TITLE: "What I Really Wanted."
AUTHOR: Yonada
EMAIL ADDRESS: yonada@hotmail.com
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Post or Archive wherever just keep my name with it. 
SPOILER WARNING: none
RATING: NC-17 definitely
CONTENT WARNING: Sex lovingly described between our two, favorite
characters.
There is some angst, not a lot, If you are under 18 don't read this.
CLASSIFICATION: S, R, MSR, angst some Scully/Other but nothing to worry
about. SUMMARY: Scully goes on a date and Mulder hates it, but that OK
because so does she. Note: I wrote this a while back. I would have to
say the time line would be before season 4.
LEGAL STUFF: The X-Files, Fox Mulder, Dana Scully belong to Chris
Carter and 1013 Productions. I am only borrowing them once in a while.

********************************************

Washington DC
J Edgar Hoover Building
17:00
Mulder pushed the door to the men's room open and started in. He
stopped when he heard Scully's name mentioned.
"If anybody can get that little bitch Scully, it's Dawson." Agent
Barrows was saying.
"That might be true but, I can't figure out why he would want to." Agent
Samuels commented.
"The minuet he heard her name he got real interested said he `had heard
all about her from a friend of his at the Quantico'. He said he was
going to have the 'Ice Queen'. You know how he is? always likes a
challenge."
The other man nodded. "I wonder what he had to say to get her to agree
to go."
"I think it was right after she had one of those fights with Spooky...
you know, get 'em while their down?" he laughed.
"Those two deserve each other if you ask me." Samuels answered. His
dislike for the two agents showing on his face.
Mulder felt his blood run cold. They were talking about Scully with
Brad Dawson. The thought make him sick. He had heard the
stories about Quantico, and about Jack... Jack the son of a bitch that
had hurt her so much. Dawson...
"Mulder know about it?" Samuels asked, laughing.
"Spooky? Who do you know that would tell him? Anyway what's he going to
do about it they already left."
"Yeah. Who would be stupid enough to tell Spooky?"
Mulder stepped around the corner.
"Guess your the lucky winner of the stupid enough to tell Spooky
contest." He spoke so softly they barely heard him.
Both agents froze, staring at him.
"Now that you've won the contest you get to 'tell Spooky' what's going
on?" He said, trying to contain the urge to kill both of them.
"I don't see it's any of your concern Mulder." Samuels said, trying to
get past Mulder. Mulder pushed him back into the room.
"She's my partner and that makes it my concern."
His eyes turned to cold steel. Making them both nervous. Everybody knew
he was a little over the edge where his partner was concerned. Like the
way he had been when she disappeared that time.
"She's your partner not your wife unless there's more going on down in
the basement than we know about...?" Barrows said laughing, hoping to
disperse things before Mulder killed them.
"It's just a little joke that's all..." Samuels said, edging toward the
door again.
"Yeah? Well I'm not sure I get the joke. Where did they go?" Still
the tightly controlled voice.
"I don't know Mulder. She's a big girl, she went on her own. It's not
like he dragged her out of here kicking and screaming." Samuels
replied.
"Yeah." Barrows said. "Look Mulder, it's her business; she went didn't
she? He asked her out and she went." He moved away from Mulder and
toward the door. "What's the big deal?"
"Maybe she likes him. You can't keep her locked in the basement all the
time. If she didn't like him why'd she go? I have to get
going. See you around."
With that he got out the door quick as he could.
"Yeah I have to get going too. Take it easy Mulder."
He followed the other agent out leaving Mulder standing alone trying to
sort out what he should do. They were right it was Scully's life if she
wanted Dawson he had no right to stop her, but it was a set up and she
had the right to know. She needed to know that he had been telling all
the guys, then if she still wanted to be with him ... She couldn't
really want that slime could she? He pulled out his cell phone and
punched in her number. It rang over to her voice mail. Damn it. Damn it
he hated it when she turned off her phone.
Washington DC
Dana Scully's apartment
21:30
Mulder had gone home, tried Scully's phone several dozen times not
getting her; finally becoming more angry and frustrated, he decided to
go to her apartment and wait for her. After all, even if she did want
Dawson; he had told a lot of people and it was a set up... That was the
only reason he cared, right?
Mulder had spent the past hour going back and forth between anger at
Scully for going and worry that Dawson would hurt her. He knew she
could take care of herself; if Dawson tried to force anything he would
prefer death to what she would do to him, but he worried anyway. If he
couldn't be there to help her, he worried.
Now he sat in her apartment waiting for her to get home. What he was
going to say to her when she got here he had no idea, but he had to know
that she got home. That she was all right that was all it was. Wasn't
it...?
Washington DC
Street in front of Fox Mulder's apartment 22:00
"Damn." She pounded the steering wheel. "Damn." What a messed up night
and what the hell was she doing sitting in front of Mulder's apartment?
Tears threatened again. He wasn't home. He probably had a normal date.
"I am not an 'Ice Queen,' " she said, softly, "I'm not. Damn it Mulder
why aren't you home?"
She wasn't sure what had motivated her to say
yes when Brad asked her out. One of those moments when the desire to do
something completely different and unexpected, something you just
normally would never do, takes over... or maybe it was the desire to do
something completely normal, like go on a date.
She sighed, starting the car again and heading for home. Where was he?
It was probably just as well he wasn't home; what would she say anyway?
Washington DC
Sailing Marina
17:30
"This is a beautiful boat." Scully said, "I haven't been sailing in a
long time. I used to go with my father a lot." The thought of Ahab
brought a little stab of emptiness. She still missed her father.
"So, you know how to sail?" He said, smiling "Good you can help out."
The sailing was fun. It felt great to be out on the water again. I
should really get Mulder to do this some weekend, she thought to
herself. No. I'm not going to think about Mulder. I always do that, I
go out on a date and then compare him to Mulder. She tried to remember
when she had last been out on a date. Sometime before the last ice age,
she thought, smiling to herself.
After a while he dropped the sails letting the boat drift. He went into
the cabin and came back with a bottle of champaign and two glasses.
"Champaign?" he asked, sitting down next to her and filling the
glasses.
"Sure. Thanks." She took the glass and sipped the wine. "This is very
good."
"Drink up there's plenty more where that came from."
She doesn't seem too weird so far he thought to himself. Still not sure
why it was so important that he take her to bed, but if that's what
'they' wanted him to do, that's what he would do. It wasn't as though
she was unattractive.
They sat for a while sipping the champagne and watching the clouds drift
into sunset. Scully had several glasses and was starting to feel the
effects. She leaned back as he slid his arm around her; his mouth found
hers and he kissed her. She returned the kiss. It felt
nice to be wanted. To have someone find her attractive. His hand moved
down to her breasts lightly touching her through her shirt. She
responded lazily her arms twined around his neck. She was enjoying the
feel of Mulder holding her and kissing her. Those intense hazel eyes
locked into hers. His hands... < wait! stop! this isn't Mulder! >
The shock of her fantasy sent her sitting up with a start; knocking Brad
down on the deck.
"What the hell." He yelped, "What are you doing?"
For just a second real anger flared in his eyes and then it faded.
Scully was embarrassed. Had she really thrown him on the floor? "I'm
sorry Brad.... I... "
Dawson reached up and pulled her down onto the deck with him; laughing,
he pulled her to him and kissed her again.
Scully tried to relax into the kiss meeting his tongue with hers. His
hands moved over her body. His mouth moved down to her nipple biting
lightly, as his hand slid up her leg. She moaned at his touch. Once
again enjoying the way Mulder was touching her. Mulder's lean body
moving over hers....< No! Not Mulder, Brad! > She sat up with a start
pushing him away. "Shit. Damn it!"
"What the hell is the matter with you Dana?" Dawson asked, trying to
hide his irritation. She really was one crazy little bitch. Now he knew
where the stories came from.
"I...I'm sorry Brad I don't know what's the matter with me." < Damn it
Mulder get out of my head, > she thought.
Brad moved on top of her.
"Now where were we?" he smiled down at her. His body pinning her to the
deck; he kissed her again, determined to finish what he started.
Scully, determined to finish what they started, responded to his kiss
and relaxed into his touch. He slid his hand under her dress and up her
legs.
Scully sighed and relaxed at Mulder's touch. He felt so good.
Somewhere in the far reaches of her mind she knew this wasn't Mulder
but, maybe she could just relax and pretend it was; what would be so
wrong with that? It was as close to being with him as she would ever
get. Just relax and pretend. Mulder's face drifted in her mind; the
hazel eyes burning into hers. She sighed and opened her eyes to meet
his, to look into those hazel
eyes was know his every thought, their own silent form of communication,
but the eyes were brown not hazel and...
< This is not Mulder > her mind screamed once again. Her body froze.
She tried another thought. This is Brad, now relax and enjoy Brad
touching you, she told herself.
He felt her freeze up again, but he decided he was just going to ignore
it. She was just a crazy bitch and he really didn't care. This was
going to happen. It had to. "They" wanted it to.
Scully tried to relax into the kissing and touching. Reminding herself
that it was Brad. His mouth closed over hers again and she found the
kiss repulsive, his touch was starting to turn her off. She just really
wanted him off of her, she wanted to go home. She wanted to find Mulder
and tell him ... tell him what? What the hell is the matter with me?
Damn it, I can't keep Mulder in my brain and I can't get him out of it
either? He's my partner; we could never do this and, this is just not
working. She couldn't get interested in sex, with Brad, without
pretending it was Mulder. Pretending it was Mulder wasn't working
either because, her mind kept reminding her that it was not Mulder.
This is just too weird. Why do I keep thinking about sex with Mulder.
He's my partner.... I have to stop this now and go home. She tried to
push Dawson off of her. He wasn't moving. Scully was starting to get
irritated. Turning her head she broke free of his mouth.
"Brad." She tried. "Brad stop." She tried to push him off again.
"Just relax Dana" he said in her ear. "Your going to like this I
promise.
"No! Brad! I said stop it." She pushed at him again. "Stop! Now!"
She shoved him with all her weight behind her and succeeded in moving
him mostly off of her, but he wouldn't let go.
"No you don't you little bitch. I've had more than enough of your
games. You want it, you know you want it and believe me you are going
to get it!" He said, not hiding the anger in his voice.
"Let me up now Brad" Scully was angry. "This is not going to happen.
Believe me!" he didn't know the tone in her voice or he would have let
her go.
She almost got up when he grabbed her arm and pulled her back down.
"You are really one crazy little bitch. One minute hot, the next cold,
but I heard about
that. You see your reputation proceeds you. Jack said that's how you
like it, pretending to be forced, but it's no wonder he called you the
'Ice Queen'. He said you were frigid too, but you know I didn't
believe him and I still don't. I just think you like to play games.
It's what you get off on isn't it. That doesn't matter though because
I'm going to have you. I'm sure as hell not going back and tell anybody
that the 'ice queen' turned me down. So you may as well relax and enjoy
it. Scully." The last said in an attempt to imitate Mulder.
Scully stared at him stunned for a few seconds until the full impact of
what he said sank in. He had asked her out to prove he could have the
'Ice Queen'. Anger raged in her mind. Jack still coming back to haunt
her after all this time. No, not again. Not this time.
Brad had pulled her back down and was lying half on top of her holding
her wrists so she couldn't get up.
"Okay, Brad what ever you want." she whimpered softly. "Just don't
hurt me, please don't hurt me."
She looked up at him; frightened. He didn't know her well enough to
know better.
Scully was way to angry to feel fear. After everything she had been
through in the X-Files this was relatively normal. He was a normal
human male. That should be easy enough to handle.
"That's more like it. You be a good girl and you can go home to Spooky
real soon." He laughed "Wonder what the Spookster would think if he
knew I fucked his precious little Scully. Think he'd like that? " He
taunted her; laughing at her weakness. "Tell me, are you this much fun
for him when he fucks you? Think he'll mind sharing?" He let go of her
hands to grab at her breasts and reach up under her skirt, then he
stopped. He stood up, staring down at her. "Get up!" he commanded.
Still looking like a frightened lamb, not an FBI agent, Scully meekly
stood up.
"I think I would like to see you naked." He said, leering at her.
She was watching him intently. Waiting. She could see the bulge in his
pants. His breathing was becoming rapid and irregular.
"Get undressed."
Scully slowly, haltingly reached up to undo the top of her dress.
He was watching every move her hands were making, getting more and more
turned on.
With out even the slightest warning she moved on him. Taking him out at
the knees with a side kick. As he fell forward she brought her knee up
into his face and then brought her hands down on the base of his neck.
He dropped to the deck not moving. Anger raged through her and she
landed one more well place kick to his groin. She got the handcuffs
out of her purse and cuffed him; hands behind his back, to one of the
step rails. He moaned and looked up at her, blood running down his face.
He was in too much pain to show his anger, in fact, at the moment he was
pretty sure that he was going to die. His knee was broken, his nose was
broken and he didn't want to think about the damage she might have done
to the rest of him.
"You bitch. You have to help me." He managed to choke out.
"No Brad, I don't have to do anything. If your lucky when we get back
to shore, maybe I'll send help for you, or then again, maybe I won't."
She gave him a sweet little smile as she headed to the back of the boat,
and raised the sails to head for shore. She docked the boat and left
Brad cuffed to the rail. Heading for the car she reached into her purse
for her cell phone. That was odd, how had it gotten turned off? She
turned it back on and called into the Bureau telling them where he was
and to go get him. Serve him right to have his friends find him like
that. She smiled to herself at the thought.
The thought of tears and crying didn't hit until she was in the car.
The drive back to the Bureau for her car took about an hour. There had
been plenty of time to cry it out and wonder what would happen at work
on Monday. She really didn't care. Whatever happens, she thought, it's
worth it. Tonight was pay back for a lot. For those times back at the
Academy. The times Jack had humiliated her, dumping her and telling
everyone it was because she was frigid. The worst of this would be the
jokes, but the jokes were already there and she had him on charges.
Maybe she had been around Mulder too long she was starting to enjoy this
pay back stuff.

*******************************************

Washington DC
Dana Scully's apartment
22:45
She pulled into her parking space was still not sure why she had gone to
Mulder's. It was probably just as well that he wasn't home. She got out
of the car and headed into her building. Suddenly very tired. Tired of
the night. Tired of being alone. Tired of not being with the only
person that she really did want.
She didn't see Mulder when she walked in.
The room was dark, he was sitting on the couch, torn between anger with
her for going out with Brad and relief that she was back. Although just
at the moment he wasn't sure how to explain why he was here. Anger came
back hard when he thought, just because she is home doesn't mean she
didn't sleep with him. He stood up watching her. She looked so tired
and lost. It was too dark for him to notice that she had been crying.
She put her purse on the table and turned, seeing someone in the living
room, she reached back for her purse, her gun.
Now what? It can't be Brad. She thought.
Seeing her move, Mulder said quickly, "Scully it's me."
"Mulder?" She was flooded with relief. "What?...what are you doing
here? " She was glad to see him but, it made everything seem worse
somehow.
"What's the matter Scully tired from your busy evening?" His voice was
dripping with
sarcasm.
Scully was confused. What was he doing here and why did he sound
angry? Whatever he was angry about was more than she could deal with
right now. Now, when she needed to see him the most, to have him be her
friend. He had to show up ready to have a fight. All she really wanted
was to have him hold her. Not, that she thought that would really
happen.
"If you came here to fight Mulder go home. I'm just not up to it. It's
been one hell of a night..."
"All tried out from your date with Dawson?" He was surprised at how
angry he sounded, the thought of her with him...
"Yeah, as a matter of fact, I am all tired out from my date with Brad
Dawson. So if you don' mind..." How had he known where she was?
"You did it? Didn't you?" he said, accusingly. The thought of it was
a knife in his chest.
"What?..." This was getting stranger by the second. It really was more
that she could take.
"Didn't you?"
She just stared at him baffled. What he was talking about.
"You slept with him, didn't you?" He accused.
"Stop it!" She was angry now; hurt and confused by his behavior. "I
don't know what your problem is but, who I go out with and what I do is
none of your business..."
"How could you sleep with him... ?"
He had been standing in the living room by the couch; he started to walk
toward her, his eyes burning into hers. The emotions she saw there were
an odd mix of hurt, anger, and something....
"What?...are you...? It's definitely none of your business who I do, or
do not sleep with."
He continued walking toward her. His stomaching churning at the thought
of her with Dawson, or with anyone else for that matter.
What was his problem? Why would he think she slept with Brad? Well
the answer to that one was clear, but why did he care, and how dare he
demand an explanation.
"Get out Mulder! Just go home." She said quietly, tired and drained.
"I don't need this tonight and I'm not explaining anything
to you."
He continued moving slowly toward her, as he got closer she started to
back away. She had never seen him act like this. What the hell was his
problem?
"Why?" he said softly, the anger hanging on the edge of his voice. "Why
him?" just a little louder. Why not me, the unspoken question repeating
itself in his head.
He had backed her into the wall, there was no where to retreat and being
cornered by a man twice in one night was really too much. How dare he
come in here accusing and questioning like he had a right...
"Why?" Louder this time more insistent, cutting off all her thoughts.
"Why?" she blurted out beyond angry. "Why? You really want to know
why? okay, because he was there." She said, not having a clue why she
lied. "because he asked... because he wanted me."
Why was she lying to him. She could see the pain in his eyes. Good!
she thought, she wanted to hurt him the way this was hurting her, but
the pain was mixed with something else, desire? No, not Mulder. She
was still confused, hurt and angry, and in her confusion she forgot she
was trying to hurt him , she forgot the lie and before she could stop
the words.
"I tried to pretend it was you... She stared up at him, her eyes filled
with anger. " "I thought I could pretend it was you..." Her voice
trailed off. What she had just told him?
"You were pretending it was me? ..." Astonishment in his voice. His
heart almost stopped beating. How could she. "You were pretending it
was me?" he repeated, his voice low and soft. "You went out with Brad
Dawson, so you could pretend you were with me? You slept with.." he
choked on the name.
"I didn't sleep with him." she said softly, trying to correct things,
but he interrupted not comprehending.
"Okay, correction you had sex with Brad Dawson and pretended you were
with me." His voice was shaking; his eyes were filled with hurt? And
the something she still didn't recognize. It frightened her enough she
had become speechless. She stared into his eyes for what seemed and
eternity.
"So..." He said, once more. "When he.. when he kissed you...."
Mulder reached out and grabbed her arm and pulled her roughly against
him. She could feel the heat from his body radiate into hers. He
lowered his mouth to cover hers, his tongue sliding into her mouth
exploring every corner, his tongue meeting with hers in a silent war.
God she tastes so sweet. How could she pretend with someone else when I
want her so much? He thought.
He's kissing me. What the hell is he doing? Fox Mulder is kissing me.
He stopped and pulled back a little. "Well, tell me, how does it
compare?" His breath hot on her skin. "Was it what you expected?
"No," she whispered, trying not to remember what it had felt like when
Brad kissed her. The thought made her sick.
Mulder's voice again husky and insistent. "When he touched you." He
moved one hand to touch her face caressing her cheek, running his thumb
over her lips and down her neck to her breast. Cupping it gently, his
fingers finding her nipple and pinching it lightly through the fabric of
her dress. Touching her in the same places Brad had, but different, oh
so different.
"Like this Scully?" His voice a husky whisper that made her shiver.
She stared up at him, her mouth slightly open, absolutely amazed by
what was happening.
"Does this feel good?" His voice knotting in his throat. He wanted her
so much. It felt so good to touch her. The way she was looking at him.
He had never dared dream he would be touching her like this.
She nodded; not sure she remembered how to breathe.
"Was it like this?" he asked again.
She was looking into his eyes not speaking. Finally realizing that the
new strange look in his eyes was desire. He wanted her, he wanted her
as much as she wanted him.
His hand continued its exploration pinching slightly harder. Hearing
her gasp. He smiled, a little a slow strange smile. He moved his hand
behind to the small of her back and pulled her closer. He felt a fire
growing in his stomach and he got harder as their bodies came together.
"Was it like this?" His questioning insistent.
"No." She managed to choke out.
His mouth covered hers again; his tongue roughly plunging into her
mouth.
Scully felt her legs weaken; the only reason she could still stand was
his arms holding her. His hands, his mouth.... Was this for real?...
Was she really doing this with Fox Mulder?
He broke the kiss, looking down at her hungrily, his breathing as ragged
as hers.
"This Scully? Is this what you want from me? Is this what you were
doing with him and pretending it was me?"
She looked at him confused. She just wanted him to kiss her some more.
"Well?...the question hung in the air he waited.
"Yes..." She started. "No...I..." Why did this have to be so confusing?
So difficult.
"This seems to be a difficult question. I'm not sure why your having
trouble with it, but let me make it a little more clear for you." The
anger in his voice turned to desire. Being this close to her, touching
her like this.
His hands moved gently, slowly over her body, kneading her breasts,
sliding down her sides to her waist, down her legs, and up under her
dress then slipping under the fabric of her panties. She gasped and
moaned when she felt him touch her. His fingers slid inside her,
over her, touching. She was so wet, so hot and it was because of him.
His eyes were locked on hers, and he could barley breath as his fingers
continued their exploration.
"Does this feel good Scully?" He wanted it to feel good, he wanted her
to feel like she had never felt before.
She nodded slowly, her eyes glazed from all that he was making her feel.
She slid her hands down his back and over his hips.
She looked so beautiful he could hardly remember why he was angry with
her.
"When he touched you... like this..." his voice caught on the thought of
it, of them. " Is this what he was doing to you, when you were
pretending it was me? Was it like this?" his voice was just a whisper.
He couldn't really believe he was touching her; that she was letting
him.
Scully stared into his eyes not speaking. His fingers moved inside her.
She wanted to feel him inside her. What was he talking about now. Why
did he have to keep asking all these
stupid questions?
"Well?" he waited.
"What...?" she responded, vaguely. "When he touched you was it..."
"I don't....NO....." she interrupted.
He waited "You said you were with him so you
could pretend he was me. I want to know, if it felt like this?"
"I can't tell you." She whispered.
Mulder felt his heart shatter. Misunderstanding, he let go of her and
moved away. She reached out for him, grabbing his arm to stop him but,
he pulled away.
"You can't..." he said, "or you won't?" then so softly she almost
didn't hear him. "How could you...."
"I can't answer you, because he didn't touch me that way. The way you
were..."
"What no foreplay? That's not like me.." he tried to laugh.
"Stop it." she screamed, everything coming out in a rush. "I said, he
didn't touch me the way you were, because he didn't. Every time he
touched me... I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so much
that I tried to pretend it was you," She continued her voice getting
softer. "but it wasn't you, and I couldn't let him touch me because, it
wasn't you, I really wanted it to be you ...touching me..." Her voice
broke. "and that can't happen, because we're partners and you would
never want me, that way, and being near him was making me sick!"
Tears started down her cheeks. The crying making her more angry.
"Then he called the me 'Ice Queen' and said it didn't matter if I wanted
him or not, because he said he would 'fuck the ice queen' and that was
what he intended to do." She stopped trying to get her breath.
Mulder moved to her. "Scully did he...? Not really sure how to ask.
God, he thought. If Dawson had raped her and here he was acting like an
animal too. "He didn't..?"
She started laughing softly; thinking about Brad out on his boat.
"No." she answered him. "No he didn't."
Mulder couldn't read the look on her face now; it was one he had never
seen before.

"Scully are you okay" The standard question he always asked.
"I'm fine Mulder" Standard answer, but she really was okay, for once it
was true. "I'm fine, but Brad ..." she hesitated a moment trying to
find the word to describe Brad's condition.
"What?"
"Brads not fine." She laughed slightly again. "No, Brads not fine at
all."
She told him what had happened.
"I tried to call you." He said. "Your phone was off. I heard some of
the guys..." he let the last drop. The last thing she needed to hear
was that she was the topic of men's room gossip.
"Its okay Mulder. I know what he told everybody. That's why I called
his friends to go get him." She smiled again at the thought.
Mulder smiled for a moment at the thought, then grew serious again.
"I wanted to warn you...then I thought...you wanted to go and it wasn't
any of my business, I don't know... Scully, do you know...?" He sounded
lost , he felt lost, he felt like a complete jerk. "The thought of you
with him...then me...god"
"Mulder." She said softly.
"I'm sorry Scully. I was angry...the way I acted... when you said you
were pretending it was me... it hurt... I know I have no right to be
hurt. You have no commitments to me. I mean, I want you... I've
wanted to be with you for so long and...god Scully, I'm really a jerk."
"Well yeah, you can be a real jerk..." You can be a really cute jerk
too she thought. It was hard to stay angry when everything he had done,
told her he felt the same way she did.
He missed her slight smile. He was way too far into feeling like a
jerk, to think she might not be ready to do the same thing to him that
she had to Dawson.
"I should ...I'll just go. I'm sorry." He couldn't believe he had
acted like that. Now she probably really hated him.
He headed for the door. Another fear slamming into him like a two ton
truck. Would she leave him now? Leave him, and the X-Files? Who would
blame her.
The door seemed miles away he didn't want to leave. He wanted to take
her in his arms again and make love to her; let her see how he really
felt. He wanted to beg her to forgive him, beg her not to leave him.
He was almost to the door when her voice cut through the silence.
"I said you can be a real jerk Mulder, what are you trying to do; prove
it by leaving?" What the hell was he doing now. Where could he possibly
think he was going after an admission like that? Did he think he was
just going to walk out and leave her standing here. Leave her here by
herself to think about what his touch had felt like. Not bloody likely.
He froze not understanding. She didn't want him to leave? He turned
around slowly.
"What?"
"Mulder, what are you doing?"
"I thought...." he didn't understand, she didn't look angry.
"You do too much of that sometimes." Her voice soft, she smiled at him.
"After the way I acted, grabbing you like that. I ...you could have me
on charges."
"Were you paying attention?" She walked slowly toward him.
For a brilliant man he could be so dumb.
"What ...."
"Think about it. Get out of the self-imposed guilt trip. Did I tell
you to stop?"
"No." He whispered, amazed. His heart leaped at what she was saying?
"Did I tell you to take your hands off of me?" She had stopped in front
of him.
"No" again softer than before. He closed he eyes feeling the weight
going away, flooding with relief. "but... I acted like..."
"Mulder, I not saying that the way you acted was the best approach, but
in a way I'm not sorry you that you did. It's brought a lot out in the
open. It made me feel wanted. Made me feel like maybe a man might
actually be attracted to me. Do you have any idea how long it's been
since I felt like that?"
She never admitted this kind of thing to anyone. Admitting weakness and
insecurity was something she just couldn't do.

"Scully your so beautiful how could any man not want you?" his voice
soft with emotion.
"Back at the Academy..." she stopped, "Dana Scully, the 'ice queen',
Jack started that ..."
The memory made her angry. She felt angry tears starting and turned
away, walking across the room. "Damn it I hated that...I hate Jack to
this day for that. I am not a preamadonna made of ice. I am not cold,
and I am not frigid!"
"Hot," he said, softly in her ear, his breath fire on her skin. She
hadn't heard him come up behind her. His hands closed over her
shoulders.
"What...?" Her breath caught in her throat at his touch.
He turned her slowly to face him. Their eyes locked and the fire she
saw there burned to her very soul. Then Mulder's mouth was on hers. He
pulled her fiercely against him. He buried his tongue in her mouth.
His hands moved over her body. He felt her respond, her fingernails ran
down his back, her tongue answering his. Finally he pulled back.
"I said, hot." He softly he ran his fingers down her face and over her
bottom lip. "I may have thought a lot of things about you since we
first met, but cold and passionless was never it....You are so
beautiful."
" Mulder tell me that you want me...tell me that you want me as much as
I want you."
"O God Dana....if you only knew how much."
"Make love with me Mulder."
He pulled her into another kiss, his hands slowly moving down her
sides; then he lifted her and carried her to the bedroom. Laying her
down gently on the bed, he broke the kiss to remove his shirt. She had
managed to unbutton it while on the way from the living room. She sat
up and reached for his belt, unfastening it and his pants. Sliding them
down over his hips and he stepped out of them.
Dana looked up at him standing next to her. The way he looked at her
made her skin burn. He has a beautiful body, she thought. She had seen
him naked before but never healthy and certainly never aroused. She
reached out to touch him. Wanting to feel him, to taste him. She wanted
to hear him scream. He gasped as her fingers closed around him. She
pulled him closer and took him into her mouth. He groaned as her mouth
slid over him making him harder; his breath coming in short ragged
gasps. His legs nearly gave out as he stood there watching her mouth
taking him all in. He tried to stop her when he knew he was close.
"Scully ...oh god ....Dana... you better .... I'm ...."
Her only response was to take him harder into
her mouth, holding him tightly, so he couldn't pull back. Holding him
even tighter as he came in her mouth. Holding him until the waves of
passion had slowed then she slowly released him, smiling up at him.
He smiled at her and sat on the bed next to her pulling her against him.
"That...was..." he paused for a moment, "definitely not the work of a
cold and passionless woman."
"No?" she asked, softly.
"No," he replied, kissing her gently.
He reached behind her to unzip her dress and slide it over her
shoulders. Following his hands with his lips he kissed and licked a
trail down her throat and shoulders to her nipples. He pushed her back
onto the bed and removed the rest of her clothes before moving on top of
her. Skin melted against skin. She gasped when he took a nipple into
his mouth sucking lightly as his fingers found and played gently with
the other one, then gradually pinching harder. She moaned and squirmed
pressing closer. Thought became impossible as she gave way to the
sensations of his touch, his mouth sucking and biting gently. All the
attention to her nipples was making her toes curl.
He wanted to make this last. Her response to just his touch on her
nipples was so intense that he spent a very long time just letting her
enjoy the sensations. Gradually his hands moved lower. He kneeled over
her looking at her. She was so beautiful. Her eyes radiating a
passionate and fire that he had only guessed at.
"Definitely not cold." He smiled softly, his voice raspy with desire.
He ran his hands up her legs over her calves and up her thighs. Finally
between her legs touching her again, opening her to him, he slid his
fingers inside, reaching for that spot that would send her wild. He
lowered his mouth and teased with his tongue.
She had only meant to suck him for just a minute but, it was such a turn
on . He had tasted so good.. She wanted to make him feel good. It
just felt so good to have him in her mouth. To know she could make him
feel this
way. He tried to stop her, but she was enjoying what she was doing way
too much to stop, she wanted to feel him come in her mouth, and then,
Mulder screaming as he came in her mouth. The look on his face when he
said she was hot. Now she was laying here lost in the sensation of his
touch.
"Oh... Mulder." She gasped, when she felt his fingers slid into her.
Now his mouth, his tongue. His fingers on that spot deep inside her.
"Mulder." From somewhere far away she heard herself scream as his
fingers played inside her; his lips closing over her clit. She screamed
again, arching against him, bucking wildly and then... he didn't stop.
He'd felt her reaching the edge and moved his fingers deeper. His lips
finding that tender little bud of passion he sucked hard. He heard her
scream as she bucked wildly against him. Still sucking and licking; his
fingers still moving. He kept her there riding the waves from one
orgasm to another.
She screamed, she moaned, her breath came in ragged gasps. The
sensation was incredible. She wasn't certain if it was one orgasm or
ten. They all seemed to blend in together.
"Mulder..." She gasped, "Fox...I... want... inside.......
now....Mulder..."
He slowly pulled his fingers out of her and moved up between her legs.
He looked down at her letting his eyes lock deeply with hers, he raised
his fingers to his lips, slowly taking them into his mouth to taste her
as he pushed into her.
She watched him through heavy eyes.
"Mulder..." she felt him enter her. He felt so good.
He started to move slowly and she moved her hips to meet his. Matching
him thrust for thrust feeling him fill her each time. Their eyes still
locked they watched the passion building in each other.
He still couldn't believe this was real. She was so wonderful and she
wanted him as much as he wanted her. He wanted to make this good for
her. He didn't want her to regret their being together.
" Scully ...Dana...you... feel so good..." he gasped. "Do you know how
long..." she seemed so small and fragile under him.
Almost as thought she had heard the thought.
"Mulder" his name a breath on her lips.
"Mulder ... don't hold back...."
She wanted more. She wanted to feel their bodies merge into one.
"Scully ..I." more of a breath. He felt her tighten around him.
"Mulder ...I like it rough, you won't hurt me. I promise."
She watched his eyes widen and turn even darker at her words then she
gasped as she felt him thrust into her deep and hard.
"Like this..?." he asked. Another deep thrust.
"Oh ..... yes... god ... Mulder." He felt so good.
"You like feeling our bodies joining together. Merging becoming one."
He asked, his hips moving against hers.
"Yes ... and you like being inside me don't you?" she whispered,
"feeling me surround you; taking you deep inside me."
He moaned at her words feeling sanity slowly slipping away.
She cried out, her orgasm pulling him with her into a final eruption, a
spiral of passion that they soared through together; together the way
they did everything, leaving them exhausted in each others arms.
Mulder came back slowly thinking that he should move off of her; he was
probably too heavy, but he didn't want to break the contact. This
intimate contact that had take them so long to find.
Scully smiled up at him, her arms holding him tight, not ready for him
to move from her.
"Are you okay? I should get off of you, but ...." He said softly,
looking deeply into her eyes.
"I'm fine." She said. "I don't want you to go anywhere; you feel good
right where you are." She smiled up at him. "You have the most intense
eyes I've ever seen." She brushed his lips with hers. "Have I ever
told you that? Most of the time I feel like I could get lost in your
eyes and just never want to come back. It's like when I look into your
eyes I can see into your soul." Her hand caressed his face pushing his
hair back then running her fingers through it.
"I know." He whispered back to her. "I feel the same; if I can just
look into your eyes then everything will somehow turn out okay,
because we're together. This feels so right, I can't exactly remember
why I thought it was a bad idea. I couldn't be any closer to you than I
felt before, but this is ...incredible, Dana this is so incredible." He
stopped and held her eyes for a long time. Then finally softly. "I
love you Scully. I love you with my whole life."
"I love you too Mulder, always. She moved up to tenderly kiss him.
Then. "Mulder, do you think that this might be a good time for me to
call you Fox?" She smiled at him.
"Well... okay. I guess we do know each other well enough by now."
He teased her smiling before he kissed her again, deeply. Their tongues
touching and exploring, awash with this new sensation of being
completely together.
He felt so good. She could feeling him growing hard inside her, getting
bigger and harder with each touch and kiss. It was one of the most
amazing erotic turn on's she could ever imagine.
Scully smiled. "Mulder if I had any idea what being with you could be
like I think I would have jumped on you years ago."
"If I told you, you would have just thought I was bragging." He
teased, his hands moving over her. He lowered his mouth to her nipple
and swirled his tongue over it sucking on it lightly.
She moaned and tightened around him.
He felt her muscles moving around him, tightening, gripping him. He
gasped, "Scully ohh...that's... where did..."
She look into his eyes enjoying the look on his face. He raised up
kneeling between her legs changing positions so he would touch that
magic spot that he knew would make her scream again. He wanted to hear
her scream his name again. She wanted to hear him say hers over and
over. He moved into her thrusting hard and deep, feeling her tighten
around him, his cries mixing with hers as the passion rose sending them
both higher than the first time. They soared on the waves of sensation
they were creating within each other. She screamed and then he screamed.
The world once again tumbled around them, leaving them peacefully
together as they drifted off to sleep.
**********************************************
End What I Really Wanted  yonada@hotmail.com
Let me know what you think.