TITLE: FRACTURED SOUL AUTHOR: MULDER'S LADY E-MAIL: damacia@home.com RATING: NC-17 DISCLAIMER: They don't belong to me, wish they did. CLASSIFICATION: Angst, MT, Rape, MS married KEYWORDS: MSR, Rape and general MT, Scenes of Mulder's Sordid past, MS married SPOILERS: None FEEDBACK: Please!!! at damacia@home.com ARCHIVE: Oh please, anywhere!! SUMMARY: Mulder's wonderful life is turned upside down, when he's brutally assaulted and starts remembering his forgotten past NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: There is are a few Slightly graphic Rape scenes and scenes of child abuse, You've been warned!! Special thanks to Tigra12 for her lessons in Swahili and Somalian. ***************************************************************** Baby, lay your head on my lap one more time Tell me you belong to me Baby, say that it's all gonna be alright I believe that it isn't On the Bound By Fiona Apple ***************************************************************** After years of searching for her all I had to do was run into Ukrops and do the grocery shopping. Scully usually does that, she says I buy unnecessary stuff and forget the important stuff like milk. This time she got wise and gave me a list. Unlike most husbands, I actually don't mind doing the more domestic things in our marriage, don't tell anyone at the bureau that though. Mulder walked into Ukrops and pulled out his list, looking over it quickly. Ice cream cake? Why does she want an . . . Oh shoot! Our anniversary is tomorrow! Stupid, how can you forget your first wedding anniversary?! What am I going to get her? We got a house, she has a new car, what else could a woman want? Mulder tried to think of the perfect gift when he saw her. She's a clone, she has to be, there is no way I'm looking at my sister, calmly arranging oranges. She dropped an empty box and hissed in pain. "Cardboard cut, worse than a paper cut." She said. The same voice, Mulder looked at her hand, real blood oh my god! "Samantha?" Mulder said looking at the woman, a smile on his face. "Yes, can I help . . . you?" She would recognize him anywhere. He's grown up, but those hazel eyes were still the same, far too old for him yet fitting him so well. "Fox?" "Samantha, oh my god." He hugged his sister tightly. "I've been looking for you for years and all I had to do go grocery shopping." Samantha smiled and hugged him tighter. "Actually I just moved into town with my family." Mulder pulled away from her slightly "Family?" He looked quickly to see a wedding ring on her finger. "Yes, I've been married for about 13 years now." She pulled out a picture of them, "This is Mike, he's an air force Major. And those are my two boys 10 and 6 years old. Fox William and David Michael." "Fox William?" "I always liked your name. I missed you so much Fox." "So have I, Samantha I . . . you have to come by the house with your family. What's your address?" They exchanged addresses and phone numbers. As Samantha took his hand in hers, a flash of gold caught her eye. "You have pictures of your family Fox?" Mulder smiled and pulled out a picture of Scully. "Oh she's beautiful Fox. No kids?" Samantha asked handing him back the picture. "No, not yet. We just got married actually, our first anniversary is tomorrow." "Oh wow, waited a while?" "No, I was married before about 11 years ago, it didn't work out. I have a son by her, his name is Shae Bryant." Mulder said whipping out picture of the boy. He had dark wavy hair and his father's hazel eyes. "That's an old picture of him, his mom hasn't sent me his most recent one yet. I was a little hesitant to get married again, but Scully is totally amazing." "Scully?" "Oh Dana. Dana Scully, I call her Scully force of habit. She's also my partner at the FBI." "Oh well I need to get back to work, how about we come by tomorrow and help you two celebrate?" "Yeah that will be great Samantha. Bye." Mulder said reluctantly releasing her hand and continuing with his shopping. NEXT EVENING Mulder stretched across the couch and laid his head in Scully's lap, sighing softly. This was a perfect day, he'd been having a lot of those recently, but today took the cake. Samantha and her family, my mom, Scully's mom, her brother Charlie and his family came. Today really showed how connected we were too. I got her a beautiful 1 year of German Shepherd and she got me a beautiful 1 year old German Shepherd, that got some laughs. As I watched Charlie and Samantha's kids playing in our backyard, I ached to see my son again. I haven't seen him since he was two. His mother has sole custody and refuses to grant me visitation rights, saying I'm a danger to him. I had never harmed my son or ever would, and I didn't mean to hit her, I was drunk, and she had gotten on my last nerve. He's going to be turning 10 this year, he looks so much like me when I was his age, except for the black hair. That was one concession Sarah did give me, she would send me a new picture of him every year. Scully's so supportive of me about this. I know it hurts her for me not to be able to see my only child, the only child of mine that I'd ever have. I may get my wish this summer though, he sent me an email last week asking to see me. What am I going to say? I sent him letters for years only to have them returned, return to sender, sender unknown stamped on them. Will he wonder why I never tried to contact him? Will he blame me for breaking up his family? Will he hate me for not being a part of his life? Scully's fingers absent-mindedly play in my hair as she watches the two dogs closely. "Kaja and Moje." "What?" Mulder said awakened from his daydreams by her voice "Kaja and Moje, the dogs names." "Okay but what do they mean?" "Kaja means golden sunset and Moje means King. See how protective and territorial he is?" "Kind of like me." Scully smiled, laughing softly "Mulder?" "Yeah baby?" "Thank you. You've made me extreme happy." "Doing what?" "Being a good husband." Mulder smiled at her, male pride emitting from every pore in his body "My pleasure." 2 weeks later " I gotta go, I can't miss this autopsy today. How is it you get to stay home today?" Mulder smiled at her secretly as he handed her, her coffee mug and kissed her sweetly on the lips "Make sure you do the laundry and vacuum and . . ." "I will, I got it. I'll even make dinner, your going to be late bye." Mulder said kissing her again "Love you" "I love you too Scully." Mulder said pouring himself another cup of coffee. 3 p.m. Finished, the house is clean and the laundry done, now for dinner, Mulder thought as he looked in the fridge. Moje barked and Mulder turned to look at him. "What? You want to go outside?" The two dogs wagged their tails wildly. "Ok, Ok." Mulder said opening the deck door, leaving it slightly ajar, letting in the warm spring air. He went back to rummaging through the fridge when he heard the deck door close. Mulder stopped for a second and looked around, no one was there, dogs are still in the yard. He shrugged and opened it back up. "Kaja, Moje hurry up." He yelled to the dogs and went back to the kitchen. The dogs started barking wildly as the deck door closed again. Mulder felt a presence in the room and turned to see 3 VCS/BSU agents. Mulder's heart pounded, he heard the sound of the dogs scurrying up the deck and slamming into the glass door. "Hello Spooky." "Hey, what's up?" Mulder said nonchalantly as he closed the fridge. "Nice place you got here." "Thanks." "Mrs. Spooky home?" "Uh no." Mulder said trying to side step out of the kitchen, only to run into one of the men. Surrounded, no guns, helpless, he thought "Guess we'll just have to settle with you, though knocking her up would have been a treat." All three men charged Mulder at the same time and he fought them off as well as he could, till one of the men started to beat him with a pair of brass knuckles. Mulder quickly lost consciousness. "Hurry up Davis, I want my turn before he wakes up." "He fought us pretty good, stronger than he looks. I told you we'd need the knuckles." "Hurry up before those crazy dogs break through the glass." Mulder groaned and winced, his head pounded, his mouth tasted like blood, his chest hurt, it was hard to breathe. He opened his eyes to see the kitchen floor. He was acutely aware of something slamming in and out of his rectum, he shook his head trying to clear it. "Told you to hurry up, he's coming to." Mulder felt something warm splash into his body and the pressure in his rectum removed. "Your turn. Never would have thought Spooky was back door virgin. Man he's tight." Mulder's eyes widened when he heard two zippers, one going up and one going down. Oh god! He just . . . Mulder moved trying to get up. "Stay down Spooky, I haven't had my turn yet." "Yeah your one sweet piece of ass too." Mulder squirmed as he felt two strong hands on his butt. "Dang it! Hold him still, will ya?" "We're trying, told you he's stronger than he looks. Mitch knock him out again." Mulder felt another blow to the head just as one of the men plunged into him. Mulder cried out in pain. "Oh you like that huh? How about this? I knew you were a sissy boy who like it up the ass." Mulder felt another blow to the head. I got to fight this, I can't let them . . . "Hurry up man, those dogs have cracked the glass." "Not yet, I think Spooky should enjoy this too." The man said as he reached around to fondle Mulder's flaccid penis. Mulder tried to squirm away, buck him off, but the man smashed his head down hard on the floor and continued to stroke him. Mulder heard the pop of the cartilage in his nose, the blood and snot gushing over his lip. He tensed, trying to will his body not to react, but his body betrayed him as he began to harden it the man's hand. "There we go." Tears came out of Mulder's eyes as he came silently in the man's hand, which was quickly followed by smashing glass and the angry roar of Moje and Kaja charging in. The men scurried away and Mulder heard two go down, as the man still inside him pulled out quickly. Mulder exhaled heavily and lost consciousness again. The man zipped up his pants quickly and pulled Mulder's back up around his waist and took off, right as Moje came after him. He made it to the door and ran out of it only to run into AD Skinner. "What's going on Agent Radgers?" Skinner looked at the man who was spattered with blood, a pair of brass knuckles in his hand, and he quickly handcuffed him, and entered the house. The room smelled of blood and semen as Skinner walked in. A large German Shepherd eyed him suspiciously then continued pacing around an unconscious man lying near the coffee table. Another dog had a hold on a terrified agents neck and clamped down every time he moved. "Agent Mulder? What did you do with him?" He asked Agent Radgers viciously "In the kitchen." Skinner threw him into the living room next to the pacing dog and went to investigate. Mulder laid on his stomach, not moving in a pool of Blood and semen. He coughed up blood as Skinner turned him over gently surveying the rest of the damage as he called for an ambulance and back up. Scully checked her pager, Skinners' cell phone, hmm, Scully thought as she dialed it back. "Scully?" "Yes sir." "Scully you need to come down to GUMC immediately it's Mulder." "What happened?" "He was attacked and gang raped." He whispered the last part into the phone." "Raped?! Where?" "In your home." "Oh god, I'm on my way." "See he likes it I'm not hurting him, he's a sissy faggot boy anyway, who better to teach him how to give it up like his old man." Mulder bolted awake in a cold sweat, his breathing ragged. "Scully? Scully!!" he screamed over and over again. Where is she? I need her. "Help me Scully!!! Scully!!" His piercing screams broke through the silence of the ward as Scully's ran down to Mulder's room, followed by his doctor and two nurses. "Mulder? Mulder what's wrong? Are you okay? You're safe. I'm here." Mulder collapsed into her arms, tears rolled down his face. "Help me, save me Scully." He whispered softly as he hugged her tighter "He'll be alright soon, I think he had a bad dream." "I just wanted to explain the extent of his injuries." Scully's nodded and ruffled Mulder's hair lightly only, to have him jerk away and scream, "DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME!!" The doctor jumped and Scully backed up "Ok Mulder, I'm sorry." "Oh, I didn't mean that Scully. I'm sorry I . . . I need some sleep." "Ok baby, you sleep now okay?" Scully moved to get up and Mulder touched her arm lightly "No, don't leave, please stay." Scully nodded and sat back down. Mulder took her hand in his, squeezing it gently and placing it over his heart. "So fill me in." Scully said as Mulder drifted off to sleep. "There were no anal tears or fissures, just some bruising. We reconstructed his nose that should heal in 2 to 3 weeks. He has 2 broken fingers, some badly bruised ribs, concussion with no inter-cranial bleeding. We were able to get three different semen samples isolated, so you'll have no trouble IDing the three people who did this to him. When he feels stronger, I could have a counselor that specializes in male rape cases talk with him." "Thank you Dr. Buchanan that would be great." "We've also assigned only female nurse to work with him, since he will probably be apprehensive around men. That's why we switched from his regular doctor Dr. Tate." "That's fine." Scully said watching Mulder sleep, "Three different men. Have you run an HIV test on the men and Mulder?" "Yes the men are negative, but Mulder will have to come in for a six month check up to make sure. We've given him a post exposure inoculation for HIV, and Hep B, just in case. Agent Mulder is going to need a lot of therapy after his release if you want, I can recommend a therapist." "Yes please that would be nice Dr. Buchanan." "Call me Nickole." "Nickole. Thank you you've been extremely helpful and understanding." "I know what he's going through, unfortunately I've seen it a lot. You have my pager number if you need me Dr. Scully." Scully nodded and made herself comfortable in her chair. Later that night "No Daddy, I'm sorry please I didn't mean to!" "Shut up! Take it, Take it you little sissy punk." Mulder moaned in his sleep, he was drenched in sweat "No! I'm sorry, stop please it hurts" he cried softly "Mulder?" Scully said his voice waking her. She touched his hand gently. "No stop Please!" He's reliving his rape Scully thought as she tired to wake him. He bolted awake screaming, "No Daddy Stop!" He turned and looked at Scully, his eyes wide with fear, sweat running down his face and neck. "Mulder, it's me Scully. Your safe, I'm here." "They wanted you. They were going to rape you, but you weren't there. I'm so glad you weren't there. It would have been worse for me if it was you. Scully . . . They made me . . . I couldn't help it. They made me come, they made me enjoy it." "Mulder it's . . ." "NO! I tried to fight it, but I came. I like it Scully, I . . . " "Shh! You couldn't control that Mulder. They forced that on you like they forced themselves on you. Go back to sleep now, try to rest, you need to rest." "Who knows about this? Who at the bureau knows?" "Skinner, he found you, forensics and the internal review board, no one else I made sure of it." Mulder nodded and sighed. "Scully? I keep seeing something in my dreams. I don't know what it is, but it involves my father. I think he did something to me." "Well you told me he was less than gentle with you" "But this is different. I don't know how, I'm just getting glimpses. I thought I got all my repressed memories out with Dr Verber. What is it that was so bad that I repressed it all these years? It wasn't a single beating." "We'll figure it out Mulder, right now you need some rest. Do you want me to get the nurse to give you something so you can sleep? Mulder smiled and nodded "I love you Scully. I'm sorry I cursed at you earlier, I . . . I just don't feel comfortable being touched right now." "That's alright. I won't unless you ask me to okay?" "How are the kids?" "Kids?" "You know who I mean." Mulder teased then turning serious, "Were they hurt? I mean breaking through the glass and all?" "No Moje had a few cuts, but that's it there fine. They miss their daddy." Scully's said reaching to pet his hair, then pulling away. "It's okay Scully, you can pet my hair." Mulder said bringing her hand back to his face and kissing the palm gently. Scully lightly smoothed his hair, kissing his forehead gently. She pulled away only to be pulled down into an impassioned kiss. Mulder's tongue invaded her mouth, he tasted salty, bitter, and metallic like dried blood. I need to bring him some sunflower seeds so he can get that taste out of his mouth. I need to pull away, he's tired and confused. Scully pulled away and Mulder moved with her tightening his grip on the back of her neck. Scully tried to push away again, but Mulder wouldn't let go, deepening the kiss. Mulder felt himself hardening and smiled, pulling away leaving Scully breathless. "You okay? I'm sorry did I scare you?" "No just shocked me a little Mulder." "I'm still normal." Mulder said smiling to himself as he looked at an impressive hard on. Scully chuckled to herself, then turning serious "You're soaking wet, you need to take that off." "Yes ma'am. I think these pants are . . ." "Don't push it." Scully said getting a towel as he stripped off his shirt. Scully was taken aback slightly, she hadn't seen his bruises yet. His chest was one big bruise. He looked at her concerned "Scully? Something wrong?" "No, I just hadn't . . . never mind here." She said handing him the towel "You can do it." Mulder said softly handing it back to her. Scully smiled and gently ran the towel over his back, chest, and down his arms. Mulder closed his eyes, leaning into her touch, he felt himself getting harder. "You like that you slut bitch huh? Nothing but a whore." Mulder's eyes snapped open. Scully felt him tense and stopped till he relaxed, then dried his hair. "There, now relax ok. I'll get the nurse to bring you something to sleep. But first could you put that thing down?" Scully said pointing to his now fully erect penis. "Sorry I'll try." 2 days later Scully came on the floor and stopped at the sight. Three male nurses were dog piled onto a screaming, fighting Mulder, trying to hold him. Mulder landed a nose crunching left on one of the nurse and broke free, sprinting towards the door. When he saw her he sped to her, crumpling at her feet and holding onto her leg like a frightened child "Help me Scully. They're trying to do it again. Help!" "It's okay Mulder, they won't do it again I promise." "We got it from here Dr. Scully thanks." A young doctor said coming up to her with a needle. "Whoa who are you? What are you trying to do to him? Where is Dr. Buchanan?" "I'm Dr. Marvins, I'm the doctor in charge this weekend. This is his Darvocet shot for pain. He bolted when we came in" "All four of you came in?" "Yes." "Did you not read his chart before you walked in there?! You probably put the fear of God into him!" then turning to Mulder, " Mulder? Mulder come on get up and go to your room." The fear in his eyes tore at her heart, she could feel his pain and uncertainty and repeated softly "Mulder get up and go to you room. I'll be right there." When he started back to his room she turned back to Dr. Marvins, "You are one sadistic bastard. He was beaten and sexually assaulted by 3 of his fellow agents and you waltz in there with 3 guys that could be linebackers for the Steelers and not expect him to freak out?" "I'm sorry I thought . . ." "No you didn't think. You're new aren't you? I can tell, come here let me show you something." Scully said walking towards Mulder's room and pulling his chart out of the door. "This is a patient chart. It has vital patient information on it. On the front of Agent Mulder's chart, it has in big red letters no male staff. On the next page it explains why, on the next page it has his drug allergies on it and oh surprise Darvocet is one of them, causes a rash and swelling. Recommends Demerol usage instead. They're called patient charts, use them Dr. Marvins" The young doctor was red with embarrassment, the nurses on the floor giggled quietly as he relented. "I'm sorry Dr. Scully." His voice full of genuine disappointment, "That's okay Dr. Marvins, I'm a little upset as it is then to see him in fear of his life like that well . . . Just as long as it doesn't happen again. Where is Dr. Buchanan?" "She'll be in later to review charts." "Ok do you still want to give him some pain medicine?" "If he's still in some pain, yes." "Okay I'll see if I can keep him calm for you." Scully said brushing past him and into Mulder's room where he sat on the edge of the bed, still shaking. "Mulder honey, are you in pain?" Mulder nodded "The doctor wants to give you a shot of Demerol okay?" Mulder nodded then looked frightened when he saw the doctor. "It's okay Mulder I'm right here, your safe." Mulder nodded, his breathing ragged as the doctor gave him his shot. "There you go Agent Mulder, sorry about earlier. Dr. Buchanan has a counselor coming in this afternoon to talk with you. He's a nice guy you'll like him." Mulder smiled weakly at Dr. Marvins and leaned his head into Scully's chest. "It's okay you can touch me." Mulder said in a deep gravely whisper. Scully lightly ran her hands over his back and kissed his hair gently. Dr. Marvins backed out letting them have some privacy. He picked up Mulder's chart and read through it when, "Eric, heard you met Agent Mulder and Dr. Scully?" Eric turned to see Dr. Buchanan "Yes, I did. Got a vital lesson in chart reading too." "Yeah I heard. I'll handle him personally ok? He's a complicated case." "Yeah, oh I wouldn't interrupt there in some sort of cuddling session. He calmed down when he saw her, who is she? His girlfriend?" "His wife Eric. Always check left hand for wedding rings. So how did he look or did you even get the chance to see him?" "No I came in, he bolted." "Ok you can come in with me." She said as she walked in and observed the scene for a minute. Mulder was talking softly with Scully, her hands making comforting circles on his back as she listened, then she pulled away. "Let me see okay." She grasped his hand and looked at it. "It looks swollen, was it broken?" "No." "Well it may be now. We'll see what Nickole says okay?" Mulder nodded and put his head back on her chest. "Agent Mulder? Hey sorry about that. My son had his first T-Ball game today, couldn't miss it. You were in some pain earlier?" Mulder nodded, not looking up "His finger looks a little swollen. I think maybe he broke it when he was . . . this morning." "Okay we'll get it x-rayed right now." turning to Eric, "Tell May to come in for a hand x-ray." Then back to Mulder, " Can I see your hand Agent Mulder?" Nickole said pulling up a stool as Mulder shakily handed her his hand. Her heart ached when she saw the fear in his eyes as she grasped his hand gently. "Yeah it looks swollen, does that hurt?" She said moving it slightly, Mulder screamed "Guess so. Yeah it's broken. I'm going to get a x-ray just to confirm it. Let's see if we can get this off first." Nickole said trying to pull off his wedding ring. It wouldn't budge. "Hmm lets grease it up, see if it slips off." "No" he said quietly. "Mulder it's going to have to come off one way or the other. If it won't slip off their going to cut it off." Scully said with a slightly amused. "No." He said with more insistence. Nickole greased up his finger, trying not to hurt it even more and tried to slip the ring off. "It won't budge. We're going to have to cut it off." Mulder gasped and pulled his hand away. "Mulder, I'll get you another one just like it okay, exactly like it." Scully said seeing how upset he was getting. "No." Mulder said his voice choked with tears. Nickole came back with the ring cutters and reached for his hand. "Mulder give her your hand." "No I can't. You don't understand . . .No!" Mulder said his voice cracking with emotion. "Mulder, give her your hand." Scully said in a sterner tone. Mulder shakily returned his hand to Nickole. Nickole inched the cutters near his hand and Mulder burst into tears. "God Mulder it's just a ring! I'll get you another one." "It's not the same." "You are so emotional over little things Mulder. It's just a ring." The x-ray technician smiled as she came in. Never seen a patient put up such a fuss about a ring before, she thought especially a wedding ring. "No, it's not just a ring and you can't just get another one. It was my father's wedding ring, my grandfather's wedding ring, and his grandfather's father's wedding ring." "Well then we'll just get this one fixed. Now calm down." Nickole continued slipping the cutters under the ring "I always thought I'd be dead before I took it off." Mulder said sadly as Nickole cut it off. Scully smiled and caressed his hair lovingly, kissing it and sighing heavily. "It was even more special cause you gave it to me. You put it on my finger." Mulder said looking up at her with sad puppy dog eyes. "You won't have to be without it long ok. Just till your finger heals, by then I will have it fixed." Mulder nodded as Scully wiped his eyes. "I wish my husband cared that much about his wedding ring maybe he wouldn't lose it all the time." Mulder chuckled and sat back on the bed sighing heavily, and wiping his eyes some more. "Dr. Scully?" Dr. Marvins said "Yes?" He motioned for her to come outside. "What?" "The therapist wanted to see you. He didn't want to go in without your permission." "Oh ok." she said turning to the tall brown haired man beside her. "Hello I'm Dr. Dana Scully, Agent Mulder's wife. How are you . . ." "Dan, Daniel Walters, nice to meet you Dr. Scully. He's been on edge all day I hear?" "It's been an emotionally upsetting day for him." "Here you go, I cut it as clean as possible. I hope you can get it fixed." Nickole said handing her the pieces of ring. "Yeah thanks." then turning to Dan "He may try to mess with your head, but that's just him. He has an A.B in psychology from Oxford so he'll be difficult. He'll know what all your tricks are. Just be stubborn and he'll drop the facade." "Is that what you do?" "No mine's a natural talent, you can go in with me after the x-rays done." Later "Mulder?" "Hey Scully." Mulder said in a more jovial tone "Feeling better?" "A little, who's he?" Mulder asked eyeing Dan suspiciously. "This is Dan you're therapist while your in the hospital." "Hello Mulder how are you?" "Dan huh?" "Yes how are you doing?" "Okay." "Heard about your outburst earlier about your wedding ring." Mulder smiled and chuckled "Does everyone know about that?" "I'll leave you two alone, so you can talk." "No!" Mulder said suddenly reaching for Scully "No, stay please." "Mulder this is . . ." "No, don't leave me here." "Ok fine, but I'm asleep." Scully said laying back in the chair and closing her eyes. "No you're not." Mulder said leaning into kiss her when Scully halted him "No stalling, talk with Dan." Mulder growled playfully and smiled at her. "So what do you want to know again?" "Wedding ring." "Oh yeah, I love Scully." "And?" "That's it I promised never to take it off." "That sounded weak even to my ears Mulder." Scully said softly "I thought you were asleep." Scully snorted and smiled her eyes still closed. "The real reason?" "It's something special to me. Something I've wanted for so long and I finally had it." "It's only a ring." "I know but without it I feel naked, it's a badge of honor. At least I got a cool cast, Underdog!" He said displaying it proudly. "Mulder about the . . ." "No." "No what?" "I'm not talking about the assault." "Assault?" "Yes I was physically and sexually assaulted in my home by people I knew." "Trusted?" "I only trust Scully." "So how long you two been married?" "A year." "Just a year?" "We've know each other longer. Man I wish I could do that." Mulder said watching Scully sleep. "Do what?" "Sleep like that." "You don't?" "No I have nightmares that usually wake me." "Have you ever gotten treatment for it?" "Yes that was when I recovered the repressed image of my sisters abduction." "You found her recently." "Yes I did." "How did you feel when you found her?" "Happy, like I finally did something right for change." "Your father beat you?" "No." "Don't lie to me Mulder." "He did something besides beat me but I don't know what. I see it in my nightmares. It's trying to come out." "Do you want to . . ." "No." "Are you planning on starting family?" "He have Kaja and Moje, twins." "Different names." Scully smiled in her sleep "Do you have pictures?" "Yes any proud father would." Mulder reached in his wallet and pulled out a picture of them all together in the backyard. "The Big one is Moje and the other is Kaja." Dan chuckled to himself "There beautiful, what about human kids?" "I have a son from a previous marriage, though his mom doesn't let me see him. Scully and I aren't having any." "Why not?" Dan asked detecting disappointment in Mulder's voice. "Long story I don't feel like telling. When can I leave here?" "When your nose heals." Mulder nodded "How much longer do I have to talk to you?" "As long as you want." "Really? Then I don't want to talk anymore, except this one question. It's kinda rhetorical so you know, feel free not to answer." "Ok." "Isn't she beautiful?" Mulder said brushing a few stray strands of Scully's fiery mane away from her face as she slept. "Yes she is." Mulder smiled at Dan "Wouldn't you do anything you could to protect her, no matter what it costs you?" "Did you?" Mulder smiled again and closed his eyes. "Goodbye Dan nice meeting you, you play the game well." "This isn't a game Agent Mulder! You'll see that soon enough, your going to need to talk with me. Here is my card, call me anytime. My home number is on the back." "Thanks Dan." Mulder said taking the card and putting it on the nightstand by his bed. Mulder closed his eyes again and sighed heavily, "I did" Dan whipped around quickly at the unexpected sound of Mulder's voice "Did what?" "I did whatever it took to protect her." "What do you mean?" "They wanted her. They assaulted . . . they raped me cause she wasn't there. And I didn't fight them as hard as I could cause I knew if they didn't get what they wanted from me, they would have come back for her. I would have rather died than have that happen to her." Dan stayed silent and moved close to him "I could never tell her that. She hates it when I do stuff like that, get all protective and stuff. It's just when I see her like this, right now, content, peaceful, safe, it's hard not to want to shelter her, keep her safe. She's my world. You understand now? Do you understand why the ring was so important? It connected us, it made me feel complete. Where ever I was I felt her there with me. I . . . I'm afraid I'm going to lose her. I'm so screwed up right now, I could say or do something that would make her leave. I'd die if she left me." "Has she left you before?" "No." "Then why now?" "Everyone I love abandons me." "Dana's love is genuine like a . . ." "A mother's love? She started to hate me after Sam was taken. I was nothing but a nuisance that lost her little girl, and dad . . ." Mulder's head dipped, a tear slipped out of his eye." "If my own parents couldn't love me how can she?" Dan sat back down "Have you ever asked her?" Mulder smiled at Dan "You are good. You've gotten farther than my last therapist ever did. Do you want to hear more?" "Yes I would." "Can I tell you something?" "Of course that's what I'm here for." "I . . . They forced me to and I . . . I came, Does that mean I could be gay?" "I uh . . . I don't think so um Mulder . . ." "I've been having . . . it's like I can't control anything down there anymore. At the weirdest times or situations, it just pops up. I'm hypersensitive to any touch." "Uh Mulder, I don't think I'm equipped to talk with you about that." "Oh sorry did that make you uncomfortable?" "A little, look it's common for male rape victims to feel that way. If you want, I could get a sex therapist down to talk with you . . ." "Maybe when I'm home, not here." "Ok." "What do you want to hear?" "The rape." "I felt violated, used, but I had to take it." "Why?" "You know why." Mulder said touching Scully's hair lightly. "I'd love to have kids with her Dan, with red hair and hazel eyes or a little girl that looks just like her." "Well that's simple enough." "It would have been. Something happened to her about 5 years ago that caused hyper-ovulation. She's completely infertile. She wants to adopt, but I really wanted our own child, you know?" Dan nodded "What about your son?" "I've tried to contact him. His mother refuses to let him read my letters or talk with me on the phone. He sent me an email from school and said he wanted to see me this summer. That's something to look forward to. Are you married Dan?" "No." "I'm tired Dan, I'll see you tomorrow." 3 weeks later Mulder looked at his nose in the mirror and frowned. "The least you could have done was get it cut down Scully." "I like your nose, adds character to your bland face. Come on finish getting dressed, I want out of here." Scully said handing him a sweater to put on. "You got everything?" "Yes, your meds, Dr.'s phone numbers, therapist phone numbers, everything except your butt in the car." Mulder smiled at her and kissed her tenderly on the lips. He's improved, he still has nightmares every night, but not as intense, he seems more comfortable with people touching him, though he's still scared of other men, Scully thought as Mulder broke away. "I'm ready." "Ok lets go home." Scully could feel his eyes on her, she felt like an exhibit. No sexual activity till he's had his first therapist visit, but he's making it hard. The way he's watching me, brushing against me so I can feel his raging hard on. He's making no attempt to hide his intentions, sitting on the couch his boxers tented around his erect penis. As Scully climbed into bed, she felt him turn over. Here we go she thought as his hands started to explore tentatively. Mulder kissed her neck gently, touching her with just his fingertips. "I love you, I want you so bad. Please let me make love to you tonight. I need to feel normal, whole again. Please make me whole again." Mulder whispered as he started to kiss his way down, undoing her buttons pushing down her panties. Scully's hands moved up and down his sides lightly. No boxers? Wow he's aroused, he's shuddering under my touch. Mulder kissed her on the lips, entering her with a grunt. "Oh Scully . . . Dana I love you. You feel so good." He said as he started to thrust into her slowly. It felt different, Scully looked at Mulder confused. "I have a condom on. Only till I'm sure, I know you don't like anything between us." He said quietly, letting his fingers slide long her face and down her neck as he increased his thrusts. He closed his eyes as he continued, cataloging her ever movement, scent, and sound as he felt his release starting "No son of mine is going to be a queer!" "I'm not Dad." "You were kissing him! What next? Were you going to suck his cock too?!" A few kicks in the chest "Shut up! Stop screaming you little sissy punk! I'll teach you to be a fag. Who better than your old man to teach you. Stop squirming this is what you wanted, kissing you fag coach. This I what he wanted." A zipper goes down. "First I'm going to teach you to suck cock, then how to take it up the ass." Mulder's eyes snapped open and he pulled out of Scully quickly. "Oh no, oh god!" Mulder repeated as he curled into a tight ball. "What's wrong? What did you remember?" Scully said touching his shoulder lightly "Get off me! Don't touch me! Just stay away from me!" Scully sighed "Want me to call Dan?" "No, Scully?" "Yes?" Mulder looked up at her, the fear and hurt in his eyes worried her. "What Mulder? What's wrong sweetheart. Tell me your scaring me." "My father . . . My father raped me too Scully." Dan bolted awake when the phone rang. "Hello?" "Dan Hi it's Dana Scully, Fox Mulder's wife." "Yes, what's wrong?" "He finally found out what his repressed memory was." "What was it?" "He was raped before, by his father and he had a relationship with his male basketball coach. He was hysterical. I finally calmed him down but he needs to talk with someone." "I'll be right there." Mulder had put on a pair of long sleeve pajamas by the time Dan arrived. He was trembling slightly on the couch, sipping some hot chocolate. "Hey Mulder." "What are you doing here?" Mulder asked his voice dangerously low. Moje came and growled suspiciously at Dan. "Um Dana called me." "I told you not to." Mulder said looking back at Scully. "I know but I didn't know what to do sweetie. You scared me." Scully said leaning over him, but not touching him. Good, she's letting him initiate contact, she was right about having a knack for dealing with him. Mulder reached back and touched her face tenderly. "I'm sorry, I pushed it tonight." "Yeah but now you know. I'll leave you two alone." "No!" Mulder said reaching for Scully. "Moje's here, he won't let anyone hurt you." "No I . . ." "He feels safer with you here." Dan said softly, Mulder nodded in agreement. Scully shrugged and sat down in the couch with Mulder, who sighed relieved. "You don't mind if I get some sleep? It is 2 am." "Go ahead honey. I'll be fine now." "So what happened?" Dan asked getting comfortable. "What do you mean? My dream?" "What triggered it?" "Oh! Well um you see . . ." "Go ahead and tell him Mulder." Scully said enjoying watching him squirm. "Well I tried . . . I . . . I tried to do something I shouldn't have." "Uh huh, you tried to have sex and it triggered the memory. So what was it?" "I was 15 my basketball coach took an interest in me. I was tall lanky, a loner who's dad was obviously beating him. He became my father figure. He got a little too close though and started getting feelings for me and I was young, to me it was a new experience. So after practice one day I was waiting for my dad to pick me up, and I kissed him. It was completely innocent kiss at first then it started getting more heated when my dad walked in and saw us. He didn't say anything to me about it so I thought he didn't' see it. It was about 1 or 2 it the morning that he bust down my door and grabbed me by my hair dragging me out of bed. He yelled at me called me a fag, said his son was not going to be one. I tried to explain, but he said he saw me kiss him and what was I going to do next suck his cock, then he started to beat me. He told me to shut up, said this is what I wanted, what my coach wanted and who better than my old man to teach me to be a fag. Then he beat me some more and said he was going to teach me to suck cock then how to take it up the ass. Every time I screamed, whimpered or squirmed, I'd get beaten and kicked then he . . . He . . . had sex with me and started to stoke my cock. He made me come, then he beat me for coming, calling me a fag cause I liked it then he left." "What did your mom do?" "She said that's what I got for making him upset. But the next morning when she saw how much pain I was in, she took me to the ER. I was in the hospital for weeks. When I came out, I was scared and confused, I went to see my coach and told him everything. He really helped me through it. I was 17 when he . . . We finally . . . I let . . ." "You had sex with him?" "Yes." "Did you enjoy it?" "Yes. He was gentle and kind and made it a very loving act. Then I went to Oxford and never saw him again." Dan nodded and gave him a serious look "Now what? You're going to have to deal with these new issues. You can't suppress them they just come back out. Do you want the name of the sex therapist now?" Mulder looked at Scully who looked back at him, tears in her eyes. "I thought you were asleep." He said with a smile, "I didn't want you to know about that Scully. You don't' need to be burdened by that." "Don't shelter me Mulder. I can take care of myself." Moje leaned his big head on Mulder's leg and looked at him lovingly. Mulder petted the dog gently, smiling at him then looking back at Scully. "Yeah Dan, Give me the name and number." 2 weeks later "Hold all my calls Kevin thank you." Fox Mulder, recently gang raped by 3 of his fellow FBI agents. Has an AB in abnormal psychology from Oxford. A pariah for his belief in UFO's and alien life, just recovered the memories of his father sexually abuse of him and a consensual male lover he had in his teens. Has been married for a year to longtime partner Dr. Dana Scully. Hmm what a piece of work. A brilliant tortured soul who has a deep, unearthly devotion to his wife. Let's see what we can do. "Send in Fox Mulder please Kevin." A tall handsome man came through the door. Short chestnut hair, chameleon like hazel eyes that were wildly changing color, he had a nice mouth with a pouty bottom lip and a strong jaw. Broad shoulders, a swimmer's body most likely under the green V-neck sweater and jeans, very handsome indeed. He looks at me warily then back outside the door. "You'll be fine. I'll be right here if you need me Mulder. Go on." I heard a soft voice say. He stepped in slowly and sunk into the seat in front of my desk. "Hello Mr. Mulder, how are you?" "Okay." he said quietly almost inaudibly "Can I call you Fox?" "No." He said sharply, " I don't like to be called by my first name. Mulder, just Mulder." "Okay Mulder, you seem uncomfortable is it too hot in here or . . ." "I don't . . . I don't feel safe." "Feel safe? What would make you feel safe?" "Can my wife come and sit in?" "Well yes she can, anyone can sit in on your sessions. Why don't you feel safe with me? Do you think I'm going to hurt you?" "I don't know, you might." "My name is Kalen and I promise not to hurt you." "Can I go get my . . ." "Why do you feel safe with your wife present?" "I trust her. She wouldn't let anything happen to me. Can I go get her now?" Kalen nodded and Mulder quickly got up and ran out to get Scully. He came back in holding her hand, he looked more confident, at ease. "I'm reading." Scully said softly, sitting off in a corner putting on headphones then she stopped "Hello I'm Dr. Dana Scully, his wife." "Kalen Kelly." "Now I'm reading." She said putting on her headphones and pushing play on her CD player. Mulder sighed and turned to Kalen "Ok." "Alright Dan filled me in on your history, now what I need to know is, are you ready for some hard work?" "Yeah." "It's going to be nasty but once we work through your past and present issues we can work on future ones meaning your relationship with your wife." Mulder nodded his eyes straying to his wife who was contently reading her book and tapping her foot. " Love Her Madly" Mulder said softly. Kalen looked at him quizzically "She's listening to 'Love Her Madly' I can tell by her foot." He said with a smile. Scully looked at him and mouthed 'Pay attention', and he turned back to Kalen. "We'll work on something simple. Your relationship with your coach, was that your only male lover?" "Yes . . . well no." Scully paused the CD player and looked up. "I . . . has a . . . After I . . . Dang it I'm not gay I just . . ." "It's ok a lot of men have one or two homosexual experiences in there life time. Was it a onetime thing or a relationship?" "One time thing." "Did you enjoy it?" "Yes I did." "Did you want it to be more than a onetime thing?" "Well no, he had a girlfriend, I had a girlfriend, we were drunk it just happened." "Who was the aggressor?" "He was, though I ended up on top." "And that's the last male lover you had?" "Yes." "Uh huh." "What? Look I'm not gay! I was young. It was . . ." "Calm Down Mulder, I'm not saying your gay, just your past abuse by your father triggered the impulse. Now you describe the first encounter with your father. Was that the only encounter? Did he rape you again?" "Can we not talk about this right now?" "No this is what you're here to talk about. Did he rape you again?" Mulder's breathing increased, he started to sweat, flushing slightly "Mulder? Honey here your sweating. Its ok, he can't hurt you anymore." Scully said handing him a handkerchief to wipe his face with. "Mulder? Did He rape you again?" "Yes . . . Yes he did." "When?" "Whenever he got drunk." "How much was that?" "All the time. Mom and Dad divorced by then, but when I went to visit he'd rape me." Mulder said shaking slightly. "Look Fox . . ." "Don't call me Fox!" Mulder yelled, burying his head in his hands. "God why me? Why now? What did I do to deserve this? Everything was fine, I was happy, content then this happens." "What happened?" "I was raped by 3 VCS agents, for no other reason than the fact they didn't like me." "No wonder they call you Spooky." "Don't call me that! They called me that!" Mulder shook more, tears flooding out of his tightly closed eyes. "Who?" "The men who raped me. They called me Spooky Mulder. They wanted to know if . . ." "If what?" "If Mrs. Spooky was home. I had to, I had to let them do it." "Do what?" "I had to let them rape me or they would have come for Scully. And I wouldn't be able to live with myself if they did that. If Scully was violated, because of me." "But it's alright for you?" "Yes, I'm already messed up, what's a little more baggage?" "Mulder? Mulder? Calm down sweetheart before you have a stroke. Take deep breaths for me." Mulder did what she asked "Here wipe your eyes." "I'm so sorry Scully but I couldn't let that happen to you. Don't be mad." Mulder said with pleading teary eyes, his hand reached for hers shakily. "I won't, I'm not. I'm very proud of you Mulder. I love you so much. I will always love you. We'll get through this keep trying. We'll keep trying okay. Now you need to concentrate try and control yourself okay?" Mulder nodded, he ached to kiss her. Mulder leaned over and kissed her gently on the lips and whispered "Thank you." "No thank you Mulder, for everything you've done for me." "My pleasure." Kalen watched the exchange, his wife handled his outbursts well. Stays in control, calm even tone, soothing to him, no wonder he feels safe around her. "Ok I think that's enough for one session. I would like to see you about once a day though for some intense psychotherapy. You have serious issues to deal with Mulder before you can move on." Fractured Soul by Mulderslady Part 2 of 2 5 weeks later--Thursday 1 p.m. Airport Mulder took a deep breath as he held a sign with his son's name on it. He thought this day would never come. He was a little panicked in such a large crowd, he hadn't gone anywhere alone since the rape. He'd bought Shae a one way ticket, he didn't know how long he'd want to stay. He'll probably want to yell at him and get back on the plane. I wouldn't blame him, I should have fought for him more. His flight landed and Mulder waited, his heart pounding. Bunches of people got off, then a little boy with coal black hair walked off. He pulled something out of his pocket, looked at it then looked around. They locked eyes and the boy quickly walked up to Mulder. He was tall and lanky for his age, his black hair was wavy and curled around his ears. His dark hair was offset by his eyes, which were more green than hazel today, and a full pouty lower lip. At least he doesn't have my nose, Mulder thought as he lowered his sign. "Hi" the Boy said "Hello Shae." "You're my father, aren't you?" "Yes I am." "You've changed a lot from the picture I have of you." "Good or bad?" "Good I think. Your hair looks a lot better now." Shae said handing him the picture. Mulder chewed his bottom lip lightly as he looked at the picture. They had been in the park across the street from their old apartment building when Sarah took it. He was laughing, his hair shaggy, curling around his ears. "Yeah my hair is definitely better now Shae. You still like to be called Shae right? No nicknames or anything?" "Yes sir." "Don't call me sir. Lets get your stuff." Mulder said reaching his hand out for Shae to hold. The boy hesitated a second, then took it firmly. "Your not so bad. The way mom described you I thought you'd have fangs and horns and come out spinning a double lightsaber like Darth maul." "You haven't seen me before I've had my coffee in the morning." The House "Wow! Nice house! We live in a condo, you have a pool?" "Indoors." "Great!" Shae said hopping out of the car excitedly. Mulder smiled and grabbed his suitcase out of the trunk. "Dad, do you have a water slide on the pool?" "Yeah and a diving board." Mulder said twisting the knob. "Scully?" "Kitchen. You two have fun?" "Yeah, where are the kids?" "In back" "Kids? And whose Scully?" "We have two German Shepherds named Moje and Kaja. Scully's my wife." "My step mom you mean." "Yeah, hope you like her." "Hey sweetie, Hello Shae, I'm Dana Scully." "My stepmom I know, Hi Shae Bryant Mulder." "I didn't know what you would like so I made chocolate chip cookies and brownies that ok?" "Oh yeah, I like her already Dad." Shae said rushing into the kitchen to grab a cookie and a brownie. "How'd it go?" Scully said rubbing his arm gently "Pretty good. I didn't get too panicked in the airport. He's a pretty open minded kid considering what his mom told him about me." "Open minded? Definitely your child." Scully said kissing Mulder gently on the lips "You have a Sega Dreamcast?!" "Among other things, come on let me show you around Shae." 8 p.m. "Dad, I know you tried to stay in contact with me." "Yeah I tired." "Dad, mom's dying." "What?" Mulder said turning towards Shae more. "Mom has terminal cancer, it's metastasized. There nothing more the doctor's can do. It's tearing her apart, she wanted me to come see you cause she wants you to have custody of me when she dies." "Of course I need the . . ." "Paperwork? Brought it with me." Mulder smiled "I'm sorry about your mom Shae. I must be hard for you." "Yeah, but I'll have a new one soon. I like Dana." "So do I." Shae laughed. "I am so much like you. Mom always said that when I pissed her off, but I see what she means. Our sense of humor, my facial features. Now I know why I love sunflower seeds, and why I chew my bottom lip when I'm thinking." Mulder smiled down at Shae and ruffled his hair lovingly. "They have me in an accelerated program back in California, will they be able to continue that here?" "I don't know, I think so. I'll look into it." "What's that Dad?" Shae said touching the holster of his gun. "That's my gun son." "Cool, does Dana know you have that?" "Yeah, this one and the one on my ankle. Don't worry, she has one too, she keeps hers along her back. I know I don't have to give you the lecture on gun safety." "No you don't. Dana works with you?" "Yeah she's my partner, we've worked together for over 7 years. She's a forensic pathologist." "She cuts up dead people? Neat! I was thinking I'd like to do that or be a neurosurgeon." "What?! How about Psychology like your old Dad?" "No way, I don't need to know how crazy everyone is. Sometimes ignorance is bliss." Shae tentatively leaned into him and laid his head on his chest. Mulder put his arm around him and squeezed him gently, when the boy bolted upright. "Oh! I forgot to call mom! Excuse me." Shae said running to the phone "Mom? Hey it's me, yeah, yeah. No we just finished watching a movie. Independence day, yeah. This place is awesome, he's got an indoor pool with slide and 2 dogs and this huge backyard. Yeah a house, yes, he still works for the FBI. Guess what his wife does? No, she's a forensic pathologist, yeah I'm going to see if she'll let me observe an autopsy. No she's really nice, very pretty. She made cookies and brownies for me. Dad's nice to. He's put on more muscle, you want to speak with him? Hold on, Dad." Mulder took the phone from him "Hello Sarah." "Hello Fox, how are you? When did the FBI let you guys afford houses." "Well I've gotten a couple of pay raises since we were married, plus my dad died and left me some money." "Did Shae tell you? About the cancer?" "yes he did." "I want to come up and see you personally." "Want me to wire you a ticket?" "No thank you, I can manage. So you remarried?" "Yes." "Well I'll be there on Sunday evening, let me talk with my son." Mulder handed the phone back to Shae and went to take a shower. "I knew you were a sissy punk you liked it up the ass." "Spooky should enjoy this too." "No son of mine is going to be a fag!" "It's okay Fox, I won't hurt you, I love you." "You creep! I want a divorce!" "Stop! I'm sorry!" Mulder screamed as he bolted awake. "Mulder? Mulder, Your safe, I love you. No one's going to hurt you, what happened?" Shae came out of his bedroom and inched towards their room, carefully peeking in to see what was up. "What happened Mulder, what did you see?" "It was a bunch of different things. The attack, my dad, Sarah, my coach, there getting worse, I couldn't breath." "You had a panic attack, that's all relax. I'll get you some Hot chocolate that'll help you sleep okay?" Mulder nodded and pulled her into deep kiss. "your soaking wet too, here take those off and switch to some boxers." Shae scurried away for the door as Scully came out of the room, heading to the kitchen. He followed her quietly "What are you doing up?" Scully said sensing his presence. "I heard a scream." Shae said surprised she noticed him "Do you want some hot chocolate too?" He nodded "Does Dad have nightmares a lot?" "Yes almost every night. Some people he worked with viciously attacked him right here in the kitchen. He dreams about that and some other things that happened to him when he was younger." "does he take medicine for them?" " No, there's no medicine to cure that. He sees a therapist, it helps a little. Here you go, more chocolate?" Shae tasted it and nodded no. "Ok then off to bed." Scully said heading back to her bedroom with two mugs of hot chocolate in hand. Friday 4 p.m. Therapists office "Stay right here Shae we won't be long." Mulder said ruffling his hair and grabbing Scully's hand as he went in the office. 10 minutes later, there was a loud crash followed by angry yelling in a decidedly Mulder voice. "Don't tell me you know how it feels! You don't! You can't understand how it feels to have three mean that you work with come into your home, where you're most vulnerable and do that to you." "Do what?" "They beat me unconscious and raped me! Is that what you wanted to hear?! I dream about it every night! Their taunts, their laughter, the pain and humiliation do you think I want to! Every time I close my eyes, I either see them raping me or my father doing it, and I'm tired and I'm scared. I'm scared all the time! Yesterday was the first time I went anywhere by myself to do anything since I was raped. I almost had a panic attack before I got out of the car then in that crowd waiting, I just knew some one was going to . . ." "Mulder calm down sweetie. Sit down." He heard Scully say soothingly. Then everything returned to normal. Raped?? Guys can be raped? No wonder he always wears his gun. Mulder came out of the office looking tired and drawn. Shae smiled at him and reached for his hand. "how about some ice cream Dad?" Mulder smiled and looked at Scully. "Well I'm not cooking Mulder, Friendly's it is." Sunday evening Shae waited anxiously to see his mom. He hadn't been away from her ever, especially now since she was dying. She came off the plane, strong, beautiful, her black hair flowing behind her. She refused chemo or radiation. If it's going to kill me then I'm going with a smile and a full head of hair. "Shae B!" She said swooping him up in her arms. "I missed you buddy." "I missed you too mom." "Where's your worthless father?" "Right behind you, hello to you too Sarah." She turned and looked at him. He had filled out, his hair in a very becoming spiky style, his face was more chiseled looking, he aged well, and he was still gorgeous. "Hello Fox, nice to see you again." 'Your bags are already in the car." Mulder said walking towards the exit. 5:30 p.m. Mulder pulled up in the driveway and tried to collect himself. This is going to be torture. "Nice car, smells new." Sarah said as she got out and admired the light blue Alero. "Yeah it's my wife's, she treated herself." "And she let you drive it? Now that is trust." Mulder unlocked the door and brought in the suitcases. "I set your room up next to Shae's it has a separate bathroom." Mulder said putting her suitcases in her room and going to his to take off his shoes. When he heard Sarah scream and rushed out of the room, gun in hand, relaxing when he saw Moje. "Sorry, Moje down. Go on now. Sorry." "You going to shoot me Fox?" Sarah said sarcastically as she looked at Mulder still holding the cocked gun. He put the safety on and reholstered it. "Not yet." He said cheerfully, "Make yourself at home. Pools down those stairs, Deck, TV whatever. I'll be right back." Mulder said going back to his room and picking up the phone. Sarah listened in as he cheerfully said "Hey it's me. Fine when you . . . okay, 15 minutes? Want to go out to dinner, I was thinking, no not that Ruth Chris. Ok I'll see, tell you when you get home. I love you too, bye." He then quickly dialed another number "Hello Kalen? Sorry to call you on a Sunday. Yes, no it happened again, yeah do you think I should be . . . ok, ok. 4 p.m. tomorrow right? 5? Okay that's fine thanks bye." His Dr? What happened again? Sarah thought as she looked around the house. Nice place, rec. room, 5 bedrooms, a study, nice big eat in kitchen, family room with fireplace, formal dining room, nice sized deck, huge fenced in backyard. This is the perfect place for Shae to be when I go. I just wish it was with a more stable man. She looked at the pictures on the wall, mostly her family. An old family pic of Mulder with his parents and his sister, next to that a new pic of a young woman and her family. "Samantha and her husband and two boys." Sarah jumped slightly at his sudden appearance. "You found her?" "yeah I found her." "This your wedding picture?" She said pointing to a picture with Scully dressed in a white dress, him in a dark suit. "Yes." "Kind of informal." "Well we wanted a small wedding. We got married on the beach in the Vineyard. It wasn't big, just my mom, a few cousins and her family, no more than 50 people." "She's very beautiful, petite. What about that leggy brunette you were . . ." "Diana? Broke that off years ago. Do you have a recent picture of . . ." "Not with me." "Why didn't you let him read my letters Sarah?" "Fox, I don't' want to get into this right now. Have you looked at the paperwork?" "Yes. Why didn't you . . ." "I said I didn't want to discuss it." "If not now when? Why did you try and shut me out of his life?" Mulder said his voice more insistent. "You think I wanted him to know his father was Fox William Mulder, joke of the FBI. The man who left a brilliant profiling career to chase little green men." "Gray." "Whatever. Who left a great career to chase after his sister." "It paid off, I found her didn't I?" "Did you find your truth too while you were there? The truth you left your wife and son for?" "I never left you, you left me remember?" "No you left me years before that, burying your self in your work." "It was my job, I was basically on call all day. Profiling nearly drove me crazy, that's why I left and started working on the X-files. That's no excuse for you not letting me have any contact with my son." "You have learned to control your anger well, I see." "I've grown up, unlike some people." His pager went off. "Excuse me." He dialed the number "Mulder." "Mulder? Skinner got some good news. You won't have to testify at the trial for your assault. It starts Monday from the looks of things it will end Monday too. Concrete case, Scully there? I wanted to ask her about that autopsy." "No she hasn't . . . she just pulled up I could . . ." "No never mind. I'll ask her tomorrow. How are you doing? When you think you'll be able to come back to work?" "I don't know, 2 weeks maybe. I have to see what my doctor says. Why got some thing good for me?" "Yeah I'm sending it via Scully. I'll email you tomorrow with more. You'll definitely find it interesting." "Thanks bye sir." Mulder hung up and smiled as Scully came through with a huge box in her hands. He rushed over to help her. "I got it baby." Mulder said with a smile. Scully grabbed him gently by the ears and brought his lips to hers, engaging him in a passionate kiss. "Missed you. You need to hurry up and come back to work." Mulder smiled and carried the box to the study. "that's what Skinner said, is this the stuff he wanted me to look at?" "yep, where are the kids?" "In the back, Kaja chewed the tail off her latex dragon so I took it up." Sarah watched the interaction between them in awe. They are so connected, it's as if the only other person who existed was each other. "where we eating? Ruth Chris?" "Uh we hadn't gotten to that yet. Scully?" "what Mulder?" He grabbed her hand gently and led her where Sarah was. "Sarah Wilson this is Dana Scully." "Hello nice to meet you." Scully said reaching her hand out to Sarah to shake. "Same here." Sarah said deliberately not shaking her hand. Scully ignored it. "So is the Ruth Chris Steakhouse ok with you for dinner or would you like to eat somewhere else?" "Not that's fine." "Good I'm going to change Mulder be back." She said exiting the room quickly. "Your not working at the moment?" "No I had a work-related accident about 8 weeks ago. Hopefully the doctor lets me go back to work soon, excuse me." He said going back where Scully was. He plopped down on the bed. "Mullldddeeerrr!!! Your wrinkling my pants." "A few wrinkled wouldn't kill you Scully." "Yes they would. I'm highly allergic to them. I breakout in a rash and uncontrolled bursts of anger directed at one certain G-man with hazel eyes." Mulder rolled off the pants and smoothed them out quickly "See not wrinkled." He rolled on his back, his head hanging over the side of the bed, watching Scully dress upside-down. "This is going to be torture." "What do you mean?" "You saw how she reacted to you, we were in the throes of an argument before you came in. She is like deliberately being evil." "She's upset, she's dying, she doesn't want someone else to raise her son. I knew she was going to be jealous of me. You're her ex, of course you two aren't going to get along. Don't' stress over it." "I'll try hey Scully?" "what?" "Can we work on my homework tonight?" "Your what? Oh yeah sure you haven't started?" "No." "Well ok. Come on I'm starved." 12 am Mulder climbed into bed next to Scully, pulling the sheets over there heads. It's so weird to have to do this, Mulder thought. Scully read his thoughts and responded "Your not comfortable ejaculating any more. This is the easiest way to get used to it." Mulder sighed and turned towards Scully. "You want me to do it or you?" "She said I should do it, um can I kiss you?" "Of course you can baby." He leaned into her and kissed her hungrily on the lips. He pushed his hand down in his boxers and hesitantly grabbed his penis in hand. He pulled away from Scully and started to stroke along his length gently. Scully pulled his boxers off him and placed them between them. She placed a soft hand towel in his other hand and touched his face tenderly. She kissed him again, her fingers tracing up and down his arm, caressing every muscle. Mulder whimpered and increased the pressure of his strokes, swirling his thumb around the tip slowly. He groaned loudly, then blushed. "sorry." "don't be relax Mulder. Enjoy this." Mulder's face contorted in horror at her words 'I think Spooky should enjoy this too.' Rang in his ears "Mulder look at me, it's okay what's wrong?" "They said I should enjoy this when they . . ." "Ok I'm sorry. I didn't know I'm sorry." She kissed him sweetly on the lips. "You want me to help?" "Please." He said his eyes wet with tears "Please." He said starting to thrust into his hand. "Okay honey." She said as she placed her hand on top of his as he continued to stroke himself. "No, no I can . . . no." Mulder whimpered, his voice choked with tears as the first shudder of his impending climax started. "Mulder, look at me sweetheart. It's ok, relax. Let it go relax. Look at me." Mulder looked into her eyes and she kissed him tenderly on the neck. That was all he needed to go over the edge, he came hard and long. He rolled on his back trying to catch his breath "I love you Scully, Oh I love you, thank you." He said between breaths, caressing her hair tenderly and kissing her forehead. "I love you too Mulder." Scully said wiping him off, "Here put your boxers back on and cool off." Mulder nodded and grabbed the boxers as he headed to the bathroom to wash his face. Next day "Here Mulder I forgot last night." Mulder looked at the little box quizzically and opened it smiling broadly when he saw what was in it. "You were able to fix it!" "I told you I would. Good as new." Mulder looked at his wedding ring and put it in Scully's hand "Put it back on for me." "Mulder you are so . . . here." Scully put his wedding ring back on for him, "There." "Thank you Scully you don't know how much this means to me." "Actually I do that's why I put a rush on getting that done for you." Mulder pulled her into a deep kiss and Scully puled away. "I'm out back with Shae and the kids. Remember we need to be there by 5." "okay." Mulder said, going back to looking over the custody papers. "You know the only reason I'm doing this is cause he asked me to. He should be staying with my mom, she was more of father figure for him." Sarah said walking into the study slowly. "Only cause you wouldn't let me be. Why'd you want to come up and see me Sarah? Did you just want to take jabs at me or really talk about this? The only thing you seem to be doing is making yourself miserable." "I wanted to see where my son would be living and who he'd be living with. So far I'm not impressed, but he seems to like it here." "That's good. Look was there another reason . . ." "No so where did you find Dana? She seems a little high class for you." "She's my partner" "Isn't that against the rules?" 'No." "she seems nice, where are you two going at 5?" "I have an appointment with my doctor." "Why do you both need to go?" "Cause I want my wife to come with me is that okay with you?" "Yes I just wanted to know. Here is a copy of my will. All my assets will be liquidated and put into a trust for Shae. My mom will make sure of all the arrangements all you have to do is attend the funeral, and take him home. Oh one more thing." "What?" "On the last page, you need to have a psyche exam." "Ok." "I thought I'd get a fight on that one." "No it's a reasonable request. Look Sarah." Sarah turned back and looked at Mulder "I'm really and truly sorry about your cancer. I know what . . . I know how helpless you feel. It's not your fault, you shouldn't spend your last few months in pain and alone." "how do you know what I'm going through? I'M DYING FOX! Some one else is going to be a mother to my son. That hurts more than anything not being able to see him grow up. How do you know what that's like?" "Cause I had to go through this before with Scully." "Huh? She looks okay, she has cancer?" " No, it's in remission. She had brain cancer, it almost killed her." Sarah sat there a second, dumbfounded "She's been in remission for over 2 years now. Maybe it would help if you talked with her about it." Mulder said sincerely, then he went back to going through the paperwork. "Thanks I'll think about it Fox." 5p.m. Therapy " I need a psyche evaluation on this custody form." Mulder said handing it to Kalen "Hmm well your basically dealing well. I'm going to put that your seeing a therapist to deal with a sexual assault though, but that shouldn't hinder your getting custody." "I hope not. I've been separated from him too long." "So how'd your homework go?" "Umm well it was okay. I . . ." "What happened?" "I kept hearing them what they said during my rape." "But you did ejaculate didn't you? Finish to the end?" Mulder blushed wildly "Yes." "And did you enjoy it?" "Well . . . um . . .yes." "Did you do it or did Scully?" "I did though when I started to wig out she helped." "Ok so your doing a little better then, did you have any nightmares last night?" "No, I was kind of tired. I fell right to sleep." "Why is this embarrassing you?" "Well gee I mean your talking about it like it's nothing. I mean this is my sex life, well it's just embarrassing." "Well your going to have to get used to it. You're going to have to report your progress every session. Now about your panic attacks." "Yeah whenever I go some where either alone or with Scully. When I'm around people I don't know I start breathing hard, sweating, my heart feels like its going to burst." "Yeah that sounds like a panic attack, what do you do about them?" "I just try to take deep breaths. That used to work, but they've been getting worse lately, taking longer for me to calm down." "Ok I'm going to give you a low dose of Zoloft, it's along the lines of Paxil and it should help lessen your attacks." "I hope so or I'll never get back to work, speaking of which . . ." "Two more weeks Mulder, don't rush yourself" "I'm going stir crazy." "Well you have your son here." "Yeah but he's going back with his mom the end of the week. A whole week by myself, I don't know if . . ." "You going to have to do it some time Mulder. You have to start feeling comfortable by yourself in your home again. Now here's a new assignment I want you to try with your homework." 2 months later--12a.m. Mulder climbed into bed and kissed her neck gently. "Hey" "Hey baby good night." "You're not going to . . ." "Hmm? Oh your homework sorry Mulder sure I'll help." She turned towards him "I love you." He whispered as he took off his boxers and wrapped his hand around his length. Scully smiled and kissed him lovingly on the lips. Mulder hummed into her mouth as he stroked his painfully hard penis. Scully' s hands traveled lightly over his entire body, as their kiss grew more passionate. Mulder came loudly and smiled at Scully mischievously. He placed his one hand under her nightgown on her breast and let it travel lightly down her body to her entrance and stopped "Your wet Scully let me take care of that for you." Mulder said playfully rolling her on her back and attacking her neck with his lips, as two fingers dipped into her. Scully gasped at the contact. God it had been so long since he'd been inside her. She missed him so much. It didn't take long for her to come and Mulder smiled, kissing her gently on her neck and removing his hand from her. He brought his wet fingers to his mouth and licked them. "God, You taste good, I almost forgot how good you taste." He said, bringing his fingers to her lips, letting her taste herself. The taste mixed with Mulder was so sweet. He pulled his fingers away and put them in his mouth, licking them clean then he captured her lips with his. "I love you Scully." "I love you Mulder, thank you. You don't know how much I've missed that." "Missed what?" "Having you inside me." "Don't worry it won't be for much longer." 4 months later 12 am Mulder climbed into bed and kissed her neck gently. "Hey" "Hey baby good night." "You're not going to . . ." "Hmm? Oh your homework sorry Mulder sure I'll help." She turned towards him "I love you." He whispered as he took off his boxers and wrapped his hand around his length. Scully smiled and kissed him longingly on the lips. Mulder hummed into her mouth as he stroked his painfully hard penis. Scully' s hands traveled lightly over his entire body, as their kiss grew more passionate. Scully placed his free hand under her nightgown on her breast. His hand traveled lightly down her body to her entrance and stopped "Your wet Scully let me take care of that for you." Mulder said playfully rolling her on her back and attacking her neck with his lips as he entered her quickly. Scully gasped with surprise. "Mulder! Are you sure?" Mulder's eyes were closed, his head thrown back, ecstasy written on his face as he let loose a guttural moan. Yeah he's sure, Scully thought as she kissed him gently under the chin and enjoyed the long missed feeling of being filled with Mulder. "Dana, oh Dana Oh Scully." Mulder whispered softly as he came in a rush followed quickly by Scully. Mulder collapsed on her heavily. "Oops sorry." He said rolling off her. "Are you okay baby?" Mulder asked gently petting her hair "I love you so much Mulder, thank you. I missed you." "Yeah your fine. It was my pleasure." Mulder said with a chuckle, as she cuddled into his side. Finally he felt normal, like himself, like he had his life back and he had the world in his arms, content and happy.