TITLE:      E IS FOR EROTIC
AUTHOR:     DONNILEE
E-MAIL:     DONNILEE@SNET.NET
RATING:     NC-17 
WARNING:    Descriptive sex. Smut warning.
CATEGORY:   MSR /ANGST/SCULLY POV
DISCLAIMER: Nope.  Not mine.  Used shamelessly and without 
remorse.  They belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen 
Productions and Fox Broadcasting, and god knows who else, 
but not me.
SPOILERS:	Not a one.
SUMMARY:    Scully gets sick and tired of being sick and 
tired, or is that horny and bored?  I can never remember 
which way it goes.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
THE NEW LEXICON WEBSTER'S DICTIONARY OF THE ENGLISH 
LANGUAGE -
EROTIC (irotik) adj. of or relating to sexual love / 
licentious [fr. Gk erotikos fr. eros, sexual love. // 
eroticism (irotisizem) 
n. sexual excitement or desire; the character of being 
erotic.

E IS FOR EROTIC

PALACE THEATER
WATERBURY, CONNECTICUT
8:00 PM
FRIDAY NIGHT

I was holding my fingers to my nose in an attempt not to 
sneeze.  We were standing in the middle of a row of seats 
in the old Palace Theater in Waterbury, Connecticut.  While 
I could see and appreciate the efforts that gone into 
trying to renovate the place to its former glory; it was 
dusty as hell.  We were turning up dust devils where ever 
we went.  

We were here to check out a report of haunting, naturally.  
Now the entire idea of a ghost haunting a theater raised 
some immediate questions of credibility.  Actors, by their 
nature, are known for appearing to be someone else.  Actors 
often have a very, very weird sense of humor, even weirder 
than my partner's.  I figured the whole rumor got started 
with a prank.

But here we were.  Why?  Because we literally had nothing 
else to do.  We'd been in the basement for three weeks, 
with no cases, no leads on old cases when this call came 
in.  It was from a lawyer in the community in this City.  
He did a lot of pro bono legal work for minorities and 
those who couldn't otherwise afford council.  Therefore, he 
was fairly popular in the community.  He was also very 
good.  He was one of the top criminal lawyers in the county 
if his background check was to be believed.  As a matter of 
record, we looked him up and found out that he rarely lost 
a case.  Interesting.  All lawyers lose cases.  Oh, his 
name was Louie Avitagiancarlo.  He was known as just 
"Carlo" to his friends, or so he told us.  

So what does a lawyer have to do with a theater?  Good 
question.  Well, one of his clients was Solomia Fernandez.  
She was a local director of another theater here in town.   
She was the driving force behind the 'beautification 
project' for the theater.  There was a local urban legend, 
that The Palace Theater was haunted by a ghost that would 
kill anyone who tried to change things there.  

Now, she had apparently been promised money from some 
fairly wealthy people in town, coincidentally who were 
Italian.  Funny thing that.  The renovations had began.  
Walls had been replastered, seats had been reupholstered, 
walls had been painted and the old disintegrating curtain 
had been taken down from the presidium stage.  A new one 
had been ordered.  

Problems had apparently beset the project from the 
beginning.  Workers were constantly injuring themselves, 
more than seemed normal.  One was rushed out having been 
overtaken by paint fumes.  Another had a heart attack.  One 
cut his fingers off with a skill saw.  The list went on,  
hence the revival of the urban legend about the ghost who 
didn't want anyone invading his privacy, apparently.

Seems Solomia wanted things done her way.  She wanted to 
restore The Palace to its former glory without changing the 
original décor or theme.  The 'sponsors' wanted things done 
their way, and were trying to insinuate garish works of art 
and artifacts into the works.  The argument raged on and 
the money came to a sudden halt in the wake of unresolved 
differences.

This left loads of subcontractors dangling in the breeze 
for their money for work already done.  That didn't make 
them a bunch of happy campers.  Then three weeks later, 
dear Solomia is found dead.  Not in her apartment.  Not in 
her theater, the Nine Muses, but in the middle of the 
stage of the old landmark.  Can you guess?  Tada.  The 
Palace Theater.  Nice touch.  Someone was trying to send a 
message.  She'd been stabbed repeatedly in the chest.

The question was, who?  The entire Hispanic community was 
in an uproar.  Some were blaming the local Italian thrift 
(read that:  mob).  Others who were of a more suspicious 
bent were blaming the ghost.  And Louie "Carlo", attorney 
at law was pointing a finger at one of the spurned 
subcontractors who was pissed over not getting paid.

Now, Mulder was called in to "debunk" the ghost theory and 
quell the panic of the Hispanic community and hopefully 
figure out who the murderer was in the process.  I say 
Mulder, because my name was never mentioned.  If it wasn't 
for the fact that I was so bored, I might not have come at 
all.  But tagging along with my partner on this ridiculous 
thing seemed more inviting than staying home while he took 
off.  That tells you something about my social life.

Of course, I discounted the ghost theory at once, putting 
forth the idea that it was probably the sponsors or 
employees thereof.  And if there was organized crime in 
this city, which there was in every city, then we should 
probably leave that little kettle of fish to the local 
authorities.  I also thought that a subcontractor not 
getting his pennies for a job was a piss poor motive for 
murder as well.  That was part of being in business.  
Sometimes you had to take losses.  But in any event, we had 
our work cut out for us.

We had spent the first two days talking to Solomia's 
family, Attorney Louie, and other members of the theater 
community, getting all sorts of theories and stories.  It 
was hard to separate fact from embellishment.  Then we 
spent a couple of days rounding up subcontractors and 
asking them about their injuries and the state of their 
finances and how much money they were owed.

We had yet to go see the 'sponsors'.  I wasn't really 
looking forward to that.  I had asked that it be put on the 
agenda for tomorrow.  We had now tromped through every 
corner of this theater looking for clues and examined the 
stage where the body was found.  I had bagged some dried 
blood samples from various areas on the floor.  I would 
send them to be tested, just to make sure all of it was 
Solomia's.  I was tired. I was hungry and my nose was 
threatening to explode.  

Mulder handed me a handkerchief, and I gratefully blew my 
nose and then held the spare cloth over my mouth.  He was 
looking at me with an amused tilt to his head.  "Mulder, 
let's get out of here.  We're done for the day."

"But ..."

"But nothing.  I'm hungry.  I want to you feed me and then 
I want to bathe, and then I want to go to bed.  It's late 
and I've had it.  We've done enough for one day.

"O.K., partner, let's go.  You're right."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

MARRIOTT HOTEL
10:00 PM
FRIDAY NIGHT
WATERBURY, CONNECTICUT

The Marriott Hotel, billed as the hotel made for business 
travelers.  Oh boy, oh joy.  Here we are again, in another 
city, another anonymous hotel, investigating a haunted 
theater.  I mean, does it get any better than this?

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it does.  I have already taken 
advantage of the miniscule tabletop on the desk provided 
for my laptop and typed the beginning of another report for 
which I have no doubt will end `unsolved'.  I have already 
stolen the little mini bars of soap and one-wash bottle of 
shampoo and conditioner from the bathroom.  You never know 
when you might need them in an emergency.  I take them 
every time and carry a few in my suitcase.  Some motels we 
stay at aren't even good enough to have soap.  

This one is better than most.  It's not the Hilton, but 
it's not Billy Bob's Podunk hotel/motel either.  There is a 
pool and sauna downstairs that I am looking forward to 
before we leave.  I actually had a hot shower, but then 
opened the nightstand to put my gun in it and the bottom of 
the drawer fell out, along with Gideon's Bible.  So much 
for sturdy construction.  We nibbled on fries and a soda 
while out earlier today.  I think that was sometime around 
5:00 PM.  I'm starving, I'm already dressed for bed.  And I 
can hear my partner's T.V.  Apparently they have porn even 
in these lovely upscale places. Ha-Ha-Ha.  I can hear the 
fake ooo's and aahhh's coming from some silicone bimbo and 
the grunts of some equally stellar actor who is banging her 
brains out.  

Erotica my ass.  That was just plain porn.  Little does my 
partner know, that I have, on occasion, watched those 
films.  Not my speed though.  But I did stumble across this 
little series of tapes called the Red Shoe Diaries.  The 
guy in the pilot looked so much like Mulder I almost had a 
heart attack.  The premise of the show is that women send 
their fantasies to this guy in order to help him understand 
why his fucked up girlfriend cheated on him and then killed 
herself.  Ooo, big mystery.  She was messed up.  End of 
story.  No man is worth dying over, carnal pleasures or 
not.

Then again, I've never had mind-blowing sex, so I probably 
wouldn't know.  I want to have mind-blowing sex.  I 
masturbate thinking about having mind-blowing sex.  There 
are two little problems with this discovery.  One, I got 
hooked on the tapes.  They are from the women's point of 
view, they are `soft core' porn and engage the erogenous 
zone between your ears, as well as providing a bit of eye 
candy.  I don't like being hooked on anything.  Two, I find 
myself more often than not imagining myself in those 
scenarios  With my partner.  Very, very bad thing.

So, since he is the only male of any significance in my 
life, naturally I would look at him and evaluate his looks, 
his brains, his charm, and his sex appeal.  Why couldn't I 
get a 50 year old partner with gray hair and a beer belly, 
just doing time until retirement?  No.  I have to get the 
partner who is incredibly good looking, has a genius I.Q., 
and can charm a dog off a meat wagon when he wants 
something.  Oh, and did I mention that he happens to be the 
sexiest man I've ever known in my life?  Well he is, damn 
him.  It's just not fair.

We've been together for seven years now.  We've been 
partners, colleagues, friends, best friends and 
confidantes.  We trust each other implicitly.  We guard 
each other's backs.  And as is often the case, we have come 
to rely on one another to always be there.  Now this does 
not mean that we don't annoy one another.  Heavens no.

He can be the most stubborn S.O.B. I've ever had the 
displeasure to deal with sometimes.  He can be arrogant, 
facetious, obnoxious, even mean when he's on the scent of 
some hunch and doesn't want to be interrupted.  I could 
deal with a good-looking gift-wrap with no prize inside and 
keep my distance.  The trouble is that he can also be self-
deprecating, funny, tender and comforting.

And the biggest bitch of it all is that if he touches me, 
my traitorous body reacts, without warning and for no good 
reason.  Sometimes he has just touched my hand or the side 
of my face.  I feel warm tingles whenever he touches my 
face or neck.  No one's ever made me feel tingles before.  
And he's just trying to be comforting usually when he does 
that.  There is nothing sexual in the gesture.  But my body 
can't distinguish a casual touch from a sexual touch, even 
though my brain can.  Not when it comes to my partner.  I 
guess that's what they mean by chemistry.  That electric 
feeling you get when someone touches you.  That feeling 
that no one else can give you.  That feeling that says sex 
with this person will be explosive.

He teases me often.  I wonder if he has any idea what that 
does to me?  I remember one incident where he climbed a 
tree, in full G-man regalia, trench coat and all and looked 
at me right as rain and asked, "Is this youthful display of 
agility turning you on, Scully?"  I wonder what he would 
have done if I said `Yes.'  Probably fallen out of the 
tree!

So if it were just sexual tension I was looking to relieve, 
they make vibrators for that.  But my vibrator and I have 
had a parting of the ways.  It no longer satisfies me and I 
had a long talk with it, telling it that I was sorry I had 
to end our relationship for a while and try to get a fresh 
start.  I promised that I would come back to it later, if 
things got too rough.  

But that isn't the problem.  I've got masturbation down to 
a science.  I can lay on my stomach, stick a dildo between 
my legs, pull me knees up, rub my clit with one hand and 
roll my nipple with the other and come in slightly under 
two minutes.  It's really quite a marvelous thing actually.  
I don't need much time at all.  If I have a bed, cot, 
couch, any handy piece of furniture and the equipment, I'm 
all set.  The more uptight and stressed out I get, the more 
I masturbate.  I've been known to `get myself off' three or 
four times a day when on a particularly stressful case.  
Nothing like the Big `O' to relieve a little tension and 
pull your mind away from troubling thoughts.

But as I said, that isn't my problem.  I don't want just an 
orgasm.  I can do that anytime.  I would like the almost 
forgotten experience of having someone else cause it.  
Wouldn't that be nice?  

When was the last time anyway?  Jack may have been the last 
time.  Yes, I think he was.  Over six long years ago.  And 
I think he only managed to get me off a couple of times.   
Let's not even go there.  He sucked.  He was a wham, bam, 
thank you, ma'am, kind of guy.  He never took any time with 
me.  Foreplay was not in  his vocabulary.  And then he 
wondered why I was generally less than thrilled with the 
outcome.  Asshole. And contrary to what my partner may 
think, I did not sleep with that psycho, Ed Jerse.  Oh, I 
wanted to.  But in the final moment, I knew I couldn't do 
it.  I wanted it be Mulder.  But I let him think I had, or 
at least didn't deny it.  Why?  Well, maybe I wanted him to 
realize that I wasn't sexless.

Now I know my partner watches porn, and obviously gets off 
on it.  But something tells me that he would not be another 
Jack between the sheets.  Something tells me that he would 
do anything to satisfy me.  Why do I think this?  Well, a 
couple of reasons.  One, he's a nicer guy than Jack.  Two, 
he's sensitive, caring and extremely passionate by his very 
nature.  I think he would want to enjoy sex and savor it 
and want his partner to also.  I don't think it would be a 
means to an end for him.  I think the porn is a means to an 
end, the way my dildo is for me.  But let's face it, it's 
not the same.

The second reason I think he would take time to satisfy me 
is that I think he's in love with me.  When I first had 
that thought, it scared the shit out of me.  You must 
understand, my partner is a very INTENSE individual.  He is 
very needy and often dark in his nature.  But those are 
some of things that make him irresistibly sexy.  He puts me 
on a pedestal sometimes I think.  I'm not sure if he sees 
me as a sexual creature at all.  Although the Ed Jerse 
incident brought the issue to the forefront.  It was never 
really discussed and now I'm sure has faded into the 
background for both of us.

However, I think that if I were to `come on' to Mulder, he 
might be so shocked, he would flee.  Then again, he doesn't 
run from much, so why would he run from me?  I think I 
scare him a little bit.  He'd never admit it.  I make him 
work hard for his theories, and he does the same for me.  
We met our match when we met each other.  It could have 
been a disaster, a complete train wreck of a personality 
clash.  Instead, we found that we balance each other's 
scales and keep each other steady.

So what should I do?  Anything?  A relationship with Mulder 
would undoubtedly be complicated as hell.  Then again, we 
already have a complicated relationship.  All that's 
missing is the sex.  The ultimate expression of our 
feelings for each other.  Each other?  Yes, I am in love 
with him too.  He's never said it.  I've never said it.  
But we both know it's true.  

But how long before the loneliness gets to be too much and 
one of us turns for comfort to someone else, simply because 
we are frightened of what sex will mean for US.  

I was crushed when he was with Phoebe.  I was furious when 
I thought I was going to lose him to Diana.  It's only a 
matter of time before I lose him to someone. Sex is the 
final frontier of intimacy between people who love each 
other.  So what the hell am I waiting for?  The fear to 
disappear?  And what am I afraid of?  The Bureau finding 
out and splitting us up?  Not really.  Most people think 
we've been screwing for years.  Yes, I'm not totally 
oblivious to the water cooler talk.  I generally find it 
amusing.  If they only knew the lengths we go to NOT to be 
too intimate.  Why?

Well, maybe because I'm afraid he will want more than I can 
give.  Maybe because I'm afraid I won't be sexual enough 
for him.  I couldn't bear to disappoint him after all this 
time.  That would be the ultimate humiliation.  Maybe he 
has the same fear?  Is that possible?  No.  He probably 
thinks that just by being him, he is a burden to any 
relationship.  He'd be right.  Mulder is not an easy person 
to deal with sometimes.  He comes with a lot of baggage.  
But, it's not really a burden, just stressful at times.  So 
I have the 'complicated' relationship to maintain but none 
of the benefits.  That's not true.  Mulder's trust and 
friendship are worth a lot.  But it's still not fair.  I 
could make it fair.  I could get a return on my investment 
into this partnership if I wasn't such a damn coward.  

My hand is wandering now.  I've got to caress my breasts.  
Ahhh.  That's good.  My nipples are so sensitive.  A rub, a 
pull, a roll and . ahhh, yeah, wetness in an instant.  Why 
am I doing this?  Do I enjoy torturing myself?  I am 
dangerously close to a huge case of the fuck it's.  There 
is a VCR in this room.  There has got to be a video store 
in this town.  

O.K., I'm up, I'm getting dressed.  Yes sir, I am moving 
now.  Am I really going to do this?  Yes, I am, because I 
can't stand it anymore.  I'm so frustrated that I could 
scream.  I don't know if I'm more horny or more bored.  
Either way, it ends tonight.  I flick the light back on and 
pick up the phone and dial the lobby.

An entirely too cheery desk person gives me the name and 
address of two video stores that stay open until midnight.  
Blockbuster is a `Family Video Store', so I know I don't 
want that one.  I'll try this other one, `South Main 
Video.'  Maybe they'll have an adult section.  I am ready 
for action in my jeans with the holes in the knee, and oh 
god, I put on one of Mulder's shirts!  Without even 
realizing it.  He left it in here last night when he used 
my shower.  Said something about things growing in his and 
called for a cleaning lady.

I shrug as if to say, `Oh well', as if anyone can see me 
and approach our connecting door.  I can hear the T.V. but 
thankfully cannot hear any groaning coming directly from my 
partner.  Maybe later!  I am definitely being bitten by the 
Dana the Demon.  She hasn't made a command appearance in 
some time now.  I just hope her resolve can outweigh her 
fear.  It's always harder when he's standing in front of 
me.  

I tap firmly on the door three times. <Rap. Rap. Rap.>

"Huh?" I hear from the other side.

"Mulder?"

"Yeah, just a sec, Scully.  You O.K.?"

"Yeah.  But I need to ask you something."

"O.K."  I hear the T.V. clicked off and some quick 
shuffling.  He opens the door running a hand through his 
hair.  He is wearing black silk boxer briefs and an white 
dress shirt hanging open that he just tossed over his 
shoulder.  I have to force my eyes away from his stomach 
muscles and raise them to his face.  "What's up, Scully?"

"Uh, are you tired?"

His eyebrows shoot up.  "No, you know I never sleep until 
2:00 or 3:00 in the morning.  What's wrong?"

"Um, nothing, but I was wondering, uh."

"Spit it out partner."

I blurt out in a rush.  "I'm not tired and I was wondering 
if you would like to go to the video store with me and get 
a movie and maybe some food."  I look at the ground.

He reaches out and fingers the collar of the blue shirt I 
am wearing.  His fingers brush my collar bone and I visibly 
shiver.  Damn it!  I know he caught it too.  "Nice shirt."  
Did his voice just purr or is it my imagination?

"Uh, sorry, I can change, it was just there, and I just 
grabbed it and I … "

"It looks better on you than it does on me."

I look up again.  He is looking at me intently.  The 
corners of his mouth are twitching.  His lips want to smile 
but he's afraid I may be offended.  "Do you want me to 
change?"

"No.  But I should probably put some pants on if I'm going 
to go with you."

"Uh, yeah, no free shows for the public, Mulder."

"Awww, come on, Scully, where's your sense of adventure?"

I laugh now, our repartee restoring my equilibrium.  "Oh I 
have a sense of adventure, just wait till we get to the 
video store."

The eyebrows go up again and he smiles, intrigued now.  
"Really, what kind of movie did you have in mind?"

"Not sure yet."

"Not one of those sappy chick flicks, I hope."

"Me, sappy chick flick?  No.  No worries there."  He backs 
away from the door suddenly and goes to his suitcase on the 
other side of the room, grabbing a pair of black jeans.  I 
admire his ass as he bends over and watch as he steps into 
them and hops, yanking them up over his hips and zipping 
them up.  He leaves the button undone and grabs a tee 
shirt, stripping his dirty dress shirt and pulling the gray 
tee over his head.  He is about to tuck it in when he looks 
up and catches me staring. 

Curse of the Irish!  I feel the heat wash up my neck and 
bloom over my face.  I know I'm beet-red.  I don't know 
why.  He's less exposed now than he was before.  I look 
away and tell myself to breath.  If I'm going to get 
through this, I can't fold this early in the game.  I look 
back as I feel the flush recede.  He has tucked his shirt 
in, but has not buttoned his jeans.  He is turned toward 
me.  The jeans are riding low on his hips.  His tee shirt 
hugs his torso snugly and my eyes sweep over his stomach 
muscles and up to his pecs and finally meet his gaze again.

He is wearing a look I can't quite interpret.  "Scully, are 
you O.K.?"  His voice is definitely huskier than before.  I 
gather my resolve and take a breath. 

"Yeah, sorry, didn't mean to . to . "  My decide to examine 
the carpet again.  Caught in the act!  Damn.  I used to be 
better at hiding my secretive glances.  No so secret 
anymore, girl.

"Look?" he suggests.

"Uh, yeah, didn't mean to look."

"You can look if you want to."  His voice is suddenly much 
closer than before and I look up quickly to find him 
standing about two feet away from me.

I lean back involuntarily.  "Mulder, I'm, I'm sorry ."  I 
take a step back and look away.  Great, I'm stuttering.  
Real smooth.  Where's my demon when I need her?  Where's 
the witty comeback?

"Look at me."  He says this softly but it is more than a 
request.

I slowly turn my head and meet his gaze.  Oh lord, I can 
feel the tension flowing off him in waves.  He is on full 
alert.  He knows something is up.  Something is different.  
I've looked at him a hundred thousand times before but he 
felt the difference this time.  Shit.

His eyes slowly pan down my body and back up to my face.  
I am trying to hold my eyes steady and not fidget under his 
intense scrutiny.

"Mulder, let's go."  My voice is much more breathy than I 
would have liked but at least I got it out.

As if I hadn't said a word, he asks, "Do you like what you 
see?"

I could lie to him.  I really could.  And I could be 
convincing too.  But I can't look away from him.  I see a 
tinge of fear over asking the question. I see an intense 
need to know the truth to this simple question and 
something else there too.  Hope?  Oh God.  I feel like the 
bird to his snake, pinned to his gaze.  

His voice drops another octave.  "Scully, do you like what 
you see?"

I finally look away and know I can't lie to him, especially 
if this evening is going to turn out the way I hope it 
will.  My voice comes out a whisper now as the fear washes 
over me again.  "Yes."

That's all.  That's all I can get out.  What the hell?  
What is it about being in his presence that makes all my 
resolve take a hike.  Oh man, he's coming over to me.  Oh, 
please don't let him touch me.  Not yet.  I wanted to be 
the aggressor here.  I want to be the one in control.  I 
have so little left when it comes to him.  Ding!  Give the 
girl a prize.  She just figured out what she is afraid of.  
Losing control.  Losing control to Mulder.  Because you 
know you will, don't you?  You know if he touches you, you 
are a goner.  You will not be able to be called back by 
strategic air command.  Gone.  And that scares the shit out 
of you doesn't it?  Well, yes it does.

Great, all my personalities are having a fucking committee 
meeting now!  Who needs company when you have all these 
Dana's to choose from?

He is standing inches away from me, not moving.  I can feel 
the heat of his body.  I can hear him breathing softly.  He 
is waiting.  He is waiting for me to acknowledge him.  He 
is waiting for me to look up.  And if I don't he's going to 
touch me.

I drag my eyes from the carpet once more and look up.  His 
plump bottom lip is caught lightly under his top teeth and 
he is regarding me with frank curiosity.  "I'm glad."

Huh?  What the?  Oh, I said `Yes.'  And he's glad!  Well, 
I guess that takes away the doubt over whether he would 
like the ideas you have in mind.

"Do you really want to get a movie?"

"I don't know."  Suddenly I'm not sure.  I don't think we 
are going to need one.  But this is damn awkward.

"Would you rather just sit here with me and keep me 
company?"

"Is that what you want?"

"I want whatever you want."

"You sure?  You don't even know what I want."

"Why don't you tell me, then I don't have to guess."

Oh damn.  How do I get out of this one?  Boxed myself into 
a neat little corner with that comment, didn't I?  "I just 
wanted . I don't know . I was bored . I was . lonely, and I 
thought maybe . we could . ya know?"

"No, I don't know.  Tell me."  I go to back up another step 
so I can remove myself from the Mulder force field that 
seems to surround me whenever he is within three paces of 
me and short circuits my ability to speak properly.

But he is having none of that.  One step back, then another 
and my thighs bump into the desk made specifically for the 
needs of the business traveler.  Fucking furniture!  He 
steps right into me in one long stride and blocks my 
escape.  I am between him, the desk and a chair on one 
side.  Unless I want to hurdle the chair, there is no 
escape.  "Scully."  

I look up since he's so close now that I have to tip my 
head back to see his face, although the view of his chest 
from this angle isn't bad either.  "Yeah?"

One hand raises up and he brushes the backs of his fingers 
down my cheek, knuckles grazing my chin, moving down my 
neck and over my collar bone.  Shiver.  Jerk.  Shiver.  
Damn! Damn! And double damn!  I must look like a complete 
fool.  But he isn't laughing.  In fact, he isn't making a 
sound just now.  He just continues brushing his knuckles 
lightly over the V of skin exposed between the open top two 
buttons of the shirt.  My breathing is speeding up.  I have 
to get control back.  Maybe this wasn't such a good idea 
after all.  

"What did you want to do, Scully?  What were your plans?"

"To, to get a video and watch it with you."

"What video?"

"I don't know."

"I think you do."

"No, I had something in mind, but I wasn't exactly sure."

"What did you have in mind?"

"A tape from this series I've been watching. My... my kind 
of erotica, not yours."

"Series?"

"Yeah, uh, they are uh, intriguing."

"Intriguing?"  If he just continues to parrot what I say 
this is going to take a long, long time.

"The Red Shoe ... "

"Diaries," he finishes for me.  

His hand cups my chin and brings my face back toward him 
again.  It seems to keep drifting away.  He bends down a 
little till his nose in only an inch from mine.  I can feel 
his hot breath on my lips and chin and I grit my teeth 
against the shudder that is threatening on the edge of my 
nerve endings.  I tip my head back to try and put a little 
distance between us again, but his hand tightens on my jaw, 
just enough to prevent it.  "I like them too.  Which one is 
your favorite?"  He pauses a moment while I simply breath 
hard a few times like a rabbit caught in a trap.  

Oh God, why am I afraid?  I'm on the verge of panic.  He 
must see it because he suddenly lets go of my chin and 
steps back, a look of hurt on his face.  What did I do now?

"Mulder?"

His voice is a whisper now too, but for an entirely 
different reason.  "Oh my God, you're afraid of me."  His 
gorgeous bottom lip begins to quiver slightly and he grabs 
it again under his top teeth.  His eyes grow moist.  
"Scully, you don't ever have to be afraid of me.  I would 
never hurt you."  The corners of his mouth turn down into a 
deep frown and he sucks in a harsh breath.  I realize he is 
on the verge of crying.  

What the hell is going on here?  This is not a turn I 
anticipated.  Of course, I didn't anticipate him taking 
over my motor skills and vocal chords either.  But as 
usually happens the minute he becomes upset, I want to 
comfort him.  I can't stand to see him like this, 
especially if I am the cause.  He backs away from me 
another couple of steps and turns his back to me, obviously 
not wanting me to see what is happening on his face.  

All right.  Enough of this crap, Dana.  Get a grip and save 
this situation before it's out of control.  You come in 
here fairly reeking of pheromones and stare at your partner 
while he dresses and then freak out when he actually picks 
up on vibes.  Good show.  Really good show. I am behind him 
in an instant and wrapping my arms around his waist and 
laying my head on his back.

I feel him stiffen, holding his arms out to the side.  He 
freezes for a moment then slowly lowers his hands down and 
over mine where they are crossed over his stomach.  I hold 
him for a few seconds and hear his breathing return to 
normal.  He sniffles a little but other than that he seems 
to have recovered.  Or else he's just sucked it all in 
behind the mask like he usually does.

This isn't the way I envisioned my little fantasy of video 
and a turn on, but hey, when do things ever work out the 
way I plan when it comes to Mulder.  I forget how sensitive 
his radar is.  I should have just gone and got the video 
and came back and surprised him with it.  

His heat feels delicious and I rock him a little swaying 
gently, my head resting between his shoulder blades.  
Christ he's tall.  I forget that sometimes.  I don't 
usually stand this close.  If I do, I'm usually wearing 
heels.  Sneakers definitely make me feel vertically 
challenged standing next to him.

He has made no move to speak or break out of my hold and 
I'm grateful.  I'm actually enjoying this simple contact.  
Time to face your fear Dana or this is never going to 
happen.  What are you going to do?  Lay around and be 
frustrated for another seven years?  Die an old maid 
forgetting what real sex with a real man feels like.  Oh, 
that's a cheery future.  Because you know that no other man 
is going to ever do it for you.  You do realize that don't 
you?  Of course I do.  So what is the problem?  Losing 
Control.  Well you better get over it, sister or you are 
going mess this up big time.  You've already hurt him 
unintentionally because you are a coward.  This is Mulder!  
Even if he doesn't love you the way you think he might, he 
would never hurt you.  You can lose control with him and it 
will be all right.  He will catch you if you fall.  You 
know he will.  If you can't trust him enough to give up 
control, who can you trust? 

O.K., enough of the internal chit chat.  Time to come clean 
before one of my personalities starts pissing off one of 
the others.  I keep my voice low.  "Mulder, I'm not afraid 
of you."

His voice is just as low but is steady.  "Don't lie, 
Scully, I saw fear in your eyes.  I know I did."

"Yes you did, but it's not you I'm afraid of."

"Then what?"

"I'm afraid of me."

"I don't get it."

I chuckle softly.  "I know.  Let me see if I can explain."

"Can I turn around?"

"Not yet, it's easier this way."

"Easier?"

"If I don't see your face."

"It's easier to talk to the back of my head?"

"Yes."

"Why is that?  That's not very flattering."

"Yes it is."

"I can't wait to hear this one."

"Because I can't seem to think and form coherent thoughts 
when you're staring into my face."  I hear his breath 
hitch slightly.  "I want things, Mulder.  I want things 
that I probably shouldn't want, but I'm finding it harder 
and harder to deny what I want."

"What do you want?"

"I'll get to that in a minute.  You see, I've always had 
this thing about not losing control."

"No kidding."  His response is facetious.  

I squeeze him a little tighter.  "Shush.  When I feel like 
I'm about to lose control, I get scared.  It's like, I 
panic, like something bad is going to happen.  But I've 
come to realize that not letting myself be vulnerable to 
anyone has held me back."

"Held you back from what?"

"From having the kind of relationship in my life that I 
want to have."

"What kind is that?"

"The kind based on friendship and implicit trust.  The kind 
based on good communication.  The kind where you know each 
other so well, you don't even have to talk sometimes."

His breathing was speeding up.  "We have those things, 
don't we, Scully?"

"Yes.  We have all those things.  But there's one more 
thing I want and this is where I haven't been able to 
conquer my fear."

"What to you want?"

Hoo boy! Here goes!

"I want to make love to somebody who loves me back."  He 
gasped.  "I was able to trust you with everything else.  
But Mulder, I've never trusted ANYBODY with that part of 
me.  It's never been an issue before because no one has 
even come close to provoking those feeling in me.  Those 
over the top feelings of excitement everybody dreams of."

His voice is hushed.  "And I do?"

I whisper, "Yes, you make me crazy."  I feel him take a 
deep breath.

"The … sexual part of you?"

"Yeah.  I've never really totally let go.  I've never 
really totally lost control . there . in that part of me.  
I've always held something back because I didn't trust the 
other person enough not to hurt me."

"Do you trust me not to hurt you?"

"Yes, but."

"But?"

"But I know that if I let you touch me, I'm definitely 
going to lose control.  And I . and I . I'm afraid of 
losing myself . of letting someone have that much power 
over me."

"Oh God, Scully, I'd never hurt you.  I'd never use it 
against you.  And you have to know I'm in love with you.  
Don't you?"

"I ... I wasn't sure."

His voice was maddeningly calm.  "Well, I'll clear that up 
for you.  I am. I'm totally in love with you, Scully.  Have 
been for a long time.  But I didn't think you ever looked 
at me that way.  Sexually.  Until just a few minutes ago 
that is.  I looked up and saw that expression n your face.  
Desire.  For me.  I thought I was going to faint.  I've 
been waiting a long time for that look.  I'd given up."

Wooooo.  What now?  I should probably respond to that.  
Yes, indeed, I should, but you know what?  No appropriate 
response is springing to mind at the moment.  He is 
prompting me to say something.

"Scully?"

"Hmm?"  He loves me!  He does!  I knew it, but I didn't 
really KNOW it if you know what I mean.  Hearing the words 
is so ... so unbelievable.  My heart rate is speeding up 
again and I just got it under control a few minutes ago.

"Can I turn around now?"

"Not yet!"  I squeeze him tight.

"O.K."  He sounds a little lost again.  I realized he'd 
just made a pretty big declaration.  He wasn't great at 
expressing his emotions this way either.  I didn't respond 
to it yet.  Oh, this is so hard.  

"Scully, how do you know you'll lose control?  Maybe you 
won't.  I'd let you lead."

"Because of the way you make me feel."

"How do I make you feel?"

"When you touch me, I can feel ... I don't know ... the 
chemistry we have.  It's powerful."

"I can feel it too."

"Yeah, well, I immediately can't think when that kicks in 
and it still scares me.  I can't help it."

"Would it help if I said the same thing happens to me?"

"Which thing?"

"You touch me, when I'm not sick or injured and I can't 
think very well.  All I can think is ... I want ... more.  
You're touching me now."  His warm hands slid back and 
forth over the tops of mine.  "And all I want, Scully, is 
... MORE."

What the hell do you say to that?  I'm starting to tremble 
again.  Oh lord, this conversation took a left turn 
somewhere.  Where did it get away from me?  I can feel his 
breathing becoming heavy, more ragged, as he waits for me 
to respond.  At least I'm not pulling away, that's 
progress.  Isn't it?  I'm not giving more, but I'm not 
pulling away.  I squeeze him against me tightly, crushing 
my breasts against his back to let him know I am still 
thinking and aware but need a little more time to answer.  
Words!  I need to find more words.  

"Mulder, I think ... I don't know if I can be the ... one 
to ... to start this?"

"You already started it."

"Yeah, but ... I'm ... I don't know what to do now."

He's chuckling.  The bastard is actually laughing at me!  I 
loosen my grip and before I can stop him he is spinning on 
his heels inside my arms.  I can't seem to drop them to my 
sides even though I know I'm hurting that he is laughing.  
I don't want to stop touching him and break the connection.  
But his hands are on my neck now, fingers weaving into the 
hair at the back of my head.  Tingles are chasing 
themselves up and down my spine.  Then I see his face and 
realize he isn't laughing AT me.  He is laughing ABOUT us.

"We are both pretty sorry, you know that?"  I chuckle now.

"Yeah, I guess so.  How old are we?"

He smiled.  "And I happen to know neither one of us is 
stupid or totally socially inept."

"One would think I could figure out how to make a pass at 
the man I love."  He sucked in his breath.  I realized I 
hadn't told him I loved him before.  In fact, I'd hardly 
reacted when he said it to me.  He tipped my face up, eyes 
questioning.  "Yes, I love you too."

He blew air out of pursed lips as if to say 'Whoa.'  "Do 
you still want to make a pass at me?"  I nodded.  "I really 
wish you would."

This was crazy!  Here we were discussing this as though we 
were talking about something else, casual like.  The 
difference is we are both breathing heavy now, each waiting 
for the other to make the first move.  Make the first overt 
sexual move that cannot be denied or walked away from.  A 
move that can't be explained away as anything else or 
misinterpreted.  Seems neither of us is the soul of bravery 
here and now.  Neither of us wants the responsibility.

His thumbs are brushing lightly on my cheeks.  My hands 
have slipped to his waist.  "You want me to do this for 
you.  Start this.  But Scully, it has to be you.  I have a 
confession to make.  I can't take the chance that you can 
say this was my idea and that I was the one who crossed the 
line first and you weren't ready.  I have to know you're 
ready, because there is no going back.  

"If this happens, you're MINE after that Scully.  I won't 
ever let you go and you need to know that.  Be prepared for 
that.  I won't do this half way.  I can't.  This won't be 
just sex to me.  I want it ALL Scully.  Being a couple and 
everything that means.  So, I need you to be completely 
sure and I need you to be the one to cross the line first.  
You have to conquer your fear, or it will interfere later.  
I don't want you to do this before you're ready and regret 
it tomorrow.  That would kill me."

"We haven't crossed the line already just by talking about 
this?"

"No, we haven't.  You can still leave this room and things 
will stay the way they are, except that we will be aware of 
the other's feelings."

"Are you happy with the way things are?"

"No, but I can accept it.  I can live with it.  I've been 
living with it."

I nodded.  "O.K. then.  What would you consider crossing 
the line?  I mean, what would I have to do to make sure you 
had no doubts about how much I want this?"

"I'm not sure."

"Would kissing you be enough?"

"If it was a lover's kiss."

My voice squeaked, "A lover's kiss?"  Where the hell did 
that pitch come from?  I didn't even know my vocal chords 
were capable of that one!

He bent his lips to my ear.  "Yeah, a lover's kiss.  Not 
one of those chaste comfort kisses on the forehead.  Not 
like that kiss on New Year's Eve.  It would have to be a 
wet, slow, deep kiss with lots of tongue."

I moan.  Yup.  Tried to stop it.  No can do.  I almost 
can't believe the sound of the moan coming out of my throat 
right now.  Low, sultry and aroused.  Where did he learn to 
conjure up these images with a few words?  Not fair!  All 
right, this is it.  I want this.  I really do.  Whatever 
the consequences are, I'll deal with them later.

His voice is low and soft.  "Oh, Scully, your voice is so 
erotic when you moan.  You were planning on seducing me 
with that video, weren't you?  I don't need a video to get 
turned on for you.  Your voice alone is such a turn on to 
me.  I want to hear it again.  I want to make you so crazy 
all you can do is moan."

"Oh God, Mulder, what are you doing to me?"

"You don't know?"

"Yeah, but ..."

"I'm trying to provoke you into making a move.  I want you 
so badly.  I've never wanted a woman the way I want you."

All right, this is it.  Did I say that before?  I take a 
deep breath and my hands rise from his waist to slowly 
travel over his stomach and up to his chest.  His hands 
slide to my shoulders.

"Oohh..." he says, then starts breathing heavily.  He is 
almost panting with anticipation.  Oddly enough, I glance 
down for the first time since I hugged him.  The front of 
his faded, black jeans leave no doubt about how excited he 
is.  My hands are shaking but I force one to move up to cup 
the back of his neck.  I feel him shiver in response.

Oh, I didn't have any idea how arousing it would be to know 
I was arousing him.  This little tid bit of information 
slams into my psyche and I feel my bones melt.  Not 
literally, of course, but that's what it feels like.  He is 
still panting, still waiting.  I have to admire his 
patience and control.  But there is no reason to keep him 
waiting any longer.  Do it now, Dana!

I barely hear him utter, "Please, Scully."

One more deep breath and I make the move that he can't 
possibly interpret as anything else.  I stand on tip-toe, 
pull his head down to mine and slant my open mouth over 
his, immediately sliding my tongue past his teeth.  He 
gasps.  I take my time, moving my lips against his, rolling 
my tongue gently over his and backing up to suck on his 
lower lip.  He groans loudly.  The vibrations from it 
rumbling into my mouth put all my nerve endings on alert.

My fear seems to flee as soon as I feel and hear his 
response.  Hearing that he wants me was exciting.  But 
feeling that he wants me is overwhelming.  Oh my, my little 
demon is back.  Funny how she comes and goes so quickly 
sometimes.  I want to hear that groan again.  My left hand 
slides down and over his hip.  I drag my palm over his 
thigh and run my hand up to cup his sacs through his jeans.  
I pull forward a little, just enough to move and fondle 
them.

Oh my God.  His knees are buckling.  He shouts, "Awww, God, 
Scully!"  And he staggers.  Honest to goodness, staggers.  
He pulls me along to the bed and he turns, sitting on the 
edge as though his legs won't hold him anymore and pulls me 
between his spread legs.

He reaches up and unbuttons my shirt.  His shirt actually, 
until it is hanging open.  He puts his hot palm on my belly 
over my navel and slowly slides it up, murmuring, "So soft, 
you're so soft."

He pauses briefly at my breastbone and then swipes the 
shirt away to reveal my breasts.  I wasn't wearing a bra. 
Another concession to my plan.  He stares for a moment 
licking his lips and lightly smacking his chops.  Oh boy, 
he looks like a kid in a candy store who's finally going to 
get what he wants and is savoring the anticipation of the 
first bite.  Both hands come up now and cup each breast, 
lifting them slightly and then cupping from the sides and 
squeezing.

My head falls back and I moan again.  No one's hands have 
been on my chest, other than my own, in so long I forgot 
how exquisite it is to feel a man's touch there.  He pulls 
me forward gently half a step and leans over to take my 
pebbled nipple on my right breast into his mouth.  

Standing, I am at exactly the right height for this.  He 
teases it by nipping, then licks it, and then begins to 
suckle me like a baby, slow and hard, supporting the weight 
of it from underneath.

"Oh yeah, Mulder, oh yeah, just like that.  Oh! I forgot 
how good this feels.  OH GOD!"

His other hand rolls my left nipple with this thumb and 
forefinger.  I lean my knees on the bed for support and 
bury my hands in his hair, holding his head to my breast.

He finally lets go and reaches up to slide the shirt off my 
shoulders.  He rips his tee shirt over his head and reaches 
for my jeans, deftly undoing the button and pulling the 
zipper down.  I toe off my sneakers and socks.  He pulls 
the jeans down and makes a slightly strangled sound of 
surprise as he sees that I am not wearing any underwear 
either.

I step out of them and stand naked in front of him.  He 
holds me away from him at arm's length, his large hands on 
my hips.  He's staring.  I blush under his intense 
scrutiny, but feel myself grow wetter seeing the look on 
his face.  Raw desire.   His face is wide open.  I can see 
how much he wants me, how much he loves me.  I realize he 
is just as vulnerable as I am to being swept away and it 
quells some of my fear.  

He murmurs, "Oh, how I want you ... "

I manage to croak out, "No fair."

He doesn't need to ask what I am talking about.  He smiles 
and stands up, shedding his jeans.  He never did get to put 
shoes on.  He reaches for his boxers abut I step forward 
and stop him.  "Let me." 

He lets go and stares down at me as I examine the sizeable 
bulge there.  I actually see it twitch and stand up a 
little higher.  Looks big.

I yank his boxers down, kneeling to the floor as I slide 
them down his legs and he steps out of them.  "Sit."  He 
does.  I walk on my knees up to the bed between his legs, 
my hands on his thighs.  My mouth drops open and I begin to 
pant.   I am staring shamelessly at the biggest erection 
I've ever seen.  As a doctor, I've seen quite a few.  I've 
even seen Mulder's on occasion when he was sick or injured.  
But I've never seen him fully erect.  I'm sure there are 
larger penises in the world, but in my limited experience, 
I've never seen one this big.

It is magnificent, standing almost straight up, as high as 
his navel.  I'm eyeballing it, but I'm guessing somewhere 
between seven and eight inches long.  He is circumcised and 
his smooth flared head is large and wide, red and swollen 
with blood.  His shaft is slightly thicker once you get 
past that dip under the end.  Again, I'm guessing between 
inch and three quarters and two inches wide.  So thick.  I 
glance up and he is watching me intently.  "You're 
beautiful ... so big."

He smiles a cute little nervous smile.  He couldn't 
possibly have been insecure about this, could he?  I look 
at it again and it twitches, bobbing gently.  Oh my.  That 
is going to feel so good inside me.  I reach out with one 
hand and grasp the base, squeezing experimentally.

He gasps and bucks forward a little.  I watch as a drop of 
fluid emerges from his tiny hole and begins to dribble 
down.  My other hand reaches for his large sac and I slide 
my fingers between it and the bed and cup him firmly but 
gently.  I begin to stroke him.  I don't ever remember 
being this horny.

O.K., now he's making some real noise.  "Mmmmmm, oohh, 
oohh."  I have to taste.  I lean down and lick his head 
before descending to take as much of him into my mouth as I 
can, using my hand to surround the rest. "Yeah, yeah, Oh 
God, Scully, awww, yeah. Mmm, mmm,  mmm. So good.  Your 
lips, I love your lips, I dreamed about this."  

He is gasping and breathing ragged now as I move up and 
down.  I can feel him pulse on my tongue and I feel my 
center grow warm and moist, swelling until it throbs in 
answer to his excitement.  His hands are fisted into the 
bed covers.  His head is thrown back and a constant low hum 
is coming from his throat.  I am doing this to him!

I feel him begin to flex his hip muscles and I know he is 
close and trying not to thrust.  Just then he grasps my 
head gently and pulls me back.  "I'll come any second now 
if you keep going,"  he whispers.

I don't want him to come either, not yet.  I have other 
plans for that hard hunk of flesh between his legs.  I want 
it between mine.  I stand up and step to the side and crawl 
up onto the bed on all fours.  Reaching the center, I flop 
down on my back, one arm reaching toward him.  He has 
craned his neck around to watch my progress.  He flips 
around and crawls up to straddle me.

Leaning down and pinning my arms beside my head, he 
captures my lips in his for another slow, wet kiss with 
lots of tongue, as he described it.  He keeps this up until 
I am squirming and gasping for air.

His left hand releases me to wander down over my side and I 
immediately start running my hand over his chest and 
shoulders.  He makes his way over my hip and into the 
juncture between my thighs as he stares into my eyes, 
watching every little reaction as I twitch and gasp.  

God help me, his fingers are playing in my swollen folds 
now, separating them and rubbing back and forth. "Hoo, hoo, 
hoo, " escapes me with every brush of his fingers.  He 
moves down and raises my legs, putting his face between my 
thighs and looks up to make eye contact.  

His voice is low as he asks me,  "Are you O.K. with this?"

I nod 'yes'.  I don't seem to be able to speak at the 
moment.  A second later he dives down and jams his tongue 
between my swollen lips.  That long talented tongue snakes 
it way inside and does a dance around my walls.  I shriek 
at the sensation that streaks through me and buck my hips.

One of his hands comes up to hold me down as he slows and 
laps me from bottom to top, sucking my wetness from each 
lip.  His tongue moves up to find my hidden bundle of 
nerves and circle it mercilessly.  Two fingers slide easily 
inside and tilt toward my front walls. Sparks.  If I look 
down, I'm sure I'll see sparks flying out from between my 
legs each time his tongue sweeps around my nub, setting off 
an electric tingle through my belly.

Dimly my brain registers that I am feeling an intense 
sensation that I know I have never felt before.  A tight 
coiling, almost cringing sensation floods my abdomen 
follows the sparks and makes me gush my wetness around his 
fingers until it's running down between my butt cheeks.  
Technically, I knew there was a G-spot.  However, no one 
had ever bothered to try to find it on me.  Guess what?  
Mulder and his wonder fingers just found it.  Snaked right 
in there and found it immediately, as if he knew right here 
it was.  

I hear myself as my groans escalate to an embarrassing 
volume.  Then I feel my abdomen melt into a puddle of warm 
goo.  "OhYeah, yeah, oh yeah, right there.  Oh Mulder, I've 
never felt that, this, awww God!"

He lifts his head slightly and says, "That's it, that's it.  
You're so beautiful.  So wet.  Let go for me, Scully, let 
go for me.  I'll catch you.  Come for me."  He dips down to 
circle my nerves a couple more times.  He finally stops 
circling with his tongue and sucks my clit into his mouth, 
sucking, releasing, sucking, releasing.

Zing! Zing! Zing!  The bolts of pleasure that fly through 
my body are exquisite and jarring and send me tumbling over 
the edge.  

I shriek once, "Aaaaahhhhh, yyyeeesss!"  And I explode.  My 
body is shattering into a million separate pieces and 
folding back together again.  No up.  No down.  No bed.  
Just pure sensation is rocking my body from head to toe.  
"Mmmuuullldddeeerrr!  OhChrist, Ahh, yeah! Ahh, yeah! Ahh, 
yeah! Ooooooooohhhhhhh."

Five minutes and he has completely robbed me of all 
control.  Strangely there is no panic in the throes of this 
burning pleasure.  I slowly become aware of his warm hands 
on my thighs pulling me back to earth.  His low, soft voice 
is cooing to me.  "I've got you, I've got you.  Yeah, hat's 
it.  So beautiful."

I come back to reality, shivering with aftershocks.  Whoa.  
That was the best orgasm I've had in ages.  I look down to 
see him resting his chin on my pubic bone, a devilish look 
of pride on his face.  He blinks a couple of times and then 
rises up, crawling up my body, dragging his chest over my 
stomach.  He stops and suckles each breast briefly before 
rising up to kiss me slowly and tenderly.  "You O.K.?"

"Way better than O.K."

"Looked, felt and sounded like you lost control."

My voice sounds like a little girl.  "Yeeaahh.  I did."

"Was it O.K., to lose control, I mean?"

I realize that it was.  I lost complete control.  I didn't 
even see or feel the room around me.  He had totally cast 
me adrift and I let myself go into the pleasure.  And I was 
back.  And nothing horrible happened.  And his throbbing 
erection is poking me in the thigh.

I meet his gaze.  "Yes, it was O.K."

"You're so gorgeous."

"Your turn."  With that I reach down and grab his shaft, 
guiding him to me as I raise my legs and wrap them around 
his waist.

A growl that under any other circumstances, I would have 
taken for intense pain sounded from him as he sank into me, 
slowly and steadily.  My walls still pulsed rhythmically as 
he slid in, pressing deep.  No one has ever been this deep.  
Oh my.  I can feel a deep pelvic pressure as he grinds 
himself slowly against me and stretches my cervix with the 
head of his shaft, gritting his teeth.  Through the 
pulsing, I can feel a slow burn as my internal muscles 
stretch to accommodate his width.  The feeling is 
delicious.  I know I am going to be one sore puppy 
tomorrow, but I don't care.  The feeling is exquisite.   

"Oh fuck, Scully, you are so tight.  Are you O.K.?"

"Yeeaahh, you feel so good, Mulder.  It has been way too 
long.  I want you to take me hard.  I don't care if I can't 
walk at all tomorrow."

He chuckles. "Blows my mind to hear you talk like that.  Oh 
man, Scully, you feel so good.  This feels so right.  
This,"  he grinds into me to emphasize his point, "is 
perfect."  

I couldn't agree more.  

He dropped his head to my shoulder and says,   "I forgot to 
ask if you would rather be on top."

Do I love this man or what?  He is offering me the position 
of control.  He is asking if I want to reclaim that little 
bit of control over our love making.  Strangely enough, I 
don't.  He feels good right where he is.  His weight, his 
smell, his hot breath on my shoulder.  "No, I want you 
right where you are."

He lifts his head and smiles, finally pulling back, and 
thrusting for the first time and stops again.  We both made 
a little grunting sound.  He smiles a goofy smile at me and 
retreats almost all the way and plunges back in, grinding 
his hips into mine, and stops.  I smile back.  I realize 
what he is doing.  He is teasing me, but he is also making 
this last as long as possible. Another minute or so of this 
and I'm getting frustrated although he feels great inside 
me and I have now stretched to the point where he is a more 
comfortable fit.  I squirm my hips a bit and he seems to 
know exactly what I'm asking.  He begins to steadily thrust 
into me, deep, long, hard strokes, but still at a slow 
pace.  He's swiveling his hips with each press into my body 
and rubbing my clitoris between us.

The room is silent except for our escalating moans, groans 
and grunts.  He is stoking me slow but steady.  I can feel 
myself climbing to the peak again.  I want it.  I want it 
bad.  I want to take him with me.  "Faster," I pant.

He nods and begins increases his pace steadily until he is 
slamming into me, my hips bouncing on the mattress from the 
impact.  I squeeze his waist tight between thighs and try 
to meet his thrusts, but he is going too fast now.  I just 
lay there in a wash of sensation, trying to keep my eyes 
open so I can watch his beautiful face contort with the 
effort.  His sweat is beading on his neck and face and I 
brace myself with my hands on his biceps.  "Oh yeah, 
Scully!  Oh yes!  Yes, you feel so, so good!"  

Here I go again.  I'm losing control.  I can no longer meet 
his thrusts, I can no longer hold on.  My legs slip off his 
waist.  And I am thrashing like a mad woman under his 
persistent assault.  Shrieks and moans are echoing off the 
walls as I lose control of my voice too.  "Whoa, whoa, 
ohgod, ohgod, Mulder.  I'm gonna, gonna come again."

I feel him shift up away from my body and howl in protest.  
But he quickly winds his arms under my legs, catching the 
backs of my knees in the crooks of his elbows and surges 
forward again, bending my legs ahead of him until his 
elbows hit the mattress again.  He has virtually bent me in 
half.  If I thought I had no control before, I really don't 
have any now. 

But Holy Jesus!  His first thrust after that drove him 
deeper into me, so deep, his big cock trying to stretch up 
into my womb.  He was still hitting my clit with his pubic 
bone each time he crashed into me, but from the bottom this 
time.  Three strokes like this and the tremors started.  

I screamed.  I screamed really loud.  I screamed his name 
as I felt the world swirl around me and my universe existed 
only in my body as I rippled with wave after clenching wave 
of pleasure.  My eyes closed in spite of my best attempts 
to keep them open.  "Ahhhhhh, Ohhhhhh, Awwwwww, 
Mmmuuullldddeeerrr!  OhYeeesss, Yeeesss!  OhGod, OhGod, 
OhhhGooooooodddd!"

He never slowed down his pounding as my internal walls 
furiously grabbed at his cock trying to keep him pulled 
inside as deep as he would go.  He just kept slamming and 
grinding into me as I rode out the waves.  Good lord, I'd 
never had an orgasm last that long.

I opened my eyes just in time to see his lips pull back 
into a grimace of pain/pleasure.  He growled low and then 
howled as his body jerked with the force of his orgasm as 
he emptied himself into me.  

"Oooowwww, yeah, Sccuullyy! Ahhh, Jesus!  Sccuullyy!"  He 
was trembling still as he slid his arms away from their 
grip on my legs and let my legs fall to the bed.  Then he 
collapsed his weight on me, panting into my shoulder as he 
tried to catch his breath.  He gasped,  "Oh, Scully, that 
was ... awesome!  It's never been that good.  Never."  

I giggled at his choice of words.  "Yeah, it was pretty 
awesome."

"I must be crushing you."

"I like it.  Stay a minute."

"Kay.  Scully?"

"Mmm?"

"Wanna get a movie now?" he deadpanned.  I swatted his 
shoulder with the flat of my hand, giving him a stinging 
slap.  "Ouch! God woman, you're brutal."

"It'll only get worse if you insist on being a smart ass."

"Me, a smart ass?  Better than a dumb ass."

I chuckled.  There was no winning these little verbal 
sparring matches.  "I think I could actually sleep now."

"Yeah?  You know, I think I could to, for once."

I smiled at him and he rolled off me onto his back.  I 
cuddled up to his side, laying my head on his chest and 
curling a leg up over his thigh.  His arm went around my 
shoulders and he stroked my back lightly with his fingers. 
"Mmm, this is nice."

"This is a dream."

I look up at him sharply and he was staring at me.  "No, 
this is real.  I love you, Mulder.  I should have told you 
that a long time ago."

"I love you too, I just never thought this would be 
possible.  When you were holding me from behind, my heart 
was in my throat the whole time.  I was sure you were going 
to walk away in the end.  Do you know how many times you've 
broken my heart?"

"Never again, I promise."  I smiled a lazy smile at him.  
"But I still have fears to conquer, Mulder.  I'm no bargain 
on a good day."

He smiled back.  "Oh, yeah, and I'm the crème de la crème 
of emotional stability!"  We both laughed at that and then 
settled down again.

He whispered after a few minutes.  "I like listening to you 
breathe.  It comforts me, lets me know you are all right."

"Same here.  It's a good sleep aide too!"

"Yeah, so it is," he said sleepily.  He squeezed me tighter 
for a moment and then relaxed.  

"So you would really watch a porno movie with me?"

"Maybe, but I'd rather watch erotica."

"O Queen of semantics," he teased.

"No, there's a big difference.  Erotica engages your brain.  
It is love expressed sexually.  Porn is just bodies and 
lust.  No brain.  No love."

"Guess you're right.  Anyway, you're the most erotic 
creature I've ever seen.  I have a feeling I won't be 
needing films anymore."

"You're not so bad yourself, sexy!"

"Sexy?  Ooo, I like that."  I giggled.

He was silent a moment.  I yawned.  "I love you, Mulder."

"Mmm, I love you too, Scully."

"We still have a murder to solve.  Think we can get up in 
the morning?"

"We'll give it our best shot.  We always do."  

That was the last thing I remember before sleep descended 
like a shroud over my relaxed and finally sated body.

THE END.