Title: When the Pawn Series: Limp, part four Author: Nialani Feedback: The series life depends on it! LOL! Classification: MSR Rating: NC-17 Spoilers: If you didn't see the season premiere shame on you! Archive: Anywhere just keep my name on it Disclaimer: Don't sue! Lyrics by Fiona Apple "Limp" are on her New Album: "When The Pawn" Notes: This is a sequel to "I Know", "On the Bounds", and "To Your Love" If you didn't read those you would be sorta lost or you can just skip the other stuff and scroll down to the smut LOL! ***************************** You wanna make me sick; You wanna lick my wounds, Don't you, baby? You want the badge of honor when you save my hide But you're the one in the way Of the day of doom, baby If you need my shame to reclaim your pride ****************************** 8:00AM Mulder's Apartment Riiiinnnnggg! Riiiinnnnggg! I groaned. Didn't these people know that it was Saturday? I worked an eighty hour week last week. Scully and I worked on this case about missing children that were believe to be abducted. It was hard for both of us. I hadn't had any nightmares about Sam's abduction since Scully and I got together, but with that case...It was all too familiar. Then the kids started turning up dead and there was Scully doing their autopsies. With what happened to Emily, she was a wreck and tried to hide it from me with her "I'm fine's." She held together like a statue when we came home, even through Skinner's rigorous questioning about the case. After work I drove her home. I asked if I could come in and for the first time in the last three months we've been together she turned me down flat. So I went home. Then around 10:00PM, she just un expectantly showed up at my apartment tears in her eyes. She folded herself up in my arms and cried. She told me that she thought the pain of Emily's death would lessen. That after so much time that has past that she could get through doing the autopsies. That she could handle it. I just hugged her and told her that it takes a long while for the pain to go away. That I was there for her and always be there for her. That she shouldn't have to carry all that pain by herself, because I'll always be there to listen to her like she listens to me. Then I kissed her. Needless to say we're now in my bedroom, and yes I do have a bedroom now, I invested in a bedroom set after Scully refused to have sex on the floor. She was sprawled naked on top of me, drooling on my chest, her red hair in my face. I was in Scully heaven and someone was calling me out of it. Damn. I reached over to the night stand and picked up the phone, thinking if this one of the guys they are going to die, "Hello?" "Fox, sweetie? This is, Mom. Did I wake you?" No, Mom I was waiting for your call for the last eight hours. "Oh no. you know me. I never sleep." Which was true, until I fell in love, now I slept like a log, mostly out of exhaustion. "So What's wrong Mom?" I said not too politely. I thought our relationship was strained before. Ever since she handed me over to *that* man when I was sick I stopped talking to her completely. I mean I know he more than likely manipulated her into it, but still she was an accomplice to my almost murder. I don't feel like being the one to forgive right now. "I just wanted to apologize. I didn't think your father--" I cut her off. "37 years, Mom, William Mulder was believed to be my father, not...him. So Please if you want this conversation to continue don't refer to *that* person as my father." I said pretty bluntly and a little too loudly because Scully eyes opened and she looked at me. "But...Fox, He is and he wants to have a relationship with you, He wants to be there for you." She said. God, she was clueless. "Have a nice day, Mom." I sighed, hanging up not before hearing her call me stubborn. "Your Mom?" She murmured. "Yes, she wants me to have a relationship with Cancerman." I said rolling my eyes. "Oh, So she's delusional." She stroked my stomach. I laughed, she always knew how to make me smile from day one, "Basically...Ugh!" I exclaimed suddenly having an epiphany. "What's the matter?" she stretched and ran her fingers through my hair. "I just realized Agent Spender was my half brother." She laughed. "Eew," she grimaced, then laughed, "Thank God you're nothing like him." "Thank God." I murmured, falling back to sleep. ''What time do we head out?" I yawned. We were taking a vacation. Skinner thought it would be best thing to do to get our heads straight after the last case. So, we didn't argue. A week together. It would be great and our first stop would be Margaret Scully's house. Yes, today was the day we were going to tell Dana's Mom that we were a couple. After three months of stalling and excuses. And everything would be fine if her brother Bill wasn't in town visiting with his wife and child. For a week! You know, Mr. rain on my fucking parade. So it was more than likely that I was going to get my ass kicked sometime between today and this upcoming week. "At one. We'll get there by the time Mom's ready to put on her casserole." She smiled, she had such a great relationship with her mother. I envied that. She felt me tense up considerably. "It's going to be fine, Fox." "Sure." I am not convinced. She straddled me and kissed my lips, her tongue slipping into my mouth, I moaned. She grabbed my cock and began to stroke it, like it needed her help, I've been hard since she stroked my stomach minutes before. I grabbed her hips and she slowly impaled herself on me with a loud,very sexy growl. "Does this fall under the category of pity sex?" "No, this is thank you sex." She smiled. "Thank you, Fox. Thank you for being there for me last night." She stroked my cheek with her finger tips and then she began to move. I groaned in ecstasy. I let her set the tempo. Watching her impale herself on me again and again was one of the most erotic thing I've ever seen. I looked at her. Her eyes were glazed over, her mouth was slack. Her hair was in her face falling over her left eye. She was gorgeous and immensely sexy. I was times like this when I thanked whoever's above for my photographic memory. "Insatiable." I chuckled out, because it was the truth. Who knew under those tailored suits and chunk heels lied a complete nymphomaniac. I remember a night not to long ago, I asked her was she always this insatiable when it came to sex. She just laughed and said no. Then she whispered," You bring out the slut in me," in my ear. I found that hilarious. She brought out the seventeen year old kid in me. "You should..." She panted, on top of me, "You should talk." I sat up and grabbed the back of her neck. I kissed her and whispered on her lips, "You bring out the slut in me." Our tongues clashed and mated. We giggled like children. And I flipped her on her back. "Oh God." She groaned as I thrusted deeply into her. Her fingernails ran whelps down my back and she arched up. "There, " she gasped, "Oooh right there, love." I smiled. Unlike some men I know, I got a kick out of Scully's direction calling. Not that it's always need or anything. I buried my face in her neck. "You feel wonderful." I grunted. God, she was so wet and hot and tight around me. "Faster...faster, Ooh God. Fox." She whimpered suddenly and her back arched violently against me. She began to shudder. Her muscles clamped down on my cock and that was it for me. That was it for me. I came inside her holding her tight against me. I came in a series of gushes inside her. She bit down on my shoulder as the last wave overtook her. "So good." She crooned in my ear, when it was over. I gently kissed her lips. "I love you." I whispered on her lips, a rolled off of her. "I love you, too." She said, curling up beside me. "You hungry?" I asked when my stomach made a loud grumbling noise. She kissed my chest. "In a way." Her hands ran down my abdomen. "Insatiable." I hummed and she laughed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Meanwhile, in a car located not too far from Mulder apartment. Cancerman stood listening to his son sharing an intimate moment with his co worker. He remembered what one of his colleagues said to one of his other colleagues about his son two years ago: "Take away the one thing he loves the most. The one thing in which he cannot live without." "Your time is almost at close M'dear" he whispered, lighting another cigarette as he drove away. ************************************************ And when I think of it my fingers turn to fist I never did anything to you man But no matter what I try You'll beat me with you bitter lies So call me crazy, hold me down Make me cry; get off now, baby- It won't be long till you'll be Lying limp in your own hand ************************************************** 3:00 In front of Margaret Scully's home. "Get out of the car, Mulder." I said on the verge on laughing my ass off. Mulder's so cute when he's in panic mode. He opens the car door and gets out. I unbuckled my seat belt and waited for him to open the door for me. I thought he was chivalrous before we got together, he was even worse now. I bet he'd would carry me everywhere, if I chose it to be. I had been an independent woman for so long I forgot how all this extra attention felt. In other words, I was thoroughly enjoying all this attention. He opened the door and gave me hand out. "Dana, Do I have to go in?" He asked as we walked up the stone walk way of my mother house. He walked behind my as if he was preparing himself to run to the car. "Yes," I said, admiring the red and yellow tulips she planted in the front of the house. "These are nice." He nodded, somberly. " You know, I was close to death already. Many times, in fact..." he mumbled and I kissed him chastely on the lips. I loved this man and damn it I was telling my family today! "You're an FBI Special Agent. Jesus, Mulder, this can't be worst than the flukemen." I said ringing the door bell. He just gave me one of his famous panic faces and I laughed. " Just relax. He's not going to kick your ass, Fox. I'm not going to let him." That got a smile out of him. I took his hand and squeezed it his enlaced his fingers with my own, just as Mom opened the door. "Hey!" She said with a huge smile, "Welcome to--" that's when she saw our hands. "Are you two?" she said confused. Then she gathered herself, "Come in, come in." She gave us both big hugs. "Let me take your coats." She said, as Fox shrugged off his and then he helped me with mine. He handed them to my mother who winked at him, he blushed. "You're blushing." I whispered in his ear and he smiled. "You Scully women bring that out in me." "Mmmmhmm." I said and stroked his ear, he kissed my hand. "Thank you for being brave." "When it comes to you Dana. It'll take more than Billy boy to scare me away." He laughed. "How about a brain eating demon?" I asked, and out of nowhere he kissed me. "Well it's about time!" Mom exclaimed happily behind us, "I was just about to give up on you two." "Hey, and all it took was a near death experience ... again!" I joked and both Fox and mother rolled their eyes. I turned to Fox, his eyes went wide. He just spotted Bill in the living room watching football. "Why don't you go in the living room while I help Mom cook?" I am evil. I know. All I want is for them to be civil to one another, because one day I'm going to marry this man, whether Bill likes it or not. Fox walked reluctantly into the living room and sat down on the couch, Bill was sitting directly across from him in the recliner. Bill glared at Fox. Fox glared back. "Do you think that's wise dear?" Mom said behind me as she looked into the living room. "Fox can handle it, I think." She smiled at my usage of his first name. "Where's Tara?" I asked I haven't seen her in a good while and I she was a big help when it came to controlling Bill's temper. I washed my hands in the sink and Mom handed me a few carrots to cut up. "Oh, she took the baby to the playground with Sara's new baby." Sara I forgot about Sara. Sara Parkers was mom's next door neighbor. She was thirty-six year old, supermom of four -- now five kids. She made it look so easy, she made me want to go get pregnant, when I could that is. Well, that was old sad news that didn't need to be remembered. I felt myself get teary and I turn away a little from Mom. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. "You and Fox can always adopt sweetie." She said and I nodded, softly. "I know, Mom." I whispered. It's not the same though. I was gypped in the worst way. How could anybody understand? Yes, there are dozens of babies out there I could adopt. A dozen of babies out there that I could match Fox's or my hair and eyes to, but it'll never truly completely be our baby. I'll never feel it kick inside me. Never be able to give birth. Mom wisely changed the subject, "So...what are you two going to do now?" she asked and I gulped. How do I answer that? Well, Mom we haven't talked about the future yet, because for the last three months we've been have the best mind blowing sex either of us has ever had. No, Mom's liberal, but that would give her a heart attack. "Well, we've been dating exclusively for the last three months..." I began, "And it's been really good. I love him, he loves me..." "I know, dear, I've known way before you have. I've just been waiting for you two lunkhead to realize it." She said in her best motherly voice. "You know that's not what I'm talking about. What are your plans for the future? I mean you're not getting any younger." Lord, she was going for the jugular. "Mom, we're just enjoying each other right now." I said, damning my choice of words. "Oh." It was a disapproving "oh." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You know I rally thought she loved me until she abandoned me in this room with her obnoxiously stolid brother. He wasn't watching the game. He was watching me and if his eyes were ray beams, I would be obliterated now. "So," I say cautiously. I nervously tap my hands on my jeans, "whose playing?" I ask, trying to strike up some conversation. Something to make him stop staring at me like I was dead meat. He didn't say anything. He just rudely stared. So we sat in silence the whole time, until Dana decided to take mercy on me. She sashayed herself through the kitchen doors holding a small little platter of deviled eggs and pigs in a blanket. She neatly set them down on the living room table and then she took off her little Keds and curled up by my side on the couch. "Hey," she said kissing my cheek acting completely oblivious of Bill. Bill was digging his fingers in the soft black leather of the recliner. "You hungry?" she said rubbing my stomach. "A little." I said, I figured out what she was doing. I didn't go to Oxford and Quantico for nothing. She was doing everything she would do if we were home alone. Trying to let Bill realize without a big blow out that I'm not going anywhere. He wasn't getting it. All he was doing was getting angrier and angrier. And that ass whooping I told you I more than likely will be receiving, was looking more and more imminent. "Can I speak to you for a second, please?" Bill said to me through gritted teeth. "No, you may not. You had your seconds twenty-five minutes ago, Bill. Now it's my turn." Dana said, running her nimble fingertips through my spiky hair and I couldn't help but put my arm around her. This was my love, my life and one day she will be Mrs. Mulder-Scully or Scully-Mulder, whichever as long as we're together forever. God, I'm whipped, but I like it. "Well, then can I speak to you?" he commanded. "No Bill," she yelled. "Cause I really don't feel like hearing anything you have to say so just shut...up!" That's when all hell broke loose. Bill bounded out of the recliner, "Is this what you want out of your life? Strapped to the FBI cause of this little son of a bitch. You could do so much more Dana. You could do so much better," he said. And I agreed she could do better. I was amazed when she told me she loved me. Crazy ass, Mulder. But she does, completely, with all her heart. So much that I can feel it. "Are you done?" She said coldly. He nodded. "Sit down, Bill and let me tell you something that you may have forgotten. I am thirty-six years old. You have absolutely no right to tell me what I should do with my life or who I should see. My father is dead and gone now, heaven rest his soul. And even if he was alive, he wouldn't have no right to tell me what to do because it's still *my* life and I'll do whatever the hell I choose with it. And I'm sorry, but don't give a damn how you feel." Bill sat down hard in his chair. He was shocked. It was obvious that Dana never really said anything like that to him before. And just when I think the shows over, she looks at me. "I love Fox Mulder. And I'm not tied down to the X-files by him. I'm tied down to it because his fight, is my own now. Someone has to find out the truth. There are some people out there that don't like to sit on their asses while people screw them over. I'm one of them and so is Mulder." The room got good and quite then Maggie came into the room. "Dinner will be done in twenty minutes. Dana, Fox, you want to go down the road to the park and get Tara?" She asked, and I knew she was giving us time alone and Bill time to cool off. She disappeared into the kitchen again. Dana put her Keds on and jumped off the couch. "Sure Mom!" Dana called out."Come on Fox." She sweetly said to me. I got off the couch and followed after her without giving Bill a second glance. Maybe my ass whooping wasn't so imminent, after all. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Across the Street Cancerman watched Dana and Fox walk hand in hand down the street. "Game over Agent Scully." He whispered. ************************************ You feed the beast I have within me You wave the red flag, baby you make it run run run Standing on the sidelines, waving and grinning You fondle my trigger, then you blame my gun ************************************ Yes! I thought and it must've shown clear on my face because Fox laughed. "Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting to do that?" I sighed and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "Honestly, I think I've been waiting to do that since fetal stage." He laughed again. "He's just trying to protect you." I couldn't believe it fox was defending Bill. "Oh my God, did I just see a pig fly?" I turned quickly around and eyed him suspiciously, then I touched his forehead to see if he was coming down with something. He laughed and I smiled wrapping my arm around his waist. "Dana," he said, out of no where, "As a big brother, I know I'd probably be a hard ass to Sam's boyfriends. Especially, if this certain boyfriend has been the one that practically landed her in all the shit she's been through." "Don't make me shoot you." I sighed exasperated. He was sweet, but he blamed the world's problems and my own problems on himself. "Look, you know it's true Dana. Without me you would've been a successful doctor, or something. Maybe you would have been head of the pathology department at some major hospital or university. You wouldn't have gotten abducted, you wouldn't have gotten cancer, you would be able to have--" I had to cut him off. I stopped and turned to him I touched his chest and then his face. "Without you, I would have never known what love felt like." That was the honest truth. He looked taken aback. He was speechless and there were tears in his eyes that he tried to blink away. "I love you, Fox. And know that this love that we are sharing now, it washes away all the ugly things that we have went through. And it didn't kill us, Fox. It didn't kill this love. Do you know what it did?" "It-," he was completely choked up, "It-it made it stronger." "It made it stronger. Nothing, nothing is going to kill this love." I vowed. "Nothing," he whispered. I kissed him lightly on the lips and he deepened it. It was a kiss full of lust and promise for tonight. We continued to walk down the road, hand in hand, in silence for a while. Then he stopped, abruptly. "What?" I said, searching his eyes. "That blue car," He said turning me so I could see it behind us." Has been following us for the last few minutes." He said his voice low and close to my ear. I was about to disregard him as being a paranoid, but when we stopped, the blue car stopped. That when I saw it. It was coming of the window. Smoke. My eyes went wide and before I could say any warning the car window rolled down. There was a pain in the side of my neck and then everything went black. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ She collapsed in my arms, but not before touching her neck in pain. I checked her neck. I pulled a small dart out of her neck and tasted it's tip. Thankfully it wasn't poison, it was tranquilizer. I gently laid her on the ground and prepared to fight our attacker. I didn't even get the chance to turn around fully before the butt of a gun came in contact with my temple. Sound stopped and everything went black. ... ... ...Ugh! I don't know where I am. I don't know how many hours have passed. All I know is, it's dark and damp and cold. I'm lying on what feels like cement. My head is throbbing. Blood is running down my left eye. Oh and my arms are tied down. A bright light turned on above me. I am blinded by it. I squint my eyes, and turn my head away from it. "I tried to talk to you, like an adult. But like the petulant child you are, you choose not to listen. Now, I must resort to threats." It was Cancerman talking in my ear. "Where's Dana?" I groaned out and winced, it hurt to talk. I had to find her. She was all alone, in the hands of one of this bastard's goons. Please don't let it be Krycek., I pray. "She's" He took a drag from his cigarette, "In a safe place." "What do you want from me?" I cried out. I was absolutely and utterly sick of all of this bull shit. "Well, son, do you remember the last time you were in this room?" he said waiting for me to respond. Of course I remember. This is where Dana rescued me from you. This is where you invaded my mind, tried to make me believe in a non existent reality. Tried to give me what I want, but you forgot what I needed. You forgot who meant the most, who I'd trade it all for. "Yes." I whispered. "I tried to obtain something from you. From your brain." He said, pacing back and forth. "The vaccine to the alien virus." "Yes." "Let me guess," I laughed, humorlessly, "Didn't work?" "I don't know if it works, my son, the regular standard test are inconclusive. And I don't want to test the efficiency of it on myself." He said coming into my face, his breath wreaking of stale Morleys. "You're going to inject me with the virus, aren't you, you son-of-a-bitch." I couldn't believe him. Daddy dearest. "Yes I am." he said his voice was cold. "So, if this is about me, why did you kidnap Dana?" I asked. She was once again an innocent caught up in my world of fucking insanity. "I have something that I want her to have." "What?" He walked over to me holding out the syringe which was filled with black slime. My eyes went wide with horror, he couldn't possibly be serious. He cruelly smiled at me. I panicked, "Let Dana go and I'll let you do-" "You don't have a choice. Besides, you're in no position to negotiate." "Please," I begged, "leave her alone." "She's a distraction, Fox, a thorn in your side. She's no good for you. Exactly, how long do you think she will stay around while you continue your quest? I know what you two have been up to for the last three months. Why bother with the wench, you can't even have a family with her. " he said, sounding like a concerned parent. "You don't understand us and you never will. How could you? You don't know anything about love. And what do you care about me having a family, anyway? You'll never know any child I'll have. I'll make sure of it. Like you made sure I'd never know my sister." I swore. He walked to me and wiped my shoulder with alcohol. He stuck me with the syringe. "Enjoy the ride son. I do hope you survive." Was the last thing I heard him say before lacerating pain began in my chest. Then I screamed. I couldn't die this way. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I woke up to screams. Not just any screams, there were Fox's and they were coming from the next room. I stood up and felt my way through the dark room with my hands. I felt a door and it opened before I could look for a door knob. "Hello, M'dear. I'm glad you're awake. We need to talk." Cancerman said, turning on the lights, and leading me to sit in a chair. "What are you doing to him?" I cried before he could speak. Why couldn't he just leave us alone? "Testing his immunity." I was confused for a moment then it dawned on me. The reason why Fox was taken before was because of his immunity to the alien virus, the immunity Cancerman tried to steal. He was testing Fox's immunity? How would he test... "You didn't?" I whispered in shock, he injected his own son with the deadly virus. "You truly are a bastard." "Hopefully he'll survive." He said lighting one of his horrible cigarettes. 'I came to talk to you." He said again. "I have nothing I wish to speak to you about." I said, bluntly. "I came to give you a choice. Leave my son alone, leave the X-files for good..." he began, but I was having none of it. "No deal, asshole." I vehemently said. "Oh well, then I guess you have to die." I jumped out of my chair and he grabbed my hands. I was foggy from the tranquilizer, and my reflexes were way off. I kicked him in the leg with less strength than I thought. He reached in his pocket and before I could entertain the thought that maybe it was another cigarette he took out a syringe filled with the black oil virus. I screamed. Next thing I know Cancerman is sailing head first across the room. He landed against the wall with a loud bang and an audible crack. It was Fox. He looked the same, but something about him was noticeably different. His eyes... His eyes were black. ***************************** And when I think of it my fingers turn to fist I never did anything to you man But no matter what I try You'll beat me with you bitter lies So call me crazy, hold me down Make me cry; get off now, baby- It won't be long till you'll be Lying limp in your own hand ************************** I see everything in black and white. What's happened to me? I'm a monster. I can't even talk. I stare at Dana. And she stares back. She is frightened, I know she is. I don't blame her. I'm frightened myself, of myself. I didn't know my own strength this way. I only meant to throw Cancerman so hard. I probably cracked his spine. Not like I feel sorry for the bastard. I looked at my hands, My nails had grown three or four times their usual length. Dana came towards me. I wanted to tell her to stop, to stay where she was. That they made me a freak and that I didn't know what I was capable of. That I was fighting a voice in my head which screamed out to me: Kill... Kill her...Now. I was not in control. She should run away, but of course she is stubborn and strong and beautiful. She came even closer. Then she touched my chest. I knew, then, I had to get away, because she wasn't letting me go. I crashed out of that little medical storage room and back into the operating room out into the hall where I hid. Still fighting the voices inside my head: Kill her...Don't run....Just Kill. She found me and I ran again. I heard her gasping behind me. So, I ran faster, thinking maybe she'd give up. Not my girl. Suddenly, my whole body felt as if it was on fire. I fell to my knees and watched the little black worm like entities run underneath my skin. I felt her take me into her arms as my body began to fly out of my control. ______________________________ God, he looked the same. All except for those eyes. Then his hands came up. His fingernails had grown long and they looked like they could cut through glass. I was scared. He didn't move a muscle. He just stood there intently looking at me, as if he could see my soul. Trying to plead with his eyes to stay away. I could almost hear him say the warnings. I came towards him. Love gave me the strength to stay put. To not run away from him. I didn't know what to or say. I didn't want him to hurt me. I didn't even know if he was still my Fox, anymore. I stopped until I was only an arms length away. I reached out and touched him. He flinched and ran away from me. I chased after him. My love spurring me on. I followed him out of the small room I was in, through the operating room, to the hallway where he was hiding in the shadows. He saw me and took off again. He was fast. I struggled to keep up with his gracefully agile movements. Just when I was completely winded he stopped. He fell to his knees, his flesh began to move and he groaned an unnatural sounding noise and collapsed. He began to seize. I knelt to him and placed my hands under his chin. He pushed my hand away and threw up besides us. It was black, it was the virus. When he was done he drifted off into unconsciousness. I waited a few minutes and woke him up, "Fox?" I whispered in his ear a little too apprehensively. "Don't worry," He coughed out, " I'm me." And before I could stop myself, I sighed. "We have to get out of here." I said and he nodded. I rose and helped him up. We ran outside, stole Cancerman's car, and rode out into the night. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ One week later. After doing major damage control with Maggie and Bill, Dana and I returned to work as if nothing happened, our work relationship was fine, but otherwise ... well that was completely in a state of turmoil. I started having nightmares again. Nightmares about me becoming that thing again and killing her, about us having kids and they becoming things and killing her. They just got worse and worse each night. And she stood by my side each night and comforted me like a mother to a frightened child. Then last night, we had sex, but it wasn't the same. It was cold, disconnected, and for the first time in our relationship I actually left her afterwards. I left her with no words or explanations and the look she gave me, it was one of pity and shame and regret. I just didn't understand her. I almost got her killed. Shit, I almost killed her myself and she still comes back for more. Maybe, she's a glutton for punishment. I just can't keep putting her through this, anymore. If she doesn't want to leave me, then, I just have to make the intelligent decision, for her safety. It was Saturday morning. I called her up for an early lunch and she accepted. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I knew exactly what he was going to do at lunch today. And I promised myself that I wouldn't object and I wouldn't make a scene for the stake of his fragile state. I came in the quaint quiet little restaurant, and found him already seated in a corner booth. I felt my self I wouldn't get teary, but here I was breaking my promise. He stood to great me. He kissed me on the cheek and helped me out of my coat. We sat down and ordered lunch. We ate in total silence. Then after he ordered for the check to come, he began the break up speech I've been trying to prepare myself to hear for the last week. I looked down at my hands. "I love you Dana, so much. And I can't go on knowing that one day my love for you could get you killed. And," He stopped and reached over the table and wiped a tear from my cheek that had escaped my eyes, "I rather have you safe knowing your alone or with--with someone else that could make you happy, instead of knowing that your life is in constant danger with me." I let him make the decision. I let him call the shots on this one, for now. Until the pain of this last incident is so strong in his mind and then I'll get him back. "Fox," I whispered not trusting my voice, "you know, I love you. I love you forever. And I'll be here," I took his hand. "when you change your mind." I got up and walked over to his side of the table. I tilted his chin up and kissed him gently. I put on my coat and grabbed my purse and tearfully walked away. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I watched her as she walked out of my personal life. Now I had to figure out just exactly how I was going to manage just working with her.