TITLE: Memories In Future Tense AUTHOR: Annette Gisby EMAIL: annette.gisby@which.net or penguin2@cableinet.co.uk RATING: NC-17 MSR. Angst SUMMARY: Mulder has returned MEMORIES IN FUTURE TENSE He couldn't sleep, but then that was nothing new, but ever since his return, he found it more and more difficult to get any sort of rest. His brain was in hyper mode, he just couldn't switch off. It wasn't that Scully's couch was uncomfortable, it was very soft, the cushions just right, but no matter which way he moved, he just couldn't sleep. He didn't want to turn on the television in case the noise woke Scully. She'd been looking tired lately, no doubt worried about him all the time he'd been missing. If she'd felt anything like how he felt when she'd been gone, he knew it would not have been pleasant. He needed to do something, anything, rather than stare at the ceiling all night. The coffee table in front of the sofa was littered with the files from their latest finished case. It hadn't really been an X-file, just some boys playing pranks, but Mulder sensed that Skinner didn't want him exerting himself running down aliens just yet. He could finish off the paperwork and surprise Scully with a rare weekend without having to do all his filing. She never complained about it, but he thought it would be a nice gesture for her. Whistling softly to himself, he began to sort the files in some semblance of order, starting with the witness reports. He put them to one side and then began on the photos and expense reports. As he lifted the expenses folder, a small book fell out and landed on the table with a soft thud. On a label stuck to the front cover was Scully's neat handwriting. "Field Notes: Case X-2571", the case they'd just finished. He hadn't realised that Scully wrote her reports in longhand before transferring them to the computer. But what an excellent way to surprise her. He could type in her notes and she could have a well earned rest. He took the book over to the desk and booted up her laptop, but he didn't turn on any lamps. The glow from the screen was bright enough for him to read the book and he opened the first page. After reading the first line, he knew he should have stopped reading, but he didn't, he couldn't. It was obvious after the first line that this book was nothing to do with a case. It was Scully's journal. None of the entries were dated, but he could almost guess from each entry, when they'd been written, because it was all about him. ---"I dream about him every night, nightmares of what they might be doing to him, how they might be hurting him. I wished they'd taken me instead, so that he won't have to suffer. He's suffered enough already, I'm afraid of what he'll be like when he does come back. But most of all I'm afraid that he'll never come back." Mulder read through numerous entries like that one, all about her worries and fears for his safety, until he came to the entry about his return. ---"Mulder's back. I cried when Skinner told me, great oceans of tears that just wouldn't stop until I'd seen him for myself. He seems to be okay physically, but he has no memory of the abduction and what happened to him during it and no memory of the month before it. He doesn't remember us and I don't know how much longer I can bear it. To see him and not be able to touch him. To him, I'm just the same old Scully, nothing different. But everything is different now, why can't he see it?" Mulder read on, feeling like a voyeur, but still unable to put the book down. Did Scully mean what he thought she meant? ---"How can he not remember? How can he not know? Can't he see it in my eyes every time he looks at me? The way I feel about him. I want to tell him, but the doctors want him to try and regain him memory on his own, so I have to bit my tongue when all I want to do is blurt out to him that I love him, and he loved me once." Mulder's heart skipped a beat as he read on. ---"Every time he touches me, it's like I'm on fire, whether it's his hand on the small of my back or a chaste kiss on the forehead. I don't want chaste kisses. I want him to devour me, I want him to kiss me all over, every part of me. Just a look from him gets me so hot that I can hardly bear to be in the same room with him. Why hasn't he noticed? He doesn't remember that before he was taken, we were much more than partners and friends? How can I tell him, when he doesn't even remember that we made love?" Mulder turned the pages, feeling a slight stiffening in his groin which he tried to ignore. They'd been a couple? They'd been lovers? For how long? It was something he'd always wished for, hoped for, but he didn't remember anything like that actually happening. ---"I don't know how much more of this I can take. Just being with him all day, I'm in a constant state of arousal. I have to take spare underwear to work because I get so wet just thinking about him." Mulder's eyes almost popped out of his head on reading that. His erection was straining against his boxer shorts and he took a deep breath before reading on. ---"I promise myself that as soon as I get in, either home, or in whatever motel we find ourselves in, I'll have a nice long soak in the tub to relax, but it never works. As soon as I'm in the water, my hand is between my legs and I come so hard I almost black out. It isn't much of a release, though, because I'm always disappointed that Mulder isn't there. I want it to be him caressing me, I need it to be him. I have to tell him soon, but how, when he doesn't remember?" Mulder closed the book, but the image of Scully pleasuring herself while she thought of him refused to leave his brain. He'd had no idea she felt like that. How could he not have noticed? Was he so worried about his memory loss, that he couldn't see what was right in front of him the whole time? He padded to Scully's door and pushed it slightly. The blind was down, but he could see enough from the filtered light from outside. Scully lay on her back, her right arm across her middle, the left one flung out across the other side of the bed. As he watched, her left hand began to move, as if she was searching for something. It was a hot night and Scully had forgone her usual pyjamas for a light cotton nightie with spaghetti straps. She turned over and Mulder was treated to a view of her shapely leg as she threw it over the covers, the nightie bunched up around her hips. Mulder stood by the door holding his breath. Should he wake her? And say what? That he's just finished reading her journal and he was aroused by it, so how about it? Scully moaned in her sleep and Mulder's cock jerked. He watched as, still sleeping, Scully's right hand found its way between her legs and began to rub softly. He could hear her breathing heavily and he wondered if she was dreaming about him. He moved closer to the bed, watching her face, but as he moved one of the floorboards creaked. Scully's eyes flew open and she reached for the gun on her nightstand. "It's me, Scully," he said loudly. "Mulder? What is it?" her voice sounded husky, desirable. God, he wanted her. Wanted her like he'd never wanted anything in his life before. "I couldn't sleep." It came out almost like a squeak. "So you decided to wake me up as well?" she smiled at him and patted the bed beside her. Mulder stood where he was. If he moved any closer she would see the reason why he couldn't sleep. "Mulder?" "I was going type your report, Scully, but it wasn't a report. I thought it was, but even after I knew it wasn't, I kept on reading. I shouldn't have read it Scully, but I couldn't seem to stop myself." "So now you know," her breath hitched as though she was about to cry and Mulder felt an even worse heel than before. "Scully, I'm sorry I read it. I don't know what else to say." Scully sat up on the bed, wiping her eyes with the heel of her hand. "Oh, Mulder, I'm not upset about that. In a way, I'm glad you read it, so now you know how I feel. I'm upset that you don't remember us." In two strides, he was on the bed and hugging her. "Scully, I don't remember, but I do know what I feel about you. I love you Scully, I've always loved you. And reading that journal tonight, I know that you love me too." "You read -- everything?" he could imagine her blush, although in the darkness he couldn't see it. "Everything, Scully." He pushed her onto her back, lying down beside her and caressing her cheek. It was soft, velvety. She sighed at his touch and closed her eyes. "When you woke me, I was having a dream," said Scully. "About you." "Was I touching you?" "Oh, yes," she moaned and turned over to face him. "Make love to me, Mulder. Please. I want to feel you inside me." "Are you sure about this, Scully?" "I've never been more sure of anything. Unless you don't want to?" Mulder took her hand and placed it on his crotch. "Oh, I want to." He pushed her onto her back again and kissed her fiercely, a clashing of mouths and tongue and teeth. She moaned and arched up to meet him. Mulder pushed the straps away from her shoulders and caressed each breast in turn. The nipples hardened instantly and he was surprised how large her breasts seemed in his hands. Were they always so big? He bent his head down, kissing her jaw, her neck before finally giving in and suckling her left breast. Scully squirmed like a wildcat beneath him, cradling his head, holding him there. "Oh, God!" she squealed in his ear. "Oh, Mulder, please," she begged. He moved his hand lower, across the curve of her abdomen until he reached the top of her underwear. One hand slid inside to the curls, she was wet and ready for him. "Now, Mulder, I want you inside me!" He didn't need a second invitation, and quickly divested himself of his boxers, leaving them on the floor. He scooted to the edge of the bed and pulled down Scully's panties, at the same time kissing her leg all the way down to her ankles, and then all the way back up to her groin. He placed a kiss on the triangle of soft curls at the apex of her thighs and she almost bucked off the bed completely. Mulder didn't think either of them would be long and he made his way to the top of the bed again. He kissed her long and deep, before he felt Scully's hand guiding him inside her. "Oh, God, yes!" said Scully with a profound sigh, which sounded like relief. He moved slowly, but Scully was having none of that, she put both her legs around him and pulled. He had no choice but to go with her rhythm. The sensation was almost unbearable and he could feel himself losing it, but Scully didn't seem to be coming yet. He tried to hold on, but it was no use, a combination of not having been with a woman for so long and just the fact that he was inside Scully did for him and he came suddenly and violently inside her, his heart hammering against his chest. "Oh, Scully, I'm so sorry." "Don't worry about it, Mulder." But he did worry about it, that was just him. He rolled over onto his side and kissed her. Somehow his hand found its way between Scully's legs and he placed a finger inside her, then two. She groaned into his mouth and ground her hips against his hand. He could feel the muscles contracting against his hand, with every contraction of Scully's his cock gave a little twitch of its own. Suddenly her legs tensed and she pulled away from his kiss, wailing like a banshee. "OHHHH! OHHHH! YES! OH, GOD!" Mulder held her while she seemed to have one orgasm after another, he thought there were about three in all. It was a while before the spasms subsided, and he cradled her in his arms until they did. "God, Scully, I don't think I've ever seen you come this hard before." "What did you say?" He was about to repeat the sentence, when he realised that he could remember their last time together. Just before he was abducted, Scully hadn't been feeling too well and came into his room. She would have come in anyway, but they'd always booked two rooms in case anyone in the bureau should find out about them. She'd felt better after a nap, and they had made love well into the night. "I remember, Scully. I remember us." She cried then, flinging herself into his arms and laying her head on his shoulder. He stroked her hair, trying to soothe her, but she suddenly pulled away from him and held her abdomen, as if in pain. "Scully? What is it? What's wrong?" "Nothing's wrong, Mulder. Here," she took his hand and placed it on her tummy. "There did you feel it?" "Scully? What's going on?" He felt something, a fluttering against Scully's tummy, a slightly rounder tummy than what he remembered. "The baby, Mulder. That was the first time it kicked. It was waiting until its daddy came home." THE END Feedback lovingly collected at penguin2@cableinet.co.uk