TITLE: "DESPERATION UNBOUND" BY: X-Phan E-MAIL ADDRESS: xphan1013@yahoo.com RATING: NC-17 for explicit sexual situations and descriptions of violence CLASSIFICATION: SR, Story, Romance TIMEFRAME/SPOILER WARNING: As always, set before the last 2 seasons, during the "status quo" time before "the baby", Doggett, Mulder's abduction etc... but no serious spoilers. KEYWORDS: MSR SUMMARY: Mulder is finally pushed over the edge and Scully doesn't know how to save him, if he can be saved at all. ARCHIVE INFO: Can be archived anywhere as long as my name, address and disclaimer stay intact. FEEDBACK: Please email me with any comments, reviews, constructive criticism, etc... DISCLAIMER: The X-Files and the characters of Mulder and Scully belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions and Fox Broadcasting, and are used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended, no profit will be gained. BETA-GIRL'S NOTE: The difficult subject was handled with care, the story beautifully written and full of emotion. I'm blown away. ___________________________________________________________ The X-Files: "Desperation Unbound" by X-Phan *********************** "I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge, that myth is more potent than history, that dreams are more powerful than facts, that hope always triumphs over experience, that laughter is the only cure for grief and I believe that love is stronger than death." -- Robert L. Fulghum *********************** Hamilton, Ohio 9:20PM "Where's my partner, where's Agent Mulder?" Scully didn't know what happened, she had been at the county morgue. When she got to the scene she couldn't find him. One of the detectives saw her flash her badge and came over. "You're one of the FBI agents they sent from Washington?" "Yes, I'm looking for my partner I think he was on his way here. We're here investigating a serial killer." "You said Agent Mulder right, he was here. We took his statement maybe fifteen minutes ago." He looked around. "but I don't know where he is now." "Was he alright?" "Well... I don't think he had any permanent injuries, but he didn't look good. Thanks to his call we got the killer, the scumbag will never hurt anyone again. I just wish we had been able to save his last victim." "Please tell me what happened." "When we rescued your partner he told us the killer ambushed him. Agent Mulder said he had heard voices inside the house and he couldn't wait for backup to arrive, so he went in alone. Apparently he regained consciousness in time to see the monster kill his latest victim, the ten year old boy abducted last night, right in front of him." Scully stopped breathing until the officer told her just as the serial killer turned his attention on Mulder the police arrived and shot him dead. She stopped listening after that. It briefly registered how sad it was that over time she began to think of victims as just victims even if it was a defense mechanism, which allowed her to do her job. She promised herself she would say a prayer for the child and his family later, but now Mulder needed her. This would devastate him and she would be consoling him for some time to come. She also didn't forget to curse whatever fate conspired to once more torture a brave and noble man who did deserved such endless tragedy in his life. "I have to go find him. Thank you." When the detective nodded she turned on her heel and left in search of her partner. She got a ride back to the motel with the officer who had brought her to the scene and went to her room. She had been relieved to see the rental car outside which meant Mulder came back here to get away from the police and media and maybe even wait for her. She put her gun on the nightstand and was tossing her coat on a chair when she heard something in the vicinity of the connecting door. Scully turned and saw a piece of paper sliding under the door. Picking it up, she started to read and all at once the color drained from her face. Dear Scully, I can't close my eyes without seeing a thousand horrible things; this one was just the worst yet. I'm a selfish bastard and I'm sorry I have to hurt you again but I can't go on like this anymore. I just can't-- It went on but she had stopped reading there, as soon she realized what it was. She yelled "No!" and dropped the note as she moved to grab the handle of the connecting door. She tore it open in time to see Mulder on his bed pulling back the slide to chamber a bullet in his Sig. He hadn't yet brought it to his mouth when Scully dove onto the bed. She grabbed the gun out of his hands and threw it across the room. He must have been aware of her because he didn't put up a fight. "I didn't expect you back so soon." He spoke utterly bereft of emotion. She just stared at him in shock and horror completely at a loss of what to say. A dozen voices were screaming in her head at once all vying for control until one finally prevailed. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?" She screamed and grabbed fistfuls of Mulder's shirt to shake him as hard as she could. "HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO ME!" "I explained it all in the note." He said in the same monotone. That pissed her off even more so she slammed him back into the headboard. "A DAMN NOTE, YOU LEFT ME A DAMN SUICIDE NOTE SO I'D KNOW EXACTLY WHY YOUR BRAINS WERE SPLATTERED ON THE WALL. HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?" Her adrenaline rush was fading and the anger was losing out to fear. "How could you do that to me? If I hadn't been here to stop you..." "You can't stop me." A new surge of terror chilled her straight through to her bones. She had to stop him; it mattered more than anything else in the world. "NO! I won't let you. Look at me, Mulder. Talk to me. I know what happened was terrible, but this isn't the answer." She grabbed him and crushed his body to hers but got no response from him. Backing up she turned his head, looked into his eyes, and shuttered at the emptiness there. No spark of life remained, as if he had succeeded after all. She had absolutely no idea what to do, but she knew she had to do something. She was lost without him, cold and alone, she couldn't even comprehend what it would be like to go on knowing he chose death over staying with her. She had to do something NOW. So she kissed him. Hard. She licked and bit too, knowing it was probably a bad idea but she was scared enough to do anything to get a reaction. Rational thought had been gone since she first saw the gun in his hands. She straddled him and pushed his head back forcing her tongue into his mouth. She growled as she continued her assault. Even the insane and or suicidal can only ignore a wild violent kiss from Dana Scully for so long, especially if the person in question was as bad at hiding his sexual attraction as Mulder. Encouraged that he began to return the kiss Scully ran her hands over his body. She had to touch his skin to prove to herself that it was warm and he was still alive. She tore open his shirt and ran her hands over his chest. It hurt too much to look into his eyes so she buried her face in his neck. She reached down and squeezed his cock through his pants, not quite hard yet but she could fix that. As she rubbed him Scully finally felt his arms come around her and press her to his chest. She unbuckled and unzipped his pants so she could free his erection. Her stroking had him almost ready. Using her one free hand she was able to unzip her skirt and tug it up around her waist. Her panties and pantyhose were still on but to remove then she would have to have gotten up off him and she couldn't bear to do that at the moment. Scully ground her hips into his and in no time he was at full erection. The hose was ripped and the panties ended up being pulled to the side so she could line up their bodies and let him sink into her. She should have gone slower but this was more about need than pleasure. Scully decided that if this was all there was, all that there would be, she would take it and forget everything else for as long as she could make it last. They both grunted at the feeling of him being all the way inside her. She lifted her head while still keeping her eyes closed and resumed kissing him as she began to rock her hips. They ground their bodies together steadily getting faster and rougher. This went on for maybe ten minutes before she could tell he was close to release. A few more thrusts and Mulder was there, filling her. She hadn't really been ready nor had the position been the most favorable, but despite herself, the thought alone of the man she loved more than anything coming inside her, gave her a small sudden orgasm. Eventually she stopped moving and returned her head to the crook of his neck while their breathing returned to normal. His grip relaxed but she still held on tightly, not ready to let him go. When it was over, there was one thing she wanted to finally say to him. She wanted him to truly know how she felt and maybe saying it out loud might help him, but she was so scared if she said it and he ignored her or just didn't care she would be crushed and never recover. The part of her that had kept him at a distance for so long told her it was a lot easier to console him with her body than risk that. Not that she didn't mean it or didn't want to, but in an unexpected flood of emotions, her dams of detachment and self-preservation had been thrown up. Finally someone broke the silence. "Thank you Scully, that was incredible, I thought I would never make love to you before I died and now I have. I'm grateful, but it won't change my decision." Scully had already figured out she hadn't succeeded and was again becoming desperate because she didn't know what else she had to give. What else she could spare and still have enough left for herself to live. "What will?" It came out sounding like a pathetic plea even to her own ears, but she continued. "I'll do anything. If you want to leave all this behind, quit work to go live on a tropical island and do nothing but lie on the beach and have sex all day, I'll go with you. Anything Mulder, I'll do anything." So softly she whispered that even she barely heard it, "I love you." Now he had everything. Her silent tears began to soak the collar of his shirt. He was quiet for a moment perhaps in respect for her heartfelt confession. "I'm sorry Scully, they would follow me anywhere I went. All the faces of those I didn't save that I can never forget as long as I live. They all ask why they're dead and not me. They're right I should be dead. Soon. You'll have to let me go. I'm sorry." There was nothing she could say to that, but she couldn't let him go. "However, in deference to your heroic efforts to save me, I'm going to warn you first. If I'm not out of it in the next five minutes I'm going looking for a bus to throw myself under and since alcohol would take too long why don't you get me something from your doctor bag, something strong to put me out quickly." She stiffened at his words. She wanted to scream at his cold acceptance of death but had no more screaming left in her so she said, "Alright, stay here." Still not looking at him she got up off the bed and quickly retrieved her medical bag. She hated to do this but decided he had given her an escape. She knew Mulder could, if he decided, certainly overpower her and find any number of ways of killing himself, but if he was drugged and unconscious then he was at least still alive. She filled a syringe with almost a full dose of Demerol as it was the only really potent drug she carried around with her. Scully unbuttoned the cuff of his shirt and swabbed his skin with alcohol before administering the shot. Then she took out a couple of sleeping pills. "You probably shouldn't mix these but..." he took them from her. "I'll get you a glass of-" but he had already swallowed them dry. She sighed and repacked her emergency kit, eventually remembering to also pull her skirt down. Then she sat at the end of the bed. They waited in silence for the drugs to take effect. When she was sure he was unconscious she stood up, went to her room and retrieved her handcuffs. She found Mulder still had his on his belt. Using both sets, she secured an arm to each bedpost. A very temporary solution but if he wasn't in immediate danger she had time to figure out what she was going to do next. Scully knew if this got out his career was over and with it maybe his last reason to live, but he was right, she alone couldn't stop him. She couldn't watch him all the time and if Mulder decided he was going to do something he wouldn't just be talked out of it. She decided she had no choice; all that mattered was that he was alive and as long as he was, there existed the chance he could get better. She picked up his cell phone from the nightstand and dialed Skinner. "Hello Sir, it's Scully." "Agent Scully are you two all right? I heard on the news what happened." She took deep breath. "No sir, after Agent Mulder left the scene he returned to the motel and tried to eat his gun." "What! Is he okay?" "I got here just in time, but he's not okay. He's expressed his determination to kill himself and if he tries again I'm not sure I'll be able to stop him. At the moment he's sedated and I handcuffed him to his bed because I wasn't sure what else to do. I don't think I can bring him home by myself if he decides to resist." "Keep him sedated, I'll take the earliest flight out I can and we'll bring him back to D.C. I promise you we'll get him some help and keep him safe. Where are you staying?" "Yes sir. We're at the Sleep Easy Motel near the airport. Thank you sir." How fitting she thought, Sleep Easy, maybe never again. "Agent Scully are you okay?" "I'm doing the best I can under the circumstances sir." "I'll be there as soon as I can tomorrow morning. See you then." "Alright." She hung up the phone and went back to Mulder. It wouldn't due to leave evidence for Skinner to see of her improvised therapy methods, so she cleaned herself up, then Mulder, and threw on some pajamas. Scully hid the rest of the drugs from her bag as well as their guns and ammo clips all in separate places. She retrieved his note as it would help in having him committed, but she didn't allow herself to consider that at the moment. She pulled him down on the bed so he was resting on his back instead of propped up against the wall. Finally she set the alarm clock and climbed back into bed with Mulder, mourning the loss of her romantic fantasies for their first night together. The next morning she awoke to the buzzing alarm and quickly switched it off before it woke Mulder. Quietly she got out of bed and dressed. Scully couldn't bear the idea of leaving Mulder alone even to go get breakfast so she sat at the window and watched for Skinner. Scully was never so grateful the man who never sleeps slept in, so she didn't have to face him alone. She knew she would need her boss's support in the near future and trusted he would help with Mulder. Skinner pulled up to the motel just after nine in the morning. She opened the door and met him outside. "Agent Scully." "Sir." Formal greetings over with neither were sure quite what to say. "How are you?" "I'm fine. Thank you. Mulder is in his room, still sleeping. We should probably..." "Of course." As she led the way she recounted what she was told by the detective about what had happened to Mulder and parts of what had transpired the night before in his room. When she finished they were back at Mulder's door. Skinner let out a sigh. "I'm sorry Scully and I promise I'll help you do what ever it takes to get him back." "I know." They went in. If Skinner was surprised to actually see Mulder handcuffed to the bed, he hid it well. Scully went over and squeezed his shoulder to wake him. He seemed a bit groggy likely from the Demerol. "Mulder, time to get up." He looked up at her but didn't respond until noticing his hands were bound. Scully could swear she saw a flash of disappointment in his eyes, like she had betrayed him, but it was quickly replaced by the emptiness she saw the night before. Her stomach knotted further. "I'm sorry Mulder but you didn't leave me much choice. Skinner is here. He's come to help me get you home safe. How we do that is up to you. I'm asking for the truth now Mulder, are you going to fight us? How far are you willing to go to hurt yourself?" He remained silent for a long moment and when she thought he wasn't going to answer, he said in a distant voice, "I'm not going to risk hurting anyone else, if that's what you want to know." "Then I'll take you at your word. We can fly back. As soon as we're on the plane you can have more sleeping pills if you want." She uncuffed him and got him to get dressed with minimum resistance. Scully had Skinner watch him while she retrieved their weapons and her medical supplies. After a brief argument Scully relented to have Mulder drive with Skinner in his car to the airport. Mulder followed them docilely and did as he was told. He walked with his head down like a prisoner being led to his execution. As soon as they were in their seats, Scully gave him some more sleeping pills for the flight home. The next time Mulder woke up it was in a hospital. This time both his hands and feet were tied to the bed rails. Scully squeezed his hand in silent apology. She was almost relieved that he wouldn't look at her. She couldn't bear to see what was in his eyes. After sitting with him for ten minutes she got up and left the room to go see Skinner who had been waiting for her. "How is he?" Skinner asked her knowing by the look on her face what she would say. "He's not responding. I can't say I blame him for being angry with me. If it was me I'd be furious at the loss of my freedom too." She said staring at the floor. "You were only doing what you knew was best to keep him safe." "I guess. They'll be transferring him tomorrow to the um... institution. I can't believe how easy it is to get someone committed. I have a few things to sign and then a judge will stamp a piece of paper and boom; he's locked up like a criminal. I know it helps that I have power of attorney but still. It doesn't seem fair. It's not fair." "The fact that he left an obvious suicide note goes a long way toward proving his mental state. What other alternative was there?" Skinner looked at her like he wanted to comfort her. She was glad he didn't try. She didn't want any at the moment. "Scully you've done everything you can. Go home and get some rest. I'll handle the case report and try to keep this 'need to know' as long as I can." "I think I will and sir, thank you for coming to help me with him." "I didn't do anything." "It was enough that you were there." He nodded. "If you need anything..." she nodded as well before she turned and walked down the hallway toward the parking garage. Scully didn't head toward her apartment though. She drove mindlessly until she found herself outside her mother's house. She gathered herself up and knocked on the door. It was a moment before her mother answered. "Dana, honey, what a nice surprise. Come in." "Hi Mom." "To what do I owe this visit? Shouldn't you be at work with Fox?" "I should, but I doubt we'll ever have the chance to work together again." Her voice cracked on 'together'. "What do you mean dear? What's wrong?" "It's Mulder..." Scully didn't know where to begin. "Oh no honey, what happened? Is he hurt? He's not..." she couldn't finish the question hanging in the air. "Not yet, but not for lack of trying." Scully finally fell into her mother's arms and began to cry. Her mother held on until the tears began to slow down. "It's okay. Come on, let's go sit down and you can tell me everything." Maggie gave her some tissues after they sat down on the sofa and waited for her daughter to start. "We were on this case and Mulder saw something terrible, a murder, and he just lost it. He went straight back to his hotel room and tried to kill himself." Her mother gasped at that. "If I hadn't gotten there just after he did, he would have shot himself in the head." "But you saved him?" "I'm not so sure. When I looked into his eyes... He looked dead inside. I've never been so scared in my life. It was awful. He looked cold and empty and ready to die and there was nothing I could do and I tried everything I could think of. Finally I drugged him and tied him down so he couldn't get up in the night and never come back. Our boss helped me bring him back to D.C. At the moment he's at the hospital, but he's about to be moved to an institution. I did it; I had him committed. His career is over thanks to me. If he ever does get better he now has nothing to go back to." "Dana I'm so sorry. I'm sure you had no choice or you wouldn't have done it. What matters is that he's alive so you can help him get better. Fox has had a traumatic life; none of this is your fault." "I don't think I can help him. He doesn't want to BE helped, other than to be set free so he can finish what he started. He won't even look at me because I betrayed him, I had him restrained before he woke up at the hospital so he couldn't try anything." "He's just upset, I'm sure when he has a chance to calm down..." "That's the problem, I don't think he is angry. If he yelled at me, if he hated me, anything, at least it would mean he felt something. He looked defeated, resigned, like nothing in the world mattered anymore." "I'm sure it's not that bad." Scully started crying again. She felt like she couldn't stop. Between choking sobs she said, "In the motel room, I was so scared I was about to lose him I couldn't think. Everything he said made it worse. I was hysterical. I finally broke down and begged him not to for me. I told him I loved him. He said... he said he was sorry but it didn't change anything." This time her mother cried with her. When they had calmed down Maggie told her, "You'll think of something. You two take care of each other. This time won't be any different." Scully spent the night in her old room as she was in no condition to drive home nor did she want to be alone anyway. The next morning Scully woke early and took a quick shower to clear her head. By the time she came downstairs breakfast was cooking. Her mother insisted she eat something before she left and Scully didn't argue, as she hadn't eaten much of anything in the last 48 hours. They had scrambled eggs, toast and bacon, not coincidently a favorite of Scully's when she was a child. Afterwards she thanked her mother for being there and kissed her goodbye so she could go home and get ready for the unpleasant day ahead. It was a miserable day. Made bearable only by the courtesy and professionalism of the hospital staff as well as the mental health facility personnel. Scully hoped she had chosen a good place where the doctors and psychiatrists would be able to get through to Mulder where she had failed. She was grateful the transfer went smoothly thanks to the safety precautions in place, but at the end of the day she was no more optimistic about Mulder's mental state than what she had told her mother. When everyone else was gone from his room, his home for at least the immediate future, she was left alone with him for the first time since the motel. She didn't know what to say, what was left to say, so she sat in silence next to his bed until she couldn't take anymore wordless accusal, whether real or imagined. All she could think to say was, "I'll be back," before she got up and left the room. At work the next week there were questions to be answered and statements to be made. She handled it all with stoic resolve, but didn't wait around for the jokes about Mulder to begin. In the safety of the basement Scully came to the almost immediate realization that she could not and would not sit around waiting to be assigned a new partner and then resume working on the X-Files as if everything was status quo. Mulder had once said he couldn't do it without her and she knew just as surely the reverse was also true. The next morning she was in Skinner's office handing him a request to be transferred back to Quantico. "I understand Agent Scully. I'll begin the paperwork right away." Skinner replied. This surprised Scully. She had been ready for a fight. "Thank you sir. I guess I was expecting more resistance." "I'm sorry to lose you, but I respect your reasons for wanting to move on, given the present circumstances. Though I hope you wouldn't object if the department requested the use of your expertise once in a while." "Of course not, I'll be happy to help out whenever I'm able, I just can't stay." Skinner nodded and stood up. "Then let me say it's been an honor working with you Agent Scully, Mulder too. Tell him I said so." He shook her hand. "Thank you. As a favor to me, to both of us, find someone you trust to continue the work." "You have my word." The end of the week found her cleaning out the basement office that had started to seem like home not so long ago. Along with some other belongings she carefully rolled up an old poster that would find a place in her new office. It took an amazingly small amount of time to pack up a life's work. By the time she carried the last box to her car there was hardly any trace of their presence left save for a number of holes in the ceiling and as well as a couple of pencils she hadn't quite been able to reach. Scully had her first formal meeting with Mulder's doctor later that day. It didn't raise her spirits to hear about their lack of progress with Mulder and was made worse when she was told about the bed sheet noose he had been caught making. Other than the fact they knew he had been having regular nightmares the doctor had nothing new to tell her. That week Scully had begun to notice she spent less and less time each day with him. She tried to talk to him, told how the Knicks where doing, told him about what was going on with her job, anything she could think of, but at the end of each day it simply took more and more out of her to sit by his bedside and cope with the feeling that she was alone in the room. Eight days later at 3:13PM Scully received a message on her voice mail to come to the hospital. After calling and being assured Mulder was still alive, she raced there. She found his doctor in the hall. "What happened?" "He made another attempt. He somehow managed to get a light bulb unscrewed even though he was partially restrained, of course there was no electricity coming into the room, we have safety precautions-" "Then what happened?" "He crushed it and was going to eat the pieces. He was stopped in time and his only injury was a cut to his mouth, but this being the second time, we've had to fully restrain him. He's tied down to the bed and currently is sedated." She sighed but held back a sob. "Would you like to see him?" "No. I'll ummm, I'll come back tomorrow." She turned and walked away desperate to make it to her car before breaking down. At her apartment she cried until she couldn't cry anymore, then she gathered her resolve and decided what to do. The next morning she took the day off, stopped by Mulder's apartment, and went to the institution. She met his doctor as he was coming out of Mulder's room. "How is he?" "He's awake and coherent but not talking. Agent Scully I'm running out of treatments to try. He's a trained psychologist who has decided not to let himself be psychoanalyzed. He's too intelligent to be tricked, besides already knowing all the tricks. The other psychiatrist you asked to have consult hit the same brick wall I did. We've tried a number of anti-depressants and mood elevating drugs but he must be highly resistant because they have no effect on his insistence on committing suicide." "I'm not convinced he's depressed in the manner you're thinking. Mulder has encountered a problem and has decided to carry out what he believes to be the only solution." She took a deep breath before continuing. "I think to him he's made a logical choice, the last available option, and it's strength of will that has driven his actions. What else could motivate a man to swallow broken glass in order to bleed to death before he could be stopped?" "Agent Scully I'm open to any suggestions you have since you seem to understand his state of mind better than anyone else." "This isn't my field, but I'll give it some thought. Thank you doctor. Could I have some time alone with him?" "Of course, just come find me when you're finished. I don't need to tell you not to loosen or remove his restraints." When he was gone Scully went in and took another deep breath to steady herself. She went over to Mulder and released the bindings on his arms and legs. He stretched and sat up. "Alright Mulder listen to me. I have something for you. All you have to do is read it and then you can do whatever you want. I'm not going to stop you from killing yourself and I'll even help you if it's what you decide. This is it Mulder, I'm out of ideas as to how to bring you back and so are they. The doctor's only option is to just lock you up and throw away the key. Even if there is nothing left to lose of the man I knew, I can't come home every night for the rest of my life expecting a message on the answering machine telling me you finally found a way to outsmart them. So it comes down to this Mulder. I simply can't take it anymore, so I won't. I didn't want you to mistake this for some spur of the moment thought, so I wrote it down." She pulled out a piece of paper from her jacket and held it out for him. He looked at her then took it. The handwritten note read: I, Dana Katherine Scully, swear on my daughter's grave that if Fox William Mulder does willingly take his own life, I will join him in death as quickly as possible. I could go on without him and simply die slowly, a little bit everyday, but I choose a quick and painless end. I refuse to put myself through more misery when the result will be the same. Her signature was at the bottom. "I was half tempted to sign it in blood but I figured that was a little too melodramatic. If after all these years if you don't take me at my word then it's too late anyway. So if you understand, make your decision and we can end this now." She reached behind her and withdrew her SIG with one hand and his Beretta backup weapon with the other. She sat down on the bed and placed his gun in front of him. "A round is already chambered. No game, no bluff, I just want this over." She let out a humorless laugh. "You know, it should scare me how easily I've accepted this, but... what can I say. Maybe if I'm so willing to give it all up I didn't have much to begin with." He regarded her for a moment, then the gun, before picking it up. She looked him right in the eye and never wavered. "I'm not exactly sure how this is supposed to go. Does one of us go first? Do we go together? I have to admit a small part of me hates you for making it come to this and wants you to watch me go first, but the rest of me knows how needlessly cruel that would be after all you've been through and I still can't stand the thought of hurting you." She paused to contemplate that thought. "Maybe that's part of why I'm here. If life's so terrible that you can't stand it anymore, how can I sit idly by and watch you continue to suffer. Just don't think I'm going to do what you can't; tough it out and go on living even though the future looks pretty damn awful. So that's it. Think about it and if you're sure, we'll do it together at the same time." He seemed to test the weight of the gun in his hand then looked into her eyes. "No." He sighed and put it down in front of her. "Why not?" "I believe you." "Do you believe anything changes when I walk out that door and you're here by yourself when the next opportunity presents itself." "No." "So are you telling me all of a sudden you don't want to kill yourself anymore?" "No, not wanting and not willing are two different things. I am no longer WILLING to kill myself." "Just because of me." "Of course, what else has changed?" "Don't try and tell me I'm coercing you into anything, you have free will and so do I, if you really want to die then die. I came here to be with you, because I would never let you face this alone. I even left a letter to my mother on my kitchen table for them to find to try and explain all this to her. I'm ready so let's end this now." She raised her gun to her throat. "Pick it up." "I can't." "Why the hell not?" "I may be suicidal but I'm not psychotic just yet. I can't let you die for me. I promised myself years ago that after all that's happened to you because of me, the least I could do was not be the cause of your death," he sighed and spoke softly as if to himself, "not the woman I love. There are things much worse than death, or in my case life, and that would be one of them. I don't question your resolve, Scully, all I can do is ask you to let me do this alone." "You're a fool if you can't see you'd be killing me anyway in an infinitely more cruel way than simple bullet to the brain." "But you'd be alive." "Not inside." "But you'd be alive, there would always be hope." She lowered her gun and sat up straighter, smiling grimly at his admission. "So with life there's hope, Mulder, I think you just talked yourself into a corner." "I meant for you." "And I mean it for you." He sighed in frustration. "It's not even that I want to die so much as not keep living like this, I can't take it. You're a doctor. How advanced is neuroscience these days? Can they destroy some of my memories without making me a vegetable? My biggest problem is that unlike normal people, my mind won't let me bury what I've seen and can't live with. It won't let me bury those memories so I could continue to function." "No Mulder, there's isn't an easy solution like that, even if there was no doctor would risk it. You have to work through it the old fashioned way. You have to let yourself be helped, face your demons and deal with them. You have to let me share with you whatever hell you're in so we can overcome it together and move on." "You make it sound easy." "Certainly not easy, but maybe worth the effort and the pain. The other way out is quick and easy, but irreversible. One way or the other I'll be right there with you, make no mistake about that. It's up to you. All that's left to do is to ask yourself, are we worth the fight?" "I want to fight, fight for you, but after so much..." his voice cracked as he tried to hold back tears. "I'm not strong enough." She pulled him into her arms, holding him as tight as she could, allowing him to do the same. "You don't have to be, my love, because WE are." With that he broke down completely, Mulder buried his head and sobbed violently into her jacket. Scully just held on and helped him let out some of what was crushing the life out of him. After a long while, the crying slowed down and he regained his composure. He let go long enough so she could get him some tissues. He blew his nose and finally looked up to meet her eyes again. "Scully," there was so much to say. He didn't know where to begin. "I know Mulder, I know." She cupped his face in her hands and rested her forehead against his. "What now?" "We go on Mulder. We get help and we survive." "Okay Scully, you have my word, I'll, WE will find a way. I want help. I want your help." She gave him a smile. "I'm so glad Mulder and I promise I'll be here with you every step of the way. Someday not too far from now, you'll be ready come home with me forever, I promise. I love you." "I love you too." It had been too long since they had held each other and it felt so good that it was hard to let go. "I have to go talk to the doctor, but I'll come back before I leave. He'll want to begin treatment right away. I know it will be hard to open up but the only way to get better is to cooperate with him and to let him in. I know you can do it. Would it help if I was there or would it be easier to get started alone?" "I need you there. I can't do this without you." She nodded and brushed his cheek. "I guess I'll have to take my note back. Wouldn't want anyone to find out about my own questionable mental status, considering I'm a federal agent who armed a mental patient for the purpose of committing a double suicide. I'd get myself locked up next to you." "We could have bunk beds," he deadpanned. With a smiling leer she said, "why don't we save the sleep over for when we're home and there are no chaperones outside to interrupt us?" He favored her with a grin in return and asked her. "Is that another promise?" "Cross my heart." She kissed his cheek and pulled away, then returned both guns to their holsters under her jacket and pocketed her note. "I'll be back." Mulder lay back down and Scully left to go see the doctor. She told him about Mulder's change of attitude and they made an appointment to begin therapy the next day. When she was asked what she had done, she told him she just helped Mulder find a reason to live. To be able to get his life back, Mulder finally wanted to get better, which was the first step in doing so. She came back to Mulder's room and found the orderlies reaffixing Mulder's restrains. The anger in her eyes must have been obvious because Mulder tried to head her off. "It's okay Scully, don't worry. I have yet to demonstrate my new outlook on life and up until now haven't exactly been trustworthy, so it's to be expected. Better safe than sorry, right?" She gritted her teeth and nodded but didn't like it. She walked over to him and ran her fingers through his hair to dissipate her frustration with the whole situation. "They'll begin sessions tomorrow. I'll be there. You know Mulder I think I'm going to need this almost as much as you." She said before realizing how he might take it. Mulder had been so deep in his pit of despair he hadn't even considered until today how this had affected her and now that he was ready to start climbing out, the saved up guilt could now pouring down on him. She saw it start. "I'm so sorry Scully..." he choked. "No Mulder, don't. It's not your fault." She turned his head so she could look him in the eye. "We're going to be okay and you're not going to jeopardize that by wallowing in guilt. All that matters is that we're here for each other and things are going to get better from now on, okay?" A glimpse of her determination was what he needed and it helped. He nodded and she wiped away a few stray tears with her thumbs and then leaned over to place a kiss on his lips. "The future, Mulder, our future, remember what you're fighting for when you start to feel overwhelmed." Then she whispered quietly in his ear, "and if you have get your mind off things to you might try imagining what type of silky lingerie I'll be wearing the first night you come home." That got her a look of surprise and then the hint of smile she was looking for. "I really don't deserve you." "Yes you DO." Trying to communicate all she felt with a look, she hoped in some small way she could make him believe her. "I'll see you tomorrow." "Scully what if I need to talk to you when it's not during visiting hours. Sometimes I just need to hear your voice." "I'll try and set something up, get you a phone or something, that you can use anytime. I need to hear your voice too." One more kiss and she had to leave. With the excuse that it was important to the continued improvement of his mental health, combined with her refusal to take no for an answer, Scully was able to secure a phone for him to call her with any time. They quickly got their schedules straight so he called her when she wasn't in class, only before and after. It would end up causing her to have to recharge her cell phone battery every night from talking to him every day, but it was well worth it. The next day she showed up by 9:00 and met Mulder's doctor in his office. Together they went to Mulder's room. He perked up immediately upon seeing Scully again. "Hey how are you feeling?" "Better than yesterday." "Good. That's what we're going to shoot for everyday." She turned to the doctor. "We're here to watch him so the restraints come off." "I'm not so sure that's-" he started to protest. "Mulder do you promise to behave if we let you go?" "Yes." "He gave me his word. That's good enough for me. I'll take responsibility for him." She quickly let Mulder loose and the doctor didn't say a thing. They pulled a couple of chairs up to his bed. Scully sat down next to him while the doctor was across from them. "Mr. Mulder I'm obviously very curious as to what prompted your abrupt change of attitude. I'm glad you wish to cooperate, but I need to know why, if I'm going to be able to help you." "You can thank Scully. She gave me the proverbial kick in the ass I needed. She reminded me that there are worst things than living in hell. Specifically sending someone else there. Everyone has abandoned me at some time or another throughout my life, everyone except her, so I can't do that to Scully." He reached out and she took his hand. "I don't want to hurt her or anyone else, but I don't know how to live with all the guilt and misery that follows me where ever I go. I now realize killing myself is not an option so I'll have to find a way to deal with it if I'm going to keep from losing my mind." "I do agree you seem to be in a much better state of mind than a few days ago, but I'm concerned about your reason for wanting help. Are you doing it for yourself or for her? The effort that dealing with your issues is likely to take will be a lot harder to sustain if your motivation is not truly your own." "I hate to disappoint you doc, but my life has revolved around Scully for most of the last seven years and it's not likely to change anytime soon. Still though I want to get better for me as well even if it's technically not my first priority." "I can see I'm in for a challenge, though I still firmly believe if you are willing to help me that I can help you. Your determination makes me optimistic. Moving on, I'm afraid we're going to need to discuss what triggered your initial suicide attempt. I know it will be difficult but it's critical to getting better. Opening yourself up and recognizing your feelings is the most difficult part of dealing with trauma. You have to feel the pain first before you can take control of it." Mulder cringed and squeezed Scully's hand. She squeezed his back and in their unspoken language promised to be there for him so that he may never confront his fears alone. During the third session Mulder cried for the boy who died. So did Scully. From that point on Mulder slowly began to face some of the deep-rooted problems that had been engulfing him in grief, even including his never forgotten survivor's guilt over losing his sister. It was a long process with many bumps along the way but Mulder found the weight on his chest was so much less when supported by two people. Two months had passed since Mulder began therapy and it had been going well. Scully knew he had been itching to get away from the same four walls he saw everyday, so with some pestering they were able to get an unsupervised leave from his doctor. A few free hours of an afternoon were a prize of immeasurable value. He obviously couldn't contain his nervous energy as he watched Scully signed the temporary release. "Almost ready?" "Just a minute Mulder, before they let a mental patient roam the streets there's paperwork to be filled out." "So if I go nuts do you have to agree to gun me down in the street like a dog?" "Something like that." "I guess that means no eating human flesh on this outing, huh?" "Mulder stop teasing the poor nurse," Scully said, chuckling under her breath. The woman at the front desk was watching him very carefully as Scully signed the forms. "Don't worry he's only kidding." Mulder just stood there grinning at her. "All set, I'm done. Now we can go." As they were walking out the front door Mulder inhaled deeply. "It's true what they say, the air tastes better out here." Walking to the car Scully turned toward him. "Okay Mulder what would you like to do, anything you want?" "Anything?" The tone of his voice implied the unspoken question. "Anything." She answered firmly. His demeanor changed back to serious. "It seems like forever ago, the last time, the first time, we were together. You deserved better Scully. I want a chance to make it up to you, to both of us." "There's a hotel ten minutes away and the thought had crossed my mind that it might save time if I already had a room key in my pocket." She said with a satisfied smirk while patting the right front pocket of her pants. "Scully, you never fail to surprise me." He grabbed her hand and pulled her in for a kiss. "Lead the way." If the hotel elevator hadn't had cameras they never would have made it to the room. They were already fused together by the time Mulder kicked the door closed behind them. Lips and tongues melding in barely restrained passion. The heat from the friction of their bodies grinding together should have been enough to melt their clothes off. This was what Scully had always imagined it would be like between them and the reality was even better. Mulder picked her up effortlessly and walked toward the bed. It gave her a chance to wrap her legs around him and get some better leverage to attack him with her tongue. When he lay her down they came apart gasping for air. "Scully you feel so good. You know how much I love you right?" "Yeah Mulder I know. Me too." Between kisses to her neck and face he whispered, "just give me a chance and I promise I'll make you forget about the shortcomings of last time." "It's okay Mulder. You have to stop feeling guilty over everything. I'll tell you what; this will be our new first time. It's different now, because we both want to be right here more than anything." He nodded in agreement and resumed licking and sucking on the tender skin below her ear. She got her hands under his shirt and was tugging on it to get it out of her way. He cooperated long enough for her to get it over his head. Mulder got the idea and began working on the buttons of her blouse. He rolled them over so she was straddling him and could help with removing her top. Next she flicked the hook on her bra and shrugged her shoulders, watching Mulder's eyes as it slide down her arms. He groaned as she tossed the bra away. "Wow Scully you're... gorgeous." It was her turn to make appreciative noises when his hands skimmed up her stomach and gently kneaded each breast. She pushed her chest against his hands when he started to tug on her erect nipples. Though he might be content to play with them all day she was ready for more. Scully undid his belt and was pulling down his pants when she realized with frustration his shoes were still on. Mulder watched in amusement as his shoes and socks were tossed around the room. Her own pants soon followed, but she was kind enough to let him divest her of her underwear. Once they were finally naked Scully pulled him back on top of her. Their hands working between them, she rubbed up and down his cock while he stroked the skin around her clit. Another minute or two of kissing, teasing, and grinding and she moaned in his ear. "I'm ready. Please Mulder, now." He raised himself up on one arm and took hold of his erection. He guided it to her entrance and slid it over her moist flesh before sinking inside her. Once he was all the way in they both remembered to breath. She pulled more of his weight down onto herself and hooked her legs over his back. "I love you so much, Dana." Even while making love it surprised her that he used her first name. "I love you too..." "It's okay to call me Fox if you want to. It's not such a bad name when it's you saying it. I think we could at least use our first names when we're in bed." "Okay then, I love you Fox. It is a little strange, but I like the idea of being Dana when we're together like this." "Me too, but don't be offended if I yell out 'Scully' when the time comes. It's been 'Scully' for so long I can't remember anyone else." "Okay with me since we both love you." They kissed some more as she urged him to start moving. Mulder withdrew and pushed back in with little resistance. In no time he was making long deep strokes, but at a slow pace. "I'm so hot Mulder you don't need to go slow for me. Faster." "I am too, but I don't want to rush this." "Neither do I but we are under a time constraint to the faster we go the more times we can do it." She said with a perfectly straight face. Mulder had to stop as he laughed. "Isn't that 'Guy' logic, going for quantity over quality?" "I'm just being practical and I don't consider harder and faster to be a decrease in quality. It depends entirely upon the situation and this one calls for it. Ever heard of the term 'Fugitive Sex,' well it's not too far from the truth in this case. If we're not back on time they're going to put out APBs on both of us." "If they broke down the door they probably wouldn't listen if we told them to come back later, huh?" "Probably not, so you see my point?" "Makes sense to me and anyway who am I to deny the lady what she wants." He resumed thrusting with extra enthusiasm, eliciting delighted moans from Scully. "Yes, that so good. More." He continued the same pace for some time. "I don't think I can last much longer." "It's okay I'm almost there." Scully closed her eyes as she felt her body tightening like a spring. She was being pushed closer and closer to the edge until finally she sailed off into oblivion. It was an explosive climax complete with fireworks behind her eyes. As soon as Mulder felt her contract around his cock he shuddered and came inside her. Burying his head in her neck he rode it out with her extending each other's pleasure. When he couldn't hold himself up anymore Mulder rolled off and onto to his side. "That was incredible Scully." "Mmmmm fantastic." "I wish I could just stay here with you and not go back." She turned to face him. "I know. Soon you will. For now we'll just have to make the most of our time together." "That I can do." He pulled her over so she was lying on top of him and they kissed lazily for a while until Mulder spoke up. "I have a request for something to pass the time until I'm ready to go again." "Let's hear it." "Well I've always wanted to taste every square inch of your body and here you are naked, looking to kill some time." "That sounds nice but we just had sex. I'm all sweaty and icky." "Is that a medical term? Besides it doesn't bother me." "How about we compromise and by that I mean do what I say. Let's go take a shower and you can play with anything you wash first." "You drive a hard bargain but I grudgingly accept your terms." They got up and found the bathroom. It had a good-sized shower stall that would serve their purpose well. Mulder turned on the water and Scully found some towels for after. When the temperature was just right they stepped in and made out some more under the spray. True to his word Mulder gave her a thorough washing with just some soap, his hands, and his tongue. Scully was sure her breasts among other things had never been so clean in her life. He obviously thought she couldn't be too clean where his head was buried between her thighs. There was nothing to hold onto though, so when she had a small orgasm her legs began to weaken and she started sliding down the tile wall. "Okay Mulder that's good." She pushed his head back and abandoned standing in favor of dropping to her knees. "My turn." He stood up and she took his cock in her mouth this time making his legs shake. She liked the cute noises he made when she sucked really hard while squeezing his balls. All too soon he pulled her away. "Wow Scully, any more of that and it will be the end of our fun for the day." "We wouldn't want that now would we. So do you have any particular plans for this afternoon's finale?" She waggled her eyebrows in a good approximation of his leer. Mulder considered the options for a moment. "As much as I want to nail you against the shower wall in true caveman fashion, I have concerns that one or both of us may not escape injury in the process. So lets try this." He sat down and crossed his legs indicating for her to sit in his lap. She got comfortable with her arms and legs around him and then lifted up to impale herself on his erection. Once they were fully joined, he kissed her softly. "This is nice but now what? I have no leverage to move." "That's the idea Scully, neither of us can move more than a inch or two so we can't rush. The frustration is half the fun. Nothing to do but relax and enjoy how good it feels. Close your eyes." She did shut her eyes and concentrated on the feeling of the warm water on her skin and Mulder's strong arms pressing her body against his. One held her lower back and the other cradled her head and neck. Slowly Mulder began rocking her hips toward his. Scully teased him by squeezing his cock with her muscles. He responded by sucking on her ear. It took surprisingly little time before she felt her body getting close to release again. Mulder felt it too. "Reach between us and rub your clit for me." She moaned into his neck as she did so. Mulder was loosing his rhythm. Scully came first and was followed not long after by Mulder. They shivered together under the cooling water and got up slowly, fighting protesting muscles. "Not bad Mulder, that's a new one on me. I might be a little sore but I agree with you about the frustration being half the experience. Maybe even preferable to slamming me up against the wall, though we will have to try that sometime as well." "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself." He lifted her off her feet just a little and kissed her some more. When he put her down she asked, "you enjoy that don't you, that you tower over me?" "Sometimes it's nice to know you only appear ten feet tall when you're in special agent mode, but with me it's okay to be just the right size for a bear hug. One where I can put my chin on your head and hold you tight and protect you from the world." "I never feel safer than when I'm in your arms, my favorite place to be." "Thanks Scully." "Hey weren't we supposed to try and use our first names?" "Yeah but it's harder than I thought it would be." "I know what you mean, but we can practice and we'll get better. I'm afraid we have to get moving. Time is probably almost up." They indulged in one more tender embrace before washing off and leaving the haven of the shower. They dried each other off and picked up their clothes. Mulder whistled and made obscene gestures as he watched Scully get dressed. She tried not to encourage his immature behavior but wasn't entirely successful. When they were presentable they left the hotel and took Scully's car back to the facility. In the parking lot they had ten minutes to spare and Mulder insisted on making out in the back seat until the last possible minute. When she finally escorted him inside she hoped no one paid attention to her noticeably swollen lips and flushed face, though she didn't regret for an instant what got them that way. They said goodbye at the door to Mulder's room and she didn't deny him one last kiss knowing full well it would likely get out of hand even with people watching. She got quite a few stares on her way out. When she got to her car her phone rang. "It's me. I hope you're not upset that I embarrassed you. I guess I didn't leave much room for doubt as to what we did with my pass." He was trying to sound sincere, which she knew he was, to a point. She chuckled at his predictability. "No Mulder, I'm not mad and I know you're not sorry for either the show or the fact that everyone now knows you got some. I'm not looking forward to discussing it with your doctor, but I don't mind if people know I'm yours." "Having someone like you for a girlfriend gives me quite a bit of respect with the other crazy people. They think you're hot and so do I, but I also happen to know for a fact it's true." "Compliments are only going to get you more sex." "Well in that case I'll let you go by saying you're the most incredible woman I have ever met and I am the luckiest guy on the planet to be your willing love slave." She let out a ladylike snort and said, "goodbye Mulder, I love you too." Another month passed. Mulder was feeling much better and his doctor believed his improvement to be genuine. The nightmares were by no means gone, but the fact that after a bad one Scully was only a phone call away and honestly wanted to hear about it was of immeasurable help to Mulder. About the nightmares he once told his doctor that they don't stand a chance against her and made him believe it. It wasn't long after the psychiatrists were convinced Mulder was no longer a danger to himself and while he still needed continued therapy he didn't need to remain in the institution. The day arrived when Mulder was to be released, when he could finally go home. Though he had been allowed to leave the building before, this was different. Now he would be leaving for good, hopefully never to return. They had discussed it before hand and Scully told him that she had kept up the rent on his apartment in case he wanted it. Mulder had been worried for a second that maybe she had meant something different when she said he could come home, but she reassured him that home was with her. Scully had moved some of his things to her apartment and left the rest at his place for him to sort through later. Everything was ready, she had taken the day off from work and went down to pick him up as early as possible since she knew he was anxious to be out of there. When she walked up behind Mulder she heard him bothering the doctor. "Come on hurry up, she'll be here any minute and I want to be ready to go." "Sign here and here, Mr. Mulder, and you're a free man." "Yes sir." He did it and received his certificate of mental health. "You know you'll still have to see me for sessions twice a week, don't forget." "Don't worry, I won't." He turned around and saw Scully grinning at him. "Scully!" "Hey you." "Look at this, I got a piece of paper saying the state of Maryland doesn't think I'm crazy anymore." "I think I'd like a second opinion." She chuckled and let him pull her into his arms. "Congratulations Mulder." "It's going up on the refrigerator as soon as we get home." "Right next to your finger paintings of UFOs." He smiled down at her. "Well I'm ready." She smiled back. "Then lets blow this pop stand." Mulder waved goodbye to a few of the staff, picked up his suitcase, and they left together, hand in hand. The drive home to Scully's apartment seemed to fly by as Mulder's mind wandered to all the things he wanted to do now. They didn't say much but the silence was a comfortable one. Scully turned onto her street and found a parking space. Shutting off the engine she looked at Mulder. He was staring out the window. "Hey you okay?" "Hmm? Oh yeah fine just thinking about a bunch of things." His smile reassured her. "Let's go up then." They got out of the car and made there way up to the apartment. At the door Mulder paused. "I have to say I'm feeling kind of nervous, being back here feels good but at the same time it's different now, like everything's new." "I know, but there's nothing to be nervous about. You're back where you belong and that's all there is to it." "Thanks." "You should be thanking me, there was very nearly a welcome home party behind this door. The guys wanted to throw it for you so they could make a banner that said, 'Congratulations on escaping from the mental institution,' but I talked them out of it. I figured you'd want some peace and quiet and maybe we might like some privacy in case we wanted to do some things that just wouldn't be appropriate in front of a group of friends and co-workers." She finished by giving him the Scully-eyebrow. "Then I do indeed owe you a debt of gratitude, which I shall endeavor to repay as soon as the door is locked and the shades are drawn." "I never said the shades had to be drawn, where's the fun in that." They chuckled together as the cheerful banter relaxed and excited them at the same time. In side the apartment, Mulder immediately noticed the fish in one corner. "Hey Scully, my fish, they're still alive. I can't believe it." He went over and tapped on the glass. "Well technically they're not your fish. I'm afraid those didn't make it, but it is your tank and since I got them from the same pet shop as you, it's not impossible that they're descendants of your original fish." "Thanks Scully and don't worry about it, I was never all that great at keeping them alive myself. What I'm happy about is the thought that my fish have found what I hope is a permanent home here." She came up behind Mulder and put her arms around him. "Yes, you and your aquatic friends are here to stay." He turned around to reciprocate the hug and tucked her head under his chin. After a moment she wriggled free and whispered, "I think it's time for a tour of the bedroom." "I'm not sure I remember the way." He teased back. She grinned, took his hand, and led him down the hallway. At the foot of the bed she turned around. "Okay close your eyes. I assume you didn't forget my promise about the lingerie." He grinned and closed his eyes. "I've hardly thought about it more than once or twice a day since you made it." "Well then I hope you won't be disappointed." She quickly stripped off her socks, shirt, and pants. She stood up and tried to strike a sexy pose, ending up with her hands on her hips and decided to forego the 'come hither' stare in favor of the Scully eyebrow. "Okay you can open them." He did open them as wide as he could to see her body encased in a translucent emerald green teddy and very obviously nothing else. "Oh Scully..." "I'll take the growling to mean you like it." "Very much. I hope it survives what's about to happen." "I can always get another one. Why don't you take your clothes off and join me on the bed." She climbed up and lay back on the pillows to watch and wait. It wasn't a long wait. She spread her legs invitingly and Mulder settled between them grinding his hips into hers. They kissed and necked reminding Scully of the wonderful ten minutes in the backseat of her car. She rolled them over so she was lying across him. Mulder's hand immediately went to stroke her back, ass, and legs, skimming the soft silky material molding itself to her skin. "It feels so nice it's a almost a shame it has to come off." "Who says?" She flicked a couple of hidden snaps and the critical barrier between them disappeared. "You're just full of pleasant surprises." "Isn't that the key to a long and satisfying relationship?" "I'll have to remember that." She slowly slid up and down his body, rubbing his cock against the teddy covering her stomach while she kissed his chest. "Scully please." "Please what?" "I want to be inside you." She was having fun teasing, but his breathless plea almost won her over. "Where inside me?" "Scuh-leeeee" "Tell me." He untangled one hand from her hair and dragged it down over her chest and stomach to show her exactly where he wanted to be. Cupping her sex Mulder slowly pushed a finger inside. She was hot and wet and moaned into his neck at the pleasant invasion. She enjoyed that for a minute before it wasn't good enough anymore. Pushing his hand away she centered herself over him and guided his erection to her swollen lips. Once he was coated in fluids Scully sank down all the way causing them both to gasp. Mulder pulled her down against his chest. He pushed her knees back so all her weight was on him and he could wrap his legs around hers. That combined with his strong arms around her Scully was essentially trapped, not that she had any interest in escaping. She used his shoulders to pull herself up his body just a little and he used hers to push her back down. The full body contact was fantastic. It felt like every inch of her that could possibly be touching him was doing just that. In no time the sweat from their exertions made the friction almost disappear allowing them to go faster and faster. "I'm so close." Mulder was panting. "Scully I love you so much." "Me too." "I can't hold on." "Don't worry." A couple more thrusts and Mulder groaned into her hair and came. She followed almost immediately after, shaking against him. They took a few deep breaths and smiled at each other. "Do you think it's possible it will always be that good?" "I think there's a definite possibility." She rested her head on his shoulder while he played with straps of the teddy. "You know I just realized I never did thank you for saving me. You gave me what no one else in the world could have, a reason to live. You've given me everything Scully, your trust, your body, your heart. I sure hope I'm worth it." "You are to me. That night I almost lost you it hit me like a ton of bricks how foolish it was to be afraid of loving you when compared to the miserable emptiness of living without you. That scared me more than anything in my life ever has. For a while I was irrationally angry with you for forcing me see the obvious, that all those things already belonged to you." "Are you sure I didn't just take them?" "No Mulder, the thing about love is it can only be freely given. It may have taken us awhile to get here, but today we are right where we belong. I'm happy Mulder and I think so are you. After everything we've been through it may seem like a foreign concept, but we're just going to have to get used to it." "I'm looking forward to trying." Mulder murmured in her ear before drifting off to sleep. She snuggled closer before joining him. There would be no nightmares that night. The End ___________________________________________________________ Finally done. If you liked it and have comments or ideas for my next story, send them to xphan1013@yahoo.com. Now to head off disapproving responses about characterization I just want to say a couple of things. First, it's just a story. The characters do and say what I want them to. It's not real and does not negatively affect the X-Files Universe or the actors who play characters in that Universe. Second, to be entertaining as a story, sometimes poetic license is used with regard to characters' motivations and actions because to remain faithful to a rigid set of rules can become boring and in doing so diminish its value as entertainment, it's ultimate purpose. Thank you for reading and keeping our favorite heroes alive in our imagination.