Regrets / Part 1/2 (NC17) by Yonada yonada@hotmail.com ****************************************************** Spoilers: There aren't any spoilers. Disclaimers: The characters and situations of the television program "The X Files" are the creations and property of Chris Carter, Fox Broadcasting, and Ten-Thirteen Productions, and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended. This work is not to be forwarded or distributed to any newsgroup, FTP, or WWW site without the permission of the author. Rating: Definitely NC17 no doubt about it. If your under 18 do not read any farther. Relationshipers warning: If you hate the idea of Mulder and Scully together; turn back now. If you like the idea keep going. Summary: Scully and Mulder are in Arkansas to investigate a series of murders. The investigation takes them into a series of underground caverns. They are trapped in a cave-in and things take an interesting turn in their partnership. *********************************************************** Regrets Part 1 (NC17) Yonada yonada@hotmail.com 10/96 A series of caverns outside of Mercy Ridge, Ark. July 17th 17:45 The caverns at Mercy Ridge twisted and turned, maze like, through the mountain for miles. While the tunnels had been mapped for years; new ones were still being discovered. In recent years they had become somewhat of a tourist attraction, however they remained mostly unimproved. Tourists were fascinated with the legends that had built up over the years. Stories of ghosts, and wraiths; mysterious cave-ins and phantom figures that led the lost out of the caves only to disappear just inside the entrance. There was no lighting in the tunnels; partly because it never seemed to stay functional. The unusual method of the killings in a series of local murders had brought Scully and Mulder into the investigation. The evidence was starting to point to the caverns as a possible home for the killer or killers. The tunnels were dark; the only light source coming from the lamps in the hard hats they had been required to wear. hey were dressed in heavy coats and boots so the chill in the caves wasn't a problem. "Mulder how much further do you want go in here? We've been at this for hours. If there is anyone down here they could be anywhere. These tunnels go on for miles." "Yeah. I guess your right Scully, but I know there is something down here." Mulder was frustrated, he was certain that whoever or whatever had been killing the towns people, was living down in these caves. Scully was right though they had been down here a long time, it was getting late and he didn't want to spend all night down here. "You know," he said, "all those legends of ghosts and spirits maybe we should just stay down here and see what happens." He gave her his serious look but his tone was joking. "Mulder, if you think that I'm ..." she stopped, listening. The rumbling started so softly; that at first they hadn't noticed it. "Mulder what is that?" "What?..." The ground started to shake, throwing them both down in a pile of rubble and dirt; the tunnel behind them collapsed sealing them off from the exit. "Scully." Mulder called pulling himself up his first thought being of his partner. She didn't answer. "Scully," louder, this time with just a hint of panic starting at her silence. Then he saw her, through the dust in the dim light, she was laying partially covered in debris, on the other side of the cavern. By the time he reached her she was sitting up and pulling herself out of the dirt and rocks. "I'm okay Mulder." she said, as he dropped down beside her. Thank God. He thought if she hadn't been... He didn't want to think about it. "You sure?" he asked, taking her by shoulders; he had to touch her to be sure, his eyes searched her face to determine that she was telling him the truth. "Yeah. Just a little dirty that's all. What about you?" looking him over; just to be sure. "Yeah, I'm okay too." letting her go. "What the hell happened? " He got up looking around. "Earthquake?" She took his hand and he pulled her up to stand next to him. "Maybe, but it didn't feel like one." "These caverns have been here for thousands of years. It doesn't make sense they would just collapse on their own." "It looks fine farther back." "Mulder" Scully asked softly. "how are we going to get out of hear? that cave-in blocked the way to the entrance." "There has to be another way out. One of these other tunnels must go around. Where's the map?" "You had it didn't you? Right before the cave-in..." doing her best to keep her voice level. "Mulder tell me we still have the map." No one else would have noticed the edge to her voice, but no one else knew her quit as well. "It has to be right around here." he assured her, trying to find it in the dim light. "I had it right before everything fell in on us." Looking around. He spotted it half buried in the rubble. "There!" "Good," she said, breathing a sigh of relief. "now all we have to do is look for another way out of here." She had managed to remain calm so far but since her abduction she was a lot more claustrophobic; being down here in the first place had been hard enough. She hadn't said anything to Mulder; knowing he would have tried to do this without her. He did that enough, she didn't need to give him a reason. "Shit!" "What?" "This maps has definitely seen better days." he said, trying to keep a light tone to his voice. The map was torn and one piece was missing. Hopefully it wasn't the piece they need to get out of there. "Mulder ... what...?" She was standing at his side now trying to get a look at the tattered map. "This is pretty torn up, but... look," he said, pointing to a spot on the map. "this is where we are and these are the tunnels leading back. It looks like this tunnel here leads to the surface." his voice trailed off. "And there is a big gap right in the middle of our finding that tunnel." she finished, the strain in her voice getting just a little stronger. "Damn it...." She stopped and turning away from him, walked across to the tunnel opening. I'm not going to let him know that this is getting to me. I'm not. She felt his hands on her shoulders; his touch calming as always. What was it about the way it made her feel when he touched her? "I know the map doesn't look good but we can follow it well enough to get out of here. It might just take a little time. We'll be okay Scully. We've been through a hell of a lot worse than this." "I know." her voice was shaky. "Damn. I know that." she said, more forcefully trying to calm her voice. "It's just..." "What Scully? Come on talk to me." His voice a soft breath in her ear. "It's so...confined in here. It's... I ... Ever since I was... I didn't used to be claustrophobic..." He always manage to get it out of her. His hands tightened on her arms; he pulled her back against him, holding her close. That she would let him hold her like this told him how much this was getting to her. "I know, I'm not liking this too much myself. It's... much more confining when you can't just turn around and leave." She leaned back in his arms for a few moments; drawing strength from him. This felt so good ... just to be... then realizing what they were doing she pulled away. "Why don't we get moving." she said, a little too quickly. He let her go and they took another look at the map before heading down one of the tunnels. Tunnels 18:45 They had been walking for about an hour, mostly in silence; neither one having much to say. He could tell she was getting more and more tense. He kept thinking about how she felt in his arms. After a while he said, "Scully, let's talk, all this quiet is only making it worse." "Okay sure. I'm more that willing to try to stop thinking about where we are...what do you want to talk about?" He thought for a second. There had to be something they could talk about, "How about the Lakers game?" "What about it?" she replied, in her best serious voice. "I don't know, I didn't see it either." he smiled a little. "Come on Mulder, as well as we know each other, there must be something we can talk about." "Why don't we find out how much we really do know about each other?" "What do you mean?" "Well, I think I know you pretty well, and you probably feel the same way about me." "Yeah. So?" "Let see how well we really do know each other. I'll ask you a question about me and you see if you can answer it. Then you can ask me a question about you and I'll try to answer it." "I don't know Mulder..." she hesitated the thought of how well he might really know her was frightening and having him know her any better was probably not a very good idea. "Come on Scully what else do we have to do while we wonder around in here." "Okay, but I get to go first." "Ask away." "When's my birthday?" "February 23rd. Want me to tell you what year?" "Nah, maybe I'll save it for my next question. My turn." "What's my favorite color?" "Too easy Mulder, anything neon or psychedelic, you know, like your ties." She teased. "Wrong ...blue." like your eyes, he thought. "My turn." "What year was I born?" "64. Come on I know you better than that. What year was I born?" "60. Your right too easy. Try something harder?" "Nope my turn." "Okay, when did I graduate from college?" "1985 top in your class, but then you joined the FBI. See I do pay attention." "Pay attention, hell, you have a photographic memory Mulder." "Then ask me something harder." "You ask me something harder" "Okay, what kind of underwear do I wear?" "Mulder!" She felt her face going red. "Come on Scully, your a doctor, it's just underwear. What kind do I wear?" "Tacky boxers." "They're not tacky and why would you think that anyway?" "With your taste in ties there's no other option." "That hurts, Scully that really hurts. Come on ask me a hard one?" "A hard one. Lets see." She was stalling; a hard question that wouldn't get to close. He was right, they did know each other way better than any of these questions. "What's my nick name and how did I get it." she asked. He was shocked. "Wow you really did go personnel. You really want me to answer that?" "Don't stall Mulder you either know or you don't." What was so personal about her father calling her Starbuck. "Okay. 'Ice Queen' and that son of a bitch Jack..." He stopped when he ran into her. She stood frozen in front of him. "How could you bring that up?" she asked, so softly he almost didn't hear her. "I didn't bring it up you did." he said, standing right behind her. He hadn't moved since he ran into her. "No I didn't. That's not what I meant... I.." she stopped, tears stung at the memory. Damn it she didn't want to cry in front of Mulder. Not a gain. That one time had been enough and at least then there had been a good reason. "I'm sorry Scully. I.." Realization struck like a lightening bolt. "Oh God. You meant your father calling you Starbuck didn't you.?" He felt like a jerk. That was all it took, the regret in his voice, thinking of her father, being trapped in a mountain; her head dropped forward and her shoulders started to shake. "Scully I'm so sorry...." he said, turning her to face him. "It's not your fault." she said, her eyes glistening with tears as she looked up at him. He looked so sad. She knew he hadn't meant to hurt her. "It's just a bad memory from a difficult time." She tried to wipe the tears away but, they wouldn't stop, the memory holding on. "He laughed at me. He wanted me to... He told everybody...that...I." "Shhh. Scully you don't have to do this." He pulled her against him. "Yes... yes I do. You maybe the only person I can tell." "You told me once." he said softly, trying to spear her anymore pain. "No," she shook her head, "not all of it. There's so much more." She looked up at him; her eyes meeting his. "I want to tell you. I've never told anyone all of it." "Okay," he looked deep into her eyes, "tell me." his arms still wrapped gently around her. "We were together for a while, about a year. He'd been trying to get me to go out with him for longer than that. I finally decided to go, he was so charming; like no one I had ever been with; not like I had been with a lot of men, I was always too busy getting a career. We started sleeping together and.... things were okay at first. Then I found out he was seeing other women and then he wanted me to.. umm, be with him and a couple of his friends ..." She closed her eyes for a moment then looked back at him. "When I told him no he said he would pay me back if I didn't. I still said no. So he told his friends that I was 'like sleeping with a block of ice,' that's when he started calling me the 'Ice Queen'." She paused for a moment, before deciding if she should go on. "He told them I was 'the worst lay' he had ever had. 'The kind of woman who could freeze a mans balls off.' After that I just stayed to myself and got through the Academy. You'd think I would be over it be now wouldn't you?" she asked, her tears finally drying. The thought of what that man had put her through. He pulled her tightly against him, willing her pain away. "You know if he wasn't dead I'd kill him." he said it very softly and very matter of factly, but with such anger that she pulled back to look up at him. "You mean that don't you?" It amazed her to think that... that he would kill for her. "I wouldn't want you to do anything like that, for me Mulder..." "I won't ever let anyone hurt you. I promised you that." He looked down into her eyes; moving slowly to bring their lips together then he stopped, realizing what he was about to do. This was Scully, his partner, after everything she had just told him; having him move on her was probably the last thing she needed. He pulled back releasing her. "You okay?" She nodded. Not sure if she was glad or sorry that he hadn't kissed her. "Yeah, we should get going. Thanks Mulder." "Anything, anytime Scully you know that." They started down the tunnel. "Hey Mulder?' "Yeah." "It's my turn. Ask me a question." He was surprised that she would still want to do this. "Okay, let see. You know my nickname, but do you know where it came from?" She knew the question wasn't an easy one for him. "I think I do." she started slowly. "I know what I heard at the Academy. The 'Spooky Mulder' stories. The weird guy in the basement with uncanny ability to get into the psychotic killers mind. The strange guy with the UFO's. I remember wondering what the truth really was. Considering my experience with rumors, I thought that unless 'Spooky' was as weird as they said he was, the name and the stories probably really hurt." As she finished he stopped and turned around to face her. "And now that you know how weird the 'Spooky' guy really is?" "I can see how much the stories hurt," her voice was soft, barely above a whisper, "and I'm really glad that I know him, because he's the most important person in my life." She couldn't believe she had just told him that. She looked up into his eyes for a reaction. She could see pain, but the pain was mixed with something else, something new that she didn't recognize. Something that looked very dangerous. He was stunned; she had just told him he was the most important person in her life. Could that really be possible? He could see it was, by the way she was looking at him. "Let's get going or we're never going to get out of here." she grabbed his arm and started down the tunnel saying, "My turn to ask you one... what's' my favorite movie?" "Oh, an easy one..." Tunnels 22:30 They had been walking for what seemed an eternity when they rounded a corner and ran into another dead end. "Damn it, I know we can get out of here if we can just figure out this map." Mulder said, the frustration showing in his voice. He turned and started back down the tunnel; Scully reached out, putting her hand on his arm, to stop him. "Mulder wait. We've been walking for hours..." Her words cut off as they heard the low rumbling noise again, before they could react, the tunnel collapsed, cutting them off in a dead end. Mulder grabbed Scully when the room started to shake; planning to shield her if the roof came down on them, but it didn't. The dust settled and they stood staring at the blocked passageway, holding onto each other. "If you hadn't stopped me; that would have come down right on top of us." "We're cut off again. Mulder what...?" She knew he didn't know any more that she did; the fear she had been holding down was building with every passing second and she really didn't want to fall apart in front of him. She walked over and sat down with her back against the tunnel wall; suddenly very tired. Mulder could hear the fear in her voice. He sat down next to her; realizing that once again, she was here because of him; risking her life, once again because of him. This should have been so simple; these caverns had been here for years they shouldn't be falling in around them. "I'm sorry Scully this..." "Don't!" she said sharply. This was bad enough without Mulder blaming himself. "just don't Mulder. We're here and we're trapped. I'm here because I'm your partner and I made the choice to come down here with you. This is where I belong." He started to interrupt her but she reached out a hand and stopped him. "You don't understand do you? If you had gone off down here without me..." He did interrupt her this time. "You'd be safe and if I died at least ..." "If you had gone off down here without me and died I ..." "You would be safe." he said firmly. "No! you don't you get it. I don't want to be out there safe, if you're down here dead, and I'm not safe out there...not without you." Her voice trailed off a little at the last. "Scully..." he started. "Mulder, I'm not sorry I'm here with you; I'm sorry we are both here, but I don't regret my decision to come down here with you." She sat looking at him in the dim light from their head lamps, her eyes searching his. He looked at her for a long moment; then he reached up and took his helmet off putting it down next to him. "I regret that we're here... and I am sorry that, once again I've put your life on the line." Slowly he reached over and slid her helmet off setting it down beside her. "You know," he said softly. "there's a selfish part of me that's very glad that you're here. I always feel better when your with me," he smiled a little. "but there is one thing that I would regret for the rest of eternity." His voice had grown husky; his eyes locked deeply with hers. "What's that?" her breath caught in her throat. "If I died without doing this." He reached out, cupping her chin in his hand and leaned forward to covered her mouth with his. Their lips met, gently at first then more urgently; her lips parted and their tongues entwined exploring each others mouths. Her arms wrapped around his neck pulling him closer, needing to be closer to him; she only felt safe when she was close to him. He couldn't believe this was happening, they were in a cave, trapped, in the middle of a mountain, with no potential way out and what was he doing? He was sitting here kissing his partner; wanting to make love to her like they had all the tomorrows in the world but the most amazing about it was that she was kissing him back. She felt good in his arms, her lips against his; her tongue meeting his in a fierce tango. He felt himself growing hard, embarrassed, he hoped she wouldn't notice, this just didn't seem like the time, but god how he wanted her. She felt him grow hard and realized how much she wanted him. Gasping for air the finally broke from that first breathless kiss. His lips trailed down her neck and up her jaw line; his tongue traced the outline of her ear, warm breath sent shivers down her spine. "Mulder..." she said. "Hummm." He couldn't seem to take his mouth off of her. "Mulder," she tried again, reaching up, taking his face in her hands to make him to look at her. She was stunned at the force of passion she saw in his eyes; not aware that it was the same passion he saw looking deep into hers. "Scully..." "Shhh." she put her fingers over his lips. "Mulder I'm scared, I don't know if we'll get out of here or not, but the thing that I would regret, would be to die not ever having made love to you." "Then let's make love Scully." his voice sounded miles away as he could hardly speak. Their lips met again and this time there was no holding back. They both wanted this, had wanted it for a long time. Their hands began a gentle exploration, her hands moved up his back feeling the outline of his well muscled shoulders then down over his hips pulling him closer, feeling him hard against her. He moved his hand down to cup her breast; pinching the nipple through her clothes. Her back arched against him bringing them closer. He moved his hand down to untuck her shirt; sliding his hands under to feel her warm soft skin. Slowly they began to undress each other. His shirt here, her bra there. His hand moved down to unbutton her pants, he stopped; looking into her eyes, wanting to be sure she wouldn't regret anything, he asked softly, "Are you sure about this? What if we don't die?" He was so serious she almost laughed, but she wanted him too much to waste time on humor. "Mulder, I don't know anything for certain, except that one of us is going to die, if you don't shut up and make love to me," then after a pause, "Do you have any idea how much I want you? Not just because we're trapped here, but how much I've wanted you all along?" "You have?" he was amazed. She had wanted him for a long time? She nodded slowly, licking her lips in that way that had driven him crazy for the last three years. He moved closer, catching her tongue with his lips, sucking it into his mouth as he finished unbuttoning her pants. He let her go long enough to remove her boots and slid the pants and underwear off. He looked at her sitting naked before him; she was so beautiful. "God Scully, even here, trapped in a cave, and covered with dirt; you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." Then she said something to him he'd never dared to dream he would hear from Dana Scully . "Mulder take you're clothes off and come here." While he finished undressing; she spread their clothes down to make a blanket of sorts. Naked, he moved to kneel next to her; pulling her close, kissing her long and deep. She laid back pulling him on top of her; his taller frame covering hers. She reached down and took his erection in her hand, stroking him, making him moan at her touch. His hands roamed over her body. He thoroughly explored her mouth with his tongue; memorizing every taste of her. She sucked on his lower lip, teasing it with her tongue. He moved down her neck, licking and kissing his way to her breasts; taking a nipple in his mouth, sucking and licking it as his fingers pinched the other one. He spent a blissfully long time on her nipples; until he could take no more and had to stop, pulling her hands from him. "Mulder." she started in protest. "Shhhh, your hands feel too good...I need you to stop for a minuet; I want this to last for a while." "I want to feel you inside me." she whispered her voice husky with arousal. Hearing her say that to him sent his head spinning. Dana Scully, wanting him, inside her. He felt his self control start to slide. "I want to be inside you too Scully, but not just yet." He wasn't sure where he found the breath to speak. He slid his hand down along her side and between her legs; touching her. His fingers played over her soft folds and slid inside to feel how wet she was. She gasped and moved her hips against his hand, moaning his name quietly. "Mulder...oh... yes. I want..." He kept moving his fingers deep inside then he slid down so that he could taste her. "Just relax and let me make you feel good... I want to feel you," he said, pushing his fingers deeper. "I want to taste you," he said, covering her with his mouth licking and sucking lightly. He never took his eyes from her face. "I want to watch you come; I want to see it on your face. Come for me Dana." She cried out something unintelligible and he felt her tighten around his fingers; her body arched up against him; his mouth and fingers still bringing her more pleasure. He kept her there, soaring on the edge of ecstasy; then one more shattering orgasm. When he felt her body stop shuddering, he moved up and in position to enter her; he looked down into deep blue eyes, still smoky from passion. "God Scully you're beautiful when you come." With that he thrust forward into her in one swift smooth move, causing them both to cry out at the sensation; he closed his eyes lost in the intensity of their union. "Mulder... Mulder look at me." softly but firmly. He opened his eyes to look at her. "Don't close your eyes. Let me see you when you come. You watched me; now it's my turn to watch you." He began to move, slowly. She moved with him; sliding her hands down to his hips, pulling him deeper as she opened herself wide to allow him easier access; wanting him so far inside her that they would merge into one and never have to be separated again. She could see it in his eyes, watching the tension build; she could feel it in his body, in her own body. It felt wonderful they way they fit together, the way he felt inside her, the way he filled her. She didn't know it but she was making soft little noises with his every thrust into her. He was amazed at the effect he was having on her, the effect she was having on him. He couldn't remember it ever being like this before. He thought the sounds coming from her delicate throat were the most erotic he had ever heard. How could anyone have ever said she was cold?, he thought, as he looked into her passion darkened eyes; still amazed that this was Dana Scully, his partner. Now his partner in one more way. They continued to watch each other; learning how the other looked, what their eyes said just before an orgasm, then her cries mixed with his as he thrust into her one final time, hard and deep, and they both slid over the edge into sweet oblivion. "I love you." she said softly. Then as he started to move off of her. "Stay, like this; I want to feel us together for a while longer." "I love you too Scully." he said, holding her tightly to him. He turned out the lights on their helmets and pulled their jackets over them before they drifted off to sleep. Still together. Tunnels 06:30 Mulder came slowly awake; Scully still wrapped in his arms. We have to find a way out of here today he thought; he couldn't stand the thought that they might die... that she might die. They had just found each other; they had to have time. He turned his helmet light on and stared around the chamber, amazed. "Scully," he said softly, shaking her a little. "Scully wake up." "What?" she stirred against him. "You need to wake up." "Okay, what is it Mulder?" concerned by his tone. "Dana... look around and tell me what you see." "What?... she looked around stunned, "Mulder there's no...the cave-in .. all the rocks...there gone." They sat looking around; the tunnels were clear. There was no sign of a cave-in. "I don't know, lets get the map and maybe we can figure out how to get out of here." They stood and started to sort through the clothes; trying to get dressed at the same time. She was just standing up from putting on her boots; when she felt his arms close around her, pulling her close, his warm breath in her ear. "I don't know what's happening here, but I want you to know that I'm not sorry about this... about us." She turned in his arms; his eyes burned deeply into hers. "I told you I love you and I meant it." he started softly. Then a moment of doubt hit him. What if she was sorry? "You're not sorry.... are you? I mean if you." She silenced him with her fingers over his mouth. "Shhh. Mulder. No I'm not sorry. I love you. Getting out of here isn't going to change that. In fact, I think getting out of here will only make things better." She stood on tip toe, pulling his mouth down, to brush his lips with hers. He smiled at her; the relief showing in his hazel eyes. "Got the map?" she asked. "Yeah right here." he said, opening it. "Now if we can just figure out how to work around the hole..." he stopped stunned. "What's wrong?" she asked. "The map... there's nothing wrong with it... look." He held it out to her. "But Mulder it got all ripped up in the first cave-in. "I know. Come on." He took her hand and started back down the tunnel. Two hours later they came out at the tunnel entrance they had started from. FBI building Washington DC Two weeks later Case report Fox Mulder The deaths of the Mercy Ridge residents have been explained by the arrest of a transient living in the area. His confession closes the murder investigation; although he has refused to explain how or why he killed seven people. He is in the Arkansas State Mental Hospital, undergoing evaluation to determine his ability to stand trial. He has admitted to spending a lot of time in the caverns at Mercy Ridge, but what, if anything, that has to do with what happened to Agent Scully and myself is undermined. As for what happened to Agent Scully and myself in the caverns at Mercy Ridge. I have no explanation. Local legends say that the spirits that dwell in the caves often play tricks on visitors. We are not the first to report having to spend the night searching for the way out after a cave-in; only to find in the morning that there was no sign of a cave-in. Another legend says that around the turn of the century two lovers were trapped in the tunnels. Their bodies were never been found. Their spirits are supposed to dwell in the caverns helping lost visitors back to the surface. End of report. F. Mulder. ************************************************************ End I would love imput, please remember this is my first so be kind. e-mail yonada@hotmail.com