TITLE: Comfortable Tension EMAIL: cybill@pacbell.net; xfilesopus@msn.com AUTHOR: Cybill & Xfilesopus RATING: NC-17 CLASSIFICATION: MSR, SMUT, A SPOILERS: Set after FTF DISCLAIMER: We don't own them but if we did, the MSR fans would have been happier. Smut happens, that's all we're going to say about that. KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully Romance SUMMARY: Mulder and Scully are always filled with tension ... this story deals with it. FEEDBACK: We would worship the ground you walked on if you sent feedback. See email addresses above. BETA THANKS: Cratz, you are one of a kind. You stun us with your beta-prowess. The work you did on this story (well, you know how much you did on this story) was amazing. You always make us better than we are and teach us lessons along the way. More Cybill & Xfilesopus: If you like this piece, go check out our other collaborative fics and solo works at www.cybillxfilesopus.com. XXXXXXXXX August 13, 1998 Hover Building Arrgghh! Cubicles. I have a degree from Oxford University, and my desk is a cubicle. Of all the humiliations that Scully and I have had to endure since the fire, this is the one that bothers me the most. It's not even a nice cubicle, with walls that go five feet high where you could actually hang things. No, I have three foot walls that surround a couple of desks. It's humiliating. The other day, I saw the perfect Dilbert cartoon. It said, "I ask for so little, and boy do I get it." If I had a wall on which to hang that, I believe that would be my new personal motto. Out with the "I Want To Believe," in with the Dilbert. I enter our area and see Scully's on the phone. "Tonight? Yes, I'll be there." Who's she meeting? "My apartment is fine. No really, it's no trouble." Her apartment? I really shouldn't be eavesdropping on her, but her clipped replies pique my interest. I stop outside of her view and focus my attention on her conversation. "Yes, I'm sure. It's a date then. I'll see you in a couple hours." Hmm, that's interesting. Scully has plans. Good for her. "Yes, I'm excited too. Bye." I slide into my seat and try not to appear too interested in Scully's conversation. Of course, I'm not interested. She's my colleague. I'm no more interested in her off duty activities than I was in Jerry's or Reggie's or any of my other past partners. Then again, my previous partners weren't Scully. I never saved them from an alien space ship. I never tried to kiss any of them (except Diana, but that was just a disaster and she kissed me … I never ever kissed her back), and I certainly never fell in love with my previous partners. I did fall in love with Scully. But I'm over that now. I nearly kissed her. She knows that and I know that and neither of us has mentioned it since. So, I can only think that she doesn't feel the same way I feel about her. Correction--felt about her, because I'm completely over it now. We're back to work and our relationship has gone back to normal. It's okay. At least I still get to see her every day. Maybe that'll be enough for me. So just to reiterate, I don't care about what Scully is doing or who she's doing it with. She'll probably tell me eventually, anyway. She always does. At least I think she does. She tells me everything. Actually, I have no idea how much she tells me. In my weaker moments, I used to wallow in self pity and get myself all worked up about what she's doing and who she's doing it with. But I'm not going to be weak now. I'm just going to do my assigned work and not worry about anything else. I glance over at Scully. I can't help myself. It's just that she's so easy on the eyes. She's scribbling something into her organizer. I'm not going to pay any attention. Nope, not gonna do it. Six seconds have passed. She's still writing and I can't ask her what she's writing. It's none of my business, really. She can do what she wants when she wants to do it. Except, not during work hours. She really should be working, not planning her social life. "Scully, how you doing on those background checks?" Best case scenario, she'll tell me what she's scribbling. Worse case scenario, she'll be mad at me for asking. "Hmmm," she says distractedly. She puts her index finger in the book holding her page. "What did you say Mulder?" Oh. Ouch. Correction on that worse case scenario. Scully being too engrossed in a social calendar that she didn't hear me is the pits. "Umm, nothing." I retreat quickly. It's none of my business how her background checks are going. I'm not her supervisor. Some guy named Kersh is. I turn back to my own pile of files, which I can't seem to be able to concentrate on. Not only does she seem to have something cooking for tonight, she's not paying attention to me. And I really want her to pay attention to me. She used to pay attention to me. But that was before. Before the fire, before the hallway, before the cubicle. "Okay, Mulder," she says as she starts to straighten her desk. "I only have one more file to look at and it can wait until tomorrow." She answers my earlier question and looks up at the clock. It reads 4:10 p.m. "I'm leaving a bit early." She's leaving early? She has got to be seeing a new guy. What other explanation can there be? "You are?" I ask a little more desperately than I intended. After all, I don't care what she does. We're only colleagues. "Have fun on your date." Whoops. Where did that come from? I kind of tipped my hand there. She looks up sharply. That is not going to go over well. As I keep telling myself, it's none of my business what she does without me. I clear my throat. Let me try to rephrase. Maybe she'll forget what I said. "You have big plans for the evening?" I say as calmly and as nonchalantly as I can. I would have asked Jerry or Reggie the same thing. "Err, not exactly but…," she continues shuffling the papers in front of her, putting them into nice neat stacks. "I, uh … I'm meeting someone. I've got to go, Mulder, I'm running a bit late as it is." She puts her purse over her shoulder and throws her coat over her arm. "Have fun," I say, hopefully with a cheerful tone. I will not let her happiness be my unhappiness. I've done it before and that led to that embarrassment in the hallway last month. I revealed way too much then because I thought I was losing her, and look where that got us. It's just better to suppress all emotions. It's easier on everyone that way. I turn back to my work. Without Scully here, I can concentrate a little better. Not that there's much meat to this new assignment. I didn't think there would ever be anything more mind-numbing than the wire tap assignment, but as it turns out, there is. Investigating manure sales is somewhere between a million and a billion times worse. Okay, let me get my priorities straight. This might not be the X-Files, but it's still work. A distraction is what I need right now because my two choices are a) concentrating on my work, however inane or b) really obsessing about what Scully is doing and who she is doing it with. The second option only leads to heartache. She's my partner and nothing more. Background checks, take me away! A cheesy commercial passes through my mind and I chuckle to myself. BBBBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPP The phone breaks my concentration. Who is calling me? I grab my phone. It's not ringing. I look at my watch. I've been looking at the same file for two hours. Sometimes I even amaze myself. BBBBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPP The ringing sound seems to be coming from Scully's desk. I go over to see what it is. BBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPP Her phone. She left her phone. I pick it up and check her caller ID. It's her mother. "Hello," I answer. If it's Mrs. Scully, it must be important, right? "Fox, is that you? Why are you answering Dana's phone?" she asks. I feel an overwhelming sense of pride that she recognizes my voice. It's always comforting to me that Mrs. Scully knows me. "Uh, she left it here in the office." Actually, come to think of it, I don't know exactly why I answered her phone. "She left. I mean she's not here. Would you like to leave a message?" "Oh, no, Fox, that's okay. I'll talk to her later. I just wanted to check in with her." Of course. That's what normal mothers do. "Okay, bye. I'll tell her you called," I say lamely. Then the thought occurs to me. Scully can't be without her phone. I should return it to her. Right away. Even if it means accidentally disrupting her date. She wouldn't want to be without her phone, right? I would have done the same for anyone I consider a friend. XXX Dana Scully's Apartment Mulder was acting a bit strange when I left. I wonder if it's just the monotony of background checks that's bothering him. I hope they put us back on the X-files soon. I don't know how much more of his mood I can stand before I throttle him. All right, maybe I'm being too hard on the guy. He's just as unhappy about what's going on at work as I am. I'm going to try to be a little more sympathetic. Maybe I'll have him go out with Amy and me somewhere this weekend. If he wants to, that is. He could use a fun night out. Hell, I could use a fun night out! Three quick knocks on the door break through the fog of thought swirling throughout my mind. She's here. I open the door and she hurls herself toward me, clasping me in a bear hug. Same ol' Amy. "Danes! God, I've missed you!" she almost screams. I squeeze her tightly in our embrace. "Oh, me too, Amy. Me too! I'm so glad you're here!" I say as I back away and look into her face. Her smile is bright but her eyes have a haunted look about them. They're not twinkling as they always used to. There are dark circles beneath them which are a testament to her not sleeping well. When the hell did I start profiling my friends? Mulder has had more of an influence on me than I thought. I never used to look at people in this manner. Her smile slowly decreases. "Come on, Ames. Come sit down with me on the couch. I can make some coffee and we can talk about what's been happening." "Thanks Dana. Did I tell you how much I appreciate this?" she says with her head hung and her long brown hair hiding her face. "Yes, you have. Several times, as a matter-of-fact and I'll remind you again--I want you here. I haven't had a lot of time to spend with my friends the past couple years. I've been looking forward to your visit since your call, even though the circumstances aren't the best." She nods her head, takes off her jacket and hangs it on the coat-tree. "I'll make us some coffee and then I thought we'd decide about dinner." "That sounds great," she says as I make my way into the kitchen. I start the coffeemaker, grab a couple cups and pour in the sugar and cream while the coffee brews. I exit the kitchen, coffee mugs in hand. Amy's standing by the mantle, holding a picture frame. "This your partner?" she says, gesturing toward the picture. "That it is," I say, handing her the mug and looking at the picture. "Mulder and I received an award for excellence in the field on a cold case we solved." That's when we had the X-files still, I remind myself sadly. "What's his first name again? I know you call him Mulder but you've never mentioned his first name." "Fox." "Well I can see that, Dana, but what's his real name?" she laughs. That sets me into a fit of giggles. "No, Amy. His name is Fox, not he's a fox!" I laugh again. "Seriously. No shit?" she looks at me, grinning from ear to ear. I nod my head in the affirmative, still laughing lightly. "Boy, did his parents have foresight. Damn, Danes, you never said he was this good-looking. I mean, damn. Are you sleeping with him?" "Amy! No, I'm not sleeping with him!" I say, completely serious. Why is it that every girl that sees Mulder thinks he's the cat's meow? Okay, maybe he is remarkably good-looking but still. "Is he married?" I shake my head no. "Gay?" I shake my head no again, smiling. "Asshole?" "No, he's none of those things, Amy." "Then why the hell aren't you sleeping with him?" "He's my partner," I stutter out, stupefied. "So what? Have you ever looked at the man?" I laugh again lightly, shaking my head exasperatedly. "I mean, how can you be next to this," she points at the picture, bringing it closer so I can see exactly what she's pointing to, "and not want to jump his bones? By the way, when was the last time you had a date, Danes?" Yup, same ol' Amy. Always trying to set me up. "May I remind you that he's my partner? P-A-R-T-N-E- R," I spell out for emphasis. "The bureau frowns upon fraternization between partners." Okay so that sounded ridiculous even out of my mouth but it is true. "Well, if my "partner," as you call him, looked like that," again she points at the infamous picture she's holding, "I'd risk it. Can't wait to meet him," she says as she puts the frame back on the mantle. The words "can't wait to meet him" send chills down my spine. Once she sets her sights on a guy, she always has him, in more ways than one. Plus, she's his type. Tall, dark hair, big breasts, long legs--in a sense, perfect. My temperature rises and I try to control the irrational response I'm having to her polite gesture. She's here because she's worried about her relationship with Russell, not to find a new boy toy. Of course, if she wanted Mulder, he'd gladly acquiesce. She's beautiful. I push the thoughts out of my mind and finish the last gulp of my coffee. Three knocks on the door startle me out of my funk. Amy looks up and says, "I'll get it." With a bounce in her step she rushes to open the door. For a minute sheer fear takes my breath away. She has no idea who may be at the door. I'm about to say "no" when she pulls the door open, gasping and taking a step back. Oh, please, God, no! I jump up and gasp myself when I see it's just Mulder. Thank God. Man, I'm jittery. I've got to relax. I should have poured wine instead of coffee. Mulder looks a little confused and then quickly reaches out his hand to Amy, "Fox Mulder, I'm Scully's partner." Amy takes his hand and shakes it a little too long for my liking. "Amy, it's good to meet you, Fox. Real good," she says as he steps in. She looks at his butt and bites her knuckles while he faces me. She lips the word, "Hot," and waves her hand, imitating fanning her face. I ignore her blatant flirting and the checking out of Mulder's behind. "Mulder, what are you doing here?" I say. XXX Dana Scully's Apartment Oh. My. God. That is Dana's partner. The picture did not do him justice. He's a hunk. Tall, dark, handsome. He's giving her some lame excuse for coming over. Her phone. She left her cell phone at work. Big deal. He drove all the way here from DC just to bring her a phone. Something she could have gotten when she went back to work in the morning. Doesn't matter, I'm glad he's here. Wow. She really never mentioned how incredibly hot her partner is. If I didn't love Russell, I'd be on him like white on rice. She's thanking him graciously for bringing her phone by. So cordial, my Danes. He's smiling a bit shyly, taking curious glances in my direction. She must not have mentioned I was coming for a visit. That's just like her. She always used to keep work separate from home but with this guy, I think he gives her a run for her money. Oh, wait a minute, she's thanking him and walking towards the door. Oh no you don't, Miss Thing. I want to get to know this secret little portion of your life you've so conveniently left out of any previous conversations. "Fox, you're not leaving so soon are you? Dana and I were just about to contemplate dinner options. I'd love it if you'd stay." He looks from me to her. What? He needs permission? She must wear the pants in this relationship, if you could even call it a relationship. "Danes, I want to get to know your friend. Let's make it a threesome tonight. It will be fun," I tell her rather convincingly. She looks over to Mulder and then back at me. Hmmmm. Looks like there isn't a leader in this pack. Guess I'm going to have to push the limits a bit. "Okay, well then, it's settled. You've got to eat right?" He shrugs and looks back over at Dana. She's giving me the evil eye but turns to him and smiles. "Yes, Mulder, we'd love to have you for dinner. I was thinking about whipping up some chicken, rice and vegetables if you're interested." He smiles and looks back at me grinning from ear to ear. Holy … she "owns" him. We just sat there and had an entire conversation while he stood there and waited for the jury's verdict. This is going to be an interesting evening. "Well, I wouldn't want to intrude," he says with his head bowed a bit. "Fox, of course you're not intruding. Is he Dana?" I gesture to Dana. "We didn't have any plans. Besides, the more the merrier, right Danes?" Again I look over to Dana for confirmation. "Of course, Mulder. Stay. I'll open up a bottle of wine. How does that sound?" she says warmly. "That sounds really good," he says happily, taking off his coat. What is it with these two? They've been partners for years yet they continue to walk circles around each other. There's got to be more to their partnership then either of them is letting on. "I'll take your coat, Fox." He hands it to me and I turn and put it on the tree. He stands there silently, not knowing what to do with himself. Strange fella, this Fox Mulder. I nod to Dana; she picks up on his discomfort quickly. "I'll get the wine. Have a seat." She waves her hand towards the couch. He goes completely around me and sits on the far end of the couch. I take the chair across from him, leaving the seat next to him open for Dana. "So you're Dana's mysterious partner, huh?" I start. "Umm, I don't know how mysterious I am, but yeah, I'm her partner." He leans his elbows on his knees and clasps his hands in front of him. "Well, I don't know much about what it is you and Dana do. I know you investigate a lot of unsolved cased but Dana's pretty mysterious about her work. And about you," I add. This ought to get him talking. He chuckles lightly. "I guess there's not that much to tell, actually." "Oh come on! You guys are FBI agents. That alone seems utterly fascinating." At that moment Dana enters with three wine glasses and a bottle of white wine tucked under her arm. "Leave the poor guy alone, Ames. Not all FBI work is fascinating." She stops for a moment and looks off into the distance as if she's remembering something. "Although we have had some wild investigations in the past. Haven't we, Mulder?" She laughs and sits next to him, setting the glasses and wine bottle on the table in front of us. She's sitting awfully close to him, seeing how much room there is on the couch. Ample room for her to sit a good couple feet from him though she chose to sit right next to him. "Oh really … Fox, tell me one of yours and Dana's cases. A really exciting one. Don't leave any of the gory details out either!" I say excitedly. "Oh, no! Mulder, watch out, she's a romance novelist. She's really into storytelling!" Dana laughs and nudges Fox's shoulder. "Oh, Amy, I'm not sure if you would want to hear about some of the things we've investigated, especially not right before dinner." He looks over at Dana "Flukeman." Dana groans, then laughs, shaking her head. "Not that one Mulder … I could live without reliving that experience!" she says, grinning. He smiles and stares at her face as she reaches for the wine and pours out the three glasses. "And then there was the case where most of the townspeople were vampires, and you were smitten with the sheriff," he laughs. "Vampires! I thought you said your work wasn't interesting? What's crazier then investigating vampires! You were hot for a sheriff, Danes? I want DETAILS and again, don't leave any of them out," I goad her. Dana takes a large swallow of her wine and turns to Mulder smiling, "I was not smitten with him. He was nice, that's all." Fox moves his attention to me, smiling. "She was smitten, probably be married to him by now if he hadn't been a vampire," he says very matter-of- factly. "That would have been perfect for you Scully ... being a country doctor in Armpit, Texas," he laughs again, toward her this time. "Too bad he was a vampire, though." "Oh please, Mulder, I was not hot for him. He was nice and granted, he drugged me and I don't remember a lot of what happened after that," she grins, "but the vampire aspect has not yet been proven." She pokes him in the arm. "I do, however, remember you on your back on the floor of the motel, pizza everywhere, singing Shaft!" She laughs and brings her hand up to her face trying to control the laughter the memory of that night is causing. "Vampires, pizza, you being drugged by a hot sheriff who may or may not have been a vampire himself." I laugh out loud, falling back against the chair. "And you…," I point to Fox, "were singing Shaft!" I start singing, "You see, this cat Shaft is a bad mother- shut your mouth!" I laugh and they both start rolling with laughter themselves. A buzzer in the kitchen goes off and Dana jumps up. "The chicken! I'll be back. I'm just going to turn it over and start the rice and vegetables." She jets out of the room in a flash and into the swinging door of the kitchen. "Wow, you and Dana really do investigate crazy things," I say to him as he's looking longingly at the kitchen door. My voice brings him out of his reverie. "Yeah, we do," he says with a smile. "You must really trust one another to be partners for so long. Have you ever had to save each other from a criminal or something like that before?" I question. I really want to know what Dana does. I know she used to be amazing in medical school but she doesn't offer much information about the FBI. "Yeah, unfortunately we have. Too many times." He shakes his head and looks at his shoes. "I'd do anything to protect her and I think she'd do the same for me," he says still not looking up. He lifts his head, looks me in the eye and very seriously states, "I think trust is an understatement." Whoa. I've never heard a man say anything like that about a woman, and in that way. He cares for her. He may even love her. I study his face and he looks away, somewhat shy all of a sudden. He knows I understand more of his statement then he meant for me to. Eventually I'm going to find out what she means to him. It's only fair. If Dana is spending her nights and weekends alone waiting for someone like him--hell, probably *him*--to come around, then she's going to get a very good surprise and soon. If I have anything to do with it, that is. Speaking of the devil, she enters, happily announcing that dinner is ready. He jumps up from the couch and quickly makes his way toward the dining table. Can't wait to get away from me, huh, Foxy? I grin and take my seat across from him, again leaving the chair next to him open for Dana. We eat dinner and I tell Fox about how Dana and I met in college, making sure to embarrass her every so often. Once we're finished and the second bottle of wine has been polished off, I decide it's time for me to give them a few moments alone. "Okay, well, I'm going to go unpack and wash up. The jetlag is kicking in right about now." They both smile and nod in understanding. "I'm so glad I finally met you, Fox. It's good to know someone's watching Dana's back out there." Dana gives me the eyebrow and I quickly add, "Not that she needs it. I know you can take care of yourself, but it's still good to know you're not out there alone." She smiles and looks at Mulder who is watching her reaction to my comments. He looks away like a cat that was just caught staring at the canary. They are a very interesting mix indeed. He stands and holds out his hand, "It was good meeting you, Amy, and you can call me Mulder. Every one does." I shake his hand, nodding, and leave them to talk. XXXXXXXXX I pick up the dinner plates and Mulder starts grabbing items off the table to help me put things away. "I'm glad you stayed for dinner, Mulder. This was nice," I tell him, rinsing the plates. He sets the wine glasses on the counter next to the sink. "Yeah, it was. Amy's very nice." He leans against the sink as I fill it full of warm soapy water. "Yes she is. She's been a good friend to me throughout the years." I move to the table and grab the last few items left, putting some things back into the fridge and others into the water to soak. "Do you get together with her often?" Why is he asking that? He knows I spend most of my time working. I barely have any life outside of the X- files. At least that's the way it's been for the past several years. "No, Mulder, not since I've been with the bureau, you know that. We work a lot," I remind him. "Would you rather have more time for your friends?" he asks solemnly. "No, I'd rather have the X-files back," I say with conviction. "Why, do you want more time outside of work?" "No, if anything, I want more time at work. We have a lot to do, especially after what happened this summer." Oh right, the ship. I don't want to think about that right now. Of course, he'd want to get back to that, forgetting the discussion we had in his hallway all together, I'm sure. I nod noncommittally and shove my hands into the water, washing and then rinsing the plates, putting them into the drainer in a repetitive motion. "Maybe when we get our new assignments, you'll have more time to spend with your friends. Amy was really nice." Oh I see where this is going. He's into Amy. I should have guessed. "Yeah, maybe, Mulder. Would you like me to ask Amy if she's interested?" I say with a strained tone. I will not let this get to me. Besides, she's into Russ and that's why she's here. Although she did think he was hot. I look at him and he's boring holes into my face. God, he is good looking. "No," he says incredulously. "She's not my type." Oh please, since when have beautiful brunettes not been his type? She's the epitome of every girl I've ever seen him gawk at. "Uh huh, right. I believe that," I say, unconvinced. "She's not," he says. He puts his hand up and grabs my forearm. "Really." His eyes are looking into mine as if he's trying to read whether or not I believe him. God, it's almost as if we were back in that hallway two months ago. No. I shake my head, releasing the stray thoughts. That wasn't real. It was just a fluke thing he did to make me stay. He probably didn't mean it. "Fine, Mulder. But I still find that hard to believe. She's every man's fantasy," I confide. "She always has been," I say sadly. "She's not mine," he says. "She's not your what?" "She's not my type," he hesitates, "nor is she my fantasy girl," he says, moving his thumb across the forearm he's still holding. The slight rasp of skin against skin sends a rush of heat throughout my body and a flush across my face. It must be the wine. What is he implying? "Oh yeah, Mulder? Then who is?" I say boldly. He leans in closer to me. Oh God, is he going to… "Oh sorry, I thought you left already, Mulder," Amy says, standing in the kitchen doorway. Damn it! He drops my arm and moves away, looking discombobulated. "I was just leaving," he says hurriedly. "Thanks for dinner, Scully. Amy, again, very nice meeting you," and he's gone. I can hear the snick of the door closing. That was the quickest retreat I've ever seen. XXX "Oh Danes, I didn't mean to bust in on you two." She looks at me shyly and continues washing the dishes. "I mean, I thought you said you weren't a couple?" "We're not." "Then what the hell did I just walk in on? It looked to me as if he was about to kiss you?" She blushes. I knew it! "Daaaaannnnaaaa, what's going on?" I draw out for emphasis. "I don't know!" she says, frustrated. "What do you mean you don't know? It was pretty obvious to me that he was going to kiss you." She nods her head in the affirmative. "So … has that ever happened before?" She shakes her head no. "Not exactly. I mean there's always been this, I don't know, tension between us." She takes a deep breath and rinses the last dish. "It's just that it's always been unspoken until a couple months ago. But … but, that was different." It's as if she's having a conversation in her head with herself and not sharing with the rest of the class. "So what happened a couple months ago that changed everything?" I question soothingly. She dries her hands and starts walking into the living room. I follow her and sit on the couch with her, curling my legs up into the cushions. "I don't know how to explain it, Ames." "Try." "Well, things happened at work and the bureau shut down the X-files. In doing so, they were planning on transferring me to another state. I wasn't about to move or continue with the FBI if I couldn't work here in DC or with Mulder so I decided to quit." I can tell she's selectively leaving parts of the story out but I'm not going to push it. I want her to be able to open up and quizzing her on the minor details isn't going to be conducive to that. "So what did Mulder have to say about you quitting?" She looks up at me, startled. Bingo! That's when the change must have taken place. He must have done or said something to make her stay. "Well, he wasn't happy about my quitting. He told me …." She looks off into the distance and pulls a blanket off the side of couch. "He told me I was his touchstone. That I kept him honest, gave the work credibility, and that he owes me everything." "Wow. Then what?" "Then he was about to kiss me and things went to hell. I was stung by a bee that turned out to be carrying a … uh … virus. I can't explain, it was bad." She falters and starts twiddling with the fibers on the blanket. "So, you've never discussed this near-kiss or what he said?" She shakes her head no. I can see the tears welling up in her eyes but she's trying valiantly not to let it show. What is wrong with these two people? It's obvious they are in love with each other but are too damn afraid to tell one another. God, I have the perfect timing, too. I wish I hadn't walked into the kitchen on them. I have to fix this. "So what do you feel for him?" I ask gently. "He's my partner, Amy," she says, exasperated, like it's the answer to everything. "So what? What does that have to do with how you feel?" She throws the blanket off and stands up to pace the living room. "That's just it, Amy. I'm not *supposed* to feel anything for him! It's unprofessional, against bureau policy, and downright unethical." "It's unethical to love someone. Since when?" I raise my voice just a hair to let her know how stupid I think her reasoning really is. She stops mid-pace. "I never said I loved him!" She shakes her head. "You're going to stand there and tell me, one of your closest friends, that you don't love that man." I point to front door he just recently left from. She stares at the door, frozen in place. "You're not fooling anyone, not me, not yourself … maybe him," I venture. "And he's the one you need to tell." She slumps into the chair across from me defeated. "I can't," she says in a whisper. "So you're admitting it, then. You love him?" "Yes," she says as tears steak down her face. She looks up at me, "But I can't love him. It will ruin everything. Just everything." Her face sinks into her cupped hands. She swipes at her tears and I move to kneel in front of her. I'm crying now, too. Our situations are so similar yet so very different. We both just want to love the man we've fallen for. I pull her into a hug and we sit there for long moments crying over our predicaments. I wipe the tears from my cheeks and she does the same. I pull away and she tries to compose herself. "Here I am crying over … over … you know, and I'm supposed to be helping you figure out what to do about Russ." I nod, laughing a little. "I'm just happy you have someone to be fretting over." She shakes her head knowingly. "I just want you to be happy Dana, and Mulder is head over heels for you. From what you said and what I saw tonight, that boy waits with his tongue hanging out for you to throw him a bone." She smiles at the picture I've given her, but as quickly as the smile came, it went. "That's not true, Ames. Just because I have feelings for him does not mean he feels the same for me," she says dejectedly. "Oh paaaahhlllleeeeezzzzzzeeee! He wants you." Her eyes go wide and her mouth opens a bit, not knowing how to respond. "He does too, and if you would just take the leap, I'm sure he'd be there waiting to catch you." "Amy, I don't know. I never really thought about it." I look at her like she's grown horns. "Okay, I've thought about it." That's more like it. "It's very complicated," she sighs with finality. "Just think about, Danes. You'll never know unless you take a chance." I squeeze her hand reassuringly. She squeezes back and looks at the clock. It's 12:00 p.m. and she has to work tomorrow. I yawn, letting her know I'm ready to go to bed as well. We can talk more about this tomorrow. We both rise, heading for the bedrooms. She has her spare room set up for me. I stop at the door. "Lunch tomorrow?" "Absolutely." "Okay I'll meet you at the Hoover building. I'm dying to see the place!" "It's really not that interesting, Ames, but that will be fine. Around 12:00?" "I'll be there. Good night, Danes, and thanks again for having me." "Any time, Ames." She moves through her bedroom door and I through mine, closing it lightly. What am I going to do about helping her get her man? Tomorrow's Friday so maybe I can con him into going out with us this weekend. Yeah, that's what I'll do. XXX Hoover Building Friday, 7:00 a.m. I stride into the bullpen, juggling the bagels and coffee I picked up this morning. I drop my keys before I'm half way to our cubicles. Damn! Instead of setting the food and drinks down to pick up the keys, I choose to kick them across the linoleum as I make my way to our desks. Curious glances shift my way but I don't care. This will give these guys something to talk about. I'm sure e-mails are already being written that start "Spooky dropped his keys and…" Finally I reach our desks and set one of the coffees in her area and the other in mine. I pull out a bagel with low fat cream cheese and arrange it next to her coffee. Maybe this little peace offering will make up for my quick retreat from her apartment last night. I don't know what I was thinking. Why are the fates so against our coming together? First the bee and now Scully's friend. Try as I might, I couldn't stop my thoughts from spiraling out of control last night. After I got home, all I could think about were the forces that keep conspiring against us. It was a long night. All my old thoughts about why I was toxic and she should be happy and there was no way she could ever be happy with me came back to me. My train of thought was as bad as it had been when she was gone, which is weird because now, in the bright light of day, I can see that really nothing happened. I tried to kiss her. It didn't work out. No big deal. Yeah, right. It was a big deal and I failed the test. She was willing to kiss me and at the first chance I bolted, like we had done something wrong. Which we hadn't; people kiss every day. Of course, those people who kiss every day are not me and Scully, which brings us back to our original problem. How am I going to face her this morning after running out of her apartment last night like I did? She's probably furious at me for ditching her like that. Hopefully she'll consider the bagel and coffee as a peace offering. The only thing I can do is hope for the best. I have a stack of background checks that maybe I can engross myself in. I pick up the top file, a background check on one John Chase. Oh, yeah, this will really keep my interest. I hate this. This is going to be a long day. I have nothing to distract me from the problem at hand. The questions that haunted me all night creep back into my psyche. Does she want this? Even if she does want this, which I doubt, should I allow it to happen? She might not have as firm a grasp on my toxicity as I do. Maybe I should nip this in the bud. But I don't want to. I don't even think I can. Arrrgggghhh. This is so messed up and all because I tried to selfishly kiss her last evening. I hang my head, ashamed, trying to think of what to do. While I was doing so, two high-heeled black shoes make an appearance. "Mulder, are you feeling okay?" she says quietly, putting a hand on my shoulder next to my neck. Her fingers lightly touch the back of my neck. Just that small caring touch sends shivers down my spine, settling somewhere far south of her hand. I slowly move my vision from the toes of her ungodly high heels, up her long tight calves to the drape of her skirt fitting tightly against her hips. I continue my admiration of her body, up past her waist, the white blouse fitting snugly against her full breasts, the shirt dipping to show just a touch of cleavage in her slightly bent position of worry over my body. God she smells like heaven. "Uh, Mulder, what's the matter, are you feeling sick?" "Um, no, I just didn't hear you come in, that's all," I sputter. Man, she looks good today. I look back at my file. I hope she doesn't ask me to get up anytime soon. That would be very, very awkward. "Thanks for the coffee and bagel. I didn't have a chance to eat anything this morning," she said shyly as she pulled her files out of her briefcase. At least she's not standing right next to me any more. Maybe the blood flow to my brain will resume now. "You know, breakfast is the most important meal of the day, Scully." This is good. Everything is completely back to normal. "So they say," she says with a sigh. "How was your evening?" I continue. We always ask that each morning. Why should this morning be any different? Maybe this is going to be okay after all. She looks at me with her eyebrow reaching for the sky. "You were there, Mulder," she says with a hint of irritation in her voice. Oh, right, I was there. So, things are not as completely normal as I was hoping. "Oh, yeah, I guess I was." I pause considering my next statement very carefully. I probably shouldn't ask, but I can't help myself. "So, uh, was it a good evening?" It's such a simple question, but my heart is beating a million miles a minute. "Are you asking because you thought it wasn't?" she says, still clearly irritated. She's taking the defensive route. This is not going well. "I had a great evening last night, Scully." At least it was great up until I fled the scene of the crime, but I'm not going to mention that. After I got home, I enjoyed eight or nine hours of hell, mainly because I was dreading the conversation that we're now having. "So nice that you left like a bat out of hell," she says rather abruptly. I figured that she would be mad that I left. Actually, this is good. I can deal with her anger. It's the possibility of her love that I have trouble with, when you get right down to it. "Doesn't matter anyway." She turns her body around and boots up her computer. Whoa, I wasn't expecting that, that hurt in her voice. It hadn't even really occurred to me that she would be hurt that I left. Hurt is so much more complicated than mad. I don't know how to deal with this. How can I make this better without getting into more hot water? "I ... I didn't want to take you away from your friend any more than I had. I mean, you see me every day, but you only see her ... how often do you see her?" I attempt to redirect her attention away from me and back to her friend. Amy, was it? I hope it was Amy. I can't even imagine how mad she'll be if I forget her friend's name. "Oh please, Mulder, that is not why you left and you know it," she says without turning around. "That is why I left." Not really, but no sense having her believe otherwise. It's a perfectly legitimate excuse. "Why do you think I left?" I'm not sure what it says about me that fighting with her is actually making me sort of happy. My earlier moroseness is completely swept away by our argument. "It's obvious. You had had a couple glasses of wine, and you were about to make an advance you'd regret." She starts typing furiously. "It's okay, I understand completely. You didn't mean what you said and the thought of what you were about to do would have probably made you sick. Once you realized who was in front of you, you bolted. Not a big deal." She sighs loudly. "Let's just forget it. I had too much wine myself," she says with finality. "I can't forget it. I can't believe how wrong you are, Scully. Not one thing you said is even remotely close to the truth." I am flabbergasted that she would even insinuate that I only attempted to kiss her because I had a couple of glasses of wine. I'm now so furious with her I'm seeing stars. "Is that right?" She turns around quickly in her chair like a bobcat waiting to pounce. Her hair falls in waves around her reddened face. "Enlighten me then, because it seemed pretty clear to me by the fire under your feet that you were unhappy with what almost transpired," she says with distaste. I don't know what to say. I want to say the right thing, but I don't know how to convey my feelings without revealing too much. She starts to turn back to her work and I realize I need to say something, anything that will keep her talking. "I wasn't unhappy with what happened." "Well you sure could have fooled me." She turns back to her computer screen, her back ramrod straight. She's breathing heavily but takes a long deep breath and loses her composure for just a second. Apparently, that was not the right thing to say. That was the exact opposite reaction than I was hoping from her. She's left me. She would rather do background checks than talk to me. I just wish I knew the magic words that would make her say "Oh, Mulder, I know just how you feel and I feel the same way." I wish I were better at this. Actually, if you think about it, I'm not the one who screwed last night up. Suddenly my mouth is way ahead of my brain. "Well, maybe if your friend hadn't barged in on us, things would have been different. It's not my fault we were interrupted." "Excuse me? Mulder, I can't believe you just said that." Her voice is raised and she turns away from her computer, but doesn't roll her chair around to face me. She all of sudden realizes someone may have heard her. She tips her head to the side and whispers loud enough for me to hear her. "You're blaming what you did on Amy? Unbelievable." she shakes her head in exasperation. "Okay, maybe it wasn't her fault. Maybe I panicked. This is the second time something like that has happened and it's the second time we were interrupted. Have you asked yourself why that is?" Because I'm toxic, I want to say, but can't. "Maybe it's not meant to be. Isn't that what you're thinking?" she says softly boring holes into his eyes. "That's the opposite of what I was thinking," I confide, keeping my eyes locked on hers. She's about to comment when her phone rings. Her mouth open and closes a couple times and I smile. She reaches for the phone and that's the end of our conversation for the rest of the morning. From that call on it's been a whirlwind of phones, emails and people interrupting our little space, leaving no opportunity to delve back into the conversation. Which is just as fine with me. I think I may have blown it. I revealed too much without thinking it through. XXXXXXXXXXXXX "Yes, Dana Scully is expecting me." What is this, the first time someone has ventured to the J. Edgar Hoover Building for a lunch date? The security guard makes a phone call, apparently to verify my reason for being here. He nods his head a couple times and rifles through one of the drawers in his desk. I can't quite see what he's looking for. He hangs up the phone, stands up and presents me with a visitor's badge. "Clip this on your jacket with the wording facing out. Your clearance will get you through the main halls of the building but that's it." Like I was going to go snooping around or something. I wouldn't even know where to start. "Thank you" I say crisply as I yank the badge from his chubby hand. I receive a glare in return. "Go through those glass doors to the elevators straight ahead. Agent Scully is on the third floor and expecting you. Don't lose your badge, you'll need it to exit the building." "Will do," I say, already moving towards the elevators. What a jerk. He didn't need to be so rude. It's Friday for crying out loud. Aren't eight to fivers happy on Fridays? I hit the button to enter the elevator and it opens immediately. Lucky me. I tap the button for the third floor and the elevator hums to life. I watch the numbers climb with my ascent. The doors ding open to a huge room full of FBI agents rushing around, answering phones, typing on their computers and scribbling things into notepads. I see Mulder standing across the room. He's waving his hands in the air in frustration. I walk up quietly as to not disturb his ranting. "It's absolutely ridiculous Scully and you know it." I peek my head around the cubicle and wait until they notice me. "Mulder, I understand completely and I agree with you. Don't let this eat you up. I'm confident we won't be on this detail for long. Just give it a little time." He looks at her, sighs and nods his head in agreement. I choose this lull in their conversation to make my presence known. I clear my throat and they both look up. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything. We could go later, Dana." "No, no you weren't interrupting but unfortunately I have to cancel lunch. Right after the security guard called to verify who you were, I received a call from the Director at Quantico. I need to go review some autopsy reports for a critical case VCU is handling. They're breathing down the necks of the MEs and they're not happy with the latest findings. They need a second opinion. I'm sorry, Ames, I was really looking forward to lunch." I nod my head in understanding. "But we have the whole weekend to make up for it, right?" "Of course, Danes, don't worry. I know how work can be. I'll just pick up something quickly before heading to the library. I plan on researching some things for my latest novel." I don't want her feeling guilty about missing our lunch date. "I'm really sorry, Amy. I have to go." She picks up a few folders on her desk and stuffs them into her briefcase. "I'll take you to lunch, Amy," Mulder jumps in. I look at Dana and she's got a shocked expression on her face. She looks over at me and I smile evilly. "Are you sure it wouldn't be too much trouble? I know you're probably very busy." I hedge, letting Dana have an opening to disagree with his invite. "You gotta eat right?" he says, mimicking my words from the previous evening. He looks at Dana. God, is the man allowed to go to lunch without asking her permission? He's totally whipped and she doesn't even realize it or take advantage of it. "I mean, unless you'd rather get something quick." "No, I'd love to go with you, Fox … I mean Mulder, right?" He nods his head yes with a smile. Dana looks at the both of us a little uneasily. "It's okay, right, Danes? I mean, you don't own him." Actually, she does and just doesn't know it yet. She looks at me, surprised. "Of course it's okay. Okay, I gotta go. We'll talk later," she pokes my shoulder. "Mulder, I'll probably be gone the rest of the day. If you need me, you know how to reach me." He smiles in return. "Shall we go then?" Mulder gestures towards the elevators. I turn and head in the direction of the opening doors. This should be a very interesting and informative lunch. I hadn't planned this, but it will be the perfect opportunity to grill him. Poor guy, he won't even know what hit him. Hurricane Amy is what I like to call it. I laugh out loud and turn in the elevator. He smiles at my laugh but he has no idea. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX "So Mulder, you come here often?" I sweep my vision over the quaint caf้, noticing the nice window coverings, the lace tablecloths and the sharply dressed patrons eating and chatting merrily with their companions. He ventures a look around and smiles. "Yeah, actually, Scully and I come here every couple months. Normally, she eats like a bird, but here, she'll eat a burger," he says. "Danes has always been a light eater. I used to tease her because she never gained a pound in college." He leans his elbows on the table and clasps his hands. "I always tell her she should eat better, but she never listens to me." He laughs. "Eat better? You're kidding me right? She's a very healthy individual who wouldn't consider the giant bacon and cheese burger you just ordered a wise decision." I laugh. "I'll bet she gives you a hard time about what you eat. Come on, tell the truth … I can see it in your eyes!" "Oh, I don't know, she just mentions something about blocked arteries and how I'll regret what I eat later, but I figure you only live once." "True, very true. That's my philosophy as well." Okay now it's time to get some dirt. "Dana's more the type to methodically plan out every detail. You, on the other hand, don't follow that method." He looks at me questioningly. "Do you find that's difficult to work with day in and day out?" "Uh," he seems to think carefully before he gives his answer. "No, I don't. I don't find it difficult at all." He shakes his head. "So then, do you think Dana complements you?" He looks at me nervously. "On the job, of course." "I think we work well together." He sprinkles salt on his fries. "I'm constantly surprised at how well we do get along. I mean, considering our differences, we should hate each other. But we don't." He looks down at his plate, "At least I don't hate her. Sometimes I'm not so sure about how she feels about me." "First of all, I don't think the word hate is in Dana's vocabulary. Second, she seems very pleased with her career and you're a big part of that. If she didn't like working with you, she would have left and gone back to medicine." He tilts his head, paying close attention to my words. "There's a reason she's not a practicing physician. She must really love her job and everything surrounding it, to stay with the Bureau." I falter off and leave him pondering my words. "I don't know how much her staying has to do with me. I'm sure she finds our work challenging." He takes a bite of his hamburger. "Oh, I don't know about that, Mulder. She speaks highly of you." I push the chicken salad I ordered around, trying to find a hidden olive. "Really? I can't imagine why," he says doubtfully. "Really, she does. I thought Dana said you were also a behavioral psychologist?" Can he truly be this dense? Seriously, for an intelligent man, he has no idea the power he holds over her. Then again, neither does she. "I graduated with a psychology degree and started in the behavioral sciences unit, so I guess you could say I'm a behavioral psychologist, yeah." "I don't mean this to sound offensive, but for someone who has a degree in studying people's behaviors, you know very little about your partner of the last five years. Why is that?" He drops the french fry he's holding and wipes his hands on the napkin in front of him. "I mean, she spends more time with you then anyone else, yet you're still unsure of where you stand?" Cut-throat Amy, yup, that's my new name. "I ... I don't know. We never talk about things like that," he says nervously. "After five years!" I exclaim. I lower my voice, realizing that I probably just disturbed several people's lunches. "Don't you want to know her? Outside of work that is?" I pose the similar statement as before, but reverse it for the desired effect. "I'd always assumed that if she wanted that, she would, she would let me know. I don't want to push things too far." It's amazing how uncomfortable he is talking about this. He's tugged on his tie twice already and combed his fingers through his hair. I must have hit a nerve. Jackpot! "Wanted what exactly?" He obviously didn't realize that I never suggested anything other than that he really didn't know how his partner felt about him. He took my earlier comment and put it in a totally different, but interesting context. "I don't know. A regular relationship?" he answers softly. "Is that what you want? A relationship with her outside of work?" Man, I love playing answer a question with a question. "I don't know. I only want what she wants." He looks up sharply for the first time. "Is that what she wants?" Poor guy's almost hopeful. Like I'm going to have the answer to the million dollar question. "You don't know?" He shakes his head. "You only want what she wants," I repeat. He nods. "So let me get this straight, if Dana said … oh, I don't know, something Dana-ish regarding moving into a romantic relationship with you, you'd go along with it, no problem?" "In a heartbeat," he answers immediately, then shows that he regrets it by biting his lip. "You're in love with her," I state as if I was just commenting on the weather. "You might say that." "No, you either say it, or you don't. This is not a trick question, Mulder. Do you love Dana, or Scully as you've come to know her?" Wait for it …wait for it…. "Yeah, I guess I do," he says more confidently. "Have you considered letting her in on the little secret?" "I don't think I could. It's just so complicated," he says, defeated. "Funny, that's exactly what she said," I say laughingly. His face perks up. Crap, crap, crap! What the hell, Amy! Stupid, stupid, stupid. "She said what was complicated? That we were complicated?" He pushes his half-eaten lunch to the side. "Um, yeah … uh, I don't really know. I uh, I think … you two should just talk about what's happening between the two of you. It's obvious from what I accidentally walked in on last night. I mean, you were going to kiss her, weren't you?" Changing the subject, I hope it works. Dana's going to kill me! "No. Agent Scully and I were merely doing the dishes." He pauses, unsure of whether or not to continue. "Did she say that's what almost happened?" "Mulder, I saw you. You were holding her arm close, and you were standing well within her personal space. You both weren't talking and no dishes were being washed. You were angled as though about to kiss her. If I hadn't walked in, you would have. Now just admit it." God, this man can be so irritating. I don't know how she can handle his elusiveness day in and day out. It would drive me bonkers. "I don't know what would have happened had you ... had we not been interrupted." "So you admit it then? You were going to kiss her?" He needs to be aware of this. If they're ever going to move forward they both need to admit to themselves and each other that the attraction is there. Hell, it's palpable in a room when they're together. I don't know how they deal with the sexual tension they throw off in waves. "Maybe." He looks at me and I give him a disapproving look. "Okay, yes. I was going to kiss her had you not interrupted." Finally he answers the damn question. Miracles never cease. "Okay, so what I've gathered is that you not only love Dana, you're 'in love' with her, and you were going to kiss her last night. Now, why is it that she's so clueless about your feelings for her?" "I ... I don't know. Because we never talk about it?" "Wouldn't it be a good idea to start talking about it?" "Maybe. I don't know if she would be interested." Wow, he really has no idea of how she feels. "Did she back up when you tried to kiss her last night?" He must realize that she's just as attracted to him as he to her. He seems to consider it for a long time. "No, she didn't." "Then wouldn't one venture to guess that she was as interested in returning your kiss as you were giving it?" He looks at me for a moment dumbfounded. "Isn't it likely that she's just as afraid to admit her feelings as you are?" "Scully's not afraid of anything," he says matter-of- factly. "I wouldn't be so sure. In the career-oriented parts of her life, she's never been afraid of a good challenge and from what I know, she's a damn good FBI agent." "The best," Mulder butts in. "However, Mulder, I've known Dana a long time, and the only time I've ever seen her afraid or unsure of herself was in the romance arena." I take a sip of my watered-down soda. He waits patiently for me to continue. "It's not easy for her to express her feelings. She told you about the "Ice Queen" nickname right?" He shakes his head. "She was given that nickname by an old boyfriend in medical school. She dated him for awhile and he was always telling her he loved her, and that he wanted to marry her. She dismissed his juvenile antics and broke it off with him. He wasn't happy about it, so he told everyone he broke up with her because she was as cold as ice toward him. The nickname just took, all through school." He looks solemn. I can tell he's had similar treatment and can sympathize with the situation. "So for Dana, that made her opening up to people a bit difficult. Especially men. I honestly think you'll have to make the first move. Once she knows how you feel, she'll be free to respond in kind. Does that make sense?" "It does make sense. It's just so hard. It's so complicated." "No one ever said love was easy. Wonderful, the best thing that could happen to a person, but never easy." "So I've heard." He glances at his watch, clearly uncomfortable. "I really do need to get back to work." I look down at my own watch and realize its way past the hour he probably normally takes for lunch. "I'm sorry Mulder, I hadn't realized. Don't worry. You can just head back to work. The library is close enough to walk from here." "This was nice. I'm glad we had this talk." He reached into his wallet and pulled out a twenty and a ten and threw them down onto the table. I was about to object when he tossed his hand up to stop me. He smiled and I stood to leave. We exited the caf้ and he headed towards his car and I in the direction of the library. XXX Dana Scully's Apartment Struggling with my keys, my briefcase and my jacket tossed over my arm, I tumble through the front door. "Amy, you here?" Amy comes out of the spare bedroom, cell phone stuck to her ear. "Soon," she says softly. "No, I know, I miss you too. Soon," she says again and clicks off the phone. "Hi, Danes. That was Russ." I look at her sympathetically. "Getting any better?" "Actually it is. He really didn't think I was going to jet off to D.C. Now he's wondering why I didn't invite him along." I nod my head, leaving her the opportunity to continue. "I explained that we needed some time apart and I needed some time to think. He apologized for the fighting that's been going on between us lately and said that he thinks it's a good idea we have a little time alone." "I'm sure it's the best thing for both of you." She nods her head in agreement. Within moments, her face goes from solemn to glowing with a huge smile. "What?" "I had a very interesting lunch with that partner of yours," she says slyly. "Well, Mulder is an interesting person," I agree. "And he confessed some very interesting things to me this afternoon." I go silent. She sits on the couch, adjusts herself until she's comfortable, and stares at me. "Oh no, what did you do Amy?" I'm going to die. Please tell me she didn't discuss my relationship with him. She snickers. "Only what you should have done years ago." My stomach drops. I can't breathe. I feel the affects of a minor panic attack building slowly. "Amy, tell me you didn't tell him what we discussed last night?" I look in her direction nervously. "I didn't tell him a thing you told me. I swear. However, I did grill him," she says bluntly. Amy grilled Mulder. Flashbacks to our college days run rampant through my mind. Back then, she played twenty questions with every male suitor that approached me. She was always protective of me. It had a lot to do with her growing up in the streets versus my safe military upbringing. "You didn't?" I beg. "I did." "So what did you ask him?" I feel the panic rising to increased limits, bubbling internally. "Well, I asked him a little about work, but mostly we talked about you." And the bomb implodes within. I think I'm going to be sick. I clutch my stomach protectively. "He's very fond of you." "He said that? He said he was fond of me?" I wait for her response anxiously. She thinks about it for an excruciatingly long moment. The anxiety builds. "No, I'm sorry Danes, he didn't say he was fond of you." See, I knew it! He can't see past my height, medium sized breasts and red hair. I'm not his type. "He said he was in love with you," she says strongly. My mouth falls open in shock and I choke on a gasp of air. It takes me several moments to get my voice back. "He said what?" "He said he was in love with you. Damn girl, are you deaf?" I wrap my mind around the words "in love with you" over and over. It's on rapid repeat in what I'd imagine Mulder would sound like when saying it, instead of Amy's squeaky voice. A blush creeps up my face. She laughs merrily at my anxiety. "He didn't, you embellish." It can't be true. First of all, why would he admit it to her if he can't admit it to me? "Have I ever lied to you, Danes?" I shake my head. No, she never has. "I'm sure you just misunderstood. Mulder is not in love with me." She opens her mouth to object but I cut her off. "You probably just took what I told you last night and confused it with whatever you were discussing at lunch." She shakes her head no. "I think I would know if Mulder was in love with me, Amy," I say, using my stern, tough-as-nails tone. "Jesus, Dana, you and your partner are so clueless!" She stands up and takes a defensive pose. "You'll tell me you're in love with him, but won't tell him. He tells me he's in love with you, but won't tell you. I tell you he's in love with you, and you won't believe me." She's frustrated. Her brow is tightened and that vein I remember all so well in college is protruding. "Why can't you just believe in the possibility Dana?" She sighs and her shoulders slump, her hand coming up to her reddened forehead. A sick sense of d้jเ vu rushes over me. How many times has Mulder said that very thing to me? "Look Amy, I know you mean well, but whatever you and Mulder discussed isn't really any of my business." I'm back-pedaling out of this topic. "Damn it Dana, the man outright said he loves you!" I shake my head, not knowing what to believe. "He's IN LOVE WITH YOU! Now, the sooner you start believing it, the happier you'll be." "I want to believe Amy, I ... really do. It's just, so much has happened between Mulder and me, and we're right in the middle of fighting to get the X-files back. The X-files are what Mulder loves. You don't know him like I do," I explain sadly. Tears well up in my vision and I swipe them away. "If we got together, they'd never give them back to us and that would kill him. That's what Mulder wants and loves … the X-files!" She rushes over and pulls me up into a fierce hug. "I'm sorry, Danes, I'm sorry. I don't want to fight with you." I nod into her neck and cry the rest of my frustrations at the injustice of it all. Everything, from my final admittance of love for him, to not having the X-files back, to the injustice of Russell stringing Amy along, all the way to Mulder's declaration of love for me. Deep gut-wrenching sobs wrack my small frame and I hug Amy tightly, holding on to one of the best friends I've had besides Mulder. Again, she cries with me, still saying she's sorry and that it will be okay. I feel like a child crying over not getting the shiny new bike for Christmas that the parents just couldn't afford. "This is ridiculous." I pull away from Amy and wipe the tears from my eyes. "I'm stronger than this," I say out loud as if it will magically make me feel any better. "There is no need to break down." Amy's watching me try to put some semblance of balance on the situation but failing miserably. "When was the last time you were in love, Danes?" I look up at her sharply. "Have you ever been in love before now?" she asks. I think about her question for long minutes, considering the men that came before. The only two that came close to anything near love would have been Jack or Daniel. I think Jack was the last effort at a normal relationship. I picked him because he was in the field and understood the constraints of the job. No, I wasn't in love with him, he was convenient. Sad but true. Daniel on the other hand … I thought I loved him deeply. Really thinking about it, I was in lust with him. He was everything I wasn't supposed to have in a man. He was during my rebellious stage. I was in awe of him. Definitely not love. I slowly drag my vision from the berber carpet to Amy's concerned face. "I've only ever loved him," I say simply. She nods her head in agreement. "That's what I thought. Then you have to tell him Dana." My look of sheer horror makes her wince. "You'll regret it if you don't." She turns to head for the bathroom. "I'm going to take a shower. Think about it. That's all I'm asking." She didn't wait for my answer. The door closed and I could hear the shower spring to life. What the hell am I going to do? I love him, Amy says he loves me. I try to push the thoughts out of my mind by straightening up the front room. It's not working. Visions of him are flittering past my mind. Holding hands, him laughing as I mercilessly tickle him to death, his naked chest and my mouth trailing down it, him poised naked over me. That particular thought makes my entire body clench with desire. God, what am I going to do? I can't live like this. I hear Amy exit the bathroom door and open the spare bedroom door, not closing it all the way. I can hear her pick up the phone, she's probably going to call Russ. After all that talk about Mulder, I'm sure she needs a small amount of reassurance in her own love life, however tattered it is. I go into the kitchen to give her some privacy. XXX Fox Mulder's Apartment This afternoon was hard. I couldn't get my conversation with Amy out of my head. I finally convinced myself to just leave the office early. Besides, it's Friday and I wasn't getting any work done anyway. I'm hoping the change of scenery will do me some good, but so far, it hasn't. I'm not sure what I as looking for by volunteering to take Amy to lunch. I certainly wasn't prepared for what transpired. I still can't believe I told her I'm in love with Scully. What a stupid thing to do. She'll probably tell Scully and then they'll have a good laugh at my expense. Sure, Scully thinks highly of me, but she doesn't love me. If she did, she would have told Amy, and Amy would have told me. Basically, she told Amy that our relationship was complicated. It doesn't matter; she's too smart to get involved with me. If she did want to get involved with me, which she doesn't, she would have told me by now. Why would she want more of me? The little bit that she's gotten has lead to nothing by tragedy. Her sister. The cancer. It's all because of me. Crap. I'm doing it again. The negative thoughts are back. I'm not going to do that anymore. I could sit here and think my doom and gloom thoughts all day and nothing would come of it. Don't get me wrong, beating myself up over past failures is the only thing I have approaching a hobby. I've done it too much lately, though. I spent all last night doing it and where did it get me? It got me here, sitting on my couch all by myself on a Friday night. Actually, Amy did make some very good points this afternoon. Scully most certainly was not pushing me away last night. In fact, she appeared to want it just as much as I did. Her lips were parted and she was staring right into my eyes and didn't look away. Her skin felt so soft and warm under my thumb. She wasn't tense in the least. The realization that she wanted it as much as I did coursed through my body. Now it seems so clear. How could I have thought she didn't want it? She did. I feel a familiar tingling throughout my body, just from thinking of the feel of her forearm under my thumb. I can think of so many things I'd like to do to her. If given the opportunity, I would kiss her slow and deep, until neither of us could breathe. My hands would quickly move from just touching her forearms to a slow caress over her sides, slipping my fingers under her shirt to feel the expanse of skin I consider my own … her lower back. The thought brings my dick to attention. I would run my fingers through her hair, feeling the silky strands escape through my parted fingers. She has such shiny, smooth hair. From my tour through her fiery tresses, I would move my hands to the buttons on her shirt, removing them one by one. Her chest is heaving and her head falls to the crook of my neck. She places feather light kisses where her lips meet skin. Oh God, if feels amazing. I brush my hand against my dick through the fabric of my pants. I can feel the blood surge within, but I won't release it just yet. I want to build this up. It's not often I allow myself a guilt-free fantasy about Scully and I'm going to enjoy this. I've removed her shirt and it falls noiselessly to the title floor in the kitchen. My hands go back to "my" place, my fingertips skimming the skin ever so lightly. She moans into my neck and nibbles the skin. "Yes," I whisper into her ear. I grip the bulge tenting my pants, pretending it's her hand gripping me. "Oh God, yes Scully. So good," I whisper against her ear again, tonguing the cartilage there. I have found over time that Scully's back is very sensitive. I feel her shiver slightly sometimes when I guide her out of a room. I turn her around, exposing her bare back to my scrutiny. I want to see and touch that tattoo I've only pictured in my mind. I asked her once to show it to me, but she just rolled her eyes. That tattoo has always held a mild fascination for me. I've always wondered if that area feels any different than the rest of her skin. Slowly I run circles around the snakes form with the tip of my fingers. But that's not enough. I bend down on my knees and lightly bathe the tattoo with butterfly kisses. She's moaning and cooing lightly. I run the tip of my tongue around the shape of it and she grips the countertop, extending her ass closer to my face. I grip the tight cheeks as I lick and kiss the area, fully worshiping her skin. My erection has become painful cooped up in my work pants. I unzip the zipper, but am careful to not touch it. I don't want this over any sooner than necessary. During my exploration of her back, I click open the clasp of her black bra. It falls to the floor between my parted knees. Her breasts are free. My hands travel from her back to her breasts, brushing them from the sides. She gasps and it sounds unbelievably loud in the quiet space. I gently move over her mounds, cupping them, and roll her nipples between my fingers. "Jesus, Mulder," she says huskily. I push down my pants and pull out my dick, finally stroking it. "Hell yeah … so fucking good. More, oh yeah, Scully," I whisper into my empty apartment. My imaginary Scully twirls around and hauls me into a fierce kiss. She's not gentle. Her kisses are deep, wet and taste like pure heaven. I can't get enough of her. I bend her over the counter, her back biting into the edge. She swings a leg up, grinding her crotch into my erection perfectly. "God Scully, so long, I've needed you for so long," I say into her open, panting mouth. Her fingers slide to the end of my shirt and rip it over my head, without a word. Her mouth comes to my nipple and bites … hard. "Uhhh," I screech out in ecstasy. My hand pulls roughly on my dick. A drop of precum appears at the top and I swirl it around the head. Feels so good. Like it's her tongue swirling around the tip. Dream Scully nimbly unbuttons my pants and pushes them down with her foot, effectively stomping them out of her way. She pulls the edge of her skirt up and around her hips, leaving it high on her waist. Her black panties are nothing more than a scrap of silk. I grip the sides and rip the edges. She semi- screams out, not in pain but in fierce arousal. "Fuck me, Mulder. Fuck me, NOW," she says as she kisses my breath away. I grip her waist and haul her up onto the counter. I roughly spread her legs apart and pull her ass to the edge of the counter, fully opening her to me. She's so wet and hot, the smell of her arousal mixed with mine is filling the room, making it heady and musky. I yank hard on my dick. This is so good. I remove my hand from my shaft and lick from palm to fingertips several times, fully soaking it with my saliva. I hover over my Scully and grip her thighs. She moans. "Mulder, fuck me now. God, please fuck me!" Her hips are undulating into the open air where I stand between them. I open her fully and center my dick in front of her, pushing the engorged head into her. She tenses slightly, but it's more from adrenaline pumping through her veins then my entering her. I grip her ass and push up into her with all my might. She yells out her pleasure. I slide my soaked hand around my shaft the moment I enter dream Scully. The visual is perfect. From tip to bottom I stroke, coating myself with her, as if I had really just entered her hot depths. I'm going to come so hard from this. I enter her several times, she's moaning and screaming for it to be harder. I take the hint by gripping her ass and pulling all the way out and ramming my dick into her, crushing her clit between our bodies on each thrust. "Fuck, yeah, harder Mulder, so good, so good, so good," she cries out. Her breasts are pointing out at me upon every run into her. They're bouncing suggestively and I know my next step will put her over the edge, pulling me with her. Gripping my dick tightly I pull up and down in quick succession. I'm almost there. Just one last thing with dream Scully and I'll tumble over the cliff. Pounding into her, I move my hand between us, keeping my other hand securely around her ass so that she doesn't slip off the counter. Her eyes are closed and she's concentrating on coming. Oh, she will, and it will be the best she's ever had. I put my mouth to a rosy nipple and lick, suck and gnaw on the peak. She clasps a hand around my head, keeping my mouth to her nipple, arching her back up into my face. My hips are still ramming into her. I move the hand farther down between us and twirl my thumb around her sensitive clit while biting down on her nipple lightly. "FUCK!" she screams out and her walls clench and squeeze my dick almost to the point of pain. She comes violently around me as I spill into her. I yank one more final time, visualizing her coming around my shaft. Hot come squirts out of my dick and onto the skin of my stomach, pooling into the cavern of my belly button. I don't give a flying fuck. I'm spent. Dream Scully vanishes and I'm left in a pool of my forbidden desire for her. Pathetic. I grab a few tissues from the end table next to the couch and clean as much as I can from within my belly button. Just as I head to the shower, the phone starts to ring. BRRRRRLLLLIIIIINNNNGGGGG I almost trip over the coffee table running to catch the phone, holding my boxers and pants at my thighs. I should have taken off my shoes before I started fantasizing about Scully. BRRRRRLLLLIIIIINNNNGGGGG "Mulder," I blurt into the phone, still trying to keep a firm hold on my pants. "Hi Mulder." I don't immediately recognize the female voice on the other end. "Who's this?" I question. "It's Amy, silly. You've forgotten me already?" she laughs. "Is something wrong with Scully?" I venture, a bit panicked and not understanding why her friend is calling me. "No, she's fine. God, you're so paranoid." She laughs again. "I've heard that before. So, what did you call for?" "Well, Dana and I had a talk this afternoon," she whispers into the phone. My breathing stops. "Amy, don't tell me you told her what we talked about." "Okay, then I won't tell you that. How about you come over tonight instead?" she asks. "Amy, I thought what we talked about was going to stay between us?" She doesn't answer. "And why do you want me to come over?" "Well, because it's Friday night, we're not doing anything and were thinking about going to the movies, but decided to stay in. Want to save us a trip and pick up some movies on your way over?" She didn't even give me the time to say no before she assigned me an errand. She's one determined woman. "Amy, does Scully know you're calling me?" "Yeah, of course she does. It was her idea." For some reason I don't believe her. I think she's telling me half truths. "Then why didn't she call me herself?" I question. "Does it matter? Just get that tight ass over here and don't forget to get some funny movies. We need to laugh tonight. See you in an hour. Bye." The phone line goes dead. What the hell just happened? How does she do that? That woman is in the wrong business. Instead of writing, she should be in law enforcement, interrogating possible suspects for criminal acts. Well, I guess I'd better take a shower and pick up those movies. So what if Scully wasn't the one to call? At least I still get to go over there and see her. I still feel like I was duped though. I don't care. I want to see her. XXX Dana Scully's Apartment I hope they like these movies. I look down once again at the movies I'm holding. Great Expectations and Patch Adams. They'll probably think my choices are lame. I figured Patch Adams would be good because Scully's a doctor and would find it humorous. Amy did say to bring something funny, but my funny and their funny are most certainly two entirely different things. I really want to watch Great Expectations with Scully alone. I watched it on HBO a couple weeks ago and thought about Scully the whole time. Dickens knew what he was talking about when he wrote about love. Scully and Estella are very much alike … unearthly beautiful, talented, and heartbreaking without even trying. I may be just trying to find meaning that isn't there. However, he did have it bad for her, and that is so very true to my life. I've got it bad for my partner. Crap. I've been standing in front of her door, pondering these movies for about ten minutes now. All I have to do is knock on the door and go in. It's okay. I was invited. They want me here. I make three quick raps against her door. I can hear a shuffling to the door that can't be mistaken for anything other than tiny-heeled feet. Scully. She opens the door. Her hair brushes into her eyes and she's opened the door while laughing. Not a 'ha ha that's cute, Mulder' kind of laugh, but a full- bellied, cheeks pink, face bursting type of laugh. She covers her mouth, quickly trying to contain her chuckling. My Scully doesn't often laugh like that. I skim her body from head to toe. She's is a vision of beauty. My mouth opens rather impolitely while I gawk and look my fill of her. She's wearing a tank top and knee length tan skirt with no nylons. Her dainty feet are clad in a pair of unbearably tall sandals. Her pretty toes are painted a soft pink, the same shade as her shirt. "Mulder, what are you doing here?" she says sweetly, surprised that I'm here. But Amy invited me at her request. Why would she be surprised? "Uh…," I stutter out stupidly, still trying to get over her appearance and the fact that she didn't know I was coming over. "I invited him over." Amy comes rushing out of the bedroom, all smiles. Scully turns toward Amy and looks at her with that eyebrow pointing to the sky. "Yeah, he's going to watch movies with us." She rushes over, grabs my forearm and pulls me in. Clumsily she grips my coat and starts pulling it off my shoulders. I just stand there staring at Scully while Amy attempts to rid me of the leather jacket. Scully's staring at me, but she's not looking at my eyes. What is she looking at? I look down at my appearance, gray t-shirt, no stains, blue jeans. I check quickly to see if my fly is zipped. Yup, it is. So what's she staring at? Her eyes meet mine and she licks her lips suggestively. Whoa! Did she do that on purpose? She turns her head and brings her hand up to her lips, covering her movement. Interesting. "So, Mulder, what did you bring for our entertainment this evening?" Amy drawls in a poor imitation of a southern accent. "Um, well, you said to bring a funny movie, so I got this." I hold up Patch Adams. "And then I saw this a while ago," I hold up Great Expectations, "and I really wanted to see it again." "Nice choices. I've seen Great Expectations as well. The cinematography is fantastic. I haven't seen Patch Adams, but I'd imagine Danes will enjoy the doctor humor and Robin Williams is hilarious!" She whacks Scully in the arm, bringing her to attention. "Ha ha, Amy. Doctor humor. You're so funny," Scully says sarcastically. "I'll get the wine. Mulder, would you like some? We're going with white wine and cheese and crackers instead of popcorn and soda." God, she's beautiful. Dream Scully was beautiful this evening but there's really no comparison to the real thing. "That would be great." Wine would be very, very good. Amy is starting one of the movies. I move to take the chair and Amy shakes her head at me. "I get the chair ... I've become quite fond of that chair," she says cheerily. "It looks like you and Scully will have to take the couch." Scully enters, wine bundled under her arm. It's like a d้jเ vu from the previous night. She sets down the wine and platter of crackers and cheese. Man, when these women eat finger foods, they sure know how to do it right. There's an array of different cheeses and fancy crackers. She pours out three large glasses of wine, nearly finishing off the bottle. Looks like we'll be settling in. She hands one to Amy, who immediately takes a big drink, complete with the "aaayyyy" at the end. I laugh and Scully hands me a glass. I mimic what Amy did and both women laugh in return. I could get used to this. Women laughing in my presence. Amy hits the play button on Patch Adams and Scully sits down next to me. Close to me, actually. I can feel the heat of her thigh next to mine as she leans over and makes herself a cracker with cheese. She does everything with extreme precision. Amazingly, she hands the perfectly constructed cracker to me. She smiles shyly and continues to make one for herself. Amy just jumps right in and makes a few, holding them in her hand and curling her feet under her thighs, getting comfortable. Scully leans back, her shoulder to mine and nibbles on the cracker. I take a long gulp from my wine glass, drinking about half of it in one shot. This is going to be some evening. After much laughter, another bottle of wine and talking in-between, we've moved on to the next movie. I'm feeling a tad drunk and full from all of the food and laughter. That Robin Williams is one funny guy. Amy is now lying on the floor in front of the TV, her wine swaying precariously on the carpet in front of her. She really is a very good friend to Scully. I'm glad she came to visit. It seems like the longer she's here, the closer Scully and I become. Speaking of close … Scully is practically curled into my side, one leg crossed over the other, with her foot touching the shin on my opposite leg. If she lifted it an inch higher, it would be over my leg completely, and in-between my parted knees. Her hand is resting lightly on my knee. I don't think she notices what's she's doing or how close she is to me. We've never lounged around like this and she has never--and I repeat, never--touched me so personally. It's almost as if she's touching me just to touch me, which is not something we do. Just as I put my arm around Scully and let it rest on the ball of her shoulder, Amy jumps up. What the hell? Scully laughs tipsily, holding her wine glass in one hand and gripping my knee more forcefully. "What is it?" I ask Amy. She swallows the rest of her wine. Her movements are quick and jerky. "I have an idea," she announces excitedly. "Want to share with the rest of the class?" Scully asks. She laughs heartily. "No silly, for a story. I have to write it down now before I lose it. Don't stop the movie, I've seen it. Be back when I'm done. Carry on," she says as she bolts out of the room. Scully and I exchange curious looks and go back to the movie. Uh, oh. A suggestive scene is playing on the screen. It's at the part where Estella spreads her knees in front of Finn and his hand starts creeping ever so slowly up her leg. She's panting and her head falls back as he reaches her panties. I feel my groin start to stir and will it to stay in its hiding place. I feel so warm and comfortable. My fingers have started playing with Scully's shoulder and the strap of her tank top. Her hand has started its own slide up my thigh while watching the scene come to completion. Scully's hand advances farther and I tilt my head down to hers, surprised to find her staring at my face. She looks in my eyes and wets her lips, leaving them open a tad. I follow the movement of that tongue and lick my own lips. She watches and inches her face closer to mine, leaning her weight on the thigh she's holding. Her face is relaxed and her eyes are hooded slightly. There's heat radiating off her in waves. I lean my hand up to her pale cheek and whisk a strand of hair behind her ear. She wets her lips again, leaning closer to me. Our eyes lock and it's as if the entire world disappears. I only have eyes for her and that glistening, perfectly plump bottom lip. What I wouldn't give to … she leans more weight on my thigh, gripping it tightly, and rises up. Her face hovers close enough to mine that I can feel her breath on my face. I haven't moved my hand from behind her neck. I lightly slide my thumb along her cheek adoringly. She closes her eyes briefly at my touch. I mysteriously become bold and move my thumb across that bottom lip I ache to taste. It's like I'm on automatic pilot. Something in her changes. Her eyes go wide and she grips the back of my neck and our mouths connect. Her mouth is soft and sweet. We slowly let our lips learn each other for the first time. I move the hand resting on her shoulder up to clasp the other side of her head, both my thumbs lightly caressing her cheekbones. I tilt her head a touch to the left and pull her bottom lip into my mouth. She finally opens her mouth completely and I dive in. She tastes of wine and cheese and everything that must just be Scully. The smell of her perfume surrounds me--it's intoxicating. She turns her head and we both become fierce in our first kiss. Her tongue swirls around mine and I feel as though she's going to swallow me whole. I haven't been kissed with this much passion in so long. Too long. She's making these little mewling sounds in her throat each time our tongues touch. The sound goes right to my groin. I can't take it anymore. I have to touch her. I grip her thigh tightly; she moans into my mouth and I pull her into my lap. She moves willingly, almost eagerly. God, she's straddling me perfectly. Our kisses become long, hot and deep and so, so good. She makes this little growl noise and starts licking, biting and sucking my bottom lip into her mouth. She bites a little hard and I moan into her mouth. She smoothes away the hurt with little opened mouth kisses on the abused area. I take that time to put my hands on her ass and pull her into me. My erection presses in between her parted legs and she groans tilting her head back. The vision is just like Estella did in the movie when Finn hit the promised land. I take that neck as an offering and kiss and lick my way back up to her mouth. I take her mouth into one long, deep kiss which leaves us both panting. We occupy that time with kissing each other's necks and nibbling on ears. It's so erotic. Just as I rub my erection into her and bring my hand up her side, clasping a full breast, her mouth swoops down for a kiss. I grip her breast and she moans, rubbing her center into my groin. It's amazing. My tongue swirls with hers. I tweak the tightened peak between the fabric of her shirt and bra and receive a groan in reply. Just as we set a beautiful rhythm of her grinding into my crotch and me stroking her breast, mouths fused together, we hear a toilet flush. Scully's face pulls away from mine. My fuzzy mind realizes that we're not alone. Damn it, Amy! Fuck! The bathroom door opens and Scully jumps to a standing position. Amy comes bouncing into the room happily as I try to cover my erection with a throw pillow. Scully's covering her mouth and looks shocked and scared. "What'd I miss guys?" Amy says. Scully doesn't answer. She's still standing there mute with her hand covering her mouth and her eyes wide. I jump up from the couch, turning so that Amy doesn't see the evidence of what just took place. "Nothing, Amy. It's late. I gotta go." I grab my jacket and without another word, open and close the door, running down the stairs two at a time. Hell, all my dreams and fantasies of the women I love come to life and she reacted like that. Almost as if she'd been burned. Is it that awful to want me? I know she did, just as much as I wanted her. Man! Why did Scully react like that?" XXX "Dana, what the hell just happened? Why did Mulder bolt out of here like that?" Amy's looking at me, concerned and confused. I slump down into the couch, bringing my knees up to my chin. "Did you guys get into a fight or something?" "Quite the opposite," I say miserably. "What do you mean?" She sits down next to me waiting for my response. "Amy, I don't ... I don't know what happened." She reaches out and swipes my hair out of my face so she can see me better. "One minute we were watching the movie, the next we were kissing and groping each other like pubescent teenagers." "That's fantastic, Danes." I groan and drop my head into the cavern I've created with my knees. "So why the long face? Why did he leave like that?" "I just ... I panicked," I tell her softly, holding back my tears once again. "What do you mean you panicked? You were kissing and then what? Did he make a move on you that you didn't like?" she says, concerned. "No, no … he was … God, he was amazing. I've never reacted like that to any man. It was like the entire world disappeared when we kissed." She's looking at me, confused again, waiting for me to continue. "And that's a bad thing because…." "Because everything!" I screech. "We're partners, very good partners, and friends. A relationship will change everything!" I tell her stupidly. "With any luck, yeah," she says excitedly. "You'll finally be getting some!" she says while nudging my arm. "Amy, it's not like that," I tell her. "Not right now it's not, but man, you sure could use it. You're so tense and uptight. A little hot monkey sex with Foxy would be just the cure." "I am not tense and uptight!" "Look at yourself. You're sitting there with your knees rolled up into you; your knuckles are white with the tension you're holding inside." Okay she's got a point there. "Amy, it's complicated." "So you've said. You know what I think?" I look over at her, waiting for her to hit me with it. "I think that's a really convenient excuse." I open my mouth to object but she cuts me off. "No, Danes, not this time. No more excuses. You want your partner, so the fuck what? He wants you. You just had a breakthrough in your relationship, now what are you going to do about it?" I have no answer for her question. "Don't you dare tell me you're going to ignore it." I look at her like that was the best option and thank you for thinking of it. "That would make things easier," I confide. "Easier! You think you're going to be able to walk in there on Monday and pretend like nothing ever happened? You think he's going to let you?" I hadn't thought of that. He might not say anything. He did leave rather quickly. Maybe he's regretting it. That thought makes me relieved and ready to be sick all at once. I really don't know how he's going to react. "I don't know what he's going to. Maybe he regrets what happened," I tell her. "You don't believe that." I shrug noncommittally. Right now I don't know what to believe. "Was he … you know, involved in what was taking place?" Boy was he ever, I think to myself, remembering his hand squeezing my breast, his tongue sweeping my mouth. I blush uncontrollably. "That's what I thought," she says with a grin. "But I panicked Ames. When you came out, I moved away from him like he was the plague." I look at her searchingly. "That's because you didn't expect what happened to … happen. Perfectly understandable." "But not to him. He's been hurt by women in the past and I know he probably thinks I was abandoning him." "You don't know that. He knows you, Dana. I'm sure he's as scared of this new step just as much as you are." Again, she makes a good point. "God, how am I going to face him on Monday?" My hands shake as I unfold my legs in front of me. "It's going to be fine. You're going to go in there on Monday, work like usual, and talk to him after. Maybe you could talk over lunch or something." She's so sweet trying to help me like this. But she just doesn't understand. "I don't know, Amy. I just don't know." This is so hard. I'm just going to have to feel it out on Monday. I know we need to talk about it. He'll probably demand that we talk about it. I just don't want things to be different between us. No, that's not exactly true. I want things to be very different between us, but not at work. We have to keep that part of our life sacred. It's who we are. It's why we're at this place. "I'm sure it's going to work out. It has to. You two are very comfortable with each other; you'll just have to deal with the tension of the situation and move past it." She grasps my hand and squeezes it. "Comfortable tension," I concede. What an oxymoron. "Exactly," she says with finality. "We better go to bed. We have some sightseeing and shopping to do tomorrow." I groan but smile in spite of it. I haven't had a day of shopping with a girlfriend in a long time. "Thanks, Amy," I say as I pick up the wine glasses from earlier. "For what?" she says as we clear the rest of the table. "For being you. For being here. It helps." "Ditto." We head off to our separate rooms. I think I'll be spending the evening thinking about Mulder. His mouth on mine, his hands on my body. God, my breathing has already accelerated. Amy's right. I need to get laid. Too many nights alone. I need him. I just don't know if I can admit that to him. Well, Monday is coming soon enough, I think with trepidation. XXX J. Edgar Hoover Building Monday Morning That was the longest weekend I've had in years. It started off so very well when Amy called. But then it went south very, very quickly. That kiss was horrible. Well, actually, that kiss was wonderful, but what happened after the kiss was horrible. As soon as Amy saw us, Scully looked at me like I had the plague. She seems fine when we're alone, but then once someone shows up, she doesn't want to have anything to do with me. And then, the thing that really sucked was that she didn't call me all weekend. Not once. She always calls me if I go too long without calling her. There was no way I was going to call her this weekend. Not after what she did. I tried to keep myself busy. I cleaned the fish tank, went over to the Gunmen's, went for a run. Short bursts of activity that delayed, but couldn't eradicate, the pain. I don't know what I'm going to do when I see her this morning. I thought about calling in sick, but then I remembered I'm not a twelve-year-old. I'm a grown man. If she doesn't want to have a relationship, I'm not going to force one on her. If she really doesn't want one, though, why did her friend tell me she did? The whole thing is just messed up. And now, I have nothing to do that will separate me from my thoughts. I finished all the security checks on Friday and there haven't been any others given to me yet. I wish Scully would hurry up and get here. If I have to suffer because her, I want her to be here to see it. I want something to react to, and I'm tired of reacting to a void. At least if she were here, I could pick a fight with her. We communicate very well during arguments. It's the getting along thing that doesn't work for us. It's already 8:15. She's fifteen minutes late. Maybe I should call her, just to make sure she's okay. Wait, what am I saying? I can't do that. Doing that would mean that I care and caring gets me hurt. She's just my partner, nothing more, nothing less. She's just like Jerry Lamanna was. She'll be here when she gets here. Maybe I should make myself a note to remind me that I don't care about her. I'm having a hard time remembering. I pull out a legal pad and write I DON'T CARE ABOUT SCULLY!! Okay, perfect. I'm all set. I'll put that under my desk blotter with just the corner peeking out. If I'm in a situation where we are friendly, that will remind me that being friendly with her hurts. I hear the elevator ding and look up. She enters with several other agents trailing behind her. Each of them heads off to their respective locations and she moves towards me. She hasn't lifted her head to look at me yet. It seems as though her vision is trained on the tiles beneath her. I wait patiently for her to look and when she does, her vision locks with mine for an instant and just as quickly focuses on something to her left. She continues her business- like walk and reaches her desk, setting her laptop on the top. She keeps her vision trained on her own surroundings, not venturing a look in my direction at all. Without looking at me, a whispered, "Morning, Mulder," is sent my way. She immediately makes her way to her chair, sits and turns her back to me, opening up her briefcase and setting up her laptop. "Hey," I respond briskly. Apparently, she's made the same decision I have. Good. Perfect. That's what I wanted. That will make it easier to remember that I don't care. I turn to my email. I can spend the next three hours reading email. I'll forward the funnier ones to the Gunmen. They'll like that. And doing that will hopefully curb my desire to ask Scully how her weekend was. I glance at the yellow triangle coming out from my blotter. Seeing it strengthens my resolve. If she's not going to ask me, I'm not going to ask her. She sent me a signal Friday night. After an eventful time reading the emails that have piled up over the weekend, I venture a look in her direction. She's typing away all prim and proper, not a care in the world. How can she do that? Pretend like nothing's happening between us? Sheila the mail clerk is making her way to our hole in the wall. She smiles at me and sets my mail on my desk. "Good morning, Agent Mulder." "Morning, Sheila." She nods and sets Scully's mail on her desk. "Agent Scully, here's the autopsy results 'the powers that be' wanted you to review and state your findings on." She sets the folder in front of her. "Thank you. Sheila." Scully finally risks a look at Sheila and then to the folder placed in front of her. Sheila leans on Scully's desk and smiles. "So, how was your weekend? I know your friend was in town. Any wild parties, late nights out?" Scully smiles and shakes her head. "Come on, give. Break any suitor's hearts?" Scully quickly looks at me out of the corner of her eyes and bows her head once again. "I want details." "Sheila, you're sweet but no, we didn't have any wild nights out or go to any parties. We spent most of the time sightseeing and shopping. It was nice getting to visit with an old friend. There's nothing else really to tell, but thank you for asking," Scully replies. Sheila shrugs. "Well, you're no fun then. Maybe we can get together for lunch. I've got countless friends that would love to meet a pretty little thing like you, and I love to match-make. Actually, I have a friend named Jake that would be perfect for you! I'll see what his status is and get back to you." She turns to leave. "Sheila, no, that's really not necessary…," Scully starts, but Sheila waves her off and leaves as quickly as she came. Scully blows a puff of air over her forehead, looks at me sadly, takes a deep breath and turns back to her computer. XXX What time is it? I look up at the clock, 4:30 p.m. So I've spent the better part of a day, not including last evening, worrying about what's happening between Mulder and me. He left in such a hurry Friday night, I didn't even have a chance to explain. Not that I could have with Amy there. I really need to take her advice and just tell him how I feel, or at least discuss what's going on. But it's so hard. We've never been in this position before. Hell, we've never even considered that there was a position. We're very good at ignoring anything remotely emotional. Well, at least I am. I know and I don't know what I want from him, from us. Us, again. There really is no us per se. Arrrrggghhhhh this is so aggravating and not helping me get anything done. I get up from my desk and head towards the fax machine. Mulder rounds the corner at that very same moment, knocking into me. The papers fall to the floor. We both kneel down to pick them up and almost bump heads. We both grab for the same stack of papers and our hands meet in a tangle. He holds onto them and I look up, meeting his gaze head on. His fingers lightly squeeze mine and wisp up and across my wrists. I shiver uncontrollably. After excruciating minutes of staring into his hazel depths, asking silent questions that neither of us is able to answer, he smiles and licks his bottom lip. Oh how I ache to kiss that sly grin right off his face. In our musings, another agent stops, seeing our display, and bends down to give us a hand with the papers we forgot we were picking up. His entry knocks us into the present and we both jump up from our huddled position, blinking away glazed eyes. "Thanks, Mulder." I nod toward the other agent. "Pendelton." Both men hand me the stack of papers and I quickly escape down the hall where I can find my sanity again. What just happened? We both made a small scene without even realizing it. I hope no one besides Pendelton was watching us. Where did my mind go anyway? Oh yeah, on me kissing Mulder and throwing him on the floor, devouring him where he stood. We need to be more aware of our surroundings. Things like that can not happen at work. If the higher-ups even remotely think there's something going on between us, they may never give us back the X-files. That is supposed to be our number one priority. Yes, that's right. The X-Files. Focus on that and not on Mulder and you'll stay on target. With a renewed sense of spirit, I fax my reports and head back to our cubicle. The entire space looks barren. How long did I take? I look up at the clock once again and realize that it's after six. Thank God. Now I can rush out of here and avoid that conversation with Mulder once more. He's not in our space. Whew. Maybe he went home early trying to avoid me as well. I shut down my computer, planning on bringing it home, and then decide I'm going to just leave it here. I have Amy waiting with a pizza on the way and I don't really feel like doing any more work tonight. I press the button for the elevator and walk in when it opens. As it closes I hear someone shout, "Hold the elevator." My hand comes out and the doors stop in their tracks, revealing Mulder standing on the other side. Damn. "You're still here?" he says and enters the elevator. I press the button for the parking garage. "Just leaving." Why is he asking me such a stupid question? He's trying to diffuse the tension, Dana. Maybe you should help the guy out instead of reacting, quite frankly, like a bitch. I snicker at my self-flagellation and Mulder looks up. "What's so funny?" "Oh, nothing." The elevator groans and comes to an abrupt halt, tossing me completely off balance. Mulder catches me quickly in his arms. My purse drops to the floor, as do his keys. He's holding me tightly to him, my hands are flat against his chest and both our hearts are pounding. I'm not sure if it's the jolt of the elevator or the close proximity of the other causing it. Probably a little of both. "Whoa, what happened?" "Maintenance is working on the elevators." I groan as he continues. "The sign outside said the cameras were being upgraded and to expect delays if they have to stop the elevator while working on the wiring. They are supposedly only working on it after normal working hours." He's still holding me to him tightly. I look up into his face. "Oh." His eye color is swirling, his breathing is ragged and I can feel him growing against me. "So, we could be stuck here for quite awhile?" I ask, not moving from his grasp. "Right, and with no working cameras in here to see that we need to be let out. Of course, we could call downstairs and tell them we're stuck?" He nods, I nod, but we don't move. Then, all rational thought leaves my mind as I respond to his idea with, "Or we can not call." Apparently that did it for him because he looked down at my lips, which I licked seductively--why, I'll never know--and I was hauled against the nearest wall. Our lips met and our tongues came out to tangle scrumptiously against one another. We're reacting ravenously toward one another. It's as if we can't kiss each other hard enough. It's as if we've picked up exactly where we left off last night. His kisses move down my neck and I moan in answer and lean my neck over, exposing a larger portion of skin for him to feed off. He takes it greedily, kissing and nipping. Oh hell, now he's sucking on the crevice where my neck meets my shoulder. Just as I'm about to tell him not to leave a mark, his left hand skims up my side and over my breast, squeezing roughly. That was all it took for any thoughts of having him stop to leave my mind. I bring my hand down his belly and over his erection, feeling his desire for me. So hard and thick. I rub over it and he moans into my ear. "Not fair, Scully." "Who said life was fair?" I whisper back. He takes that as giving him free reign. His leg presses between my parted legs and rubs against me perfectly. "Ohhhhhhh." "All's fair in love and war." Before I can ask what that means exactly, his lips are on mine and his hands are pulling my skirt up around my waist. I probably shouldn't have worn thigh highs today versus my standard nylons. He's surprised when his fingers skim the skin of my thigh. He smiles and continues his trek down my neck into my cleavage kissing each portion of skin he reveals by nudging my top down with his chin. "Mulllldeeeerrr," I say in warning. He's not paying attention. He's too busy gripping my ass and slipping his hands beyond the panties to cup my bare cheeks. "Stockings, Scully? Are you trying to kill me?" "Quite the opposite," I say through a pant as his lips encircle my nipple through my blouse, biting down. "Jesus, Mulder." I can't believe we're doing this here. He's got me completely out of control and lost in my desire for him. One of his hands moves forward and cups my sex. "Scully, do you have any idea what you do me?" He pants and nips at my lips. He's flexing his hand over my center, grinding the palm of his hand into my clit. I shake my head no, not able to form a coherent sentence while his hand is perfectly stroking me. "I can smell you." His words make me weak in the knees and I lean boneless, pinned between him and the wall. He continues his onslaught of my sex and I start grinding against him, pressing my hips forward which pushes his hand harder against me and adds pressure to his own desire. His fingers slip into my panties and he quickly inserts two fingers within me. "Gooooodddd, Muuulllddeeerrr," I grate out between clenched teeth. I know we shouldn't be doing this and I can't believe I haven't put a stop to it, but it feels so good. His fingers move within me and we both become frantic. My mouth is hanging open, my lower body is moving forcefully against his hand and his lower half. He seems to be enjoying this as much as I am. His face is strained. The elevator hums and jolts to life. The numbers above me are descending. He notices the movement and presses his hand deep into me. "I want to be inside you … so bad." His words and his hand are relentless against my sex. The minute he leans in and kisses me, the heel of his hand presses hard against my pleasure center and I'm gone. White lights and stars shoot through my vision. He kisses my outcry and jerks against me in sloppy, uncontrolled motions. He pulls his fingers from within me and puts them into his mouth. Oh hell, that made me want him again. He hums against me as he licks his fingers clean. The elevator dings and comes to a stop. He backs away from me and pulls down my skirt clumsily. I'm too drained to move. The doors open and thankfully no one is standing there waiting to enter. I lift my hands to my hair and straighten it. The doors close again and he steps into me, grabbing my neck and bringing his lips to mine. We kiss for a moment and then the doors ding again. He pulls away just as they open. "We will talk about this … later." He looks into my eyes searchingly. I nod yes. He looks down at his soiled pants. The area where he climaxed is getting more prevalent against the dark fabric. "I have to go clean up." I nod once again, still unable to reciprocate in my post-orgasmic haze. He holds the doors open and looks back at me. I lean over, pick up my purse and his keys, handing them to him. He holds my hand. "Later," he confirms. "Yes, Mulder. Later." He smiles and takes the keys from my hand and walks to his car. Oh. My. God. I can not believe what Mulder and I just did. What we're we thinking making out like that in the elevator at work? The fucking Hoover building. No pun intended. I need to get home and away from this building. I need to think about what just transpired and how it's going to affect our lives. XXX Dana Scully's Apartment The door lock turns and the door swings open. Dana shuffles through the door, takes off her jacket and hangs it over the dining chair. "Danes, the pizza's cold." She turns to me. Her appearance is ruffled and the collar of her shirt is bent down exposing a large purplish blue area on her neck. "You have a hickey on your neck!" I practically scream. She grabs her collar and tries to hide it. "Oh, no you don't. You have a big, fat hickey on your neck! Might I assume that was given to you by one Foxy Mulder?" She smiles wide. I run over, pull her into my arms and hug her fiercely. "I'm so glad! What happened? I want to know everything … do not leave any details out, especially the sexy parts!" "Oh Amy, I don't know what to think, do, or even say," she says somewhat miserably. "You slept with him?" I say surprised. "No. I did not sleep with him." "Then how did you get the love bite?" I'm confused. "We got stuck in the elevator at work and one thing just led to another." I push at her chest. "Get out!" I say, emphasizing it like Elaine does on Seinfeld. "You made out at work?" She nods. "In the elevator?" Another nod. "Holy shit, Danes. I didn't think you had it in you." "Me either. I don't know what came over me." She sits down in the chair and removes her heels. "One minute I'm standing there making nice after a very uncomfortable day with him." I move my hands in a 'hurry up and tell me what I want to hear' motion. "The next moment, the elevator comes to a halt and I was in his arms. We chatted for a minute and he had me up against the wall in seconds." I smile wide, showing her how pleased I am with her actions. "That is soooooo hot, Danes. I can't believe it. For you, that's so out of character. Then again, if I had a foxy partner like Mulder, I'd let him take me anywhere … anytime." She looks at me crossly. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not after your man, but he is gorgeous." "I can't disagree with you there. But …." "But what? Oh no, you're going to over-analyze this aren't you?" Her face scrunches up into a grimace. "No, Danes. What you did was perfectly acceptable." Her eyebrow reaches to the sky. "Okay, maybe not perfectly acceptable for work, but it was definitely an acceptable thing to do with him. Didn't it feel right?" "God, yes, Amy." "See, so what's the problem? Let me guess, you didn't talk about it." Her head goes into her hands. "Well, how did you leave each other?" "He said we were going to talk about it and I agreed with him." "So why didn't you just go somewhere and talk about it? You know you could have gone. I would have just figured you were working late." "He had to go clean up …," she points down to her lap, "you know." "Ohhhhhhhh yeah, I can see how that would be uncomfortable. So, are you going to talk to him and be honest with him?" "I don't know, I really don't know. I'm afraid to change our relationship, but I'm also afraid of not changing it. Does that make sense?" "It makes perfect sense. That's kind of where Russ and I are, too." She nods in sympathy. We talk some more and she promises that she will eventually talk to him. Then I went over the conversation I had with Russ by phone before she came home. We both laughed over how similar our situations were and how funny life and love are, and then retired to our rooms for bed. XXX Thump, thump, thump Oh crap! I look over at the clock. It reads 9:07 p.m. It's probably Mulder. He seemed adamant about our talking "later" after the elevator scene. I hang up my blazer and venture out into the living room. Thump, thump, thump All right, all right already. I open the door without looking through the peephole and am surprised to see Russ, hand raised about to knock again. "Russ. Hi." "Dana, sorry it's so late. I just couldn't wait to talk to Amy. I hope you don't mind me stopping by. I need to talk to her." I check him over from head to toe as he enters. He looks ... well, he looks like a man who hasn't been getting a lot of sleep. With my own resident insomniac, I know what a sleep-deprived man looks like more than I care to admit. Poor guy. It looks as if he's taking the tension between him and Amy harder than he was actually confiding to her in their phone conversations. "It's not late. I'll get Amy." He nods and sways from foot to foot with his head bowed down a bit. Familiar Mulder pose. Maybe it's something men do when they're about to broach an uncomfortable situation. I smile at him and head to Amy's room. I knock a couple times. "It's open, Danes." I enter and shut the door softly behind me, not wanting to put Russ on edge any more than he already is. "What's up?" "Amy, Russ is here and he's waiting to talk to you in the living room." Her facial expressions show that she's surprised and then registers a hint of trepidation. "Do you want to talk to him, or do you want me to tell him to call you tomorrow?" She stands up and cinches her robe tightly around her body. "No, he drove a couple hours to see me, the least I can do is find out why." She nods her head affirmatively as if she's talking herself into something. She opens the door and walks towards the living room. Russ turns the moment she appears and a huge smile breaks on his face. He rushes over to her and swings her into a tight hug, lifting her off her feet a bit. She returns the embrace and he slides her back to her feet. That's my exit. I quick-step it to my bedroom, leaving the door open a crack. I shouldn't eavesdrop but I want to make sure she's okay if they start fighting again. I'm also feeling rather nosey and not the least bit guilty about it. She's been in my business with Mulder for the last few days so we'll be even. I take up a seat close to the door, leaning my head towards the opening. "I've missed you," he says with a rough tone. "I've missed you too," she responds. "Amy, I'm … oh hell, Amy, I'm sorry." "I'm sorry too," she says weakly. "These past few days have been horrible. I don't like fighting with you." I can hear her sniffling. She must be crying. He better not hurt her. "This time away is nothing like when you've been gone on business or for a book signing. I just," he sniffs this time. He's getting choked up, I can hear it in his voice. "I just, I've realized something." "What Russ? What did you realize?" she somewhat pleads with him. "That I just can't be without you." She sobs loudly. "I do want to commit to you. Hell Amy, I'll even marry you if you'd have me. Just, just don't leave me…." If I didn't know these two so well I'd think he was pathetic but I know this is the first time in the years they've been together that something has almost broken them up. "I won't leave you, Russ." Amy whispers so softly I can barely hear her. "I'm sorry, Baby. I'm so sorry for being such a … a loser. I didn't realize what I had until you left and came to stay with Dana." "Oh, Russ." I heard her get up quickly and land on something soft so I'd imagine they're making up quite nicely. "So you'll come home then, so we can discuss our future?" He sniffles loudly. "I'd like nothing more than to go home … with you." "I love you, Amy, and I'm still sorry. I'll make it up to you. I promise." "I love you too, Russ." They must be kissing because I can't hear anything else. "I need to go thank Danes for letting me stay and let her know that I'm leaving earlier than expected." That's my cue. I rush over, plop myself on the bed and grab the JAMA on my night stand, opening it to a random page. She knocks on the door. "Danes?" She opens the door and I see the evidence of her crying. Her eyes are red and puffy. "Are you okay?" I ask stupidly, already knowing the answer. She runs in and jumps onto the bed in a heap. "Better than okay. Russ and I are going to go home." I smile and bring her into a hug. "I'm so glad." I wipe the happy tears from her eyes. She smiles in return. "Danes. I can't thank you enough." "Stop thanking me. I've enjoyed your visit. Now go, don't keep him waiting. Call me in a couple days once everything settles." She nods. "And you, missy, need to get over to that man of yours. Tell him how you feel. Stop worrying about the repercussions and just tell him that you're in love with him and be happy for once." I nod, not sure of what to say. She gets up and Russ is waiting for her by the spare bedroom's door. They both enter and I can hear her hastily shoving her belongings into her suitcase. I smile at the thought of her rushing to be with her man. Her man. Mulder. After all I've heard tonight I can't let him stew in what happened today. It's not fair to me and it's most certainly not fair to him. I have to see him. Mind made up, I rush out of my room. Amy's kissing Russ in her bedroom, holding an armful of clothes in her hands. That just eggs me on. I want that. I want what she has. I want Mulder and I don't want to wait until I've analyzed this change in our relationship to death. I don't want to miss my chance at happiness. She must have heard me pass by. "Danes?" I almost made it to the door. "Yes, Amy?" "What are you doing?" She comes into view at the edge of the spare bedroom's doorway. "I'm taking your advice." Her grin is unmistakable. "Lock up for me when you leave, will you?" And I'm out the door. As I walk down the hallway I hear a muffled "YES! SHE'S GOING AFTER HER MAN!" come from my apartment. Damn right! I'm going after my man … if he'll have me. There's only one way to find out. XXX Fox Mulder's Apartment "Okay, fine, I'm sorry," I apologize, trying to sound as sincere as possible. "You say that every time. It's 9:00 for crying out loud. If you want to bounce a basketball, go to the park or something." I spin the telephone cord as he continues his diatribe through the line. "Seriously, I'm tired of getting these complaints from your neighbors." Blah, blah, blah. My landlord can be so repetitive. "I'll keep that in mind. Talk to you later." Well, there goes that activity. I've got to do something. Three hours ago, I was having my way with Scully. Well, sort of having my way with her, anyway, in an elevator of all places. At least I know she enjoyed it. Man, do I have a lot of nervous energy that I don't know what to do with. So far, I've driven home, and checked my emails. I was sort of half expecting a congratulatory email from the consortium. I'm sure they know what happened between Scully and me by now, right? They tend to know everything. I just can't get her out of my mind. The way she tasted, the way she looked at me, the way she sounded. Ah, and the look of ecstasy on her face as she came. It was fantastic. In all the times I've imagined how our first "encounter" would be, I never imagined it being that powerful. I always figured I would have to seduce her and say all the right things to get her to let go of her inhibitions. As it turned out, all it took was a malfunctioning elevator to make it all happen. Well, it didn't "all" happen. I have the dry cleaning to prove it. I'm still irritated at myself that I came like that, like I was a tenth grader. The thought of my last words to her …"I have to go clean up." Arrrggghhh. As hard as I try to be cool and debonair, the fact remains that I'm not. She didn't seem to mind, though. She said we would talk later. It's later now, I wish she would call. BBBBBRRRRRLLLLLIIIIINNNNGGGGG!!! Whoa! Scully and I must be cosmically linked. My thoughts to her actions. I set my basketball down and pick up the phone. "Hey, I've missed you. How is your evening going?" "Not well." Oh, shit, it's not Scully. It's my fucking landlord again. I look down at the basketball and realize I've been bouncing it again. "Oh, umm, well…," Crap! "I set my basketball on a shelf and it fell down. Sorry about that." I feel like I'm a ten-year-old when I talk to my landlord sometimes. I'm pretty sure I sound like one, too. "Just don't let it happen again or I'll call the cops on you for a noise violation," he threatens. I want to tell him I am a cop and I know he couldn't do that, but I don't think that would stop him from trying. "Okay, it won't happen again tonight." "It better not ever happen again. You know I've had so many complaints about you…." "Okay, have a good evening," I cut him off. He can go on forever like that and I'm really not in the mood. I need to find something else to do. I could call her. I should call her. Isn't the guy the one who's supposed to call? Maybe it's too soon. I should give her time to process what happened. She probably wants to think it over. Besides, what would I say? I realize I've picked up the ball again. I need to divert my attention. I need to map out what to say to her. Just because she was a willing participant earlier this evening doesn't mean that she won't need a cogent argument to move the relationship further. I riffle through my desk and find an unbroken pencil and clean piece of paper and sit down. This will keep me away from the basketball and help me prepare my side of the debate. I need to make bulleted points of why our coming together is a good thing. I draw three asterisks and then two dots underneath each of those. At the top of the page, I write "WHY THIS IS A GOOD THING" Then I underline those words. My mind goes completely blank. I can't even write my feelings for her down in black and white, they're entirely too powerful. They are currently rattling around in my head--half formed thoughts of how I don't exist without her and if anything were to happen to her or to us, my life would be over. If I can't write them down, how am I ever going to be able to say them to her? How am I ever going to be able to make her see why we belong together? A knock at the door startles me. I immediately look at my basket ball. It's still quietly sitting on the coffee table. If it's my damn landlord, I'm going to have to shoot him. I've been absolutely quiet for the last ten minutes. I get up to answer the door. "What? I'm being qui-" I stop abruptly. It's her. Looking amazing, my mind supplies happily. "Oh, hey." I smile and step aside so she can come in. "Hi. Sorry it's late," she says as she enters. She hesitates a second before brushing past me. She's a little ... nervous. It takes me a second to recognize it since she normally hides her weaker feelings from me. "No, it's not late." I look at my watch. 11:15. Shouldn't she be in bed by now? Doesn't she have a house guest? Why is she here? I wasn't expecting her. I hope she doesn't look in the sink. I've got new life forms incubating in the unwashed dishes. She makes herself comfortable on the couch. She starts picking imaginary lint off her jeans, but looks up. "So, how has your evening been?" I stall. I'm still trying to get a read on what she's feeling. I hope she doesn't regret what's happened. "It's been interesting to say the least," she says with a little laugh. I chuckle too, even though I'm not exactly sure what she means. Interesting doesn't mean regretted though, and that's a good sign. "Interesting, huh? My evening's been pretty normal. My afternoon, on the other hand, especially right as I was leaving work … now, that was interesting." I hope she bites. I'm a little shocked that I was that bold, but I need to know how she feels about what happened. "Mmmm hmmmm," she says kind of dreamily. "Russ showed up at my apartment tonight." She says this brightly, effectively changing the subject I want to discuss. Wait a minute … Russ? Who the fuck is Russ? And why does she seem so happy that he dropped by? She didn't even say anything about this afternoon. Oh, my God. What if nothing happened this afternoon and I've finally lost contact with reality? I've heard of things like that happening. Somebody fantasizes so much about something that it becomes real to them. I better play this cool. I don't want her to know that I've become delusional. "Oh, yeah? How was he?" I surprise myself at how cool I sound. "Well I hadn't seen him in quite awhile and was happily surprised that he showed up when he did. His timing couldn't have been more perfect." Son of a bitch. Scully and I finally make contact and some random guy shows up with perfect timing. I really must have made up that elevator thing in my head. It's really scary because it seemed so real. I really, really need to play this cool because I'm sliding into a full-on panic attack. Not only did I have a waking dream involving soiling myself in an elevator, which is just typical of me--even when I fantasize, I end up making an ass out of myself--but an old boyfriend? That's who he's got to be, right? The guy just shows up and makes Scully happier than I ever have. Okay, everything's fine. I'll just act normal. "That is nice when an old friend shows up unexpectedly. Remind me who Russ is again." I thought I had categorized every single male name she has ever uttered and I can't remember a single Russ. More proof that the strain has finally gotten to me. "He's Amy's boyfriend, Mulder." Oh right, Amy's boyfriend. Did I know she had a boyfriend? I must have, based on Scully's disbelieving tone. "Did you think I'd be pontificating about some old boyfriend after what happened between us today?" Umm, yeah, actually I did, but I don't think she thinks I should think that. "This was monumental for her, and what drew me here." She explains this like it will clear everything up. Unfortunately, I'm not even sure Scully is speaking English at this point. Is she implying that other monumental things have happened that don't involve us and the elevator? "Oh yeah?" I move to sit next to her on the couch. "What happened? Why are you here?" Oh, man, she's going to be irritated. I think I'm supposed to know way more about the Russ-Amy situation than I do. It's not my fault, though. It's the damned elevator's fault. It did a huge memory wipe on me as I was leaving work today. "Well, Russ came to pick her up this evening." So, Scully's houseguest is gone? Good. I wasn't sure how we would be able to do it in every room in her house with Amy there. Does the dining room and kitchen count as one room or two? Oh, wait, maybe I should concentrate, because Scully is saying a whole lot of words that I am not hearing. "He couldn't stand being without her and the thought of losing her drove him to my house to beg, plead, and borrow if he had to. He didn't exactly say those words, but that was the gist of it." I know the feeling. She turns and curves one leg onto the couch. Her knee is now touching my thigh. "He came to my house, told her he loved her and couldn't live without her and that was all she needed." That's all it took to win the girl? Huh? My mind is reeling with possibilities. Scully's still talking ... something about a marriage proposal I think. Uh oh ... she's stopped. I need to say something. "Scully, that's great. I'm sure they'll be very happy together," I say flatly. "So why are you here again?" Whoops. I didn't disguise my disinterest very well. Is it so wrong I couldn't really care less about those people? I really want to talk about us, about what happened in the elevator specifically. "It got me thinking," she said in what could only be considered a nervous tone. Her vision sweeps to the wall behind me and she is twisting her fingers against each other. "And?" I say gently. "And, it made me jealous." She looks at me with a sorrowful gaze. "Jealous? Of what?" She's back to not making sense again. She's never jealous. At least I don't think she is. "That they could just tell one another how they feel. That it came so easy to them." I know what she means. I envy that too. "That they don't have to fear rejection, or losing their best friend, or career for that matter." She's so calm while she says this. She isn't looking at me and her hands have gone back to the imaginary lint on her jeans. Her voice is calm and steady. It takes a second for it to sink in. This is what she's afraid of? That I'll reject her? That I won't be her friend? How can she think that? "Are you afraid of that?" I ask softly. I move a little closer to her and she leans into me. She catches my gaze and holds it. "Aren't you?" "Yeah, actually, I am." It feels like a million tons of bricks have been lifted from my shoulders. She looks as relieved as I feel. This is silly. She's afraid and I'm afraid. "So," I give her a little smile, "you want to go on being afraid together?" "I guess the better question is … is it worth the risk?" she says honestly. Risk? What risk? Having her here next to me has eradicated all the doubts that I have when I'm alone. "Scully, do you remember the first day of school ... like the first day of seventh grade?" I ask her. Suddenly everything's become crystal clear to me. She just nods yes. "Seventh grade for me meant a new school. We would have to change classes and there were a lot of other kids from other schools there, not just the same kids I'd been with since kindergarten." She looks perplexed. That's okay. I was perplexed too until about five seconds ago. "My sixth grade teacher, Mr. Lerch ... he spent my entire sixth grade telling us how hard seventh grade would be and how we would never be able to hack it." "And how does your going down memory lane pertain to here and now?" Impatient are we, Scully? Interesting. "Bear with me here," I say quickly. "I spent the entire summer between sixth and seventh grade worrying about how horrible it would be. I had convinced myself that I would fail miserably. All the other kids from the other schools would be more prepared and have cooler clothes and better school supplies. I didn't sleep the whole week before school started because I convinced myself that it was going to be horrible." She's looking at me wholly disbelievingly. She hasn't made the connection yet. That's okay. This is our natural state. I'm comfortable with this. I pause to see if she sympathizes with me. She doesn't, so I continue on. "So after a summer of worrying, the first day of school came and as I got on the bus that first day, all my worrying ceased. Nothing bad happened on the bus, nothing bad happened when I got to school. I found my first classroom just fine. I liked my teachers just fine. My clothes and supplies were just like everyone else's." I look at her expectantly, hoping that she understands. "Again Mulder, how does this pertain to us?" She looks frustrated. She's gorgeous when she's frustrated with my theories. "I feel the same way now as I did when I was on that bus." It's all right that she doesn't get it yet. She hardly ever understands what I'm referring to in the middle of one of my theories. "This is finally happening and nothing bad is happening to us. I think if we went further with the relationship, we would find that we aren't so very different from all the other couples out there. That we'll do just fine if we stop worrying and just let the events happen." "Mulder, it's a nice story, but that was seventh grade and we are not anywhere near what society would deem the average couple." She bows her head looking at anything other than me. "I think we don't know that yet. I think that we've convinced ourselves that it won't work for us, but we don't really know that, do we?" "No, Mulder, we don't know that for sure. So I ask my original question, is it worth risking what we have for something that could ruin everything?" "Yes it is." I'm more sure of it than I have ever been. "What we have tonight is already different than what we had last night." I did decide that the elevator incident really did happen, right? "We've already gotten on the bus, so to speak, we might as well go to our first class." I'm pretty sure my analogy is breaking down, but that's never stopped me before. "How can you be so sure?" She bites her bottom lip. I love when she does that. It's an incredible turn on. Then again, just about everything about my partner is a turn on. "I'm not wrong because I know us. I know I would never do anything to hurt you and I also know that you would not hurt me. That's why I'm sure. We aren't talking about something that we have no control over. We're talking about something that is already working and moving forward will only add to that. I mean, after all, what do Russ and Amy have that we don't?" "Well, they weren't friends before, um, becoming … um, lovers, and they haven't worked closely together for years, and they don't have a government conspiracy against them that is out of their control." She's rationalizing her way right out of a relationship with me. I can't stand for it. "And they wouldn't have the bureau breathing down their necks … and …." Oh, to hell with it. I grab her face and haul her into a fierce kiss, stopping her ranting. I prod her mouth with my lips and tongue until she gives in. Her mouth opens under mine and I swipe my tongue against hers. She moans into my kiss and it about sets me on fire. I put everything I can into this kiss, trying to prove to her just how much this means to me … to us. She's not backing away from me now. I pull away a little and she follows my mouth, pressing her body into mine. Just what I was hoping for. After another scorching kiss I nip her lips and pull away. Her mouth releases from mine with an audible plop. XXX "Now tell me, was that wrong? Did you not feel how right this step we're taking is?" Mulder's voice finally filters through my brain. I realize my hands are clenched at his thigh, my nails kneading his thighs as if I were a cat being petted. My breath is coming in deep, lung-filling pants. One kiss and I'm completely discombobulated. He did it on purpose. I move out of his grasp to cool my heated body and get my thoughts straight. Before we do this, I have to make sure that we're going to be okay. That this change isn't going to be the end of us. His head bows as if he's just lost his life's savings in the gamble of all time. I grab his hands and twine my fingers with his. Such a simple gesture to some but an unbelievable heat swirls in my belly as his fingers slide against mine. How could this be wrong? It's Mulder. It's Mulder. My best friend, my partner, the only man I'll ever trust with my heart. Hell, he's had it for longer than he'll ever know anyway. I get up the courage to take the leap and just fall into him. "It's not wrong, Mulder." His head lifts and his smile is earth-shattering in its honesty. "You and I together could never be wrong. I don't know why I'm so worried." I take a deep breath and he moves to speak. I silence him with two fingers over his lips. He kisses the digits lightly which renews my arousal at an alarming rate. "This won't change us, who we are, what we mean to each other. We just have to believe, right?" I smile up at him. His eyes have gone completely dark. He licks his lips. No fair, I want to do that. "I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. Now come here." He hauls me over his form. His back is against the arm of the couch and I'm draped over him like a wet towel hanging on a shower curtain rod. His mouth descends on mine and his tongue enters my mouth like a freight train entering a tunnel. It's heavenly. I can feel his kiss from the top of my head to the tips of my toes and I love every minute of it. Why the hell was I worried? Something this good cannot be all bad. His hands slide up and down my back, teasing. I straddle his hips with my thighs so I can have more leverage. The change brings my center against his and the feeling knocks the wind right out of me. I never thought it would be this electric. I can feel every caress of his hands against my back, rubbing the fabric of my blouse against my over-sensitized skin. It feels as if lightning is passing through me. Amazing, just amazing. I'm giving as much in return, touching every inch of his skin that I can reach. His arms, the light hair on his forearms tickling my hands, the smooth skin of his neck, warm and moist from my fevered kisses, nips and licks--everything. It's not enough. In this curved position I can do little more than kiss and be kissed. I want more, so much more. I lean away from him and he's got this dazed happy look about him. I've never seen him look this happy. My heart is soaring. "Mulder, I want to move this to the bedroom." He looks at me, surprised. How can he be surprised? I'm straddling his hips and I can feel his desire between us. "Are you sure?" Is he kidding? "Are you?" "You're kidding right?" I laugh. Unexpectedly, he lifts me up in the air, never once losing his balance or jostling our twined bodies. I wrap my legs around his waist, his arms hold me in a vice grip against his chest. He enters the bedroom and softly lays me on the bed. The entire outside world dissipates. My only focus is him. His kisses on my neck, chest, stomach, the inside of my arm are confirmations of his desire, and serve as silent promises of a secure future, together. I return each kiss in earnest, offering all that I am and all that I want to be. With each piece of clothing being removed, it feels like we're stripping away all our insecurities. Naked, he looks me over with striking scrutiny. His gaze moves from my face down over my exposed body as if he was a starving man given a long-awaited feast. "So beautiful," he murmurs as he looks his fill. His words strike a cord in me and I groan and squirm, waiting, needing his touch. It's too much. I grip his neck and bring his mouth to mine in a fevered kiss, drawing his body down over me like a blanket. A Mulder blanket. Mmmmmm. After tonight, I will loathe all other forms of warmth. Mulder's body covering mine is the only warmth I need. His lips move over my neck and down my chest. His tongue swirls around the tip of one breast, bringing it to a tight peak. My flesh is burning hot for him. "Oh God, Mulder, I love you," I whisper between two dry lips as he worships my breasts. Between his biting and nipping at the tender skin I become restless with my need to feel him inside of me. He seems to instantly notice my need, moving back up to my face. His eyes focus on mine with an intensity I've never known with another. Chills of anticipation run up my spine. "I love you, Scully. You know that now, right?" He wipes at my cheeks, whisking away tears I hadn't realized were there. "Nothing will be more important to me than being with you. Nothing," he confirms. I nod as more traitorous tears slip down my cheeks. "Make love to me, Mulder." He smiles. I could get lost in that smile. I don't see it nearly enough. I plan on making a point of seeing it more often than not, from here on out. Slowly, he moves between my legs and we join. I vow to myself and out loud to him with my moans of approval that I will never be without this man. He is essential to my life force, as I am essential to his. We move together as if we'd made love a hundred times before, each knowing what the other enjoys most and playing into those desires with equal fervor. Time passes in caresses and thrusts of our combined hips. My eyes roll back into my head as he moves into me with deep penetrating strokes of sheer bliss. I can't control my body's response any more than I can control his guttural moan of ecstasy disguised in a moist kiss. Our bodies rock against one another until starlight hits my vision. His release rides on the waves of mine. His breath is fiery and his teeth lock onto the skin where my shoulder meets my neck. He is marking me and this moment in time where inhibitions were lost to love. Spent, we lay there, a tangled heap, holding onto one another as we lose the fight against sleep. XXX Dana Scully's Apartment Several months later "Mulder, you are not going to believe what Amy writes about us." I smile. Ah, yes. Amy's novel. I lift up the comforter, slide in and snuggle against her warm skin. She's a vision in white satin. Her glasses are precariously close to slipping down her nose as she turns the page of the book. "You would be surprised at what I can believe," I joke. She looks over her glasses and smiles. "Well, it's surprisingly accurate for someone who's 'imagined' what our relationship turned into since we last saw her." She's grinning from ear to ear. "Do you think she had our apartments bugged?" I'm already debating whether or not I should call the Gunman now, or wait until morning. "Mulder, you're so paranoid." She laughs and hits me in the arm with the book. "You're the one that brought it up." I grab the book and toss it over my head as I straddle her legs. "Mullldeerrrrr … aren't you the least bit interested in what she wrote?" Umm, actually, no. I'm much more interested in the fact that Scully is slowly unbuttoning her pajama top. "Not especially," I say as I nip the soft skin of her neck, leaving a wet trail with my tongue along the length of her clavicle. "Mmmmmm. There are some interesting, er, positions she places us in. Oh, I shouldn't say us; I should say Agent Shelley and Agent Murdock." I continue my trail down her neck to the valley between her breasts. Her hands sift through my hair, "Are you sure you don't want to just take a peek?" Yeah, I'm sure. "Why read it Scully, when I can live it?" Her moan is the only answer I receive. END Authors Notes: Cybill: It took forever, but I think it was worth the wait. Even though there were bumps in the road, I wouldn't change the result. A good friend, and a wonderful story (at least I hope the readers think so! LOL). On to our next adventure ... Fox River Slayings! Xfilesopus: It took us nearly a year to write this one. It started off simply enough "Scully's friend visits and then Mulder and Scully hook up." Turns out, simple stories are not that easy for us to write. That's ok, though, because I'm really happy with the end result. Cybill, it was great as always to write with you, but I do now have a three murder minimum for all the stories we collaborate on. Cyb's Reply: 3 murder minimum! Oh come on ... you never know how many people need to die in a good X-file! LOL We'll see who wins on this one. Stay tuned everyone....