Title - Anger Author - Donna Email address - donnah@pop.uky.edu URL - www.geocities.com/Area51/Quadrant/4571/ Rating - R Category - MSR Spoilers - None Keywords - MSR, angst Summary - He really pissed her off this time Feedback - Please Disclaimer - Mulder, Scully, the Lone Gunman and Skinner all belong to Chris Carter, 10-13 and Fox. No infringement intended. Anger She couldn't remember ever being more furious with the man. How could he have taken such a foolish chance with his life? She was his partner, not his ward. His job wasn't to protect her or guard her. He should watch her back, yes, but never put his own life in jeopardy for her. She was too angry to speak. Her hands were balled into fists in her pockets. She couldn't even look over at him. If his driving was slightly erratic she put it down to the nearness of his own demise. As soon as he pulled into the parking space at the motel, she had the door open and jumped out. She needed to get away from him, cool down. His eyes were hard and his anger matched her own, though her fury hadn't fully registered with him yet. He vaulted from the car after her and caught her in a couple of strides. He grabbed her arm, turning her toward him. He might as well have thrown gasoline on a fire. Her eyes flashed with that fire and without warning her palm connected with his face, full force. He dropped her arm instantly and stepped back, his face completely impassive. The mask had dropped into place without hesitation. She tried to hide how appalled she was at her own action. She had never hit him before, but then he had never grabbed her like that, forcing her to his will physically. He turned without a word and headed away from her. She closed her eyes, not able to watch him walk away. Her anger evaporated into fear and she wasn't sure her legs would hold her. How could she have hit him? She wanted to call out to him, make him stop. But she didn't know if she could stand it if he refused. When he turned the corner, out of sight, she gasped. How long had it been since she'd taken a breath? After a long moment she forced herself to move again. She let herself into the room and closed the door behind her. Then she just stood, the key in her hand. She didn't see the bed with the ugly pumpkin and brown design, or the matching drapes. She didn't see the leatherette chair pulled up to the small table holding her laptop. Anyone watching her would think the tacky autumn still life hanging framed but unmatted above the bed mesmerized her. In reality she saw nothing but the look on his face when she had struck him. Closing her eyes didn't help. The pain on his face hadn't come from her slap. The pain she had seen wasn't physical. Maybe she had overreacted. He had probably saved her life - at least saved her from a terrible injury. The man had been aiming right at her. If he hadn't shoved her to the ground she could have been killed. But could was the operative word. She'd been about to fire herself. Maybe that was part of the problem; she had so nearly shot Mulder. That caused a violent shudder to take over her body. She had seen their assailant's bullet brush through Mulder's hair as he lay partially atop her. It had been that close. He could have died saving her life - did he expect her to live with that? She could have taken the man. Her gun was out - she'd had a chance. When had Mulder decided to go all macho? Did he not believe she could handle herself? She shook herself and moved toward the bathroom. There she splashed some cold water on her face. It didn't help. She knew she should eat something, but even if she'd had an appetite, she wasn't sure anything would stay down. Instead she got ready for bed. It was ridiculously early, but she wanted the comfort of her soft pajamas and her robe around her. She stood in the shower until the water turned cool, then dried herself vigorously as though to remove all memory of the day. She hadn't heard him return. Would he return? The car was still there, so he might be in the diner, or the bar across the street. ***** She slept horribly. When she was finally able to close her eyes, it didn't last long, jerking awake from dreams or sounds. She couldn't remember a worse night. There was no way makeup was going to hide the damage. And they had a three-hour car ride ahead of them. She finally heard him next door and opened her own door to meet him at the car. She stood on the passenger's side and watched him approach her. He didn't look a whole lot better than she did. He hadn't gotten much sleep either apparently. He didn't speak, stowing their suitcases in the trunk, then opening his door and getting in. He leaned over and unlocked her door and she slid in. Neither spoke. Her anger was still too raw, too there, but it was tempered now with fear. Fear of her reaction to his rescue of her, fear of what would happen the next time, fear of what he was thinking. Her hands were in fists again. Twenty minutes later they still hadn't spoken and she wasn't sure she could keep from exploding any longer. She took a deep breath and turned to look at him for the first time that day. "Mulder." She saw him tense up instantly, his knuckles going white around the steering wheel. He was still that angry? Well, this couldn't continue. "I'm sorry that I hit you Mulder." His jaw tightened but he didn't speak. "Mulder, did you hear me?" "Yes. You're sorry. What do you want me to say?" She tried to steady herself. "Nothing Mulder. You don't have to say anything. When we get back to DC, I'll speak to Skinner. A transfer should go through in just a couple of days." She felt the car jerk slightly, then he had control again. He still didn't speak and she turned away, looking out the window. Without warning Mulder pulled the car off of the highway, into the parking lot of an abandoned gasoline station. She caught her breath and grabbed the handle of the door. He threw the car into park, then turned to her. She tensed, waiting for his words. Instead he swallowed hard, then threw off his seatbelt and exited the car, slamming the door behind him. She nearly collapsed in relief. She had actually been physically frightened of him for a moment. Then she looked back up at him. He had his back to her but something about his posture . . . She opened her door quietly and exited the car. "Mulder?" She lightly touched his arm and he moved away. "Mulder, please." "What happened? What the hell did I do? I don't know where this is coming from!" She studied his shoes for a long moment. "Why did you shove me out of the way when he . . . when he fired?" He blinked at that. It wasn't what he had expected. Why? Did she really ask that question? "Do you not think I'm a capable agent? That I can't handle myself?" "What are you talking about?" "I had my gun on him. I was ready to fire - " "He was ahead of you. He would have killed you." "Do you know how close he came to killing you?" From the confused look on his face she knew that he didn't. She sighed and looked around, spotting a bench against the building. "Let's sit, okay?" He nodded, still at a loss. "Mulder, you put your life in unnecessary jeopardy." Unnecessary? His brow furrowed, but he waited. "The bullet he fired, it . . . it went through your hair." She raised a hand and lightly touched his hair. "Less than, less than an inch . . ." Her voice caught, as the dreams that had haunted her sleep were back in full force. He watched in shock as a tear escaped her eye and she wiped it quickly away. "You . . . you love me." The awe in his voice struck her. She looked up, startled. "Of course I do, you stupid idiot!" Then, to his horror, she burst into tears. "Scully? Don't . . . don't cry." He put his arm around her awkwardly. It only increased her tears. He hesitated an instant, then drew her into his lap. She stiffened slightly. "Just relax Scully, it's okay." He was only mildly surprised when she did relax against him and give in to her emotions. After a few minutes she sat up and took the handkerchief he offered. He kept quiet; he could only screw things up from here. "Mulder, one inch - if that bullet had been one inch lower you would have died in my arms right there. You would've died for no good reason - " "I would've saved you." That stopped her and she looked up at him. "How do we work like this?" Then as though suddenly realizing where she was, she tensed and rose from his lap. His hands twitched to hold her in place, but he managed to stop himself. "Mulder, we can't do this." He rose and stood over her, "Scully, how can I do less? I cannot stand by and watch you get hurt or . . . or die. I can't." She seemed to shrink in front of him. "Then we can't be partners. Not if . . . Not if we can't put this aside while we're at work." He didn't speak. He couldn't dispute her words exactly, but he couldn't put it aside, not for an instant. He hadn't been able to for years; did she not know that? "Are you really going to ask Skinner for a transfer?" She couldn't look up at him. Was he aware that his hands were trembling slightly? She sank back down onto the bench. "What else can I do?" "Do you think another partner can watch your back better? Like Ritter?" She did look up then, her eyes flashing with anger again for an instant. It didn't last and her shoulders slumped. "No. You're the only one I trust." He resumed his own seat beside her. "We're screwed Scully." She actually chuckled at that, to his surprise. "The one thing we can't do." He gaped at her then. Had Scully said that? "Scully?" She looked up at him and saw the look on his face. "Sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't sleep well last night." Mulder nodded, he hadn't either. "Scully, if . . . if we weren't . . . partners, would we see each other?" She looked at him puzzled, "Of course we would. We work in the same building." "No, no I meant 'see' each other." "You mean . . . date?" "Well I'm a little old to be thinking about dating, but . . .yeah." "I . . . is that what you want? I mean, I just hit you for saving my life." "Did you? Or did you hit me because you were scared? Scully, I said this before, but you need to hear me this time, I love you." He saw the fear in her eyes at that statement and felt despair surround him like a fog. He looked away then and leaned back against the building, letting his head rest against the brick. "What was I thinking? How could I have thought a woman like you could be interested that way in Spooky Mulder?" He closed his eyes. He felt her hand on his knee, "You asked me once, a long time ago, if I thought you were spooky. I didn't give you a straight answer then, but I can now. No. I've never thought of you as spooky. That's not to say you don't surprise me; come at me from left field a lot of the time, but spooky, no." She looked away again, "No, the fear comes from knowing that I can't . . . Mulder, I've never had a relationship like what you're talking about. I've never been in love with anyone, you know my track record with men." "They've been the wrong men, Scully. We've lasted." "We haven't been in that kind of relationship." "If you mean the physical, okay, but you've been my life for years. I didn't say 'in my life' Scully, I said my life." She was looking frightened again. "Mulder, I . . . I don't know if I can give you what you need. I've never been able to for anyone else." "What is it you think I need?" "I . . . I don't know. I don't, I never thought about it." "Then why do you think you wouldn't be able to give me what I need? Why don't you know that you already do?" She looked up at him startled at those words. "I do?" He shook his head at her in frustration. "Scully, you trust me. You let me into your life, as much as I see you let anyone in." Her face fell at that. "I'm not complaining; I'm there a lot more than I used to be. It's hard for you; for some reason, it's harder for you to let me in than it is for me to let you in. But then, you're the only person I've ever tried to let in, so . . . " He shrugged. "Mulder, you've had other relationships - Phoebe, Diana." "I wasn't talking about sex Scully. Well, not exclusively. I slept with Phoebe, but I was never part of her life and she made it clear that was the only facet of my life she wanted. It was complicated with Diana, I guess I felt I . . . I owed her or something. I took the X-Files from her. We found them together, kind of, and then I got more and more involved and she finally drifted away. I couldn't even tell you when she left. One day I just realized she wasn't around as much, then she transferred to Europe. I honestly didn't miss her." "Do you think you would miss me?" He looked at her stunned, "I miss you every night when I go home. Hell, I miss you when you go get a cup of coffee without me. It's not the same; it's never been the same. I never told either of them that I loved them." She shivered slightly at those words. He closed his eyes in defeat. "You're scared of me, of us. Scully what can I do?" "I'm not scared of you. I'm . . . I don't think I can . . . you'll tire of me." She wouldn't look at him. "Are you . . . are we talking about sex here?" "Mulder -" "Scully, do you enjoy sex?" "What?" Her eyes widened. "Do you come? Orgasm?" "Mulder, I absolutely am not going to have this conversation with you." "Come on Scully, it's important. What about Jack? Did you come with Jack?" He was gripping her hand. "I . . . I guess so." "You guess so? Scully, if the man's doing it right, you'd know." She couldn't get him to let go of her hand, not without more effort than she wanted to use for some reason. "What about with Ed?" "Who?' She looked up puzzled at that. "Ed Jerse." "I didn't have sex with Ed Jerse!" She watched the look of delight come over his face. "You stayed overnight." "It was snowing and I'd had a few drinks." "And a tattoo." Her eyebrow rose as her eyes narrowed. "Did you really think I slept with a man on a first, on an only, date?" "When's the last time you were with a man Scully?" He was on thin ice and going even farther out, but she hadn't run yet. "That's none of your business!" "I know, but - " "Mulder, we have a two and a half hour drive ahead of us. We should get going." She started to rise, but he put his hand on her arm. "I know, but this is not a conversation I can have while I'm driving." "This is not a conversation we should be having at all!" "Scully, when?" She closed her eyes and shook her head, but heard herself answering. "Just before I was assigned to the X- Files." "Was he . . . special?" "No. A mutual friend introduced us. We dated for a while, then I got . . . busy." "What was his name?" She looked at him for a long moment. "Steve. Okay?" "Steve. Scully, they've been the wrong men." "And I suppose you think you're the right man. Mulder, how did this conversation turn to sex? We were talking about not being able to work together anymore because of our personal relationship. You think sex wouldn't complicated our relationship even further?" "Well I'll admit I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself." She snorted at that and rose from the bench. "Let's go." He rose himself then and she could see he was already deep in thought. Great, just what she needed after that conversation, Mulder to be contemplating something. He didn't hesitate to put his hand on her back walking to the car, though he knew better than to open the door for her. After she was buckled he started the engine. "We should get something to eat." She automatically started to protest, but then realized she hadn't had dinner last night or breakfast this morning. Now her appetite returned full force. "Okay, whatever you find." He nodded and pulled out onto the highway. They pulled into a diner just a couple of miles down the road. They were quiet again, but the hostility from before was missing - she was quiet, out of embarrassment mostly for letting the conversation travel into such personal areas, and he was obviously still thinking about things. ***** She was surprised when they approached DC that he didn't head for the office, turning instead toward his apartment. "Mulder, my car's at work." "I'll take you there later. We need to finish the talk we started." "No! That conversation is over. Mulder, take me to the office." "Scully, I infuriated you last night by saving your life at what you saw as the expense of my own. I didn't even think about it and I won't next time either. If you really are planning to ask for a transfer I'm not going to just walk away." She was reading his expression. Finally she sighed, he was never going to let this go. She shouldn't have threatened him with a transfer. His fear of abandonment was too strong. Besides, could she leave him? But how could she not? Her dirty little secret was that she would have done the same thing to save him. She closed her eyes to escape him. She could actually feel him tense up from her side of the car. "Mulder, I don't know what else there is to say." "Scully, are you going to ask for a transfer?" "Not tomorrow. I need some time to think." He took a breath and pulled onto his street. "You still won't take me to get my car?" "Not yet. Scully, please." He cut the engine and pocketed the keys. Then he looked over at her once more and let himself out of the car. After a slight hesitation she unbuckled herself and opened her own door. She followed him to his apartment rather than let him touch her again. Once the door was open he turned back to her and let her precede him inside. "So what now Mulder? You want to do it, just cut through the crap and do it here on the floor?" "Yes, but I won't." That response startled her and she actually took a step back. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I would never do that. When we finally do get together, I want you to want it as much as I do. I want you to enjoy it, like you've never enjoyed anything before in your life." He grinned then, "Like I said, no pressure on me." He grew serious then. "Scully, I can't be myself anymore without you." He held his hand out to her. To his immense relief she took it in her own. "I don't know if I can either Mulder. And damn it, you've given me a lot to think about. But I promise, I won't put in for that transfer, if you promise not to put yourself in danger without thinking about the consequences for me. You don't want to make me that angry again." He nodded and squeezed her hand. "I promise to work on it." She relaxed slightly then, he had turned her world inside out over the last couple of days. She'd gone from fury to embarrassment to . . . to actual contemplation of a physical relationship with this man. But who else had ever been able to conjure such emotions from her? She ducked her head to hide the smile. At least she wasn't angry with him anymore. Title - Anger Revisited Author - Donna Email address - donnah@pop.uky.edu URL - www.geocities.com/Area51/Quadrant/4571/ Rating - NC-17 Category - MSR Spoilers - None Keywords - Mulder/Other, M/S Summary - Sequel to Anger Feedback - Please Disclaimer - Mulder, Scully, the Lone Gunmen and Skinner all belong to Chris Carter, 10-13 and Fox. No infringement intended Anger Revisited He kept glancing over at her, and knowing her, she had to be aware of it. Okay, get to work, put her out of your mind, and try desperately one more time to put last night's dreams out of your head. He turned to the computer, his back to her as she went through the files. An uncomfortable silence fell over the office, but he did manage to wrench his mind back to work. Some time later something made him look up and he caught her staring at him. She blushed immediately at being caught; then to his surprise, she actually made a noise like a growl, slammed the file drawer shut and headed out the door. He was on his feet in an instant and caught her before she could press the button for the elevator. He grabbed her arm to turn her towards him, then remembered the last time he had made such a move. He released her instantly and put his hands in the air to signal his surrender. "What's wrong?" "Nothing." She nearly spat the word at him. "Oh no you don't. What did I do? I don't remember either of us being shot at this morning and I haven't ditched you in the last twelve hours, so what is it?" He wasn't going to let her get away with it this time. "You've ruined my life." That statement was met with a stunned silence and he saw the regret for her rash words cloud her eyes immediately. Finally he took a step towards her, "You're just now getting pissed about that?" The fact that he had made a joke of it seemed to relax her slightly. "Please come back to the office and talk to me." He thought she was going to refuse, but after a long moment she did turn toward his door. "What did I do?" He sat on the corner of the desk and watched her. "You've just made me think about, about things I don't want to think about." That took him a second, then his face lit up like a Christmas tree. Her own eyes narrowed and her eyebrow rose. He immediately attempted to make his expression bland, but there was nothing he could do about the twinkle in his eye. "Listen, why don't we go to dinner tonight and just talk. Wait a minute," he put up his hand to forestall her automatic protest. "Not about anything specific, let's just go and not talk about work or problems or anything. We can relax and just visit." "Visit?" "Come on, where's your sense of adventure?" He heard the growl again, but then, "Pizza?" "No, a real dinner. I'll pick you up at seven." "Pick me up?" "Yes, and I won't make you eat in the car. How's that?" "I . . . I, uh, I - " "I'll take that as a yes. Now, can I get back to this report? You know I like to keep the paperwork up to date." Her eyes narrowed again and he readied himself to duck in case she threw the stapler at him, but instead she turned back toward the files and jerked the drawer she had been using back open. Rather than ruin everything, he kept his mouth shut and returned to the computer. He had to at least make a pretense of work now. But to know that she was thinking about the conversation they'd had was . . . stimulating. When she opened the door she was more than a little surprised to see that he was wearing a tie. He had changed out of the suit, but had on a sports jacket that was cut perfectly for him. Damn he looked good in clothes, and he didn't have to watch his weight or anything. Okay, he ran and swam, but he seemed to enjoy it, while she had to confine herself to yogurt and salads to stay in her clothes. And why the hell was she ogling him anyway. The man was impossible and he'd thrown her completely off guard with the talk they'd had at an abandoned gasoline station of all places. She felt off balance around him now and that wasn't good. One thing she had learned after all these years with the man was that she had to stay on her toes to keep up with him. "Scully? May I come in?" Shit. She nodded and stepped back to allow him entry. "You okay?" "I'm fine Mulder." "Good. You look nice." She blinked at that. A compliment? This was going to be a long night. "Uh, thanks." She had changed as well into a light summer dress, nothing he had ever seen before. Now she was glad she'd thought to do it. He was the one eyeing her now. A thin little dress like that - who'd have thought Scully owned something like this. It was powder blue and sleeveless, and it flared slightly just above her knees. This was going to be a fun evening. "Ready to go?" "Uh, sure." She picked up a small handbag and a wrap. Mulder put his hand on her back and escorted her to the car. Her eyebrow rose when he opened the door for her but she said nothing. He got in and pulled out into traffic. After a couple of minutes, she looked up from her hands. "Where are we going?' "A little place I heard of. I think you'll like it." He didn't offer the name and she didn't want to push. Besides, she was feeling unaccountably shy around the man. They were quiet on the drive, but he didn't press. When he pulled up in front of the Hay-Adams she turned to look at him. "Here?" "Sure, why not?" "It's, Mulder, it's expensive." "So we can't eat here every night. But tonight, we can. Come on." The valet had come to the car and opened her door. She glanced over at Mulder one more time and then allowed the valet to help her from the car. Mulder's hand was on her back again to walk her inside. The maitre'd nodded at them. "Sir?" "We have reservations, under Mulder." The matre'd glanced down at his book. "Yes sir, Mr. Mulder. Your table is ready. Please follow me." Mulder glanced over at Scully and winked, then had his hand on her back again. Surely he didn't always touch her this much? Why was she so aware of it tonight? He ordered a bottle of wine and she sat watching him. This was a mistake; she should have refused his offer of dinner. She would have, if she'd any idea he was talking about something like this. Once the waiter left the table, Mulder looked over at her again. "You know, we could have a conversation." "I guess I'm wondering if I should call you Eddie." Mulder grinned, "No, it's me - Fox." She looked down again and he sighed. Had he made a mistake? The wine arrived and when they both had a glass, he ducked down to see her eyes. "A toast?" "What would we toast to?" "How about partnerships, of all kinds." Her eyes widened, but when his glass touched hers, she nodded and drank with him. She was still too quiet for him. He needed to get her to loosen up, so he picked a topic. "What's your mother up to? You haven't mentioned her lately." "Oh, she's fine. She's getting ready to go to California to spend some time with Tara and Matthew." "Not Bill?" "He's shipping out, so she's going to keep Tara company." "They get along really well, don't they?" "Well, Tara lost her mother when she was young, so she appreciates Mom. And they have a lot in common, both navy wives, kids." "Kids?" "Uh, yeah. Tara's pregnant again. That's another reason for Mom to go out there." "Is she having problems?" "Just morning sickness I think, and having an active little boy." She looked down again and he realized what a bad topic he had stumbled onto. He managed not to sigh. The last time Tara had given birth, Scully had lost her only child. He glanced over as he heard the music start. "Hey Scully, may I have this dance?" She looked up startled. "What?" "Dance, you know, move to the music." "What, what if someone sees us?" "What if they do? It's just a dance. Come on, it's been a long time since we danced." She watched him rise and looked at the hand he held out to her. She saw her own hand be encompassed as he held her chair. She let him lead her onto the dance floor, and take her into his arms. A long time? They'd only danced once in all the years they had been together. Well, one occasion, more than one dance at that particular time. She could feel his breath on her ear and it was making her body tense up. She nearly jumped when he whispered, "breathe," into her ear. But she followed his advice. He fully appreciated the deep breath she took in his arms and felt her relax. The dancing immediately became smoother, easier and he pulled her slightly closer. They danced through a second number before returning to their seats for their appetizer. He held her chair again, and when he seated himself looked into her eyes. "Thank you." She smiled back at him and decided it was her turn, "Where did you learn to dance, Mulder?" He rolled his eyes and said, "It's a boring story." Her eyebrow rose, "What was her name?" "Who said there was a her?" He countered. "So you learned to dance with another man? I'm surprised you didn't let me lead part of the time." He grinned then, caught. "Phoebe." "Ah, the fabulous Ms. Green. Was she a good dancer?" "Phoebe liked to party. Dancing was part of that and I had to keep up or . . . " "Maybe I should drop her a note of thanks." "That's okay. I'd just as soon we let the whole thing drop." He poured some more wine in her glass. "You don't talk much about England. Did you enjoy it?" She asked after nodding her thanks. "Mmm, that's a good question. I think I did, I know I enjoyed getting away from home. The fact that I got a little homesick surprised me though." She nodded, even though she hadn't lived in any one place that long, when she had moved out to go to college she had felt the same. "I didn't hang out with a lot of people, I know you probably can't imagine in, but I was something of a loner." Her smile brought a grin to his face. "Really, you, a loner? Did Oxford not have keggers." "They had their equivalent, but with my father's history . . . " Both of them sobered again. "You know what the problem is, Mulder? We can't have a first date kind of conversation. We know each other too well. What we have to talk about, whether we want to or not, is the problem of developing an emotional attachment with a partner." "Developing?" He spoke, stunned. "Well," she backed off a little. "When would you say you realized there was some attachment?" She looked down immediately and took a sip of wine. She was getting back into dangerous territory here. "Okay, I guess that's a fair question. I think I realized it, to a degree anyway, when we were on a case in Oregon. The power had gone out and you knocked on my door. I let you in, wearing only your robe." "Mulder - " "Hey, you asked. I'd been treating you like shit, I didn't trust you at all, because I knew that Blevins had sent you to shut me down and you still came to me when you needed reassurance. It was a first for me and poked a hole in an armor that I'd kept intact for years. Then of all things, I find you on my bed and I'm talking to you. I'm talking about Samantha. How the hell that happened I still don't know. I hadn't spoken about her in a decade, not out loud. Here I am sitting at your feet and pouring my guts out, like some teenage boy with a crush." His eyes hadn't left her face and he saw the wonder in her own eyes. "Did you really not know what happened that night?" "I . . . I may have, but I didn't know . . . " "I guess it was a lot longer for you to realize we had an attachment. At least I think you've realized it." She glared at him for an instant, then got serious. "Well it didn't take me all that long." "When Scully?" She took a deep breath, "On the Toomes case. I found myself defending you to Tom. I'd never done that. But it was like he was attacking my family or something from a fourth grade playground fight." "You talking about when he didn't want to let me in that house?" "No, before that. We went to lunch - " "You had a date?" "Not a date Mulder. We went to lunch, that's when he brought up the case in the first place and I volunteered us, you. He wasn't happy about it. Then, that night, the night Toomes broke into my apartment, the whole time he was there, in my mind I was screaming for you. When you broke down the door, it was like you heard me and I knew it was going to be okay. I knew you wouldn't let him hurt me." He was gaping at her, "If . . . if this is the way we feel, why have we waited over six years to have this talk?" "Mulder, we work together. An office romance - " "Office romance? Do you really think that what you and I have could be considered an office romance?" Before she could respond, the waiter appeared at their table with their food. She barely remembered ordering. They ate in silence for a few minutes, but it wasn't uncomfortable, each taking in what the other had said. "Scully - " "This is good, Mulder. Would you like to try some of my salmon?" He shook his head, allowing her the space. When she put down her fork, finished, he tried again. "Scully, you didn't answer my question." "Would you dance with me again?" "I'd love to." He wasn't going to get an answer until she was ready. He might as well give in graciously. She came into his arms much easier this time and they enjoyed several dances before returning to their table for coffee and to share a dessert. As soon as the waiter left them alone again, she spoke. "No Mulder, I don't believe we have an office romance or a fling. I know it's deeper than that, but isn't that the problem?" "It doesn't have to be, Scully." "I don't think I could stand seeing you push me out of the way and get injured yourself, Mulder." He looked into her eyes for a long moment. "Scully, this isn't a new thing. I would have done the same thing last year, or the year before or . . . for as long as I can remember." "I know." She spoke softly and sighed. He didn't have an answer for that. He held the door for her again when the valet brought the car around. She was quiet, but she didn't seem upset, more contemplative. The problem was, he wasn't sure that was good. They'd been driving about ten minutes when he heard her clear her throat, in preparation to speak. He waited quietly. "Mulder . . . " She wouldn't look at him. "Do you really think you could make me come?" The car jerked as he nearly lost control. He pulled to the side of the road and looked over at her. "Yeah, Scully. Or die trying." That startled a laugh from her. "You think I'd be that difficult?" He looked deeply into her eyes then. "Do you trust me?" She nodded solemnly. "Then the only real question is, your place or mine?" "I have clean sheets." Scully's lips twitched. "Your place." He grinned and pulled back into traffic. ***** She opened her door and he followed her inside. "What . . . what do we do now?" "Now, you just relax. Have a seat there on the couch, I'll be right back." He slipped off his jacket and loosened his tie. She expected him to head toward the bedroom, but instead he moved into the kitchen. She sank onto the couch trying to keep her mind a careful blank. He emerged a couple of minutes later with two glasses of wine. He saw the liquid tremble slightly as she took a glass in her hand. He sat at the other end of the couch and placed his own glass on the coffee table, then lifted her feet, dropping her shoes on the floor. "What are you doing?" "Massaging your feet. Just lean back and let me relax you, okay?" She nodded and watched him; his concentration on making her feel good was extraordinary. After a few minutes, he placed her feet back on the floor. "Turn around Scully." "What?" "Let me rub your shoulders." She kind of nodded and turned her back to him. His hands were warm and smooth. He had given her shoulder rubs in the past, nothing wrong with that. After a few minutes he leaned down to her ear. "You know Scully, nothing has to happen tonight. After six years, I'm not about to rush you." "Sure Mulder, get me all revved up and then leave - is that your plan?" But she said it lightly and he could feel the tension had not returned to her shoulders. "Well then, Agent Scully, I need a favor." "What would that be?" She asked cautiously, but for some reason not fearing whatever this man would request. "Scully, I want to look at you." She turned then and looked at him questioningly. He rose and pulled her gently to her feet. Barefoot, he towered even taller over her. He started toward her bedroom, still holding her hand, carrying their wine glasses in his other. Oh. She said nothing. She wasn't a virgin, though she realized she'd been less nervous then. To be honest, it hadn't mattered as much. Rather than 'giving it away', she'd more 'gotten rid of it' to see what her friends were talking about. Maybe that was her problem now. She hadn't waited until she was ready, until she'd found someone special. Special like this man was. "Scully? You with me?" She took a deep breath and managed a small smile. After a second he nodded and turned her toward the bed. He slowly lowered the zipper on her dress and let it fall to the floor. She'd made it easy on him; she was only wearing a bra and panties underneath, no stockings or slip. He turned her back toward him. Her body was as beautiful as he had always imagined. How the hell had he waited this long? He helped her step from the dress and draped it over a chair, then reached around her and unclasped her bra. He tossed the bra to the chair as well and cupped her full breasts in his hands. She shuddered as his thumbs caressed her nipples. They hardened to little buds and he smiled. Only her mind was ambivalent about this. "Do you know how beautiful you are?" She blinked, unable to speak. He leaned closer and kissed her forehead then moved on down to her eyelids, nose and finally lips. He nipped and nibbled on them as he moved her toward the bed. When the back of her knees touched the bed, he stopped. "Scully?" She nodded and he pulled down the covers and helped her recline. He removed his tie and shirt, then toed off his shoes and lay beside her. "Mu . . . Mulder?" "Um?" His lips had moved down to her throat. His hand remained busy exploring her body, caressing her belly and finally brushing the curls at her core. She gasped then and he slowed. "Scully, I don't want to rush you." "You're . . . you're not." He smiled faintly at that. "I'm not sure about that. I want you Scully. But if this isn't right for you . . . " She closed her eyes then, not able to look at him. "What if you can't . . . what if . . . " "You said you trusted me." "I do." "Then all I want you to do is relax." He moved away from her and he processed the sound she made as a whimper. He might have imagined it, but this was important, no way was he going to rush her. He handed her the wineglass. "Do you have to get me drunk to do this." "No. I don't want you drunk. I want you to want this as much as I do, but I want you not to be stressed about it. I want you to enjoy it." She took the wine, "That's what I want too." She spoke faintly. "You're putting too much pressure on yourself. It's me Scully, Mulder, you know me and most of the time you like me." That brought a smile to her face. "Yeah, most of the time." "We're friends?" She nodded. "You ever slept with a friend before?" Now she shook her head slightly. He waggled his eyebrows. "Then let me handle this Scully. You just lie back and enjoy." She laughed nervously then. "All of this because I was so pissed off at you?" "Yeah. I should have done something to tick you off years ago." Now she laughed out loud. "Right." He pressed the glass closer to her lips and she drank. Then he tilted the glass toward his own lips and sipped a little himself. He returned to her navel then and licked her with his wine wet tongue. She shivered slightly, but he noted she moved to stay in contact with his tongue. He smiled to himself and continued his exploration of parts of Scully's body that he had only fantasized about in the past. His hands seemed to have a mind of their own, touching, caressing and enjoying the feel of her silky skin. When he finally allowed himself to nuzzle her damp curls, she didn't tense up. She did trust him. He wanted this to be good for her; hell, he was going to be her first for all intents and purposes and that was going to be as special as he could make it. This was a new aroma for him; he could sense Scully, but this was new. This was the scent of her arousal and he had caused it. He let his fingers entice her as he watched her face. Her eyes were closed, but her face was still full of wonder. Had she really not ever had this before? Her body was made for this, why had no man ever taken this time? Or had she not let any man get this close. That's what he'd like to believe. While he watched her, he slipped a finger inside of her and she bucked, her eyes flying open. "It's okay Scully." She nodded and he slipped a second finger into her warmth. She was tight, but she didn't feel tense. He withdrew and moved down her body. His tongue replaced his fingers and she jerked. "Mulder, no." "Why not Scully?" "It's . . ." "Too personal? I want to be very personal with you. Just relax; feel. I won't hurt you." "I know." She whispered. He returned to her body and in seconds had her writhing underneath him. Now his tongue and fingers were in play and he heard her moan. She was ready; now could he get her to go over the edge? He pressed firmly on the tiny bundle of nerves he had been teasing and was rewarded with her eyes flying open and her entire body convulsing toward him. He smiled and folded her into his arms to keep her secure as these new sensations coursed through her. When her breathing even out enough to speak, she looked up at him. He was grinning like a fool and color flooded her face. "Any questions, Scully?" "I should be more furious now than I was a few days ago." "What? Are you going to tell me - " "You've held out on me that you could do this for all these years? I should never speak to you again." "But Scully, if you did that, you'd never know what else I can do." "Just how angry do I have to get for you to show me the rest?" "Ummm, good question. Just how angry do you think you can get? This could be real fun . . . "