Title: Ditched. Author: Snoop Mar E-Mail: ??? Spoilers: None Rating: NC17 all the way, bay-bee! And bad language! Parr-tay! Disclaimer: CC and 10-13 own 'em. I'm just borrowing them for no profitable reason whatsoever. And Paramount (black shoe bastards!) owns the Ahab analogy. Summary: The nightmare begins after the dream's fulfilled. ______________________________________________________________________ Scully stomped into her room, and slammed the door behind her, enraged that Mulder had again ditched her. she fumed. Scully suddenly let out a hair-raising shriek and grabbed the nearest breakable object - her water glass - and pitched at the wall. It shattered. So did Scully. The "Ice Queen" fell apart. Scully threw herself onto her bed and began to sob. The stress of the last few days, on the run for their lives, from Consortium hit men and the government, suspected of assassinating A.D. Kersh and Director Stanley - had been excruciating, but she had been able to endure it. Because she had Mulder with her. Now stashed away in Bumblefuck, Nebraska, alone, he'd written, she had the overwhelming fear that it was over, that she would never she Mulder, or anyone else, she thought, ever again. Eventually, she got up and cleaned up the glass, the afternoon sun seeping in through the window reflected on the busted sand. Scully pondered the shards, that when whole, it was so incredibly strong, and yet so easily broken if its weakness was discovered, or if it were separated. It was a slightly goofy metaphor, she thought, for their relationship - if you could call it a relationship. A metaphor that Mulder - even if he did claim that she completed him, made him whole - had not yet realized. she snorted. She dumped the fractured glass into the dustbin, along with the note. That damned note, crumpled and cold on the floor of the isolated cabin. Its existence was an insult. After everything they'd been through together, he still didn't realize that together, they were insurmountable. Undefeatable. Fantastic. Scully continued to fume for the rest of the afternoon and well into the evening. She continued to read the background files on their supposed victims. , she thought bitterly. And yet all the while listening for the car and the footsteps she knew so well, as well as the beating of her own heart. As she lay in her bed surrounded by the darkness, she reflected that it wasn't being ditched that hurt. It wasn't that he trusted her so little; it was that she cared that really rankled. Like lying awake, staring up at the ceiling, waiting for him to - if he even bothered - to come back to their temporary home. The fact that she, a professional independent woman whose partner apparently considered her a hindrance, was waiting there worrying about him. Scully rolled onto her side, a single forlorn tear tracing its way slowly down her soft cheek. It was a while later when the slamming of a car door awakened her. Years of practice meant that she was wide awake with her hand wrapped around her appropriated weapon. She listened closely, and slowly breathed a sigh of relief. It was Mulder. She jumped out of bed, rage suddenly pulsing throughout her body. She flung open her door, not bothering to put her robe on over her pajamas, Mulder had just walked through the door. Tossing his keys and the remnants of takeout down on the rough-hewn wooden table, he glanced at Scully, not noticing the fury etched into her frame. "Hey Scully, guess what I...." "You son of a bitch!" She snarled at him. Mulder was dumbstruck. "You bastard! How fucking dare you decide what I may or may not, can or cannot do!!!" Mulder realized immediately that Scully was absolutely furious with him. "Scully, I...." "NO!" she yelled, slapping the chair out of her way. "This time YOU listen, asshole! I am a law enforcement officer, as equally well-trained as you are! And I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions! If you don't feel that you can accept that, if you can't treat me as an equal, then when we get back to DC I'll request a transfer! I fucking deserve better than a note and busy work, Mulder!" Finishing on a scream, Scully glowered at Mulder. he thought. "Scully, I wanted you to be safe. I needed to know that you were okay while I met with Skinner and the Gunmen. I...." Mulder realized too late that placating her would only anger her further. His cheek throbbed, his ear rang, where she'd hit him. "I don't care! Don't make excuses! Don't protect me! I never asked you to!" Mulder felt tired. He was already frustrated. He didn't need this, and was rapidly losing patience. He ran a tired hand over his face. "Can we talk about this in the morning? 'Cause I'm really tired." Scully felt her skin flush with rage. "NO! WE TALK NOW!" Mulder's patience snapped. "They didn't want you there, all right? The Gunmen are scared, and Skinner insisted on meeting with me privately!" Scully felt something break inside her. She knew that if Mulder had insisted on her presence, Byers, Langly and Frohike would have caved. So would Skinner. The truth, his precious truth, was that he hadn't wanted her there. Scully turned on her heel and walked quietly back into her room, shutting and locking the door. Mulder thought, running a hand through his hair. Mulder felt terrible; it hadn't been true. He hadn't wanted her there. Concentrating on what the Gunmen and Skinner had unearthed required his full attention. If he'd taken Scully, he would've been distracted by her beauty and intelligence, as well as crazed about her safety. And he knew that she knew that if they had made that codicil on meeting him, he would've made them cave. Mulder walked into his room, too tired to try again turning out the lights as he went. He railed at himself. Flopping down onto the bed, he kicked his shoes off. He hoped she would be calmed in the morning. He had a lot to tell her. Including 'I'm sorry'. January 2nd, 2000, 7:45 AM Scully awoke to the smell of bacon and eggs. And burning toast. She rolled out of bed and whipped open her door, discovering Mulder frantically waiving smoke out the window. Mulder smiled sheepishly. "Can't do anything right, can I?" Scully thought, snickering. Mulder tossed down the towel and put two new slices of bread into the toaster. He waved Scully into a chair and placed a plate in front of her, pouring her a glass of orange juice - "freshly squeezed!". He served her, then put his own out and joined her. "Scully, about last night..." he began, after several minutes of companionable silence. Scully put her cutlery down. "Mulder, I...." "I'm sorry, Scully. About ditching you, about lying to you, about not insisting that you....for not taking you with me. I just wanted to keep you safe." Mulder looked straight at Scully, willing her to believe him, to forgive him. Scully pushed her plate away. "I'm sorry just isn't good enough anymore, Mulder. You don't trust me." "I do!" he argued fervently. "I trust you with everything Scully. I just can't put you at risk anymore. I can't hurt you anymore." "You hurt me every time you ditch me, Mulder! Every time you go to the Gunmen for help before me, every time you deny the fact that we are partners." Scully sighed and stood up. She walked over to the window. "If you can't trust me, Mulder, if you can't treat me as a partner, then there's nothing left for us to say." Mulder realized that, once again, he was at a crossroads in his life, in his relationship with Scully. he thought angrily. He couldn't tell her the whole truth, but he could give her part of it. "Scully," he began, "I do trust you. You are my partner. But I...I don't think I could take it if I lost you, or you got hurt because of me. You make me whole, Scully. I meant it then, I mean it now." Scully turned. Mulder felt coldness seep into his bones at the look of despair and resolution on her face. "Mulder, I came into this job with my eyes wide open. I accepted the risks inherent in being an agent." She held up her hand to stop him from interrupting. "I can't take being left on the home front when you go off to war anymore. When this is over, I'll request a transfer. If you feel that you have to protect me by endangering yourself, then this partnership is obviously not working." Scully turned and walked into her room, locking the door behind her. A rage so intense it hurt swept through Mulder. How dare she decide, no, choose, to abandon him...them. After everything they'd been through together, he couldn't see her walking away this easily. And she'd callously dismissed his dealings. Sure, he'd kept parts of the truth from her, but his feelings...she did make him whole. He couldn't, wouldn't lose her. The thought of a Scully-free existence hurt. He slowly cleaned up the breakfast dishes, using the time to compose himself and construct his argument and explanation. After stalling for as long as he could, Mulder took a deep breath and said a silent prayer as he approached her door. He knocked lightly. "Scully? May I come in? I think we need to continue our earlier discussion. After, I'll tell you about what the Gunmen and Skinner have learned." Scully had just finished dressing. He could tell that she wasn't willing to discuss this further. "Mulder, I've given you my terms. You either accept them or I move on." Mulder felt his anger building. Between the locked door - something they had never done, even when they were initially becoming acquainted - and her obstinacy. Mulder felt that the one part of his life he'd always been able to count on was spiraling away, out of control. He shook the handle, frustrated at the barrier between them. "Scully, open the door. I don't want to talk through a door." "This issue, Mulder, is about trust. You don't trust me, I won't stand for that. I won't live with it." Mulder forced his voice to remain calm, even though that wasn't what he was feeling. He laid his hand, shaking his head, willing her to hear him. "Scully, you are my everything. I..." "But you don't trust me, Mulder! And without that, we're nothing! Nothing!" He could hear her stalking away from him, from them. Rage flowed through his veins. He slammed his hands into the door. It flew open, the lock snapped in two. Mulder stalked over to Scully, pulling her around to face him, grabbing her by her upper arms. His fingers bit into her arms as he shook her roughly. He could see that the uncontrolled anger and desperation in his eyes were searing her. "What the hell do you think this is, Scully, a fucking game?" His eyes were like brick, his face impenetrable stone. "Mulder you're hurting me!" She gasped, as he shook her again. He knew that she'd never seen him like this. "Our lives are at risk, and you're being pissy over territory? Yeah, I left you here, get over it!" He yelled. Mulder watched as Scully's nerves snapped. "Get over it? GET OVER IT? YOU SONOFABITCH! IT'S MY JOB!" She wrenched free of his vice like grip and swung at him, catching him on the jaw. He staggered back and fell onto his backside. Scully stared wide-eyed in shock at Mulder, who gazed back at her, holding his jaw. "Oh god, Mulder, I..." Something inside him snapped. Before Scully could move, he charged at her, seizing her in an iron grasp and slamming her up against the wall. The look in his eyes was crazed. Before she could make a sound, before she could try and get loose and away from the wall he had her pinned against, he snarled at her: "I'm the senior agent! You do as I say!" Frightened and furious beyond belief, Scully began to struggle. She swore at him, "You fucking bastard, let me go!" She tried to kick out at him, but he wedged her legs apart, pinning them. Suddenly, she stopped. The look on his face and in his eyes had changed. It was almost like...lust. They gazed into each other's eyes. Time stood still. The only sound was their ragged breathing. She nervously licked her lips. He could tell that she didn't know what was going to happen, what had been inevitable since the beginning. She'd never seen him like this before. Mulder dropped his eyes to her lips, and watched her wet her lips several times. God, it was a turn-on. He felt much of his anger shift into lust, desire, raw need. For over six years he had dreamed of what that mouth tasted like. Of what it would be like to kiss that prim, pursed line into soft bruises. Of what it would be like to be like to tangle his tongue with hers, to explore every nook and cranny, every heated crevice of that perfect, snappy little mouth. He couldn't wait anymore. He pounced. Scully's head hit the wall as Mulder forcefully pressed his lips to hers. Her eyes went wide as she felt his tongue flicker across her lips, seeking, demanding entrance. For years, even more since that night in the hall outside his apartment, he'd wondered what kissing and being kissed by Scully would be like. Mulder raised his head slightly. Shifting her body closer to the wall, holding it there with his own, Mulder twisted is hands into her ruffled red hair, tangling his fingers in the scented mass. Holding her there. Looking deep into those azure eyes, those eyes that haunted his sleep. "Open your mouth." Silence. Save for the rough edge of their breathing. "Open you mouth for me, Scully." "Why?" she barely whispered. "'Cause I want to taste you. I need to taste you." Mulder felt frustrated, He tightened his grip in her hair slowly. She gasped as his grip became painful, giving him what he wanted - unrestricted access. Mulder wasted no time. His mouth came down on hers hard, forcing her lips back against her teeth. He plunged his tongue deep into her mouth, swirling it around. he thought. He groaned. She tasted sweet but tart, like a Spartan apple. Angling her head to increase his access, he tangled his tongue around hers, rubbing it. he thought. It hadn't been like this in his dreams. It hadn't been this good. This sweet. The friction of his tongue over, on, around hers was a mix of pleasure/pain. he thought, his mind whirling, body tingling. Mulder thought. Mulder could've lived the rest of his life there, kissing her. But it wasn't enough. He wanted, no, needed her to kiss him. To clutch at his shoulders. He groaned, deep into her mouth, slowly pulling back out. He whispered hoarsely against her soft, bruised lips, "Kiss me." When nothing happened, he begged her, "Please, Scully, kiss me...please." He knew she could hear the plaintive ness in his voice. She couldn't not give him what he asked for. She'd never been able to deny him anything before, so why start now? She slid her hands across and up his shirt front to his shoulders, pulling him closer to her as his tongue surged once more into her mouth. Mulder moaned in pleasure at the taste, the heat, the softness he found there. His blood pounded in his ears, he could see stars. And then it happened. Scully sucked at his tongue, digging her nails into his shoulders, running them up into his hair pulling him tighter and closer. She ran her tongue against him. He moaned again, and he felt a rush of heat, watched it fly up her body. All he knew was that he needed more. She pushed his tongue back and licked at Mulder's lips, then into his mouth. He shuddered in arousal. Mulder's mind was on autopilot as his hand slid from her hair down her body and cupped her backside, pulling her tightly to him, rubbing, pressing, grinding his erection into her belly. It wasn't enough; he didn't know how he could've imagined that it would've been enough. He slid his hands down to her thighs, wrapping them around his waist. He pressed against her hot core. Scully almost screamed. He could feel her there, writhing against the throbbing she found there. She ground her pelvis against his, eliciting a feral growl from his throat. Mulder slid one hand back up into her hair, angling her head and deepening the kiss, pushing against her center. God help him, he needed more. He moved his hands to the sides of her breasts, stroking the soft sides. Scully arched, crying out at the sensations racing across her nerves. Mulder went wild. His fingers grasped the fine material. She heard it rip. Mulder broke off the kiss, sliding his hot, wet, open mouth down her neck to her pulse point. His hands cupped her swelling breasts, thumbs rubbing her hard nipples, as he sucked at the sensitive pulse point. Scully was wrapped around Mulder. Her fingers speared into his hair, trying to pull him back up to her mouth. Mulder was obsessed with the taste of her skin. He could smell the remnants of lemon, patchouli on her skin, could feel the texture of her skin. It was like ambrosia, he thought. He could feel her tugging at his head, trying to bring him back up to her mouth. But the smell, the enticing swell of her breasts were too much for him to ignore. Shifting Scully upwards, he ran his hand sup under the remnants of her shirt, his fingers sliding over her skin. Mulder promised himself that next time, he would learn every inch of her skin. But he couldn't wait that long. He searched for her bra clasp, realizing that it was in the front. He quickly slid his hands around, cupping her breasts again. He could feel two sharp points stabbing his palms. he thought. Mulder ripped open the clasp and shoved the material aside. He paused, staring in wonder at his partner. He reverently slid his fingers over the newly exposed flesh. "God but you're lovely," he hoarsely breathed. He couldn't be, wasn't satisfied with that. He kissed the rapidly bruising pulse point and slid a wet open-mouthed kiss down to the peaked crest of one breast. He drew it into his mouth, sucking, licking and biting at it. Scully arched in Mulder's arms, gasping. Mulder suddenly released her nipple, and blew on the damp tip. Scully moaned and pressed herself against him, writhing frantically, pulling at him. "More!" she gasped. Mulder closed over her other breast, licking and sucking at it. He marveled at how crazed she was in his arms, on him. He could feel her nail scoring his back. He needed to feel those hands on their skin. He reared away long enough to yank his shirt off, snapping several buttons off. The skittering sound they made as they rolled across the floor was the only sound other than their gasping in the room. Mulder's mouth crashed down onto Scully's mouth like a drowning man latches onto a life preserver. His tongue tangled roughly with hers, as he kissed her as if he'd been dehydrated. Mulder's hands felt as if they were burning. He couldn't touch her enough, taste her enough, smell her enough. He tore his mouth from hers and began to rain kisses across her cheeks, jaw, eyes. "I want you," he gasped into her ear as he drew the lobe into his mouth to soothe it after he'd nipped it. "I'll die without you." She arched against him, rubbing her hands in the hair on his chest. "Yes," she gasped as he bit his way down her neck. Mulder shuddered at the word. He frantically glanced for a bed - , he thought. When her fingers flicked across his nipples, he lost coherent thought. All there was was Scully his Scully his brainy sexy beautiful Scully. Mulder gasped as her felt her softness against him. All he could feel was the heat, the spicy scent of her; he had to touch her, he'd die if he didn't. He looked right into her eyes - the ones he swore could see right through to his soul - as he slowly crooked two fingers into her, as he rubbed his thumb over the tiny crest of flesh at the apex of her thighs. Scully went wild in his arms, scratching his back, kissing, biting, lapping at his collarbone. Mulder couldn't believe how hot, wet, tight she was. He marveled at how uninhibited she was. , he thought. Mulder lost his train of thought - her hands were scrabbling at his fly, desperately trying to get at him. "Wait," he moaned, the feeling of her hands driving him way too close to the edge. He tore at the front of his slacks. Mulder cried out as her hands closed over him, stroking and caressing him. Mulder could feel himself rushing for the precipice. He pulled her hands away and shifted her, until he was resting just at her entrance. He gazed into her eyes. Then flexed his hips and slid straight into her core. he thought, thunderstruck. Mulder felt as thought he'd come home. For the first time in his life, he was home. He was amazed - for the first time in his life, he didn't feel empty or alone. He wasn't....broken. Mulder slowly, gently, reverently brushed Scully's hair off her face. He tilted her head back. He lowered his head until his mouth was millimeters away from hers. "You're my everything, Scully." He whispered shakily. He languidly kissed her, slowly tangling his tongue with hers. He shifted her slightly and began to move. Scully wrapped her arms around his neck and shoulders and arched up to meet him. Mulder crumpled to his knees, the soft carpet cushioning him, holding Scully tightly, moving faster and faster. He slammed her into the wall, growling deep into her body; he felt the framed picture of Samantha bounce off his shoulder. He slid a hand in between them and stroked her. Scully moaned and shuddered, sinking her nails deep into his shoulders. Their kisses got deeper and wilder, matching their tempo. Scully suddenly broke of the kiss and her head fell back, gasping. Mulder buried his face in the sensitive curve of her neck and shoulder. He began to slam into her faster and harder into her, she began to shove herself down to meet him. Suddenly, Scully screamed out Mulder's name. He could feel her inner muscles around him and began to shudder. Mulder went wild - he slammed into her once, twice, three times, then shouted "Scully!" as he went rigid in her arms as his essence surged and pounded into her. They collapsed together against the cool silk, holding onto each other as if life was ending. They were still shivering and shuddering, caressing and stroking, when they heard the clapping. Mulder whipped his head around to look at his doorway. "Very nice, Mulder, Ms. Scully." He stood there, ringed by an unholy circle of smoke, with Fowley and Krycek, guns trained upon them. Scully opened her mouth, as if to scream..... And she buzzed. _____________________________________________________________ TO BE CONTINUED IN "SUFFER AND BE STILL"......