years ago. She was beautiful. She looked like a younger, more beautiful, Diana Fowley. Mulder was going to think she was perfect. I just prayed that he didn't fall in love with her while she carried his baby. XXXXX BM83 turned out to be Rebecca Morrison, a charming, intelligent woman who had given surrogacy a great deal of thought before committing to the interview with us. She was tall; five feet, eight inches, to be exact. She was slender with a magnificent figure and dressed tastefully. She had long brunette hair, surprisingly green eyes, and was exquisitely beautiful. She was articulate. Her education had not been spent unwisely. She was supportive and understanding of our wishes to have a child, asking only about our ability to love and emotionally nurture a child. She was everything Mulder and I had agreed on. If we had been a true couple looking for a surrogate, I would have done anything to have her be our child's mother. On tape she had reminded me of Diana. In person, I realized that she looked more like I would have pictured Samantha as an adult. I hated her on sight. I loathed her by the time she opened her mouth and by the end of the interview, I was positive that if Mulder didn't accept her as a surrogate, Chan, his lawyer, was going to ask her to marry him. I, on the other hand, wished that I had remembered to strap on my Sig. XXXXX Chan scheduled the interview for Friday, after work. It was hell actually trying to get something done that day, but both Scully and I managed to wrap up all the outstanding case reports we had due. I went to the meeting with BM83 with mixed feelings. Something about the file on her had tickled a warning in my brain, but I couldn't put my finger on anything specific. Scully had viewed the tape she had sent, but I hadn't had a chance. I read her file and she sounded perfect on paper. I hoped that she looked at least a little bit like Scully, but it didn't sound like it, too tall, too dark, too not-Scully. Rebecca Morrison turned out to be a beautiful young woman. I could tell that Chan was half way in love with her by the middle of the meeting. Scully was cordial but conservative in her attitude towards Rebecca, asking all the right questions and seemingly happy with her answers. I tried to think about what my children would look like with this woman and made a shocking discovery. They would look just like a child I would have had with Diana. What the hell? I didn't need a child who reminded me of a woman who had gone out of her way to fuck me over not once, not twice, but several times. Hell, the bitch had even left me to die before Scully had rescued me. Who was this woman? Was she another plant by the Consortium? Why on earth would Scully choose someone who looked so much like Diana? Did she still think I carried a torch for that back-stabbing bitch? Sure, I could see it now. Hey, Spooky wants to get out of the game, last chance to fuck him over. Let's see if old Mulder can be dragged around by the balls once more. When the answer came to me, I became furious and knew that this wasn't happening. I just had to make the rest of the people in the room aware of that fact. My anger and aversion must have crept into my tone or my questions because Scully began giving me the eyebrow. I began to question Rebecca about her siblings, her cousins and extended family. What did they look like? Were they all brunettes like her? What part of the country did they come from? What were their political affiliations? Scully tried to direct the conversation back onto the list of topics we had previously agreed on, but I was in no mood to cooperate. I don't know a lot about women, but I do know about questioning suspects. I began to grill Rebecca Morrison as if she were a criminal. At first, she was calm, answering my questions with little hesitation. However, as my interrogation got tougher and meaner, she began to fidget and finally broke. She jumped to her feet so quickly her chair fell backwards and skidded a couple feet behind her. "What's this all about? I've done nothing wrong except try to make a couple of people happy while relieving myself of a debt burden that will haunt me for years. Why are you asking these hateful questions? Who do you think you are? I don't think you deserve a child! You certainly aren't going to raise mine!" She burst into tears and ran from the room. The silence that was left in her wake was almost deafening. "Well, that certainly could have gone better," I said sarcastically. I could actually hear the fabric of both Chan's and Scully's clothing rustle as they turned to glare at me. I shrugged. Chan stood up and gathered his papers together. He picked up the file and walked to the door without speaking. He shot me a killer glance at the doorway and left without a word. I sat there, waiting for the hammer to drop. "What the hell was that, Mulder?" Scully finally asked in a deadly quiet voice. "Scully," I began and then fell silent. The room was preternaturally quiet. In the hallway I could hear Rebecca Morrison sobbing as Chan tried to soothe her. I glanced towards the door and could actually see her in his embrace. The phrases, 'under a lot of stress', 'flashbacks from old work wounds' and 'irrational' floated back to us. Chan looked up and saw that I was watching him hold Rebecca. The glare he gave me was a fairly decent sign that I was going to have to find a new lawyer in the near future. He turned away from the door and led Ms. Morrison down the hall. Scully cleared her throat. I suddenly realized that the biggest problem I had wasn't going to be about finding a new lawyer. After the little display I had just pulled, I was probably going to have to find a new partner come Monday. XXXXX What the hell had just happened? Mulder had done everything he could to alienate Ms. Morrison with the line of questions he had just blasted her with. These were not questions on the list that we had agreed upon. If I didn't know better, I would think that Mulder suspected her of being a Consortium plant. How could he think that for even a minute? This was too random. There were too many fail-safes in place for both the surrogate and the couple from outside agencies that both the Gunmen and Chan's people had investigated. Weren't there? Before I could get Mulder to talk to me, Chan reentered the room. His normally tan complexion was pale but he had a splash of red on each of his cheeks. "Mr. Mulder, may I speak with you for a moment in private?" he asked formally. Mulder looked at him and said, "We can talk right here, Chan. There's nothing about this situation that Scully can't hear." Chan stared at him for a few seconds and then nodded. I could tell he was biting the inside of his cheek, trying to regain his temper. Mulder was not going to like what he had to say. "Mr. Mulder, I have been your attorney since your father died. I have been your friend and acquaintance for years before that. If someone had told me before today that you were capable of the despicable act that you just performed, I would have knocked them on their ass." He took a deep breath, still fighting to maintain a professional bearing. My respect for him ratcheted up several notches. "I am asking you as a friend and as your attorney, though that may change based on your response to my question, what the living fuck just happened?" His volume increased as his question came to an end. Mulder sat there for a moment before answering, giving Chan a moment to collect himself. "Ask Ms. Morrison if she has any relatives in upper New York state named Fowley, any one, even a distant cousin who she's never seen or spoken to. Ask her, Chan and then come back and I'll tell you exactly what's going on." Chan shook his head but left the room to comply with Mulder's request. I was speechless. Had Mulder gone over the edge? Chan came back into the room a few moments later. He sat down across from me, studying Mulder and then me for a moment before speaking. "How did you know?" I gasped and stared at Mulder. "Mulder?" he snapped. "I asked you, how did you know?" "I wasn't sure. It was her mannerisms more than anything else. What did she say when you asked her about the connection to the Fowleys?" "She seemed surprised by that question but answered it right away. Yes, she did have some distant relatives in upper New York State by the name of Fowley." Mulder nodded and closed his eyes for a moment before speaking again. "Could you ask her to please come back so that I can speak to her? Tell her ... tell her that I won't verbally attack her again." I opened my mouth to begin questioning Mulder, but he quickly raised his hand and stopped me. "Please, Scully. Not yet." I could see that he was hurting and I didn't want to make the situation any more painful for him. I decided to wait until the coming interview was over. Chan and Ms. Morrison walked back into the room. If I hadn't hated her before, I would now. When I cry I get red eyes and blotchy cheeks and snot drips off the end of my nose. To say that her tears had only made her more ethereally beautiful was an understatement. Her pale complexion was white as snow and it made her green eyes look like the color of new grass. Her bare lips had taken on the color of a red, red rose. They were swollen and her perfectly straight, white upper teeth bit lightly into the plumb bottom lip. She made you think of an innocent, fragile but brave woman facing a firing squad. Chan led her to her chair and seated her as if she were made of spun sugar. He sat next to her, as if to protect her from Mulder. I wanted to barf. XXXXX "Ms. Morrison, could you tell us how you came to apply to the surrogate program?" Chan asked. Scully seemed surprised that Chan had started off the questioning, but I knew he would. He was afraid that if I opened my mouth before he established a proper groundwork, she would bolt and he would never see her again. Rebecca Morrison looked at Chan and then darted a quick glance at me as if to ascertain that I was not going to pounce on her while she spoke. "I found a flyer from the program in my mail box at the student union. I assumed that all the women on campus got one. It was, after all, a logical place to look for someone that needed money." "When did you find it, Ms. Morrison?" Chan asked kindly. "YOU may call me Rebecca," she said directly to Chan. She seemed to think for a few moments then said, "About two weeks before I actually submitted my application. I had found out that the grant I had expected to cover my living expenses while I completed my doctorate had been dissolved. I didn't know what I was going to do and then I remembered the flyer. Well, actually, I got another flyer, but I saw it all over campus. It wasn't just sent to me." "I'm sure it wasn't, Rebecca," Chan assured her. "Rebecca, can Mr. Mulder ask you a few questions?" She drew back, as if I were a rattlesnake instead of a potential sperm donor to her surrogate child. Chan placed his hand on hers and squeezed lightly as he said, "I promise, Rebecca, this time everything WILL remain civil." She studied Chan's eyes for a moment before darting a glance at me. She looked at Scully and then back at Chan. "All right," she said. Something in the faces of the other two had given her the assurances she needed. She certainly didn't get it from me. Chan nodded at me but I could tell by the glare in his eyes that he would personally take me out if I badgered her again. "Ms. Morrison, I would first like to apologize to you for the way I questioned you previously. I hope, by the time our conversation is over, you will understand why I became as ... emotional as I did while questioning you." She nodded and clasped Chan's hand. I could see the white of her knuckles as she squeezed it tightly for support. This was not good. She already had MY lawyer in the palm of her hand. Who was next, Scully? I asked her several questions about her grant and the subsequent withdrawal of funds that led her to the surrogate program. As I a questioned her, I could see that she was piecing everything together for herself. "Why did you ask me about my New York relatives, Mr. Mulder?" she asked suddenly. I glanced at Scully before answering her. Her face was an impassive mask to the other two people in the room, but I could read the pain and sorrow written there. "I was involved with your cousin, Diana Fowley, several years ago. We had a brief relationship and then she left the country." "Oh, I remember that! My mother was so proud of her cousin's little girl. She was posted to an Embassy in Europe somewhere, wasn't she?" "Something like that," I said. "She came back a couple of years ago and tried to rekindle our relationship. I had moved on but still wanted to be her friend. She ... betrayed me and endangered my life while working on a case. I heard Scully snort softly. She still had her opinion of Diana, and I was afraid even now that it was a clearer picture of the truth than I would ever be able to admit. "Really? How odd," Rebecca said. "My mother just sent me a letter recently that mentioned she was doing well at her new posting in Brazil." Scully and I exchanged glances. That piece of information was to be tucked away for later. "Ms. Morrison, have you ever experienced any ... lost time?" I asked. She stared at me as if I had grown a second head. "You mean like in alien abduction, beam me up Scottie, out-of body-experience kind of lost time?" she asked incredulously. "What Mr. Mulder had in mind, Ms. Morrison, was more like a head injury where you lost a sense of time or a traumatic injury that left you blanked out on a period of time," Scully interjected. She began shaking her head and the word 'no' was on her lips when her eyes widened and she gasped. "I did have an injury like that. I was on vacation a year ago and I was out camping and mountain biking with several friends. We apparently got separated and I took a spill. They didn't find me until the next day. I had a mild concussion, but I was still able to walk my bike back to camp. I don't remember anything about the spill or the time afterwards until they found me. Does that count?" "Yes, that's exactly the type of incident that we expected." Scully darted a glance at me and then sighed. "Ms. Morrison, may I examine your neck?" she asked. Rebecca Morrison looked at us as if we were both crazy, but Chan spoke up. "Rebecca, it will be all right. As weird as this sound, Mr. Mulder and Ms. Scully do have a valid reason to ask." She seemed to consider Scully's request for a moment before leaning forward and sliding her hair over her shoulder. Scully stood up and moved slowly to stand behind her, running her fingers over the collar of her shirt and pulling it down slightly to check for the tell-tale scar. I held my breath as she examined this young woman, not knowing whether or not I wanted her to find anything. When Scully looked up at me, I felt as if I were going to explode with the suspense of the moment. She shook her head. "No, there's no scar." "Thank God!" I murmured. "Would you mind telling me what this is all about?" Ms. Morrison demanded. I looked at Scully and she sat down next to the young woman. She bared her neck and displayed the scar that was so much a part of her now. Rebecca stood up and looked at it with a surprised look on her face. Scully straightened up while Rebecca sunk back down into her chair again. "I was abducted by a mental patient several years ago. He claimed that he was taking me as an alternative offering for aliens that had abducted him several times over a long period of time. I have no memory of the three months that I was gone, but when I came back, I had this scar. "Closer examination revealed that it was the site of a computer chip that had been placed just under the skin. When I had the chip removed, I developed terminal cancer," Scully said succinctly. "Wait, wait," Rebecca stuttered. "This guy held you captive for three months and you have no memory of it?" she asked incredulously. Scully looked at me and I picked up the story. "The man who had kidnapped Agent Scully was found at the top of Skyland Mountain in Virginia, and was arrested. Agent Scully's whereabouts for the three months has never been ascertained. She was returned without a clue to a hospital here in Washington, three months after her original abduction." "But, but she, you should be able to remember what happened to you," she sputtered. "I would have agreed with you prior to my kidnapping," Scully said. "I have never regained any memories of that period, even under hypnosis." "What does that have to do with me?" she said. I looked at Scully and she stared back at me. I was on my own. "Ms. Morrison, you are a lovely young woman and bear a striking resemblance to your cousin, Diana Fowley. I am afraid that you have been maneuvered into a position where your need for funds have thrown you into my path by a person or persons who remain unknown." She looked at me skeptically, and started to ask more questions. I interrupted her by saying, "Whoever these people are, they have tried to gain control of my life before. I am a Special Agent for the Federal Bureau of Investigation. I have not always tackled the easy cases and have been threatened and lead astray many times. In the past, I have had enemies in high places in the government. "I fear that if we investigate it more thoroughly, we will find that the funding for your grant was dissolved by these same people. Your need for money and my need for a surrogate mother were to be used for a darker purpose." "You think someone wanted to use your baby to control you? That I was meant to be a part of a plot?" she asked in a shaky voice. "It's possible, yes. It's also possible that you were just a convenient person in the right place at the right time. I won't know the answer until we investigate. I would like to apologize to you again for all you've gone through. If you don't mind, Agent Scully and I would like to pursue this for you and find out why your grant monies disappeared. Perhaps if you could leave your phone number and address with Chan, we will be able to contact you through him." "All right," she said. She smiled hesitantly at Chan and he gave her a warm smile back. I knew that at least two people in this room were happy. "I suggest that you do not talk to anyone about this, Ms. Morrison, not even your mother," Scully said. "That's fine with me," she said immediately. "No one would believe me, even if I did. Besides," she said hesitantly, "I didn't really relish telling my mother about what I was going to do, anyway." I nodded at Chan and he stood up, holding his hand out to Ms. Morrison. "If you will follow me, I'll get your information and show you out." They left the room, shutting the door behind them. Scully and I sat there, silently, unable to look directly at each other. Even this, even my desire for a child had been bastardized by Them. I felt a rage in my gut that I had only experienced a few times in my life. It was there when I first underwent therapy with Dr. Werber and realized what had happened to Samantha, when Scully was abducted by Duane Barry, and when I found out about her cancer. It was there now, and I didn't know how I was going to get rid of it. I needed to move, to get out of there before I started ripping the curtains down and throwing the furniture around. I needed to leave before I said anything that could hurt Scully. I surged to my feet and took off towards the door. "Mulder!" she called to me. I stopped as my hand held the knob, waiting to hear what she had to say. "Mulder, I'm sorry." "You didn't do anything to be sorry about, Scully," I said without turning around. "For once, this is all about me." I left the room and strode down the hall to the exit. I ran down the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator. I needed to move, to run, but my car was parked in the underground parking garage. I jogged to it and drove back to my house, as quickly as I could. I raced up the stairs when I got home and changed into my running clothes. I stretched out and began jogging to the track at the junior college. I normally waited to speed up until I hit the artificial surface of the track. It was built to lessen the stress on the joints of the athletes who used it. I was running full out by the time I crashed through the gates. I ran until I was incapable of putting one foot in front of the other. I fell into the grass on the center of the track and lay there, gasping, trying to catch my breath. I either zoned out or fell asleep for a short time because it was dark when I realized where I was. I moaned as I stood up, knowing immediately that I had pushed myself too hard and not cooled down properly before collapsing. I was going to be sore for a long time. I just hope that I didn't actually damage anything. I took the elevator up to my floor and limped down the hall to my door. All I wanted was a hot shower, a beer, and my couch, in that order. I opened the door and walked back to the bathroom without turning on the lights. I stripped off my clothes as I limped into the bathroom, my need for the warmth of the shower foremost on my mind. Twenty minutes later, I was finally feeling human again. I dried off and walked out to the kitchen to get a beer. I was rubbing my hair dry with the towel as I walked back through the entry holding my beer. I used the faint light coming from the bathroom to guide me on my way back to the bedroom to get a pair of boxers. I froze when I heard someone cough. I turned and peered into the dark shadows of the living room. "I wouldn't turn on a light, if I were you, Mulder, at least not until you get dressed," Scully said. I began to get hard as soon as I heard her voice. "Why? Afraid I'll turn you on, Scully?" I teased. I could feel her eyes on my body, even though she was sitting deep in the shadows of the living room. "Don't point that thing at me, Mulder," she teased back. "You'd think you'd be more concerned about walking around naked after all the times you've come home to find someone uninvited in your apartment." She stood up and walked towards me. "After all, it could have been Krycek waiting in the dark for you. You never know who's secretly watching from the shadows." "Shit!" I said as I realized what she meant. "I'll be right back." XXXXX I sat in the conference room, stunned for several minutes after Mulder's abrupt departure. He was justifiably pissed. Once again the mysterious THEM had tried to control him by manipulating his life. I thought, 'This time, they've gone too far.' I sat there contemplating how they could have possibly manipulated the surrogate agency to achieve the results they wanted, let alone know that Mulder wanted a child. We had never spoken about this anywhere but at his apartment or at mine ... Oh my God! Suddenly, I knew what I had to do. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed number 6 on my speed dial. "Silver Bullet," Byers answered the phone. "Byers, it's me. I need your help." I was glad that Byers answered. He was the logical one of the three and would be the most help. "Agent Scully, what can we do for you?" he said immediately. I explained what I needed, a sweep of Mulder's apartment, my apartment and our office for audio and video equipment. "Feel free to keep everything you find at my place and the office, but leave the equipment you find at Mulder's alone. I don't think he'll be home for a while and he'll want to decide what to do with what you find," I instructed. "I'm sure he'll want to donate it to your stash after he's checked it out." "Certainly, we'll get on it right away. We have some new equipment we've been dying to try. It may give us the location of the individuals who planted any bugs we find," he said enthusiastically. "Fine, just please go right away. Start with Mulder's place first, please," I urged. I hung up just as Chan walked back in the room. He flopped down in a chair next to me, pulled his tie loose, and opened the top button. "It's been quite a day, hasn't it?" he sighed. "Yes, it has, Chan," I said. "Is Mulder okay?" he asked. "He will be," I assured him. "But I don't know if he'll want to continue the search for a surrogate." "Too bad," he said sincerely. His tone of voice piqued my curiosity. I stared at him for a moment and then asked, "Why do you say that?" He gazed into my eyes as if trying to see into my heart and mind. "Mulder really wants a child, but I'm sure he's discussed this with you." "Yes, but I've never really understood how this all became so important to him," I admitted. "He told you about the Arthur Dales?" Chan asked. When I nodded, he continued. "He's like all of us, Dana. He needs to be loved. I think he feels that he can't have the woman he wants so he's transferred those needs towards the idea of having a child of his own to raise." "Chan, this idea of raising a child alone is a difficult way to fulfill one's need for love. A lot of people lose a loved one to death and go on to marry and raise a happy family with another person." Chan nodded and said, "You of all people should know, Dana, Mulder's not like most people. Once he's committed to something or someone, he's incapable of being anything less than faithful to them. He might have been able to get over your death eventually and moved on, but he's not the kind of man who can be less than faithful to the one he loves while she's still alive." "I'm sorry, Chan, but you are mistaken," I corrected him. "Mulder loved Diana Fowley. Her death was the catalyst for his desire for a child." He stared at me as if I had grown a second head. "What did you say?" he asked. "His ex-wife, Diana Fowley, is the woman that Mulder was, and is, in love with," I said sadly. "I can't believe that someone from the Consortium was going to use his desire for a child that looked like her as a tool to manipulate him." Chan was still staring at me, a small, wry smile on his face. "You really don't know, do you?" he asked after a few moments of contemplation. "Know what?" I said as I gathered up my things to leave. I wanted to get away before I had to hear about how much Mulder loved that woman again. "Dana, Mulder doesn't love Diana Fowley. In fact he's come to loath her memory. Why would you think he wanted a child who looked liked her? In fact, I was surprised that you two chose a brunette like Rebecca." I was shaking my head to deny his words. His hand closed over my forearm, gently guiding me back down into my chair. "Dana, when Mulder and I began talking about this entire process, I was skeptical. I couldn't believe that the most driven, focused workaholic I knew wanted to walk away from his current lifestyle and take on the responsibility of a baby. As I listened to him, I realized that he had thought through this entire situation objectively and rationally. "He sincerely felt that he had no chance for a personal relationship with the one woman on earth that he loved, unconditionally, for years," he said. "Yes, his ex-wife, Diana Fowley," I interjected. "Death does that to a relationship." Chan shook his head and said, "No, Dana, not Diana. She is, in fact, not even his ex-wife. She had their marriage annulled so she is legally and emotionally nothing to him any longer." I was shocked. If it wasn't Diana, who did Mulder love? My confusion must have shown on my face because Chan began to laugh. "Dana, you and Mulder are two of the most intelligent people I know, yet you are also two of the blindest," he said with a shake of his head. "He loves you, Dana, he has for years, but that's his story to tell. He made this decision after you pulled away from him and began dating another man." "No, Chan, I'm sorry. You are mistaken." I was shaking my head in denial. Mulder couldn't love me. If he did, surely he would have said something in the past six and a half years! 'What about his declaration in the hospital?' a little voice in my mind said clearly. "Dana, damnit! I'm going to add stubborn and mule-headed to my description of both of you. Face it, Mulder loves you. You, for whatever reasons of your own, have pulled away from him and started looking for someone else to become personally involved with. Mulder loves you enough to want you to be happy, even if that happiness is found with someone other than him. He loves you enough to keep his love a secret to prevent you from being upset about not returning his love. If he can't have a future with you, and he doesn't believe he can, he needs someone else to love. It can't be another woman, so he chose to have a child. "However, he is a man approaching forty. He's alone in the world now that both his parents are dead and he's found some closure to Samantha's fate. He feels the need to be loved and to love. That's what made him think of having a child with a surrogate." I could feel tears streaming down my face as I listened to his words. "You are aware that we tried to find a surrogate without your participation, aren't you? Well, his instructions were for me to find a petite, blue-eyed, redhead with a high I.Q. Does that sound like anyone you know?" I nodded and sobbed openly. "Dana, he wanted a child who would look like you," he said gently. "He loves you. He hoped that you would be a part of the child's life, even if you were married to someone else. He had already ask me to start drafting a revision to his will that would give you custody of the child if something happened to him. I asked him why he didn't just ask you to have the baby and he told me about your infertility. "He'll probably kick me for telling you this, but I can't let this go on. You are the only person in the world who he loves, Dana," he said quietly. "What are you going to do about it?" He got up and started to walk out of the room. He slid a box of tissues to me down the length of the conference table and he left without another word. I sat there sobbing, trying to understand everything he just told me. If Chan was right, I had it in my power to give Mulder and me everything we both wanted out of life. How could I have not seen this? All I had to do, now, was find the courage to take the first step towards love. XXXXX What the hell was going on? First the bombshell at Chan's office and now this little surprise. I pulled on my jeans and a tee shirt and ran a brush through my hair. I rushed back into the living room but it was empty. "Scully?" I yelled. "Yeah, in here," she called back from the kitchen. I walked into the kitchen and watched as she finished making a call. "What are you doing?" "You never have anything to eat or drink in your apartment, Mulder. That's one thing that's going to have to change. Every parent needs a well-stocked refrigerator," she said. "Yeah, well maybe that's not going to happen," I replied morosely. "Are you hungry? We could order out." The phone rang as if on cue. I picked it up and was surprised to hear Frohike ask to speak to Scully. Her conversation was short and she agreed that we would meet them at the prearranged destination. I asked her where we were going and she just smiled and handed me my coat. I decided to play along, but I was surprised when we turned right instead of left into the parking lot of my apartment complex as we exited the building. Scully satisfied my curiosity by telling me we were going to meet the Gunmen at our favorite pizza place down the street. It was a short walk completed in silence. Less than fifteen minutes later, the guys showed up at our table, carrying a laundry basket half full of electronic equipment. Langly, Byers and Frohike all began talking at the same time. "Man, who have you pissed off lately?" "Do you know what this is? It's the latest and greatest in the electronic surveillance world." "We saw some of this stuff as proto-types at the last Def-Con convention in Las Vegas." "Guys!" Scully said quietly. "Hold on a minute. We want to know all about this, but right now, we need to give the waitress our order. Mulder and I need to hear about this from the beginning, but I don't want to be interrupted a dozen times. Let's just wait until we get our food." The three men obviously agreed because they settled down right away to peruse the menus left on the table. I sat with my back to the wall and Scully sat next to me. We decided on two large pizzas and a pitcher of iced tea. Scully nixed the beer. She felt we needed to keep our heads clear with the information that was about to be discussed. After the pizzas came and the waitress was out of hearing distance, she picked up my hand and looked deeply into my eyes. I heard an embarrassed cough from across the table, but couldn't have cared less. Scully was touching me, voluntarily, in public. "Mulder, I owe you an apology. I was thinking about the confrontation we'd had earlier at Chan's and realized that the only places we had talked about this was in our homes and our office. I called the guys to check for bugs without asking your permission to enter your apartment. I'm sorry I didn't wait, but I didn't feel we had that luxury." I nodded an acceptance to her apology. "I asked them to start there because I didn't want your privacy to be invaded any further." Once again, I nodded. "I tried to think of who would do this to you and I came up with three possible suspects, the Consortium, Krycek and ..." she ground to a halt. "Diana," I said. Her surprised look let me know that she had come to the same conclusion. We had thought she was dead, had been told she was murdered. Now we knew she was in Brazil. She was still scheming and lying to the last. "I was trying to think about who could have done this to us while I was running and the most likely candidate I could come up with was her." I sighed and decided to tell her everything I knew. "Scully, Diana was barren, too. She told me she was raped when she was in college and contacted a STD that had scarred her fallopian tubes so badly, she would never be able to conceive unless we used invitro fertilization. At that time I wasn't interested in settling down with a family, so it wasn't something we discussed more than that first time. "Of all the candidates who could be interested in my using a surrogate for a baby, she's the only one who would benefit from Rebecca Morrison as a donor." "Oh my God!" Scully groaned. "She was going to manipulate the entire process so that you had a baby with a relative of hers and then steal the baby." I nodded, swallowing hard. "Yeah, that's what I think she had in mind." I heard the guys discussing my theory in the background, but I was focusing on Scully's reaction. "Mulder, I'm so sorry!" she said. There were tears in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. "If that's true, we have to do something about this. She could still steal your child, no matter who the mother was." "Uh, Mulder, Scully?" Byers said, interrupting us. "We know how to find her, if that's what you need," Frohike said. "You do?" I asked. "Well, we think so. You see all the equipment in your office and Scully's apartment is high tech, but more or less standard issue." Scully and I nodded, knowing that they were the experts and would know what they were talking about. "The stuff at Mulder's place is a different matter," Byers said. "Yeah, that's some gnarly shit," Langley interjected. Byers frowned at him and continued, "The surveillance equipment in Mulder's apartment is so high tech, we've only heard rumors of its possibility." "Mulder, you recently signed up for a new digital cable service, right?" Frohike questioned. "Yeah, I got it from A-Com. I took the premium package that included all the Sports packages and a new broadband DSL for my computer. Sure beats the heck out of a regular modem hookup," I enthused. "We thought so. Do you remember the date that you began your service?" "No, not really. It's been about three months ago, why?" I asked. The three gunmen looked at each other. "That's the earliest that the spy equipment could have been installed in your home." "What?" I hissed. "How do you know that?" "Mulder, the equipment we found is so high tech that it is almost impossible to detect. We just found it by accident when we were ... uh ... checking your television remote for a bug," Langley said. His cheeks were stained with embarrassment. "My remote?" I sputtered. "Yeah," Frohike said. "We were checking the living room out and found nothing until we turned on the television and got a blip on the monitor. We turned off the television and the same blip occurred. We decided to check the back of the T.V. and when we pulled it out from the wall, we saw a small black transceiver on the cable box." "It didn't look like anything we'd ever seen, so we called one of our friends who installs cable for a living." "Yeah, among other things," Langley snorted. Byers said, "He asked us to describe it and got really excited when we did. He said he'd never seen one, but it was the exact specs on a new piece of surveillance equipment that the CIA is using. He told us what to look for and how it works." "Basically, Mulder, the piece on the cable box is a receiver for all the mini-cams placed throughout your place. Someone who knows you well enough to realize that you always turn on the television when you're home had it rigged to start recording as soon as it was turned on. The pictures were transmitted back on the broadband cable to the main receiver." "Sweet, huh?" Langly said. "Yes, very sweet," Scully growled. "So how do we find the main receiver?" "Already done," Frohike answered smugly. "We checked it out as soon as we found it." "And where is it?" I asked. I had a bad feeling about the answer. "Not two blocks over, at 8324 Jackson Place, Number 12," Byers said. "Do you happen to have a name of the resident at that apartment?" Scully asked. "Yeah," he said. "Debbie Franklin is the name on the mail box." "Debbie Franklin? D. F.? Sound familiar?" Langly said with a snort. "Yeah, too familiar," I agreed. "What do you want to do, Mulder?" Scully asked. "I don't know," I said truthfully. My head was reeling. What the hell was Diana thinking? Did I really believe that she was behind the entire set up with the surrogate? The immediate gut reaction I had was yes. Yes, she would do something like this, but I don't have a clue as to why. I needed to know. I glanced at Scully as she watched me while I was thinking. I knew she wanted answers to this question as much as I did. "I think we should pay Debbie Franklin a visit," I finally said. Scully searched my face for a long minute before she nodded. "You know Diana hasn't broken any laws, yet," she said. "At least nothing we can prove." Frohike's head popped up. "What the hell do you call illegal surveillance, breaking and entering, and trespassing on Federal property?" he asked indigently. "We don't have tangible evidence that Debbie Franklin is Diana Fowley. She could be an innocent bystander," Scully said reasonably. "But ... but ..." Frohike sputtered. "We will make sure that we have evidence before we take any action to prosecute," I assured Scully and the indignant Frohike. "Do you have your weapon?" I asked Scully. "Yep, never leave home without it," she grinned. I smiled back at her, once again thanking the powers that be for assigning this woman to be my partner. XXXXX We drove to the address Byers had supplied. As I got out of the car, I was irked to see that the guys had followed us in their van. I glared at them, daring them to step foot outside of their vehicle as Mulder walked around the front of the car to join me. "Look who followed us," I said, nodding towards the old VW bus that the guys had parked up the block. "I should have told them to stay away," Mulder said. "It wouldn't have done any good even if you had thought of it," I murmured as we strode up the steps to the building. Mulder looked at me and grinned. Unfortunately, neither one of us looked towards the top of the steps until a loud, authoritive voice said, "Hold it right there." We looked up at the same time only to see a large man dressed in an impeccable black suit and sunglasses standing in front of the door. He hadn't been there when we arrived, so he must have seen us coming from the entryway and stepped out to stop us. "Is there a problem?" Mulder asked. I noticed that he was not quick to identify either of us. I decided to let him do all the talking. "Yes, this area is an open crime scene. Unless you live in the building, you need to come back later." "What happened? Was someone robbed?" he asked, trying to sound like a casual visitor. I looked at him like he was crazy. Unless I missed my guess, this man not only knew that we weren't residents, but probably knew both of us on sight. "Agent Mulder, I am not at liberty to divulge that information at this time," he said, confirming my belief. I put my hand on Mulder's arm and pulled him around to follow me. We got in the car and drove back to his place. Mulder was silent, but his grip on the wheel was making my hands cramp in sympathy. He pulled up in front of his place and wrenched the door open, jumping out. He slammed the door with a loud crash, taking off for his apartment without a word. I followed him at a slower pace and saw the guys pull up as I waited for them in his front entry. XXXXX I paced back and forth in my living room, waiting for Scully and the guys to get here. I was furious. Once again, we would not be able to prove what we knew. What was going on? What the hell was Diana doing spying on us? "Mulder?" Scully said as she knocked gently on the already open door before entering. "Yeah, Scully, come on in," I responded. All four of them trouped in and stood there watching me. I paced back and forth, more angry than I've been in a long, long time. "What's going on, Mulder?" Frohike asked. "I don't know, but if that M.I.B. was stationed there, you can bet we'll never know," I spat. Byers, Langly, and Frohike exchanged looks with Scully. She nodded and Frohike said, "I think I know a way to get in there." "No go, Frohike," I said. "I won't have one of you taking a risk over this. We'll just wait and Scully and I will go in tonight." "Mulder, listen to Frohike," Scully said quietly. "If he has an idea that might work we could have access to the apartment this afternoon. If we wait until later tonight, it might be too late." I threw myself down on the couch and sighed. "Lay it on me, Fro." I would listen, but if it was too dangerous they could just forget it. XXXXX I pulled the A-Com truck up in front of 8324 Jackson Place. I sat in the seat, looking over the clipboard of current jobs listed for the day. I put the ball cap with the company logo on and exited the truck. While I was standing on the street beside the van I mimicked that Verizon commercial, and said, "Can you hear me now?" The voice in my earpiece came through loud and clear. "Don't be a smart ass, Frohike. Someone might be watching." It looked like a regular hearing aid, but it was actually a wire that let everyone back at A-Com hear me and everyone I spoke to. I wiped the sweat off my brow and pulled the coveralls out of my crack. I was the only one that the uniform would remotely fit. I shook myself and made sure the badge on my pocket was straight. I turned and walked up the steps towards my goal. "Hold it," the huge man we had seen with Mulder and Scully said. "This is a crime scene and no visitors are allowed." "No shit?" I said, trying my best to sound fascinated. "What happened?" He glared down at me and said with a sneer, "It's a need to know situation, and I'm sure you don't need to know." I glared back up at him for a moment before I said, "All right, but I do need to get in to one of the apartments here and pick up some equipment." "Didn't you hear me?" he growled. "No one is allowed in until the CSI team is done." "I heard you," I said as I tapped my earpiece. "This little beauty makes sure I hear just fine. What you aren't hearing is that I have official business in this building and I'm not leaving until I complete it." "What business do you have here?" he asked. "I'm a representative of A-Com, and I need to pick up the digital cable box from Apartment 12. I have a work order right here," I said as I pulled it off the clipboard. "The customer called last week and set this appointment up. A-Com prides itself on having its employees meet every appointment on time." Thank God, Byers had been able to convince the owner of A-Com that we needed to pick up this box. He was very persuasive once he started talking about having the equipment disappear. Mulder and Scully's badges had helped convince him to cooperate. Little did he know what his property was being used for. "No admittance allowed," he said and then hesitated. "Did you say Apartment 12?" "Yeah," I said and nodded. "Right here." I pointed to the work order address. "Just a minute. My supervisor will want to talk to you," he said as he pulled out a cell phone and dialed. "Look, I don't want to talk to anyone. I just need to get this box, the remote, and leave. If I don't hustle, I'm going to be late to my next appointment and then my ass will get fired." "Hold on," he said with a glare. "My supervisor will be here in a matter of moments." I groaned and pulled out my cell phone. I dialed the number of A-Com and asked for Chuck. He was our connection and had agreed to deal with any resistance we met. A neatly dressed man stepped out of the entry door and nodded to the behemoth standing in my way. "What seems to be the trouble here, Agent Wells?" "This man says he needs to have access to Apartment 12." The newly arrived M.I.B. looked at me sharply before saying, "What is your business here?" I went through my entire spiel again, this time ending with having Chuck give it a try. I was more than slightly pissed when he wouldn't talk to him on my cell phone. He took the phone number from the pre-printed form and asked to speak to Chuck. At the end of their conversation, the answer was still no. Finally, I said, "Look buddy. I have to get in there and remove the digital cable box. My new boss has been on my ass about meeting deadlines for my appointments. If I don't get this box, the money will be deducted from my pay until it's brought in. I just got this job and I need to keep it. Frankly, I don't have any money to spare. It's not easy for an older guy to get into this business, you know? Especially one with a handicap." He seemed to hesitate for a moment. I fiddled with my 'hearing aid' and gave him the best down-and-out look I could muster. "Very well, you may follow me back up to the apartment and pick up the cable box and the controller. Do NOT touch anything else. Is that clear?" "Yeah, hey, thanks buddy. I really appreciate it," I gushed. I followed him at what I hoped was a respectful distance. I hadn't had much luck acting respectful to anyone for years, but it was important now. We went up the elevator and I stayed close to him. As we entered the apartment, several large, black-suited men glared at me from various parts of the room. He walked to the television with me and stood there while I pulled the cable box with the transceiver still attached off the TV and put it in the empty card board box I'd slid under the clipboard. I looked around for the controller and spotted it on the coffee table. I started to reach for it and heard the sound of several bullets ratcheting into the chambers of the guns that appeared in the hands of the other agents. I froze where I stood. I didn't have to fake fear. I was shaking in my boots. "Stand down," my guide said. "He just needs the remote control for the cable box." He walked around me and handed it over. I pushed it into the box and nodded my thanks. I silently followed him back down the hall to the elevator and out the front door. "Thanks," I said with a gulp. "I appreciate your help." "No problem," he said, sounding uncomfortable at my gratitude. I nodded at him and walked by the guard at the front door. I kept my eyes down. I knew that I was almost free and clear and I didn't want to blow it with a cocky look now. I heard a shot and the guard that had been glaring at me moments before raced back into the building. I knew I should leave. I knew that I needed to get the box back to our place and let Mulder and Scully check it for fingerprints. I knew this but all I did was lock the doors of the van and tried to look busy with the radio as I watched the building for activity. The front door of the building burst open and a young man ran down the steps, glancing behind him before taking off at a dead run down the street. Two of the MIBs hit the door at a dead run and leaped down the steps. One of the men took off after him but dodged as the other man yelled, "Halt or I'll shoot!" The young man obviously decided that he would take his chances and kept going. The two MIBs took firing stances and blasted him with a barrage of bullets. He made it two steps further before collapsing in an obviously dead heap. I made an illegal u-turn and hit the gas. Everyone was waiting to examine the equipment I had. I should have left before the shots started. It had been years since I'd been this close to a firefight. Suddenly I was shaking and I knew that I was in for a rough ride tonight. I also knew I should check to see if I was going to have to launder these coveralls before I returned them. XXXXX Waiting for Frohike was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. I knew that the risks Mulder and I took everyday were part of the job. I signed up for it and I had the training to handle myself. I accepted the danger for us, but Frohike had looked so small and old in that jumpsuit when he'd climbed into the A-Con service van. He might be small in stature, but he had the heart of a lion and I suddenly realized once again how much he and the others meant to me. We had headed towards the Gunmen's place to wait for him after swinging by and picking up a portable fingerprint kit from the office. Frohike was late getting back and when he told us the reasons, I was once again awash with regret over involving the guys in this. He put up a brave front, but we all could tell that the shooting of the man on Jackson Place had really shaken him up. We dusted the equipment and lifted the prints to take back to the Bureau for comparison to Diana Fowley's old records. We gave the guys one set and took one with us for our official report. We gave the transmitter to the guys for their equipment stash. I didn't ask them what they would do with it. I didn't want to know. For all the work they'd done to help us find and get rid of the bugs in our homes and to retrieve the box from Fowley's apartment, they deserved them. Before we left, I made an effort to comfort Frohike. "Frohike? Are you going to be okay?" I asked as I gently put my hand on his shoulder. "Yeah, Scully, I'll be all right. I'm just not used to the gun play like I was in the old days," he said with a weak smile. "It's been a long time since 'Nam." Mulder and I once again thanked him and the other two guys and left. We dropped the second set of the prints off at the lab with Danny and headed out. I wanted to talk to Mulder. We needed to settle this whole misunderstanding. I never had a chance. As soon as we got back to my apartment, Mulder made an excuse and left me at my doorstep. It's been over two weeks and he's made sure that there's been no chance for any kind of personal confrontation between us despite repeated attempts on my part. He hasn't even given me an update on the fingerprints we found on the digital equipment. He's effectively cut me out of the entire situation. I'd decided that holding on to my feelings of love for Mulder, being in love with Mulder, wasn't enough. I needed to let him know how I feel and find out if he truly felt the way Chan said he did. However, he'd put up a barrier between us that extended into every aspect of our relationship. He refused to have any kind of personal interaction that would give me an opportunity to discuss our personal relationship. We're still partners, but I can see even that changing. He's pulling away from me. He's even gone so far as to accept an assignment with VCS and a temporary partner. He's leaving me behind and I can't seem to find any way to change his mind about it. Was this how he felt when I pulled away from him? Damn it. It really hurt. Maybe we'd missed our chance. Perhaps love wasn't enough. XXXXX I turned off my car and sat looking at the front door of the bar. 'Why did I agree to show up?' I asked myself for the fortieth time since leaving the gym. 'Just because I needed an excuse not to think about Scully doesn't mean that I have to go off and do something crazy.' I shook my head and wondered, not for the first time, just how far out I had to be to consider having a drink with my basketball teammates as crazy. I finally pulled the keys from the ignition and opened the door of the car. Once I was standing up, I checked that I had my wallet and cell phone and walked towards the door of The End Zone. 'Never can be too careful,' I thought. 'Scul ... Skinner could call at any time.' I pushed open the door and stopped, letting my eyes adjust to the dim light. "Hey! Mulder! Over here," Rich Gentry shouted from my left. I lifted my chin in acknowledgment and walked to the bar to ask for a beer. I always get my own drinks straight from the bartender ever since I'd been drugged on that case in Indiana. If Scully hadn't recognized the symptoms, I could have died that night. I shook my head in disgust. I couldn't get Scully off my mind. I turned to join the rest of the team at the table they had staked out. 'Not gonna think about Scul ... work right now,' I promised myself. "Here's the man of the hour! Mulder, my man, have a seat." Rich pulled a chair over to the table for me. A chorus of greetings from the other guys surprised me. I don't usually join the team for a drink after our Saturday afternoon game, but they all seemed glad I did today. "Hey, Mulder, how come you got time to join us today? That sweet little partner of yours busy for a change?" Ted McKay asked. I ignored him. McKay had been hot for Scully ever since she had interrupted one of our games about a month ago. She had just shown up one evening and said she wanted to talk to me after the game. I had taken it as a sign and decided to approach her about helping me find a surrogate. I'd been so juiced about Scully watching that my game had been over the top. Scully sat in the stands and cheered for me, never giving any of the other guys so much as a smile. McKay had tried to pump me for information on her every week since then. It was just now occurring to me that she'd never told me what she wanted to talk about that night. I'd leaped into the surrogate business, she'd gotten sick, and we'd never gotten that far. Maybe she had been going to tell me about her break up with Dennis. That must have been it. "Lay off, Ted. Mulder's here to celebrate our victory this afternoon. The home boys won! Man! I'm pumped. We picked off the top team in the league and right here is the man who made it happen!" Jeff Rogers said and slapped me on the back. Unfortunately, I was taking a drink of my beer at just that moment. I started to choke and wheeze as the cold liquid went down the wrong pipe. All the guys laughed but it wasn't a mean- spirited poke. It felt good to be part of the group. "Shit, Mulder, good thing you didn't choke like that out on the court," Danny laughed and thumped me on the back. I grimaced and tried to get my breathing back to normal before trying to respond. "Hey, did you see the faces on those guys when Mulder stole the ball and charged up court? Man! I didn't think you had another dunk left in you, Mulder. You'd played most of the entire half," Rich crowed. "I'm glad those guys go to the Time Out Lounge instead of here after the games." "Yeah, we might've had to call HRT to get out of the place," Danny agreed. I sat there drinking the rest of my beer quietly, enjoying the locker room talk my teammates were indulging in. It had been a long time since I'd joined them at the bar after the game. I've never been a big drinker -- not with the shining example of my father's actions while under the influence. I'd never had a desire to follow in those footsteps. A few of the married guys had to leave but the majority of the team members were fellow employees of the F.B.I. and footloose and fancy free on a cold Saturday afternoon. Everyone ordered food and more drinks. I switched to iced tea, not really interested in getting wasted in the middle of the afternoon. Before evening, I'd driven most of them home and was on my way over to the Lone Gunmen's place for an evening of gaming. I reached into my coat pocket to get my phone only to come up empty-handed. I thought back to the last time I'd seen my phone and remembered it was at the bar. I made a quick right turn and headed back to the bar to see if someone had turned it in. Skinner would take the cost of a lost phone out of my check again, unless I got lucky and some good soul turned it in to the bartender. I entered The End Zone and went immediately to the table where we'd been sitting. No luck. I walked back to the bar and waited until the bartender came down to talk to me. Unfortunately, it wasn't the same guy who had been there earlier this afternoon. "My buddies and I were in here about an hour ago and I left my cell phone at that table over there. Did anyone turn it in?" I asked. "Sorry, I just got on duty about ten minutes ago. If anyone found it, it would have been Terry, the owner. He's out to dinner right now, but he's going to be back in about forty-five minutes," the small man said. "You're welcome to hang around and ask him yourself then." I considered the time and said, "I think I'll just come back tomorrow or later in the week. What nights does he usually work?" "He normally is here every night, but he and his wife are going on a cruise tomorrow to celebrate their tenth wedding anniversary. They won't be back for over a week. Sorry," he said with a shrug. "I guess I wait then," I said. "Do you have change for the phone? I need to call my friends and tell them I'll be late." "Naw, just use the house phone," he said as he placed an old black phone up on the bar. "It's a local call, right?" "Yeah," I said with a nod. I called the guys to let them know I would be late and then walked down the bar to sit down at an empty barstool. "What's your poison?" the bartender asked. I ordered an iced tea and settled in to wait for the owner. I indulged myself in my second favorite pastime -- televised sports. There were several large-screen TVs placed throughout the bar. When the commercials were on, I switched to people watching. The entire back of the bar was covered in 12x12 inch mirror tiles and I could see everything that was going on in the bar. I did everything I could not to think about the events of the last few weeks. I glanced at my watch. Only twenty minutes had passed. I got up and wound my way through the bar to the restroom, half-way listening to the various conversations. I was bored and wanted out of this place, but not badly enough to leave without my phone. By the time a half hour had passed the bar was almost empty. I was fed up with watching the Kings beat the Lakers and had fallen into contemplation of my life. The events of the last few weeks weighed heavily on my mind. I knew that Scully recognized my withdrawal for what it was. I'd backpedaled from any kind of personal involvement with her enough times that she had to recognize my intentions. I hated the hurt in her eyes, the resolved set of her mouth when I told her that I was going to work for VCS for a special assignment. Her pain always tore me up, but I couldn't let her get involved any further in Diana's craziness. I thought that it was over with the shooting incident at the surveillance apartment. Even though we never confirmed that Diana had been apprehended by the M.I.B.s that were there, everything seemed to settle down. I was wrong. Rebecca Morrison was kidnapped. When Chan had called me to tell me that she hadn't shown up for their date, I'd immediately suspected foul play. Even though it hadn't been twenty-four hours since she disappeared, I'd convinced Skinner to get a search warrant for her apartment. There were no signs of a struggle there, but there were also no signs of a planned absence. We questioned her best friend, Gena Cook, and learned that she was shocked to hear that Rebecca was gone. She had just talked to Rebecca the day before. She had been effusive, talking for over a half hour about Chan and their coming date. She'd not stated any intentions of leaving any time soon. The hunt was on. Skinner had forbidden me access to the case at first. He felt that I was too connected to the victim and possibly the perp. He assigned it to Thomas Wolfe, a veteran agent that I'd worked with before. Unlike a lot of the agents in VCS, 'Wolf', as they called him, was open-minded and we had worked well together in the past. I'd at least been able to assure Chan that the best available agent was on the case. I'd asked Wolf to keep me apprised of any progress with the case and backed off. I'd tried to at least, but when the first anonymous e-mail, with an attached picture of Rebecca in a small cell-like room, hit my private account, Skinner pulled me from the X-Files and assigned me to be Wolf's partner for the duration of the case. Skinner had not understood why I didn't want to involve Scully with this case. He knew how difficult it would be to dissuade her from following me into a case to cover my back. However, when I explained the more private details of this entire affair, he agreed. He realized that Diana Fowley had fixated on me and any involvement by Scully would put her in unnecessary danger. When the request for my assistance with VCS came, Skinner had made it sound like a profiling consult. I had done my part and made sure that she would leave the entire situation alone by making it feel more like a ditch than a consult. I could have sworn that she had tears in her eyes when I told her that I would be assigned a temporary partner during my stint there. My actions had put a chasm between us that might never be bridged again. It was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do, but I had to keep her safe. I took a drink of my iced tea and checked my watch again. It was almost time. I was glad the case was over. Rebecca had been returned, unharmed, and her kidnapper was dead. Diana Fowley, her own kissing cousin, had abducted her. I shivered with revulsion, once again remembering her demise. Diana had finally slipped over the edge of the abyss into insanity. She had become fixated on me and having a child with me even though she was sterile. Her previous plan to insert Rebecca into my search for a surrogate mother had been foiled. She had kidnapped her own relative in order to impregnate her with my sperm and steal the baby for her own. She had madly assumed that I would play along with her scheme as soon as she had everything in place. She knew from her eavesdropping that I wanted a child very badly. In her twisted mind she reasoned, how could I resist? She had flown Rebecca and herself to a small, private island off the coast of Florida. It had been one of the Consortium's testing facilities in the past, but had been abandoned when the majority of the members had been fried by the Alien Rebels in West Virginia. She had planned well. No one would have found them if she had not needed to call upon me to provide the sperm for the baby. I'd agreed to meet her, convincing her that I was willing to go along with her plans. With Wolf's help, we had prepared an elaborate sting operation to assure Rebecca Morrison's safety. Unfortunately, while we planned to rescue Rebecca and take custody of the ex-agent Fowley, others used us to find her for their own purposes. Diana had planned well. She had anticipated every probability except one. She had financed her mad scheme with money she had siphoned off the Consortium's off-shore bank accounts. While her ex-employers would forgive her abandoning their ranks and the use of one of their facilities, they would not overlook the embezzlement of millions of dollars. Wolf and I had captured Diana and released Rebecca. While we were escorting them both home They had struck. We were walking to our gate at the Miami airport and we'd been jostled several times by the crowds and didn't think anything of it. By the time we had cleared security at our gate, Diana was ill. Paramedics had been called, but before they got there, Diana was dead. The family had insisted that the body be sent to New York for burial. They had finally agreed to an autopsy. The New York coroner had found massive tissue damage due to an unknown poison. The small puncture wound on her back was the point of entry. Once again a crime by the Consortium went unsolved. The only bright spot in the entire investigation was Chan and Rebecca's reunion. Well, that and the reaction of Thomas Wolfe had been pretty cool. He was incensed that our prisoner could be killed right under our noses. When I'd laughed and told him, 'Welcome to the X-Files,' Wolf had merely nodded. I felt like I had gained an ally with this case. I may have gained an ally, but had I lost a partner? I checked my watch. It had been over fifty minutes. I called the bartender back down. "Have you heard from the owner yet?" I asked. "No, he'll be here any minute," he assured me. "He knows how this place fills up about now. He's never let me down before. Terry's a great guy to work for. You'll see. He'll be here shortly." The bartender must have felt bad for having to make me wait because he set me up with another iced tea. I nodded at him and reached to pay for the drink. "Naw, this one's on the house." He smiled and walked down to tend to the other customers. I took a drink of the tea and choked. It wasn't just an iced tea. This was a Long Island Iced Tea. Not bad, just a surprise. As I sipped this drink the crowd began to arrive. One group of guys at a table behind and a little to the left of me caught my attention. They were all a few years younger than me, actually reminded me of a group of agents I used to hang out with when I was first out of the academy. They were loud and rowdy, but in a friendly, amusing way. That is, until a new guy entered the bar and joined them. I heard them call him by name and start teasing him about being all dressed up on a Saturday night with nowhere to go. At that point, the owner of the bar came back. The bartender greeted him and immediately asked about my cell phone. The owner assured me that he had it in the back room and went to get it. I let my attention wander back to the teasing going on behind me. "Hey Brody! What's really with the suit? Got a hot date?" the guy I had heard called Fred asked. I stared at the table in the mirror, smiling along with the others as they teased him good-naturedly. "I've got plans," Brody said before he tossed back his shot of tequila. "Big plans. I'm not like you dickless wonders, hanging out with each other on Saturday night. I'm getting laid tonight." "Yeah, Mr. Every-Woman's-Dream has a big night planned," teased his friend named Bob on the left. "Well, Mr. Every-Mother's-Nightmare better watch it. He almost got hooked last time he was so cock sure of his evening," said Fred with a grin. The entire group laughed at this remark. "I didn't know she wasn't on the pill! The blood test proved that I wasn't the baby's father. She's still trying to pin that on someone," he said with a nasty laugh. Some of the group laughed but others ignored his crude remark. "So, who's the lucky lady? Or should I say, babe, tonight?" Bob asked. "Yeah, anyone we know?" "I'm not telling you assholes," he laughed. "Come on, Brody. You know we'll find out later anyway," the tall blonde guy wheedled. He motioned for another round for the table. When Brody had thrown back his second drink, he sat back in his chair, a smirk on his face. After a satisfying bout of nosey questions, he deigned to answer. "Picture this. I was at a family picnic about three weeks ago and I saw this woman jogging alone in the park." "Don't tell us," blondie said. "Tall, brunette, legs to her throat and tits to die for, right?" Brody snorted. "Wrong. This woman wasn't the kind who gave you whiplash, if you know what I mean, but she's more naturally beautiful than any woman I've ever seen in real life. She's small, petite I guess you'd call her, perfectly formed. She's got red hair, perfect skin, and a pair of the bluest eyes I'd ever seen. She's slim but ripe, you know what I mean?" He formed a voluptuous shape in the air with his hands. All his buddies must have known, because they just nodded. I knew what he meant. He could have been describing Scully. Not a show-stopper, but ... perfect. "So you falling in love, Brody?" Fred asked incredulously. Brody got a contemplative look on his face and then said with a grin, "Naw! But lust isn't bad!" Everyone broke up laughing. The owner of the bar came back with a basket of cell phones and I picked mine out of the masses. I thanked him and put it back in my pocket right away. The guys at the table were still talking about Brody's date. I decided to finish my tea, fascinated by his story of his date tonight. Why couldn't I have met Scully like that? Things would be so different now. "So what'd she say when you asked her out?" Fred pumped. Brody looked at him and grinned. "She told me she wasn't interested in dating, didn't need 'romance' she said. Her life was too busy and she wasn't available at set hours." "Well?" Bob asked. "So I figured I'd just go for it. I said, 'How about just getting together for a good fuck then?' And she looks me up and down with those blue eyes that look like they could laser me down to a pile of ashes and finally said, 'Okay.'" The entire group gasped, including me. "She goes on to tell me that she's in love with someone she works with and doesn't see that ever changing, but that she can't go through her entire life without sex." "Why didn't she just have sex with the guy she's in love with?" asked blondie. "I asked her that and she told me it was none of my business, but that I should just take her word that it wasn't possible. I didn't push. I figure the guy's married or something." Fred sat back and stared at Brody. "So let me get this straight. You actually hit on this incredibly sexy redhead and she's agreed to be your fuck buddy because she's in love with a co-worker and she's horny? Just like that? Did I get everything straight?" Brody considered his comments for a moment before grinning evilly and saying, "Yeah, just about." He let the details sink in for a few minutes, knowing each one of them thought he was one lucky son-of-a-bitch. "I guess I didn't tell you that she's a doctor, did I?" he said as he turned the knife just a little harder. All his friends groaned and a couple threw peanuts at him for rubbing it in. I almost fell off my barstool. He was talking about Scully; small, perfect, beautiful Scully. My Scully. My Scully was going to get involved with a fuck-buddy because she was in love with me but I had rejected her love once too often. I wanted to kill the asshole who was sitting there contemplating having sex with my Scully. I actually found myself reaching to my side where I normally kept my gun. Thank God it was safely stored at home. I wanted to leave, but I was riveted to my seat. I had a masochistic need to hear what this asshole said. Fred called the barmaid over to order another round of drinks but Brody refused. "I don't want to be drunk when I get to her house," he explained. "I want to remember everything." "When's all this happening?" Bob asked. Brody looked at his watch and shrugged. "She told me to call her after 8:00 PM. She's having dinner with her family and thought she would be home by then." I glanced at my watch and saw that it was just a little after seven. Scully should be home any minute from her mom's house. If I hurried, I could stop her before she agreed to meet this asshole. I couldn't let her do this. I loved her but I'd driven her away with my insecurities. This had to end right now. If I was going to lose her anyway, I had nothing to lose by telling her how I felt. I threw a couple bucks down for the bartender and left, glad that I'd only had one drink. It wouldn't do to be stopped for drunk driving now. I had to get to Scully. XXXXX I wanted to be at my best when I talked to Scully. I swung by my apartment and took a quick shower. As I stood under the hot water, I let my thoughts run free for the first time in a long while. I had stepped away from Scully when she began dating Dennis, even though I felt he was the wrong man for her. He was too cold, too rational, too staid for a woman like Scully. Outsiders might think that they were a perfect match, but I knew better. Dana Scully has a reserve about her that led others to believe that she had those qualities and little else. They were mistaken. Beneath that reserved, professional exterior of hers, Dana Scully was a warm, loving, and passionate woman. I knew she needed a man who would understand her need for respect by her peers and not be hurt or confused when she hid her real self behind her professionalism. Scully needed someone who knew her well enough to see both sides of her and to accept her as she was and love her unconditionally. She wasn't perfect. Who is? However, if I was right -- if I could allow myself to believe young Brody's words -- she loved me but was afraid to let me know how she felt. Perhaps I'd been doing too good of a job at keeping my feelings for her hidden. I knew I hadn't been the most open person lately. I continued to let my thoughts race as I shaved, carefully, and dressed. When Diana died, I let my hope for a family of my own die. Not that I wanted one with her in any way, shape or form, but the entire experience brought home how tenuous my life was. Any plans I made were subject to the whims of others; others who did not care who they hurt as long as their own goals and objectives were met. How could I think about bringing a small child into this life alone? I had withdrawn from everyone, licking my wounds. As I was thinking about it, I realized that I had been mourning the loss of Sam, my mother, and everything I'd thought I would never have. That had all changed. I'd been given another chance to have a life with Scully. I had to make her see that I was the man she needed. I loved her and wanted her any way could get her, even if I had to be the man she turned to as a 'fuck-buddy'. Even if I never managed to unlock her heart, I wanted her. I'd do anything for her professionally, personally, and emotionally. Her barrenness wasn't an issue. If I could have Scully, then I didn't need a child. This was about having someone to share my life with. I flipped on the radio as I drove, trying to keep my thoughts from overwhelming me. There was a song by Billy Joel that Garth Brooks was singing and the words kept flashing through my mind even after I'd turned it off. It hit too close to home. Shameless. That's how I felt about my love for Scully. I'd do anything to keep her in my life. She had asked for very little from me, giving me constant support, friendship, and affection. Not that she was easy. She still told me I was crazy on a regular basis. She'd discount my theory in one moment and work like a demon to prove that I was right the next. Was it any wonder I loved her so much? I've never been good at relationships. Phoebe reveled in humiliating me, forcing me to accept her unfaithfulness and degrading behavior to keep her in my life and bed. As hard as she worked to control me, to subjugate my will to hers and reduce me to a puppet, she had failed in the end. Diana tried to control me through my ego and using her sex. She made me feel as if I were always right and worked hard to help me prove my off-the-wall theories. Or so I thought. She was just as controlling and self-serving as Phoebe. All their efforts had failed, yet Scully had me in the exact same position with no effort at all. The only difference was that Scully didn't know how deeply I loved her and if she did, she'd never take advantage of it. I'd camouflaged my love for her with snarky innuendos, denying my love for her to myself and others for so long that it had become second nature. I couldn't deny it any longer. Dana Scully was the love of my life and I was willing to take any chance to convince her that we belonged together, including giving her my body without asking for her love. For a Saturday, the traffic was light. I made it back to her place by 7:50 PM. I sat out in my car for a few minutes, trying to calm my breathing and bolster my nerve for the coming conversation. 'Conversation?' I thought. 'Maybe we've done enough talking without saying anything. Maybe I need to show Scully how I feel. We can talk about everything later.' I was working against a stopwatch. That Brody asshole would be calling at eight. I slammed the door of my car and ran into her building. I had to get to Scully. XXXXX I stood up from my squatting position in front of the refrigerator. Once again my mother had sent enough food home to feed me for the week and I was left with the task of finding a place to store it in my small refrigerator. She didn't think I got enough good, homemade food, I guess. I was a good cook, but why bother to cook for one? That question remained unanswered when I heard a knock on my door. I wasn't expecting company, so I was surprised that someone was here. The visitors I normally had were my family and Mulder. I'd just left my mom's house and Mulder had made it clear that he had plans for this weekend that didn't include me. I stood on my tiptoes to peek out the peephole before opening the door. It was Mulder, standing there in his black leather jacket, a black sweater, and black jeans. I'd bet he even had those yummy black hiking boots on too, but I couldn't see down that far through the peephole. I stepped back in surprise. What was he doing here tonight? He knocked again and I realized that I had been standing there, thinking, instead of opening the door. "Scully, let me in," he demanded. I opened the door and stood there staring at him. I was caught off guard by his gaze. He stood there wordlessly letting his eyes linger on every part of my body and I could feel myself becoming aroused. This would not do. "Mulder, I thought you said you were going to be busy all day today," I said. He brought his eyes up and looked into mine for a few seconds before he said, "I did. I was. But I'm here now." He brushed by me and walked towards my couch. He tossed his jacket on the back of a chair as he strode away from me. "What is it? Did Skinner call? Do we have a case?" I asked as I shut and locked the door. It gave me a moment to compose myself. I needed to keep this conversation on a professional level. If I ever let myself think of Mulder in my home for a more personal reason, I might break and tell him how I really feel about him. It was that bad. My feelings for him were so raw right now. All protestations by Chan aside, he'd made it clear how he felt about our relationship. He might love me, but he was never going to act on it. I had to find some way to deal with my emotions before they exploded and ruined the best friendship I'd ever allowed myself to develop. I slowly walked into the living room to join him. XXXXX When Scully finally pulled the door open, she'd let her eyes slash down my body and back up a couple times. I knew she was checking me out, but I was too busy doing the same to her. She looked fantastic. She was wearing the blue cashmere sweater I gave her for Christmas and silky navy blue slacks that clung in just the right places. When she spoke to me, I was barely able to answer. I pushed my way past her and stripped off my jacket. I wanted to settle in before she had a chance to ask me to leave. "Did Skinner call?" she asked. "No. This isn't about work, Scully. I ..." The sound of the phone ringing was loud in her silent apartment. We both moved toward it at the same time. I grabbed her hand just as she reached to pick up the receiver. "Let it go, Scully. I need to talk to you." "Mulder?" she said with a frown. "I'm expecting a call and I need to answer this. We'll talk as soon as I'm through." "No," I said as I reached around her and pulled the phone from the wall with a jerk. I wasn't going to allow good ol' Brody to talk to her before I'd had my say. "No? NO?" she growled. "That call was important to me. What the hell do you think you're doing, Mulder?" she said incredulously. I stepped into her personal space and she moved back against the wall. I had never used my body to overpower or intimidate her before and I knew by her expression that she was surprised. She wasn't a bit afraid of me, but seemed to be paralyzed by my proximity. I pulled the phone up and wrapped the cord around the base and the answering machine. I turned and walked back to the armoire by the front door and put it on top of it. I strode into the bedroom and disconnected the extension in there and walked back through, depositing it with the other phone. I moved towards the kitchen to grab that phone but by now she was getting the picture and raced towards the kitchen, hoping to beat me there. I smiled at her as she glared at me and clutched the receiver in her hand, as if claiming her prize. I merely shook my head and picked her up and placed her on the kitchen table. The long cord of the phone stretched out across the room as we moved. I strode back to the counter and flicked the plastic latch on the base of the cord and it snaked across the kitchen to recoil into its original shape as it dangled in her hand. I pulled the phone off the wall and disconnected it. I walked back into the living room and placed it with the others. I turned to survey the room and spied her cell phone charging on the entry table. I snagged that one, turned it off and put it out of reach with the others. Scully hadn't said a word during this entire performance. I turned towards the fireplace and knelt down to start a fire. She must have removed her shoes because I didn't hear her behind me until the sharp point of a knife rested at the top of my spine. "Who are you and what do you want?" she growled. "Scully," I said as I started to turn around. "It's me." "Don't fucking move! I'm not afraid to use this knife. You're not Mulder. I've seen your kind before. Now talk or I'll kill you where you are." A thrill of excitement flushed through me. Scully believed that I was an Alien Bounty Hunter, using a Mulder disguise. I know it's sick, but I was never so turned on in my entire life. My Scully, my little skeptic, was finally a believer. "It's me, Scully," I said as I moved back against the knife just enough for it to slice my skin and let a trickle of blood appear. She jumped back and dropped the knife. "Mulder, what the hell is going on?" she gasped. "I told you before; I need to talk to you," I said as I turned and picked up the knife from the carpet before the blood could stain it. I laid it on the pile of newspapers she kept to start fires and turned back towards the fire. "Shit, Mulder, you're bleeding," she gasped. She pushed my head down and pulled the neck of my sweater away from the flow of blood that I could feel sliding down my back. She flipped the bottom of my sweater and tee shirt up over my head and forward to trap my arms. She stood there gazing at my back for a moment before rousing herself and growling, "Go sit down at the kitchen table. I'll get my first aid kit." I shook my head at her delaying tactic, but stood to obey her. When Scully was in her doctor mode it was wise to play along. I tossed my sweater and tee shirt on the chair with my jacket as I walked into the kitchen. Now I was closer to where I wanted to be before the night was over; naked with Scully. I realized that I hadn't heard Scully making any noise for several minutes and surged to my feet. The phones! I quickly walked to the armoire and checked but all the phones were still there. Curious now, I toed off my boots and socks by the front door and quietly walked towards her bedroom. I chuckled silently to myself. I was down to just my jeans now. I glanced in the bathroom as I walked down the hall and found her there. She had her medical kit in her hand and was standing in front of the mirror staring at her reflection. "A penny for your thoughts," I said. She startled and looked at me sheepishly. "They're not worth that much, Mulder," she said as she stepped aside and motioned for me to sit down on the toilet. I sat down but instead of turning sideways so that she could step behind me, I turned my back to the wall and spread my legs so that she had to step into the vee and lean close to me to see the cut on my neck. "It's probably nothing, Scully. Just slap some ointment on it and let it go," I said as I ducked my head. "Mulder, the last thing you need is another scar. I'm putting some Neosporin on it and covering it up with a bandage. I was just reading an article the other day that confirmed that covering a small scratch or scrape is more effective in keeping down the overgrowth of cells, hence scaring, than the old fashioned method of leaving it open to heal." I knew that she was nervous. Scully was babbling. She seldom babbled unless she was extremely uncomfortable personally. She usually kept her distance from people and stayed quiet until her opinion was asked. It's one of her main defense strategies. I reached out and placed my hands on her waist, letting my fingers span it completely. "You are so tiny, Scully," I said without thinking. "I don't need a reminder of my size, Mulder. I have to live with it every day," she snapped. I drew back and looked up into her eyes. "I wasn't making fun of you, Scully. Normally, I don't think about your physical size. You're so strong, so intelligent, such a forceful personality that I tend to think of you as much bigger than you are. I was just complimenting you on how slender your waist has remained." She stared back down into my eyes for a moment, looking for the truth before she said, "Thank you. Lean forward again, Mulder. I need to put this bandage in the right place. This is a waterproof Band-Aid so you should be able to shower with it on for a day or so until the cut is healed." She was back to babbling. XXXXX I stood in the bathroom, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I might have been looking at myself, but all I could see with my mind's eye was a flashback to the last few minutes with Mulder. The feel of his sweater on my fingertips, the wide expanse of golden skin over muscles and spine, and the slow flow of his blood from the knife wound kept rolling through my mind like an instant replay on a sports show. 'What the hell is Mulder up to?' I thought as I finally closed my eyes and shook off the images. How did he do this? Every time I thought that I had my emotions under control and was ready to go on with my personal life, he barged in and sent me off into a crazy tailspin again. I had to hold on to my resolve. Mulder was my partner and I loved him. I was in love with him if the truth was to be told. I didn't believe he was able to love me back, despite what Chan had said. Ergo, if I was ever going to have any kind of romantic love in my life, I had to go beyond the boundaries of our partnership and find it with someone else. There. Everything was clear as glass again. I opened my eyes and allowed my mind to wander. 'What if he was finally ready?' a little voice in the back of my mind asked. 'What will you do if he wants you?' A pain shot through my stomach. 'He hadn't been able to talk to me for over seven years. Why would he start now?' I refused to believe that our time had finally arrived. That would just be setting myself for disappointment. "A penny for your thoughts," he said. His voice was low and sexy as he stood in the doorway staring at me. He had snuck up on me again. What the hell was going on? XXXXX Scully stepped away from me and pulled a clean washcloth from the cabinet. She turned on the hot water letting it run until it was warm. She didn't look at me, but I knew that she was aware that I was staring at her by the two red spots that bloomed on her cheeks. She was embarrassed but trying not to let me know. She clearly was trying to figure out what was going on. "Got it figured out yet, Scully?" I asked casually as she stepped back between my legs to wipe the blood from my back. "No," she admitted. "Care to share?" 'Huh! Scully wants to play. Imagine that,' I thought. I lowered my head to give her better access to my back. This brought my nose up against her stomach. I inhaled and grunted my approval. It was pure Scully-scent. Was there anything better smelling in the world? She finished and tossed the washcloth into the sink. She moved to step away from me, but I was quicker. I trapped her between my legs, pulling her closer with my hands that still enveloped her waist. "Mulder?" I rubbed my nose and cheeks against her abdomen, letting her scent and the softness of her sweater envelope my senses. "You feel so good, Scully," I whispered. I slid my hands under the back edge of her sweater and caressed her back, effectively pulling her closer to me. "Mmm ... Mulder, stop," she groaned as she began to massage my scalp with her fingertips. "Don't wanna," I managed to slur. Being this close to her was intoxicating. "Mulder, this isn't appropriate behavior for the bathroom," she said, almost primly. I let my nose move up to nuzzle the undersides of her breasts. 'Ah, God, Scully,' I thought. 'I want you, please want me.' "All right," I said and stood up, sliding my body up hers as I did. The shiver that swept over her as my erection pressed against her encouraged me. I reached down and placed my hands on the backs of her thighs. I picked her up in my arms and started out of the bathroom. She struggled a little so I acted like I was going to drop her. She automatically wrapped her legs around my waist, clasped her arms around my neck and buried her face against my chest. "Mulder, what are you doing?" "I'm taking this to a more appropriate venue," I said with a smile. "Oh." I turned right instead of left out of the bathroom doorway and she jerked her head up again. "I thought you were taking me back to the living room so we could talk," she said. "I never said that, Scully. Besides, I don't want to talk," I said. "You don't?" she asked. "Nope," I said as I walked into her bedroom and stopped beside her bed. I let her slide back down my body. My hips thrust into her soft stomach as it came in contact with my cock. I leaned down and sniffed her hair before kissing her temple. "Why?" she asked as I let my lips drift down to kiss her cheek. "I always screw it up when I try to talk to you about my feelings, Scully. I'd rather show you." I nibbled the outer shell of her ear before I let my lips move down to kiss her neck. "Mulder!" she said. I could tell that she was under a great deal of strain, trying to keep her voice on an even keel. "Mulder, what are you doing? What are we doing? We should be talking." I pulled back from her. "Do you really want to talk, Scully? Or are you tired of this song and dance as much as I am?" "I don't know what you mean," she said stiffly. "Don't you, Scully? Don't you know what I want after all these years?" I growled as I began to stroke the globes of her ass through her silky slacks. She shook her head in denial, even as she began to rub her entire body against me from her breasts to upper thighs. "You want what I want, Scully," I said in between nipping, sucking kisses to her neck. "I want you, under me, naked and hot, begging me to bury my cock in you until it touches your heart." She gasped and tried to pull away, but I slid my hands up from her ass to splay across her back, under her sweater. I hoped she wasn't offended by my vulgar language. That was another reason why I didn't want to talk. I flicked the hook on her bra and kept raising my hands, dragging sweater and bra off her until I leaned back and whisked them over her head and down her arms. I tossed them to the chair in the corner, giving her a minute to adjust before I launched my next level of attack. I let her press her breasts against my chest, modestly, while I leaned down to nibble her other ear. "I want you on top of me, Scully, riding me. I want to watch your beautiful breasts sway with the rhythm of your body as you drive me crazy with the movement of your hips." I could feel her begin to shake as I found the zipper of her pants and opened it. I flicked the button open and let my hands slide inside to caress her derriere. "I've been in love with your ass for years, Scully," I groaned. "Even longer than I've been in love with you." "I want to wake up with you every day and make slow, sweet love with you. I want to go to bed with you every night and make hot, wild love with you." I slid my hands down enough to slip under her silky bikini panties. I kept pushing until they were over the globes of her ass and only the fact that her legs were pressed together held them and her slacks up. "I want to touch and kiss you all over," I said as I slid my right hand around to her mound and began to stroke through the crisp curls I found there. "Open to me, Scully. Let me feel you." She moved her legs apart slightly. As soon as she did, I slid my fingers down, angling my arm out enough to push on her clothing to let gravity take over. She was standing naked in my arms. I groaned and pushed my hand farther between her legs, moving my other hand to the middle of her back to help hold her up. "Damn, Scully, you're wet. Is this for me?" I asked as I lifted my finger up to smell then taste the proof of her arousal. "Answer me, Scully. I know you can." She lifted her face to mine and her eyes widened as I licked her taste from my fingers. She watched as if hypnotized when I brought my fingers up and let the combination of my saliva and her juices paint her lips. For a moment I thought I had gone too far. She blinked slowly and sought my eyes before continuing. I was holding my breath, scared like I've never been before, not by Tooms, not by Phaster. Not even Model caused my gut to twist like this in anticipation of her reaction. She let her lips quirk up for an instant and then the tip of her little pink tongue came out and licked her lips. I watched until she slid it back between her lips. I lost it. I dove down to kiss her, pressing my tongue against her lips, demanding entry. I clutched her to me, grinding my body against hers as tightly as possible. She startled me by opening her lips and thrusting her tongue, along with mine, deeply into my mouth. She explored every nook and cranny in my mouth with long, soulful kisses. I suckled her tongue, desperately trying to keep it in touch with mine as she moved back and turned away. I put my hands on her shoulders and drew her back to me, sliding my arms down and around her under her breasts. She was shaking, trying not to cry. "What's wrong Scully? What do you want?" XXXXX Oh my God! Mulder was going to make love to me, if I don't stop him. I had to put a stop to this. We hadn't talked about anything. I wanted to think. I wanted to sort this out. I wanted him to leave; to go away and let me cry. I needed time to rebuild my defenses. I couldn't make love with Fox Mulder. I could NOT allow myself to let him love me because ... shit, I knew there was a good reason but I couldn't remember what it was when he was kissing my neck like that. XXXXX I could feel her building up her defenses as surely as I could feel her breathing. I leaned down and began to kiss her neck again. Little sighs of pleasure escaped her lips as if against her will. I sucked on her earlobe and then moved down to the pulse point that was thrumming in double time at the base of her neck. I let my thumbs flick against her nipples and they expanded even as her areolas puckered and darkened. She pushed against my hands begging soundlessly for more even as her sweat little ass pushed against my upper thighs. She was so tiny my cock was almost up to her waist. I could feel the heat of her body through my jeans. Now I wished I'd taken the time to put on a pair of boxers under my jeans. "Mulder," she groaned. She turned in my arms and plastered her body against mine. She rubbed her face against my chest and kissed me in the exact center. I tightened my arms around her, squeezing a small, sexy grunt from her. She threw her head back, looked up into my eyes and said, "Get naked." XXXXX I have to hand it to Mulder. If he had to pick a time to listen to me and obey blindly, right now was the optimum time. "Get naked," I said and he did just that. He popped the button on his jeans and grasped the zipper. He got this sweet little grimace on his face as he began unzipping and I glanced down to see what the problem was. HolyMaryMotherofGod! There was no problem. There was the answer to my every dream. Mulder was standing there, easing his zipper down over a huge erection. I reached down and stayed his movements with my hand. I fell down on my knees and stared at him. Unimpeded by any boxers or briefs, the copper of the zipper edged the black denim that framed his swollen cock and turned it into a modern work of art. I slid my hands up along the edge of his waistband and pushed gently to make more room for his cock as I stared at him. When I was young, I thought that the sight of a boy's penis was amusing. How horrible to walk around with that sticking out, jumping to attention at the most inopportune times. Remember, I did have brothers and we usually lived in cramped base housing. As I matured, I was sure that while a man's penis was probably never going to be considered a thing of beauty, they did have a very pleasant role in a woman's life. I've finally proven myself wrong again. Mulder's penis WAS a thing of beauty. It was long, but not too long. It was thick, much thicker than average. It had a beautiful, upward curve to it and was symmetrical in its beauty. The testicles that slid into view were as elegant as the penis they were attached to. The dark, chocolate brown hair that surrounded them was just right. Not too much, not too little. Yummm. The entire package had a masculine elegance that was mesmerizing. Oh Lord, I'd been such a fool. I helped Mulder step out of the legs of his jeans and settled back on my heels, gazing for a long moment at his beauty. A mischievous thought crossed my mind and I acted out one of my favorite fantasies. I leaned forward and up on my knees. I moved my hands up and pressed them to the sides of my breasts as I rubbed them against his testicles and cock. I pressed harder and he was now imprisoned by my breasts -- not that he's trying to get away. My breasts weren't really big enough to continue this any further, but I reveled in the feeling of his skin against mine. Mulder must have liked it too because he was groaning and there was a dot of pre-cum on the end of his glans. I lowered my mouth and licked the head of his cock. Mulder's knees bobbed but he recovered and locked them in place. "Scully," he begged. I knew he wanted more. So did I. XXXXX 'Jesus, Scully, are you trying to kill me?' I thought. Her little, pink tongue was lapping and swirling over the head of my dick. I almost lost it just moments ago when she brought her breasts up and pressed them to each side of my cock, and then rubbed them up and down. Looks like I took the right approach. All these years I'd been trying to get up the nerve to talk to her and all it took was a physical display at the right time. God, I loved this woman. I reached down and grasped her upper arms. I lifted her to her feet and leaned in to kiss her again. This kiss was almost harsh, out of control. She grabbed my hair in her hands and held on for dear life. I reached down further and lifted her up to my height. My hands were grasping her little ass and I could only hope that there wasn't a lot of bruising tomorrow. She pulled away and smiled at me. "Mulder, bed." Apparently my partner lost her ability to form complex sentences when she was aroused, but still wanted to be in charge. 'Well, baby,' I thought. 'We'll see who's the top dog around here before the night is over.' I turned and laid her down on the bed. She scooted over and reclined against the pillows. She stretched sinuously, reminding me of a little cat, sleek and strong and sensual. I climbed on the bed and hovered over her, waiting until she met my eyes. I leaned over and lifted my right hand, gathering her slender wrists together and pulling them up over her head. "Keep them there, Scully or I'll have to take steps to make sure you obey," I said. I wanted to explore her, kiss and lick and suck every inch of her skin, and I knew I could hold off long enough to achieve this goal. Not, however, if she touched me. Her touch enflamed me and would drive me over the edge of my control. "Ohhhh, what are you going to do, Mulder? Tie me up? Cuff me to the headboard?" she gently taunted. Her breathing was rapid and her pupils were dilated. Scully was testing me. "Nothing so brutal, Dana," I said purposely using her first name. "After all, you grew up in a very disciplined family. What happened at home when you disobeyed?" Scully giggled up at me. "You're going to stand me in the corner, Mulder?" she said incredulously. I laughed with her. I slid my hand down to cup the right cheek of her perfect ass and said, "Surely you are not unaware of the behavior modification effects of a good, old-fashioned spanking, are you, Agent Scully?" Her breathing quickened and that sexy little tongue of hers darted out to lick her lips again. She stared up into my eyes for a moment before laughing again. "All right, Mulder. I'll play." 'I bet you will,' I thought. Surprise! Scully likes to play discipline games. 'Not tonight, Scully, but I'll definitely remember this for another time.' I caressed her cheek and gave it a playful smack before moving my arm back up and rolling back over to lower my body down on hers. God, it felt wonderful. Scully hates her height. She rarely discusses it, but once in a while she'll make a comment like she did earlier that she 'has to live with her size.' I was truthful when I said that I didn't normally notice her size. That didn't mean that I didn't notice her physical attributes. Scully was petite and not just in her height. She had the fine bone structure that went along with her height and made her absolutely, perfectly formed. I was sure she'd disagree with me on that. She'd indicated in the past that she thought her legs are too short and her boobs too small, but I didn't agree with it for a moment. I now had her naked below me and I knew without a doubt that she was absolute perfection. "Scully, you are so beautiful," I said. "Mulder," she demurred. "Any naked woman you were in bed with would seem perfect. That's your little head talking, G-man." I smiled at her, but shook my head to deny her words. "If that's right, why haven't I been with any other naked women for the last few years? Why would I want anyone else if I couldn't have the woman I ..." Whoops. Almost screwed up. "The woman you what, Mulder? Mulder?" "We're talking too much, Scully," I said just before I began to kiss her again. I loved kissing Scully. It was addictive. I'd only been at it for a little under an hour and I didn't think I ever wanted to stop. XXXXX 'Damnit, Mulder! Just as I got my brain working again, you go back to kissing me stupid,' I thought. Did he really expect me to believe he hadn't slept with any of those women that he dated? What did he mean? That was the last fully coherent sentence thought that I was able to have. Words filled my mind, but they couldn't be glued together to make sense. Words like, yes and there, and more. Oh, Lord. I was in big trouble now. He started to kiss down my body and I had a small reprieve, at least I could think right now. It was a little known fact that I am one of those women who cannot maintain her distance when she's being kissed by a man who knows what he's doing. I knew that probably sounded ridiculous given my Ice Queen reputation at work, but it was true. Melissa used to tease me about it all the time. She told me that for all my intelligence and education, I was just like any other woman. I couldn't help myself when a man I liked kissed me. She claimed that they could kiss me stupid. As I recall, we had imbibed the better portion of a gallon of cheap wine at the time she laid this jewel of wisdom on me. I'd actually had friends in the past who claimed to be able to decide menus and make out grocery lists in their heads while their boyfriend, lover, significant other made love to them. Not me. When I'd let a man close enough to be intimate with me, my entire brain disconnected when we were in bed together and my body was running the show. I think the entire Ed Jerse fiasco proved my point. Thank God his psychosis hadn't allowed him to actually have sex with me. That was a good example of why I'd never been able to date casually. There're a lot of really good kissers out there who could conceivably get me to sleep with them just by kissing me stupid. Oh, I wasn't easy, just easily aroused. I'd made some poor choices in the past. That was the reason I'd stayed away from dating co-workers during my tenure at the FBI. Well, except for the Jack Willis thing. Mulder's kisses were the best ever. His lips had been the basis of many of my fantasies for years. His oral fixation had driven me crazy for even longer. Oh Lord, he was working his way back up to my lips. XXXXX My mind was racing as I kissed Scully. Kissing Scully. I was kissing Scully and she was kissing me back, but when our lips were not engaged in kissing, she had been babbling every thought in her head. I'd kissed her stupid according to her own words. Thank God she didn't actually have sex with Ed Jerse. That had haunted me for years. I knew she was unaware that she was babbling out loud. I'd determined to go slow, do everything just right for her. I ran my fingers over her body as my lips followed. Her skin was so soft. She was perfect. Her breasts were the exact right size for her body. In fact, in proportion to the rest of her, they were lush and full and so damned perky that I couldn't quit kissing, licking, fondling and sucking them for several minutes. I could feel my arousal grind into her somewhere down by her knees and realized that I needed to continue my exploration downwards. Her body was perfect. Had I mentioned that before? Her skin glowed like a pearl and she smelled so good. I knew that this was how it would feel to love my Scully. I felt like I was going into sensory overload by the time I got to her nest of ginger curls. I'd known Scully was a real redhead since the decontamination shower we were forced to take together. I also knew the color of her hair varies with the hairdresser she visits, but essentially, she is a true redhead. I'd cut out my tongue before I'd give any of the assholes at work a clue about it. There was a betting pool going as to whether or not she was a real redhead. Hell, there was a pool for everything. There was a really big one on whether or not we were having sex. I wondered who was going to win that one if this got out. God! She smelled good. I moved lower on the bed and began to nuzzle her curls. She moved her legs further open. Ah, another thing my Scully liked. I couldn't wait to taste her. "Mulder! Don't tease me, please. I want you. Don't stop," she begged. How could I deny her anything? I slid my arms under her thighs and wrapped them around until my fingers are parting her lips. Her clit was pink and pulsing and I lowered my mouth to taste her. I was in heaven. I was lost in a haze of sensual pleasure as I licked and sucked and stroked her. I could live the rest of my life right here. I realized that I was drilling my cock against her mattress so hard that I was endangering any further activities for at least an hour or two. I eased off but kept up the tongue bath I was giving Scully. Heaven. XXXXX "Oh, that feels so good, Mulder. I love what you do with your tongue. I've fantasized about it for years now. That's it, a little to the left, ah, right there. Please don't stop, don't stop, don't ... OH GOD!" XXXXX Making love to Scully was both the easiest and the hardest thing I'd ever done. It was easy because the constant stream of thoughts she was verbalizing as I touched her let me know that I was doing something right. It was hard because, now that I had her in my arms, I didn't think I could live without this experience at least once a day for the rest of my life. By the time she had her second orgasm, I knew I needed to be in her or I was in danger of losing it and embarrassing myself like I hadn't done since I was 15. I moved up to her lips and we kissed for an eternity. She tasted like heaven. I leaned back to look at her. She was a vision. Her lips were swollen and red, her eyes glazed with passion. There was a gorgeous pink flush down her neck to her chest. Her breasts were actually quivering from the breathlessness she was still experiencing as she recovered from her last orgasm. "Mulder, I need to touch you," she whispered. I suddenly realized that she had kept her hands above her head this whole time. I slid my hand up her arm and brought her hands down, rubbing her shoulders to alleviate any discomfort she might have. Her hands tenderly stroked my face. She rubbed her thumbs over my lips as she looked deeply into my eyes, searching for answers to unspoken questions. I was swamped with emotions I had never felt before; love, need, desire, fear. I was terrified. What if this wasn't what she really wanted? What if I'd just kissed her until she couldn't stop me? "Scully ..." I said as I began to pull back. "Mulder, no! Don't you dare ask me if this is what I really want," she said fiercely. She reached down and grasped my cock and guided it to her warmth. "Now, Mulder. Love me now." I nodded in agreement and moved back over her, gently forcing her legs to open wider. I held her gaze as I slid into her. "Ah, fuck, Scully. You're so tight. Am I hurting you?" I gasped. "No," she whispered. "Just go slow like that and it will be okay." I groaned. I was going as slow as I could, but I was fighting a losing battle with my need to drive into her. I bit my lower lip, letting the pain distract me from my primal desire to thrust and conquer. She lifted her head up and let her lips ease my lower lip from between my teeth. Her tongue came out and slid over it, distracting me in an all-new way. I slid the final few inches in, our bodies were joined as if we were one. I buried my nose in the crook of her neck, resting my forehead on her pillow. I was panting so loudly, it sounded like I'd just run a marathon in record time. I was able to calm down enough that I wasn't afraid of losing control after a few moments. She was so hot and tight around me. I didn't think I'd ever felt this desperate to move before. I took a chance and lifted my torso so that I wasn't crushing her upper body, just letting my chest brush against her breasts. I felt her gaze before I found the courage to open my own eyes. She was smiling up at me. "Oh, God, Scully, I ..." I choked out. "Make love to me, Mulder. I need to feel you come inside me." That was all that I was waiting for. I began to move in long, slow strokes, making sure I ground against her clit on each downward slide. I fought for control. I needed for her to have an orgasm before I allowed my own release. "More, Mulder. I need, I need more ... harder. Oh God, that's perfect," she moaned. I could tell what she liked so I made sure I continued hitting her in just the same place, but let my hips speed up. Scully matched me stroke for stroke. She began kissing my neck and upper chest. I could feel her muscles tighten, and I reached down deep inside me and found my last shred of control. I was pounding into her, and she was meeting me with equal ferocity. My Scully was a wildcat! I could feel the quaking of her inner walls begin. I had never been so thankful in my whole life. I felt my balls tighten and knew my release was unstoppable. "Oh, Mulder. Oh, God! Uhhh ..." she screamed as her orgasm ripped through her. I joined her, letting my seed empty into her in several long strokes. I looked down at her as the last of my essence flowed into her and realized that we were no longer two people. We were one. I had no reason to hide my love from her any longer. I could see her love and acceptance shining in her eyes. Without words we had melded into a couple. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this woman and I now knew that she felt the same way. Amazing. We hadn't said a word about love, but it was there. I'd screwed up so many times when I'd tried to tell her before. Now that I knew she loved me, it suddenly seemed so easy. "I love you, Scully," I whispered. "And I love you, Mulder," she said with a smile. XXXXX Mulder rolled off me and pulled me with him. I was laying half on him, wrapped up in his arms, my thigh thrown over his. I felt sated and warm and sleepy. I knew we had to talk, but right now I just wanted to bask in the afterglow. Sex had always made me sleepy. I just needed to doze for a few minutes and then I would wake up refreshed. Most of my partners in the past were snoring like beached whales by the time I was dozing off. Why did it just seem logical that Mulder would be different? He kissed me and wanted to talk. I tried to stay awake, but he'd given me the best orgasms of my life and I was desperate for a few minutes of sleep. I knew that this was something we'd have to work on in the future. "Muller ... sleepy," I said just before conking out. I woke up about a half hour later to the feeling of a warm washcloth cleansing me. It felt wonderful. The dry towel that followed was a surprise. Tears sprang to my eyes. No one had ever taken better care of me than Mulder. Even before we were intimate he had always been there for me. Why was I surprised now? XXXXX I came back from the bathroom after putting the washcloth and towel in the hamper and saw that Scully had tears leaking out of her closed eyes. My heart fell to my feet. I felt like I was heading for a wall at ninety miles an hour, getting ready to crash and burn. "Ssscully?" I stuttered. Her eyes flashed open and I could see more tears there. I closed my eyes for a moment before I reached down and picked up my jeans. "Mulder? What the hell are you doing? Get over here!" Scully demanded. I stepped closer to the side of the bed, jeans still in my hand, waiting for her to tell me to leave. She stared up at me for a moment, with a blank expression on her face. Finally, she reached out and snagged the jeans from my hand. "What made you think I was going to let you get dressed for the rest of the weekend? Get into this bed, Mulder. We need to talk." Her words were ominous, but the grin on her face belied them. I pounced onto the bed, thankful for the reprieve. We really did have to talk -- both of us. I needed to tell her everything I felt, and I needed to hear everything she had to say. There was no way I wanted to leave this apartment until we had everything worked out between us. She obviously felt the same way. "Scully, you know how sex always makes you sleepy?" I asked. She nodded and I said, "Well, it makes me very, very hungry. Do you think I could at least put the jeans on when the pizza delivery guy gets here?" She laughed and nodded. She pointed towards the living room and said, "No one's ordering anything until you get my phones down off the armoire, Tall Guy." XXXXX I'd never eaten pizza in bed before, but I think it might be my second favorite thing to do in bed from now on. Of course, making love with Mulder was the new number one. Sleep had dropped to a far distant third. We ate pizza and drank wine and made love again, before we settled down and had the conversation we both knew we needed to have. He told me how depressed he'd been after his mother's death and finding out about Samantha's fate. He knew he had withdrawn from me, but couldn't seem to come to grips with the loss of his only living relative and the end of his quest all at once. I told him about why I had accepted a relationship with Dennis. He told me why he started dating and why he stopped. I told him about realizing that I wasn't ready to settle for Dennis and what a good friend he'd been when I told him. He told me about the death of the Arthur Dales and how profoundly he was touched by their passing. He once again told me how much he'd wanted someone to love and if he couldn't have me, he'd wanted a child of his own. I told him how devastated I was when I thought he wanted a surrogate who looked like Diana, but I loved him enough to help him anyway. He told me about Rebecca's kidnapping by Diana and her subsequent death. I told him how scared I was that he wanted a new partner when he went on the consult with Agent Wolfe. He told me how scared he was that he had damaged our partnership permanently but had agreed with Skinner to keep me out of the loop on the kidnapping. Diana was acting irrational and they both feared that any involvement by me would result in my death. He told me that he honestly didn't know when he first realized that he loved me. I told him the truth. "I've been attracted to you since the first day we met, Mulder. You were so gorgeous, so GQ. You sat there with that smirk on your face, looking like a walking wet dream. I knew I was in trouble. However, as much as I lusted for your body, I wanted to prove that you were wrong. I wasn't a spy even though I knew that what Blevins expected. I wanted to knock you on your gorgeous ass with the real truth. I wanted to force you to respect me. "You were young and so damn handsome, just the kind of man who always walked on by me and stopped at the tall, slender, stacked women who were struggling to keep up with me mentally. I was able to sidestep falling in lust with you because of your attitude. "I could avoid you when you were that young smartass, but I couldn't resist the man you became as the years wore on. All your strength, your compassion, the beauty of your soul became more and more apparent as the years marked you. You lost that boyish look and became the strong man that only pain and suffering could forge. "I couldn't resist that man. I've lusted and loved you for years, Mulder. However, I've been in love with you for only the past couple of years," I said with tears in my eyes. We made love again after that, and I was deeply surprised at the profound feeling of contentment and fulfillment that we both experienced when we were done. He told me about the conversation in the bar that drove him to finally open up to me. I told him about the call I was waiting for, a call from Ellen to set me up with a blind date. She and Dennis wanted to set me up with a man Dennis worked with. Mulder snorted and made sure I knew that wasn't going to happen. He told me that when I was ready, he wanted to look into the possibilities of our having a child through the miracles of science. I told him about my physical and that I could have children. XXXXX It took a few minutes before I could believe what she was telling me. Somehow, some way, she had been healed. Was it the chip? Was it her proximity to the African UFO? Could it have been reversed during her trip with CGB Spender? We'd probably never find out the answer, but for some reason, I really didn't care. Suddenly it hit me. "Oh my God, Scully! We've had unprotected sex all night. What if you're pregnant?" I blurted. "Then we'll have everything we've ever wanted, Mulder," she said with a smile. "Yes, everything," I agreed as I leaned in to seal the deal with a kiss. XXXXX Epilogue: Cassandra's Closet Fine Baby Apparel and Trappings Georgetown, D.C. Nine Months Later XXXXX I walked through the aisles of the third baby store Scully had dragged me into today. She was a woman on a mission. She had been put on mandatory maternity leave and needed to get the nursery in our new house finished before she went into labor. She and her mother had been doing most of this shopping, but she'd decided that there were some choices that she needed my input on. Her mother said she was nesting. Maybe the baby would be on time or even a little early. So far, all I'd done was nod my head and smile as she piled things into our cart, basket, or my arms. Whatever was closest. I was waiting for Scully to come back from the bathroom, again. I thought she spent as much time in restrooms as she did in the stores anymore. I was ambling down the aisle and happened upon the baby clothes with sport team's names on them. There was a little sleeper with the Knicks logo in the traditional orange and blue. I couldn't believe that anything this small was going to fit the baby who was nestled in Scully's body. I felt a strange wash of emotion and before I knew it, there was a tear threatening to fall. I had to show this to Scully. I looked around the store and finally spotted her shiny red hair a couple aisles over, looking at cribs. 'Please don't tell me she's changed her mind,' I thought as she stood stroking a different crib than the one we already had at home. 'Not after the hell I went through to put that thing together.' "Scully," I called. "Look at this." She was deep in thought so she didn't turn to look at the little sleeper I'd suddenly become very attached to. I walked down and around, coming up behind her. I put my hand on her far shoulder, hugged her to my side, and held the sleeper up with my other hand. "Look, Scully. Isn't this the damnedest thing?" "Excuse me?" an amused voice near my ear said. I turn my head and look down into two flashing blue eyes. Beautiful as they were, they were not Scully-blue eyes. Oops. I immediately took my hand off this strange woman's shoulder and stepped back. "Mulder?" I looked down the aisle and there came my redhead. Scully stopped and cocked her eyebrow as she stared at me practically caressing another woman. Only the fact that both of them are wearing black jackets and have their almost-identical red hair back in the same style had saved me. "Sorry," I mumbled to the amused woman beside me before I rushed to Scully's side. "Mulder?" Scully said again. "Scully, look what I found," I said. I was embarrassed by my mistake and wanted to avoid the coming conversation. She gave me a smirk and then let me off easy. "What have you got, Mulder?" I showed her the little Knicks sleeper and then led her over to the shelf with all the other sports logo items. We were standing there arguing over the validity of the team sports look of unisex baby wear versus the more traditional pastels when I saw an angry-looking man come charging down the aisle behind Scully. I automatically reached for Scully and pulled her closer to me. His expression darkened and he began walking faster. "Brody!" a voice called from the area where the cribs were displayed. "Over here, Brody." The other redhead was laughing at the look of consternation on the face of the man not ten feet from us. He slowed down and moved to step around us. I watched him gawk at Scully as he walked by. He looked up into my eyes and nodded his head in acceptance. I knew what he was doing and who he was, so I nodded back. "Mulder, do you know that man?" Scully asked. "No, not personally, but I think he just almost made the same mistake I just did," I said with a laugh. She glanced over at the couple by the cribs and her eyes widened in mirth. "How often do you think that could happen?" she whispered. "Oh, more often than you think," I replied, grateful that she'd forgotten our conversation about my impetus for making my move. I watched Scully sort through the little outfits, looking for just the perfect one for our baby. I let my mind wander and thought about a few weeks from now when the baby was born and I could hold it and rock it and feed it. We'd already discussed division of duties and though she was going to breast feed, Scully had strong opinions on the role of a baby's father in its life. I couldn't wait. She was perfect. She was mine and she was carrying our first child. I was glad she didn't know how much she owed our happiness to that younger couple. I glanced over to watch them leave. The guy was the same wise ass braggadocio I had seen in the bar the night I made Scully mine. His words had given me the strength to finally make my move. I wondered if Brody realized how much the woman with him was worth. In a few months, he and his redhead were going to be parents just like Scully and me. I looked back at Scully and smiled when she looked up at me. She and our baby she carried were my world, my everything. The two Arthur Dales were wrong. A baby wasn't the only real heritage in life. Love was the only real heritage any man or woman could leave on this earth that mattered. I hoped that this was a lesson we could teach our children and our grandchildren and if we were lucky, our great- grandchildren. Right now, I wanted to practice loving with Scully. I grabbed all three of the outfits that she had been considering and took her by her hand, and began pulling her towards the register. She stopped and pulled her hand from my grasp. She looked up into my eyes and saw the love and desire there. She nodded and started walking towards the register, pink splotches of color on her cheeks. We were both ready to go home and work on our love, our real heritage. The End