TITLE: R IS FOR REVELATION AUTHOR: DONNILEE E-MAIL: DONNILEE@SNET.NET RATING: NC-17 WARNING: Descriptive sex. Smut warning. CATEGORY: MSR KEYWORDS: ANGST SPOILERS: Little ones. Little one for FTF. DISCLAIMER: Nope. Not mine. Used shamelessly and without remorse. They belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and Fox Broadcasting, and god knows who else, but not me. SUMMARY: One tired night, Scully gets some unexpected answers to a game of twenty questions. WEBSTER'S NINTH NEW COLLEGIATE DICTIONARY rev-e- la-tion \,rev-e-'la-shen n. [ME, fr. MR, fr. LL revelation-, revelation, or fr. L revelatus, pp. of revelare to reveal] (14c) 1 a : an act of revealing or communicating divine truth b : something that is revealed by God to man 2 cap, : an apocalyptic writing addressed to early Christians of Asia Minor and included as a book in the New testament - see BIBLE table 3 a : an act of revealing to view or making known b : something that is revealed; esp: an enlightening or astonishing disclosure. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX PART 1 (PG-13) DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT FRIDAY NIGHT, 11:00 PM Lord, I've been tired in my day, but I don't ever remember being this tired. Mulder is whipped too. I think we've averaged about three hours sleep a night for the last week. That's on the shy side, even for Mulder, who sleeps less than anyone I've ever known. The case was unbelievably stressful. We had been recruited by Violent Crimes to join a task force. They were attempting to find the leader of a religious cult. All his followers had killed themselves, thirty in all. He however, seemed to find himself exempt from his own teachings. Funny how that works, huh? The cult believed that an alien race of gods were coming to take them away ... to the mother ship in the sky, I guess! Because of the alien beliefs, VCS had reluctantly requested our help. Mulder had scoffed at the man's beliefs and teachings, surprising the task force leader who was apparently expecting Mulder to be completely off his rocker. Privately, I'd told him that I was proud of his conduct and the fact that he hadn't run with the alien teachings as a possibility, as a matter of course. His only response had been, "I've seen the real ones, remember?" Instead he'd worked around the clock compiling a profile from all the evidence. I was stepping and fetching for him all week, doing internet searches, analyzing medical data from the autopsies. For once, I hadn't minded being the gopher, running his errands. I would not have liked to have been in Mulder's shoes this week. The suspect had vanished, the manhunt was on. And the task force had put enormous pressure on him to provide clues for where to look for this guy. I figured they were pinning all their hopes on Mulder because they hadn't been successful and if it all went to shit, they could pin the blame on him. Instead of getting angry, he'd immersed himself in paper, evidence, medical reports and stayed up all night one night, reading this guy's "bible." Agents canvassed every member of his family, former co- workers, and every known acquaintance from his past that I had dug up. They all went armed with a list of questions from Mulder. I collected and compiled the answers as they came rolling back in. We had worked together like a well-oiled machine this week. And I couldn't help but feel a little bubble of pride from the kudos we'd received from the task force members, as well as the Bureau Brass. We'd gracefully taken over the investigation without stepping on anyone's toes. Mulder had, for once, outdone himself being the consummate professional with the other agents. He'd requested their help nicely and thanked them for their efforts as the information came rolling in. Frankly, I think the task force leader was happy to step aside as the Agent in Charge and let Mulder lead the pack. He'd admitted to me that he'd been in way over his head, and that he'd been pleasantly surprised at Mulder's work habits and demeanor. He'd heard the rumors and fed into them. He assured me that he now had a completely different opinion of Mulder. I think Mulder may have actually made some friends this week. If not, then he had garnered the respect of not a few of the Agents who had formerly dismissed him. Some of the agents gave their respect willingly, others grudgingly before the week was out. But, not one there could say that Mulder hadn't gone above and beyond the call of duty, hadn't given his all. No one could argue with the results either. Mulder's profile had been unbelievably detailed and had given the task force of twenty, five places he was likely to have gone to hide out, based on his life history. Agents staked out and investigated those places. One Tyler Aurelius was now in custody. He had been found at the location Mulder listed as most likely for him to have gone. Mulder had driven from the airport and I could see fatigue in every line of his body. He exited the car in front of my apartment and unlocked the trunk for me. I heaved my suitcase out of the trunk and literally staggered under the weight. I felt like Gumby, no strength. Mulder lunged forwad and caught me around the waist as I let go of my suitcase, lest I be dragged to the pavement with it. My arms isntinctively reached for him to balance myself and I latched onto the lapels of his jacket. He hauled me upright, steadying me as I yelped in surprise. "Hey, hey, Scully, be careful." "Sorry." "Nothing to be sorry about." He have me a quick, tight squeeze. His body felt warm and so solid. I missed it when he pulled away, reaching for my suitcase. "Let me get this for you." "That's not necessary, Mulder. I can get it." "I know you can, but let me help you for once, would you please?" He sounded slightly irritated. But we were both so tired and on edge. "You've been helping me all week. I know you're dead on your feet." "It was my job, Mulder, to help you." "Scully, do you always have to argue? Geez, is it a habit with you now, or what? You know something, my friend? You're really hard to be nice to sometimes, you know that?" His remark hit home and I felt tears sting my eyes. He was as exhausted as I was, and irritable too. I wasn't going to make a big deal out of it. I didn't want to end the week with a fight. "O.K." I said softly. "Thank you, Mulder." He smiled a tired, lazy smile at me then and a warm tingling sensation began at the base of my neck. He had the weirdest effect on me sometimes. "See, that wasn't so hard, was it?" he quipped. He grabbed my bag up, shut the trunk and turned to guide me inside. His hand fell onto my lower back into its usual spot. I was struck suddenly with just how used to that gesture I was now. He stepped ahead of me to open the door, ushering me inside. Mulder could be such a gentleman when he wanted to be. It hit me then that I often pushed away his attempts to be chivalrous. I was so paranoid about not being considered equal and competent that I didn't allow people to simply be nice to me sometimes. That was a sobering thought. How many times had I rebuffed Mulder when he was simply exercising his upbringing as a gentleman? His mother may have been a Class A socialite bitch, but she had raised a gentleman. Mulder was one of the few real gentleman left on the planet. This contrasted sharply with some of his private habits! But I couldn't fault him for his conduct around me. He was always respectful and treated me like a lady without making me feel inferior. I fished my keys out as he waited patiently, sagging against the wall in the hallway. I glanced at him. He was wiping a hand over his face, a weary gesture. I opened the door and he stepped inside behind me, setting the suitcase down, holding the door open with his foot. Planned on making a hasty exit I guessed. Suddenly I didn't want him to go. "Well, I'll see you around, Scully. We have three days off now and I think I may actually be sleeping through one of them." He shook his head slightly as though trying to stay awake. He really shouldn't drive like this. I wondered if I was rationalizing my desire to have him stay. You'd think that a week in constant contact would make me want a break. But I didn't. That was Mulder and Scully at work. I wanted Mulder and Scully, best friends now. I truly didn't want him falling asleep at the wheel. That would certainly change the sense of satisfaction we were both feeling at closing another difficult case. I realized that I hadn't responded and he was waiting for me to say good-bye. "Well, uh, see you, Scully." He turned to go and I reached out to clasp his and. "Mulder, wait!" He stopped and turned slowly to me, his eyes traveling down my arm to where my hand was clasped around his fingers. I snatched it away, suddenly embarrassed. "What is it, Scully?" "Why don't you stay here tonight, Mulder?" His eyes widened slightly but then drooped again. "I'll make it. I'll stop for coffee. I think I've caught about my tenth wind now," he joked. I smiled. "No sense ending a perfectly good week with a car wreck because you decide to do a power snooze behind the wheel." He tilted his head slightly, seemingly a bit confused. He was too tired to question it much. His shoulders sagged. "Would you mind, Scully? God, I'm whipped." "I wouldn't have offered if I minded," I replied. He smiled softly. "I'll be asleep two seconds after I hit that couch." I grabbed sheets, blankets and a pillow and made up the couch, feeling weariness drag on my bones. I went to the bathroom for my nightly rituals and donned my light terrycloth robe. I usually slept nude but I thought I'd better wear a tee-shirt and panties to bed tonight. I trudged into the kitchen for a glass of water. When I emerged, Mulder was stripped to his boxers. He turned slowly when he heard me approach. My God, the man was magnificent, from the top of his spiky, mussed hair to the tip of his toes. He was a beautiful man. His odd features blended into a face that was oddly handsome and alluring. I forgot how good- looking he was sometimes. His well-defined pecs tapered into a muscled abdomen and a narrow waist. His biceps were a little larger than I realized. They were usually hidden beneath crisp dress shirts. The snick of the clock on the mantle was the only sound in the room. I found myself drawn to him, like so many times before. Only now I was half-asleep, feeling languid. I was looking my fill and for once, not afraid of being caught at it. He was breathing the slow, deep breaths of the exhausted, his arms hanging limply at his side, but his posture still upright and square. I wanted to touch his skin, but I didn't dare. My palms fairly itched with the desire to do so, though. I was so relaxed as I walked slowly to him. The evening atmosphere had taken on a dream-like quality. Everything seemed a bit surreal as I hovered in that weird state between sleep and wakefulness. I stopped about a foot from him. He looked down at me, waiting, sensing that I wanted to say something. So softly, I barely heard him, he said, "Scully? What is it?" I smiled at him. "I was so proud ... to be your partner this week." He smiled. My voice was low and soft like his as though a normal volume would somehow violate the atmosphere around us. "Do you have any idea how magnificent you were?" His smile deepened, the corners of his mouth twitching slightly as if my comment amused him. He shook his head in the negative. "I was just doing my job, Scully." His smile turned to a grin as he threw my own words back at me. I couldn't help but grin in response. "You know you were good," I teased. "You forget I know about your ego." "Well, I know I'm good, but you don't. You'll have to take my word for it." He wasn't talking about the job. We often slung innuendo back and forth, but rarely in the quiet hours of the evening when we were totally alone and not easily interrupted by the outside world. I felt my cursed, Irish skin flushing a with a slow burn up my neck and then heat blooming over my face. He chuckled, low, lazy and quiet in the back of his throat and it felt as though all the air had suddenly left the room. He was grinning at me. I turned away to hide my face and he reached out to turn my chin to him with two fingers. He teased, "Gotcha!" I laughed in spite of my embarrassment. "Yeah ..." I cleared my throat. "I guess you did." We were in very dangerous waters here. He was standing in front of me in his underwear for Christ's sake! He was totally unselfconscious about his nudity, as if he knew his body was marvelous to behold. He wasn't flaunting it. He was just being Mulder. He was comfortable in his skin, in his body. He moved with the grace of a cat, despite his lanky height. It was one of the few things about which Mulder was supremely confident. The rest of his ego was a false bravado to cover up his imagined inadequacies. "Seriously, Mulder, I don't know how you do it, how you did it." I needed to pull the conversation back to safer ground. "What I wouldn't do sometimes to get inside that head of yours." He was stormy, brilliant, and much more intriguing than I was usually willing to admit. But I was feeling an odd sort of fascination with him tonight. We'd been partners for so long and there was so much I didn't know. "What do you want to know, Scully? You can be inside my head anytime you want to. All you have to do is ask. I warn you though. It's a very scary place to be sometimes," he quipped. "I'll tell you anything, Scully. You know I can't lie to you. But you never ask." He stepped away and sat down in the corner of the couch, facing me, reclining against the arm of the sofa. He sighed. I glanced at his sparse chest hair and followed the line of it down to his waist, where it thickened and disappeared into his snug boxer briefs. I didn't mean to, really, but I my eyes were caught when I saw his groin stir. I actually saw him harden below the dark, silk material. I shook my head and snapped my eyes up to his. "Sorry," he apologized calmly. "If you look at me that way, I'm going to react. I can't help it, I always do." He was using a tone that suggested that we talked like this every day. It was a little unnerving. "Always do? What do you mean by that?" "I mean ... that my body has a mind of its own and if you look at me in anything other than a completely professional and/or argumentative way ... like just now ... it ... excites me." "It does?" The words had flown out of my mouth in reaction to my surprise. "Yeah." "I ... should go to bed now, Mulder." I was so embarrassed now. That had been really stupid to look at him so blatantly like that. He swung his legs around and stood up slowly. He took two steps and stopped in front of me. My breathing sped up as he leaned over, but he just dipped his head to the side and whispered into my ear. "I was proud to have you as my partner this week too, Scully. I don't know what I would have done without you." He paused. "And about the other thing. I'm your friend, Scully. You're my best friend. I would never ... touch you without permission. But don't ever forget that I'm also a ... a MAN." He pulled back to look into my eyes. There was no reproach there, just resignation and calm acceptance. "That's man with capital M, Scully. You seem to forget that sometimes and treat me like one of your girlfriends. I'm not." I was caught by his eyes and couldn't look away. Yes, indeed. Fox Mulder was a man, in every sense of the word. He waited a couple of seconds while I struggled to decide what to say next. A feeling of tingling excitement was coursing through me quite unexpectedly. I was waking up and I didn't really want to. My logical brain was screaming for me to say good-night and walk away. My tired body and womanly psyche was telling me that my guards had never been so low. It was also saying that it didn't care. Then finally, he said, "Good-night, Scully." I found myself saying, "You said you'd tell me anything. Does that mean always or just right now?" "Always, but I'm probably more ... open tonight than usual." He looked at me and turned to sit back down on the couch. I sat next to him knowing that I was playing with fire. But this might also be the only opportunity I would get for a long time to peek into the mind of the Fox Mulder. The opportunities were few and far between. And although tired, it was almost as if I was so over- tired, that I might not be able to sleep right away. As if he'd read my mind, he said, "You know, I'm so tired, but so keyed up. Driving and all, I haven't had a chance to relax and wind down yet. I'm not sure I can sleep right away. But you should, Scully," "What if I want to talk to you?" He turned on the couch, bringing one leg up to lay flush with the back of the couch, the other remained on the floor. He tugged the blanket off the back of the couch and covered himself up. I was a little disappointed and tried not to let it show in my face. "Then you can. What do you want to talk about?" "You." "What about me?" "Still willing to tell me anything, Mulder?" "I think so." "I was just thinking that for as well as we know each other in some respects, in others, we don't know each other at all." "I guess that's true. Are you referring to our 'personal' lives?" "Yes." "What do you want to know?" "Want to play twenty questions?" "Sure, Scully, as long as you return the favor." That could be dangerous, I think. But fair is fair. "O.K." I lean back and rest my head on the backrest, wondering what I want to ask first. "Nothing coming to mind, Scully? Want me to go first?" "No. Just trying to decide what want to ask first. I have a lot of questions." "Ahhh." "When was the last time you were involved with someone?" "Involved?" "Romantically." I turned to look at his face and caught his eyes widening. He was surprised that I was going to ask questions like this. He was probably expecting me to ask what his favorite color was. He cleared his throat. "A long time ago." I raised an eyebrow as if to say, 'that isn't good enough.' "I ... probably about ... eight years ago." "It's been eight years since you had sex?" He laughed. "That isn't what you asked. You asked when was the last time I was ROMANTICALLY involved." "Oh, yeah. O.K., question two. When was the last time you got laid?" He barked out surprised laughter but immediately brought it under control. "Uh, five years ago." His expression darkened. "Who was it?" "You don't know her." "That isn't what I asked." The corners of his mouth turned up slightly as I threw his own words back at him. "Her name ... was Kristin Kyler." I felt a funny squeezing sensation in the middle of my chest. I had no idea who that was. I'd never even heard her name mentioned! It bothered me that he had been with someone and I'd had no clue. "How ... how many times?" Did I really want to know? "Do you really want to know this stuff?" What? Was he reading my mind, now? "Yes." "Once." "You never mentioned her." "It wasn't worth mentioning. It was a ... huge mistake." "Why?" "That's question number five, Scully. Do you want to exhaust all your questions on this one topic." I just looked at him, not responding. He obviously didn't want to talk about this. That was also why I felt an odd desire to push it. He cleared his throat again. "I was with her for all the wrong reasons. I was hurting, I was lonely and I thought ... I thought I could save her. But that's another story. And I was with her for the worst reason of all." I raised an eyebrow, willing him to continue. I didn't want to waste question # 6 asking, 'why' again. He met my gaze calmly. "I was severely ... depressed and I was ... mourning ... you." I swallowed and felt my own eyes get large. "Me?" Oops. There went question number 6. "It was when you were gone. I was vulnerable. She needed help. She was willing and I thought ... maybe she could help me forget ... you. Stupid I know. I didn't want to forget. I just wanted to ... forget for ... one night." I nodded. I wanted to know more. But he was right. There were other things I wanted to know too. And the more information I gathered, the better off I would be. I could always revisit these subjects one at a time, at a later date. "You have all those tapes that you don't own at home." He chuckled again and looked relieved that I was changing the subject. "That wasn't a question, Scully." "I know." I grinned involuntarily. "Do you watch them often?" "Not really. Not much anymore." "Why not?" "No redheads in them." I choked on the water that I had just taken a sip of and he laughed. "Sorry, Scully, I couldn't resist." He was just joking. Oh God, he was just joking. I turned to look at him and his teasing smile faded. "I'm O.K., Mulder, I just didn't expect you to tease me just then. "I wasn't really." "What do you mean?" "That was nine," he announced calmly, waiting for me to rescind the question. I merely looked at him, my heart beating a little faster than it should be. He licked his lips and my eyes were drawn there. "I mean, I was ... teasing. But I wasn't ... joking. That is the reason I don't watch them. It's much more fun to ... use my imagination." We stared at each other then. Oh lord. Did he think about me that way? Was it possible? I couldn't hold his gaze and was the first to look away. He said softly, "Scully, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. Be careful what you ask for because I'm too damn tired right now to sugar coat anything. Whatever you ask right now, you're going to get the answer, no ... diplomacy involved. So be sure you want to know." "I know. It's O.K. I'm just surprised." "Surprised that I think about you that way? Or surprised that I would tell you?" I looked at him again. He'd just confirmed it. He thinks about me that way. I knew it, somewhere in the back of my head, but if I ignored it I never had to worry about the implications. Now I would wonder about it all the time. Was it just normal male/female attraction type stuff, or did he have feelings for me beyond what we had now. "It's not your turn yet," I quipped finally. He grinned. "Touche." "O.K. then, question ten." I paused. Could I ask? Did I want to know? "How do you ... feel about me?" I held up my hand to stall him. "I know you respect me, I know we're best friends. I know what you 'think.' I want to know how you feel." I paused again. "Be specific." He was silent for several moments and I looked at him. The colors were swirling in his eyes. Gold flecks were dancing in them, making them seem like they were sparking. He swallowed heavily and I watched his Adam's apple bob up and down. "Be careful what you ask for, Scully." I felt myself shiver slightly, wondering if I had made a mistake. "Tell me." My voice was barely a whisper. He licked his lips again. "I feel so many things when I'm with you, Scully. I don't even know where to begin." I grinned a little at him, leaning back again and settling in, turning to face him slightly. "Take your time. I'll wait." He smiled back at me, raising his eyebrows. "O.K." Silence fell with the weight of an anvil no the room. After a couple of minutes, he nodded, as if to himself, as if he had made a decision. "One more time, Scully. Are you absolutely sure you want the answer to this question, the detailed, specific answer to this question?" It was my turn to lick my lips. I saw his eyes dart to them and back up to my eyes. Did I? I didn't know if I wanted the answer. But I knew in my heart, I NEEDED to know the answer. Otherwise I would never move out of this rut I was in. Not knowing how he felt about me was holding me back. If he felt things for me, maybe I would be brave enough to move this gravy train forward. If not, then I would have to accept it and move on. But at least I would know. I nodded my head sharply. He sighed. "O.K. I feel very confident when you're with me, like I can take on the world and succeed as long as you are with me. I don't usually feel as though I deserve good things in my life, but you ... you make me feel like I do. Like I must have done something right in order for you to still be with me. I feel ... protective of you ... often. I can't help it. I feel that way because I know what it's like to be without you. It was hell on earth and I never want to go through that again. I don't think I would survive it again. I feel aggravated sometimes." He stopped here and smiled. "I want so much for you to believe me sometimes. But I realized a while ago that as long as you believe in ME, I don't care if you believe the things I believe. You make me feel safe and secure and worthwhile." He paused. "I'm a better man because of you, Scully and I feel indebted to you for that." "Sometimes ... often ... I feel excited." He closed his eyes. "I just see you ... move a certain way sometimes and it sets my heart racing and my chest gets tight." He panted a little. "Sometimes ... you make me feel so ... aroused I think I'm going to scream." He erupted with mirthless chuckle then, keeping his eyes closed. "Sometimes ... the few times I've gotten to hold you in my arms, I've felt like ... I don't know. Like I was home. Like everything was right with the world, for that moment at least." I felt the sting of tears behind my eyes. Oh God, he was really telling me, in detail. And it was overwhelming me. O.K., Dana. Stay calm. You asked for this, I thought. He swallowed harshly and opened his eyes. Our eyes immediately locked together. And then he dropped the bomb. "And when I look in your eyes, and I think I can see your soul ... so beautiful ... with your pure heart ... and your limitless compassion ... and I know then. I know then that I'm so in love with you, that ... there's no turning around. There's never gonna be anyone else ... for me. I will have you ... or I will have ... no one." With surprise, I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks. I hadn't even felt them begun to fall. He closed his eyes again. "So that's the long answer. The short answer ..." He leaned his head back on the sofa armrest. "The short answer, Scully, is that I love you, every possible way there is to love someone. As a colleague, as a best friend, as a woman, and as a ... soul mate." He stayed that way, not opening his eyes. He smiled suddenly. "Whew! I don't know about you but I feel better now!" I giggled. I couldn't help it. I swiped my tears on my robe, all the emotions churning inside me finally roiling up in a little bubble of hysteria. I took deep breaths but couldn't stop giggling. He opened his eyes and lifted his head, biting his lower lip to keep from laughing with me. "That is ... that is ..." I hiccuped. "Un ... believable, Mulder." He just smiled gently. "Why?" "Still not your turn," I blurted out. And we both started laughing again. It felt so good. "Well, I guess I should count my blessings that you are not telling me to drag my ass out of here." "I don't know what to say," I blurted out. "I don't want the knowledge to make you uncomfortable, Scully. You knew already, anyway. Didn't you? Little scary hearing it out loud though, huh?" I nodded. "I wasn't ... sure. I ... we'll talk about that later. I still have ... questions." "O.K., let it go for now. That's an all night conversation all by itself." He seemed so calm and unruffled by your declaration. I may have seemed calm on the outside now, but my insides were in turmoil. My guts were rumbling, causing a slow, deep ache to rise up in my abdomen. It was harder to breathe and I was so tired that I suddenly felt dizzy. I set my glass down on the coffee table a little harder than I planned and winced. He sat up quickly reaching for me and I forestalled him with my hands. "Just tired," I squeaked out. "Maybe we should continue this tomorrow after about 12 hours of sleep." "Yeah, maybe." I needed some more time. I needed to think about what had already been said. I'd only made it through ten questions. Not that he wouldn't let me ask more but not without having his turn and I didn't really know if I was up for that. I stood gingerly. "Promise you won't wimp out on my tomorrow?" He chuckled. "I promise. Scully?" "What?" "We're O.K., aren't we? I haven't ruined everything by answering that question a little 'too' honestly, have I? I was too tired to be circumspect." He said this as if it was a fault. "No, we're O.K. I'm just so tired, that I'm dizzy and I can't think anymore. I can't process this right now." He nodded and frowned, obviously worried that I was running away because of what he had said. I hadn't returned the sentiment either, I realized. I wasn't quite prepared to do that yet. I stepped to him and tousled his hair gently to reassure him. The question in his eyes was clear, 'Are we really O.K.?' I smiled and nodded. Then for good measure said, "We're O.K., Mulder." He nodded again, smiling gently and scooted down to lay on the couch. I made my way slowly to the bedroom, wondering at the desire to ask him to come in here with me. I pushed it down. I was too tired to think straight. Best not to make any life altering decisions just now, I thought. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX PART 2 (R ) DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT SATURDAY, 1:00 AM I'm so tired. And I'm out of my mind. I just told my partner that I loved her. Just like that. Blurted it out at the end of a recitation about all the things that she makes me feel. I was terrified after I said it, waiting for her to tell me to leave. But she didn't. She didn't reciprocate of course. I didn't expect her to. I shouldn't have told her. I should have withheld that part, but somehow, I couldn't. It was time. I'm exhausted from trying to hide how I feel about her. I can't do it anymore. For all my fears about her leaving me eventually, I feel an odd sense of relief, as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. They say that as human beings, we are only as sick as our secrets. By that criteria, I'm one sick son of a bitch. I have more secrets than truths known about me. But that secret, that I'm in love with my partner and have been for some time, that was my biggest secret. I hid it from everyone. I hid it from the Gunmen, although they probably figured it out. I hid it from Skinner and all my co-workers, but most of all, I hid it from her. I hid it from her, knowing that I shouldn't. Being a psychologist, I know how harmful it can be to pine away for someone. I know how harmful it can be to ignore your feelings. I was told by a spiritual advisor once that your feelings are your soul trying to talk to you and tell you the path to take. My soul has been screaming for years, and I have turned a deaf ear again and again, unwilling to face the consequences, the unknown. I've been unwilling to risk what I have in order to maybe have unparalleled joy. I've also heard it said that those who experience great sorrow are the only ones capable of experiencing great joy. If that's the truth I should be able to reach nirvana without so much as a shove from the outside world. Bring it on! I thought. I'm ready, been ready, any time now would be good! I really should sleep. I really need to sleep, but I can't. She went to bed about a half an hour ago and I haven't been able to relax since. She's in the other room, snug in her bed and all I can think about is how much I would love to crawl in with her. I don't want to attack her, I just want to hold her. I wasn't exaggerating when I said that when I held her everything seemed right with the world. I know that she is the only person who could bring me joy. She is the only one that I could ever hope to have a meaningful romantic relationship. And yet, she is the one woman that I am not supposed to want. She is the one woman that is the least likely to ever return my feelings. I am a crazy cat sometimes. I know it. I don't deny it. I run on my guts and instincts more often than not, despite the fact that I have a functioning intellect. She on the other hand is the soul of intellect. It guides her, dictates her behavior and establishes the boundaries that I've never been brave enough to try and breech. I'm still here. She didn't throw me out. She didn't really say anything at all except that I surprised her. She giggled when I told her I felt better now, having told her. It was a sound I have rarely heard from her. I can count on one hand the amount of times that I have heard her giggle. Maybe on both hands, I could count the amount of times I've seen her laugh. I don't mean smirk, or chuckle, I mean really laugh, belly laugh. The way she looked at me when she came into the living room. I didn't miss it. I am an investigator after all. And unbeknownst to anyone, my main area of interest is something I call the study of 'Scullyisms". My eidetic memory comes in handy for this. I have a rolodex of expressions, separated by eye and lip movements and various combinations thereof. I know the meaning of them all. It's what allows us to communicate silently so many times. Her expression, the combination of eyebrow, eye position and lip movement will tell me everything I need to know about what was going on in her head. But just a short hour ago or so, I saw an expression I didn't recognize. I was surprised and immediately began to study her face, adding the look to the portfolio in my head. I didn't know what it was, until I saw her eyes sweep my torso and travel back up to my face. I couldn't breathe there for a second or two as I realized she was checking out my body. I've never been Mr. Universe, never will be. But I was an athlete and I've done my best to stay in shape. I run, I swim and stretch on a regular basis to stay limber. Scully has never given any indication that she gives two shits about my body, so I've never been overly concerned with covering it up in her presence, beyond the dictates of normal propriety. In two seconds flat I was self-conscious about my body for the first time since I was a teenager, because it was HER looking at it. And I was frozen. I didn't dare move as she approached me. I still didn't know if the expression meant she liked what she saw or she was indifferent, but it was the 'face of Scully checking out a body', and not as a doctor either. Hope had soared in my chest. I never thought she'd ever even consider looking at me that way. She confirmed it when I sat down on the couch and she swept her eyes over my body again, causing heat to flicker over my skin. I had instantly grown hard right before her eyes. She'd actually been surprised by that. It's amazing to me. She has absolutely no idea how beautiful she is to men, and especially to me. It's part of her charm. And she's especially attractive to me because I know what's inside. She has a pure heart, a strong constitution, an unshakable faith in the work we do. And most of all, she has faith in me and our quest. Our quest? Yes, it is now, thanks to me. I've tainted that pure heart. She's lied for me, omitted for me, fudged reports to cover for me. She is no longer the purely honest, idealistic woman who walked into my office seven years ago. God job, Mulder. You put her faith in a blender, her science under a microscope instead of the other way around and you yanked the foundations of her behavior right out from underneath her. And yet, she stayed. She's still with you, still here, still fighting. Amazing. I had to go look at her. I knew I shouldn't but I couldn't seem to help myself. If she knew how many times I'd watched her sleep, she would probably beat me senseless. I stood and made my way carefully to her door, my bare feet making no sound on her shag carpet. She had left the door open. That surprised me slightly. Did she know I would come? Don't be ridiculous, I tell myself. I moved so slowly, I was irritating myself, but I didn't want to wake her. I stopped about three feet from the side of the bed. Her face was turned away from me and she was laying on her back. One hand rested on her stomach, the other rested on the pillow by her head. Her long lashes cast shadows on her high cheekbones as the moonlight filtered in through the blinds and cast stripes of soft light across the bed. Her hair was splashed against the white of her pillow. The pillow only slightly whiter than her skin. Her breathing was deep and even, she was deep in the arms of Morpheus, looking like an angel. She was wearing a large gray tee shirt. The sheet and comforter covered her from the navel down. She was so beautiful, it took my breath away. I don't know how long I stood there, watching her breathe. But her eyes began to move behind her eyelids and she hummed in the back of her throat. I watched, utterly fascinated as her nipples hardened under the tee shirt. Her jaw worked slowly up and down and then she turned her head to face the ceiling. A couple of seconds later, she groaned, low and soft and her head tipped back against the pillow. Her hands balled into fists, grappling for purchase on the contour sheet and finding none. She whimpered in frustration. Should I wake her? Her dream might wake her. I should leave now before she wakes. I turned and stealthily made my way to the door. One step from leaving I heard something that stopped me in my tracks. Her sleep voice was breathy, soft and low, a tone I knew I'd never heard before. It was so soft I barely heard it. But being tuned in for every sound in my determination not to wake her, I heard it. "Muull...deerr, yes." I froze for all of two seconds and found myself turning on my heel against my better judgment to look over my shoulder at her. Her torso arched just slightly off the bed and lowered back down and saw her hips move slightly under the covers. She hummed again, pursing those lush, full lips together. Blood rushed into my groin so quickly I felt a wave of dizziness. She was so unearthly beautiful. Her brow scrunched slightly, and her head rolled from one side and back to the other. In the same tone, touched with a bit of fear she murmured, "Mulder... don't ..." Don't? Don't what? Don't hurt me? Don't leave? Don't touch me? Was she in pain? Was she dreaming of being hurt, of being trapped? I was overwhelmed suddenly that she was dreaming about me at all in any capacity. I wouldn't have thought that I was on her mind that much when she was apart from me. Then again, I was sleeping in her apartment, or so she thought when she came in here. Then she continued, low, her voice barely able to be heard even in the stillness that enveloped the room. "Don't ... don't stop." Don't stop? Don't stop what? Oh Jesus, could she be dreaming about me touching her? My heart rate accelerated suddenly and I turned to face her fully. Her hand wandered to her breast, not grasping but just traveling her palm over it and back down. She moaned slightly and uttered, "Yes ... [hummm] ... touch .... me." I was panting now. She was dreaming about me! And she wasn't afraid of me, or for me. She wasn't telling me to leave or yelling at me for leaving without her or worried about me when I was hurt. No, she was dreaming about me ... touching her. Oh God. Could she want me that way? I was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. I couldn't walk away, I couldn't stop looking and listening. I felt myself moving towards the bed. I couldn't stop myself. This was very dangerous. I should leave. I should leave. I should leave. I can't. I approached the bed slowly and sat slowly and gingerly on the edge, watching her face. She mewled a bit, her tongue darting out to lick her lips. I bit my tongue to prevent the moan that wanted to escape my throat. "Mulder ..." I whispered, just as softly, "What?" She went still, her brow furrowing again. She eyes moved rapidly behind her lids but then slowed. "I ... want ..." It was insane, but I asked anyway, asked her sleeping form, "What do you want, Scully? Tell me." She whimpered again and her head moved back and forth as though she was saying 'No.' Then she took a breath and said two words that made my world come to a screetching halt. "You ... Mulder." Have you ever had one of those moments of revelation? One of those incredibly lucid moments where you know exactly what was meant to be? This was one of those astonishing disclosures of information. But she was dreaming, she could be meaning something different than what I wanted this to mean. Was I just interpreting this the way I wanted to? Or was I witnessing a secret of Dana Scully's? She moaned and murmured my name again and I was struck with a odd feeling of disorientation. I had to know. It was time for more than one revelation between us. I'd revealed my truth to her earlier. It was only fair that she reveal her feelings to me. I knew I was just justifying what I was about to do, what I could no longer stop myself from doing. I leaned over and placed a butterfly kiss on her forehead. Her brow smoothed. I brushed my lips over first one eyelid and then the other. Her breathing became shallow and a little faster than before. I placed my hands on either side of her head and leaned over to shower her face with little kisses. She stirred, still not awake. But then her hands reached for me and her cool, little palms landed on my burning chest. She shuddered and her eyes snapped open to find me looming above her head. She gasped and gave a little yelp, yanking her hands away to clasp them between her breasts. Then shook her head as if to clear it. She made as if to sit up and I gently placed a palm on her shoulder. "Mulder? What are you doing? What are you doing in here for that matter?" she asked. I didn't move for a couple of seconds, hovering a couple of inches from her face. "You were dreaming," I said softly. "Did I wake you? I'm sorry." "No, I couldn't sleep. I was awake. You said my name, Scully." She smiled sadly at me. "You never sleep enough, Mulder. You have to try." I could tell she was slightly disconcerted at my closeness, but not enough to ask me to move. I smiled at her. "What were you dreaming about?" Her eyes closed but then she flushed pink from her neck to her hairline. "I don't ... I don't remember." She struggled to sit now and I relented slightly, enough so she could sit, but my hands remained flat on the bed on either side of her thighs. We were still only inches apart. I realized she was wearing one my tee shirts and I felt my smile widen. I couldn't resist saying, "Nice tee shirt." She flushed a darker shade of pink. Her hands came up to smooth her hair out of her face. I lifted a hand and gently tucked her stray lock of bangs behind her ear, letting my finger tips linger and then slide down behind her ear and trace the tendon in her neck. She shivered and her head dipped to her shoulder as though I'd tickled her. I probably had. She looked over my shoulder. "You should try to sleep, Mulder. I'm just going to get a drink of water and then go back to sleep myself." Softly, I asked her again, ignoring her comment. "What were you dreaming about, Scully?" "I told you, I don't remember." "Look at me." She turned her head slowly to meet my eyes. She blinked rapidly and pressed her lips together. It was Scully's fibbing face. I knew it well. Usually she used it when she was not ready to tell me something yet, some little thing that she didn't want me to know for whatever reason. I usually let it go. Not this time. "You're fibbing, Ms. Scully." She shook her head in the negative. I shook mine slowly in the affirmative. "Yes, you are. You never could lie very well." "Mulder, what are you doing in here?" "Answer the question, Scully." "No! Why should I?" "Ahhh, so you do remember?" "No! I ..." She looked down at her lap, wringing her hands slightly. Seeing Scully flustered was a rare thing. I was feeling a surge of protectiveness flow through me at the sight of it. This always happened when she was upset for any reason. My groin receded slightly. I placed two fingers on her chin and lifted her face to lock my eyes to hers again. "Just answer me this ... be honest ... and then I'll leave you alone. O.K.?" She nodded hesitantly. "Were you dreaming about me ... touching you?" Her eyes went wide and she pulled her chin out of my hand. "I ... Mulder, what did I say?" "Were you? Just answer me." She turned back to me slowly and took a fast deep breath and blurted, "Yes! O.K.? Happy now, Mr. Nosey? No go back on the couch!" She grabbed at the covers but I was sitting on them. I leaned in to her ear and whispered. "I dream about you all the time, Scully." I was steadily growing hard again. I actually saw her shudder. I was going to leave, despite how much my mind and body were screaming for me to stay. But I needed to give her a few more revelations before the evening was over. It was the wee hours of the morning, after all and I should let her sleep. It was my fault she was awake in the first place. I nuzzled her hair. Feeling the gossamer spider web strands of her soft hair, fall across my cheek it was my turn to shiver. I made no attempt to suppress it. I wanted her to see how she affected me. "Someday, Scully, if you're ever ready ... I would love to touch you. It's all I think about sometimes. I can't lie to you anymore, Scully. I want you. I've wanted you for a long time. And I ... I just can't ... I won't hide it anymore. When ... if ... you ever want that too ... just ask, or just ... touch me. I'll be there. I'm not going anywhere. I hope you won't either." "Mulder, please!" I relented, leaning back and looking at her face. She was frightened. I don't think she was afraid of me. I think she was afraid of what was happening between us. I'd opened up a can of worms by telling her I loved her. Now I was telling her I wanted her. I wanted her to think about that. I wanted her to imagine it. I had gotten really brave then and leaned forward to lightly capture her bottom lip between mine, giving it a quick squeeze between my lips and dragging my mouth away. She gasped. I teased her then, "Sorry, I just had to have a little taste." That little touch and my groin was throbbing again. I was at nearly full mast. Her eyes went wide then. I smiled and slowly stood up. Her eyes swept my body again. I faced her, making no attempt to hide the bulge in my boxer briefs. Her eyes flicked to it again then away. She fell back on the bed with a sigh of relief. She knew I was going to leave her alone ... for now. Just wait, Scully. Just you wait. The time is at hand now, my friend. There's no turning this rig around. I'm shifting gears. My voice was lower than usual when I said, "Good night, Scully. Sweet dreams." I saw the corners of her mouth turn up as I turned away and made my way, not to the couch but to the bathroom. I turned on her shower and jumped in and immediately starting jerking myself off. There was no way I was going to sleep with a hard on like this. I braced myself against the stall with my left hand and stroked myself hard and fast thinking about her mouth opening on my name and uttering the words, 'touch me.' I spurted quickly and harshly a within two minutes and sighed in relief, making sure to wash all evidence down the drain. I shut off the shower, dried off quickly, putting on my boxers and making my way back out of the couch. I laid down, unable to wipe the smile off my face and fell into a deep sleep for the first time in over a week. XXXXXXXXXXXXXX PART 3 (R ) DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT SATURDAY, 10:00 AM I slept, but restlessly for the remainder of the night. It took me almost an hour to fall back asleep last night after Mulder's little wake up visit. I was mortified that he had discovered my secret. I dreamt about him all the time. Funny, it usually didn't happen when he was around, like on the road and such. It usually happened when we were apart for the evening or after several days. The dreams had increased in frequency and intensity over the years. They had started out as dreams of hugging and cuddling each other through the night. Then they advanced to dreams of kissing and fondling. They were full blown erotic dreams now where he would worship my body and make love to me. Yes, I had always considered those dreams far removed from reality. Seems that wasn't the case. I was laying there awake, knowing I should get up. I never lay around in bed like this. But I was fearful of what I would face when I left the security of these blankets and ventured into my living room. He told me loved me, he's in love with me. I don't know what to do about that. Do about that? Listen to me, as if there is anything I can DO about it. I was dreaming that he was kissing me, touching my breasts. I was encouraging him. Oh God, what had I said out loud? His name, he said that, but I know that wasn't all. I must have said something to indicate that this was not a dream about one of our cases or even one of platonic origins. I never used to talk in my sleep. As the stress in my life increased after becoming an FBI agent, it began. I'd lost count of the number of nights I'd woken myself up yelling or talking or fighting with someone. I was so reserved and under control during the day, biting my tongue and behaving with consummate professionalism, that at night, all those frustrations were released. In my sleep, I could fight with the people that I couldn't fight with during the day. I could tell them exactly what I thought of them and stand up for myself ... in my dreams. Apparently I was sexually frustrated too, because these dreams were regular visitors now. I'd had mornings where I couldn't look Mulder in the eye because I'd woken up that morning shuddering from an orgasm that 'Dream Mulder' had given me. How embarrassing. It was a matter of time before I needed the real thing. I knew that. I'd been thinking about that lately. I needed a man. I needed one bad. It had been far too long since I'd felt a hard body against mine. My frustration was starting to affect my ability to concentrate and focus on things that required me to concentrate and focus. I was constantly preoccupied. How I had hidden all this from my partner, I have no clue. Years of repressing my deepest desires had served me well in that arena. He hadn't had a clue. Even when he told me he loved me last night, the look on his face told a story. He didn't expect me to feel the same way. He didn't expect me to have a positive reaction. I think he was just relieved that I didn't have a negative one. I could see the relief on his face when I just said I was going to bed. He thought I was going to ask him to leave. I read it clearly. I woke up with my palms on his chest! Oh lord. The feel of his skin was still imprinted on my palms. I made fists with my hands remembering the smooth, hardness of the muscles on his chest. He'd been kissing me in my dream. He was teasing my face with barely there kisses. Was that a dream or had it been reality? Had that been what wakened me? Had he been kissing me? I shuddered at the very thought of it. He loves me. I'm having a little trouble wrapping my mind around that. I mean, I knew he loved me, in some way, but I thought it was a deep, respectful, friendship kind of love. I was surprised that I turned him on by looking at his body. It never occurred to me that he would find me physically attractive. I've seen the women that draw his eyes. They are always tall and willowy, with dark hair and eyes, and large breasts. What was I going to do? I wanted him so badly but I was afraid I wouldn't be what he expected. I wasn't sure if I would be able to let go and really give myself to him totally. And I knew Mulder, he would accept nothing less than my total surrender. As with everything he did, he did it all the way or not at all. That was his nature. Moderation was not in this man's vocabulary. I had no reason to believe that being involved with me would be any different. He had already managed to tie me to him with bonds of friendship stronger than I had ever experienced in my life. I sighed loudly. I had to move, face the music. I heard him moving around out there and knew that he wouldn't come in here again and wake me. He'd said his piece last night. Now the ball was in my court. I knew it. I had the ball. Now I just had to figure out what to do with it. Did I want to play with my ball? Or did I want to just hold on to it for a little while longer. I groaned as I rolled to the edge of the bed and let my legs dangle off the edge. The noise in the other room stopped for several seconds and then began again. What was that smell? Coffee? He must be making coffee. No such luck that he would just leave while I slept and give me some time to contemplate this whole situation. No, he was going to make me face it. He wanted me. That was what he said. I felt a rush of heat in my abdomen as I replayed the sound and feel of those words trickling into my ear. His voice was low and raspy with desire, for me! Oh man, this was not going to be easy. Was this crossing of the line inevitable? I think it was, but now that the moment had arrived ... I was scared shitless. I wanted him to take this decision away from me. I wanted him to just grab me and kiss me and suck all my will power away. Why? So I could then claim to be innocent of provoking the event if I decided to back away later? Probably, and that wasn't fair. I knew it. He knew it too. That's why he'd put the ball in my court and he was going to make me declare the next move. He was forcing me to make this decision. In all fairness, he'd rocked my world last night and earlier this morning. It had been a totally unexpected revelation that we had quite suddenly and abruptly stepped over the line. Me and my stupid questions. I still had ten left to ask if we were to continue this game. Was I ready for that? Screw the game. Look how much trouble it had gotten me into already. I stood and make my way to the bathroom, quickly showering and dressing in a sweater and worn out jeans. I padded barefoot into the living room. He wasn't there. I looked around but then heard sounds in the kitchen and the unmistakable sound of sizzling. I walked to the door of the kitchen and leaned against the door jam, watching him move with grace around my kitchen. Naturally he knew where everything was. There was something telling in that little fact that I didn't really want to examine too closely just now. Coffee was percolating. Bacon was frying on the skillet. Another frying pan was set out and eggs were waiting on the counter. He was wearing an old pair of sweats that he kept in a travel bag in my hall closet. He was shirtless. The expanse of his broad shoulders and back captured my gaze. I watched the muscles move in his back as he deftly flipped the bacon on the skillet and laid the tongs down on the spoon rest. He moved to the fridge and grabbed some milk. He saw me out of the corner of his eye as he straightened. "Oh, morning Scully, I hope you don't mind. I'm starving. I'll cook you something too." He was totally casual. Not what I expected. What did I expect? A smoldering gaze like the one I got last night? Was I disappointed? I cleared my throat. "No, of course I don't mind. I like mine over hard." He grinned. "Over hard, huh? Don't like things light and soft?" I choked slightly as I realized he had slid right into the ever present innuendo. He even made cooking eggs into a tease. I surprised myself when I blurted out, "No Mulder, I like all my meat firm and well done." This time he choked and I couldn't hold back the giggle that spurted through my lips. He grinned at me, seemingly very pleased that I would give it back to him. I usually didn't tease back, not that blatantly anyway. I usually gave him a mock dirty look and rolled my eyes, pretending he was crude and immature. In actuality, I loved it when he teased me. He turned back to the stove. "Firm and well done it is, my lady," he quipped, cracking two eggs into the pan which was already warming on the burner. He placed the cooked bacon on a plate covered with a paper towel to soak up the grease. I moved around the counter to stand next to him. "Do you want milk?" "Huh? Oh, I was going to but now the coffee's almost done. I guess I'll wait for that. I put the milk back in the fridge and moved to make the coffee. I prepared my own cup and his, thinking again that we did know such much about each other. Little things we knew, like how we liked our coffee, what insecurities we were each sensitive about. But there were so many things we didn't know. Suddenly, I had another revelation. Seemed they were striking like lightening during an electrical storm over the last twelve hours or so. I wanted to know. I wanted to know every little thing about this mysterious, dark, intriguing, brilliant man standing in my kitchen half dressed and calmly cooking me breakfast. Mulder was cooking me breakfast. This was a first as well, I realized quite suddenly. I hadn't even really considered that he might know how to cook anything at all, even eggs. All I ever saw was take out at his place and when we were on the road, we ate out. "Are you a good cook, Mulder?" "Huh? What was that Scully?" he asked as he flicked his wrist, neatly turning my eggs over and smashing the yolks in the process. "Question 11, are you a good cook?" He grinned. "Ahhh, still want to play do you? Well, yeah, I guess I'm a decent cook. I don't know if I'm a good one, but I can get by. I just hate cooking for just myself you know? I hate eating alone, always have. I don't know why, really. Maybe because when I was growing up, my parents would always fight at the dinner table and end up storming away and leaving me sitting there to eat by myself." I frowned, considering what a rotten childhood he had experienced. He'd had all the privileges, everything money could buy, the ivy league school, the good clothes. But his parents had shown him no affection, no love. He turned to see the frown on my face. "Hey, Scully. I didn't say that to make you sad, I was just commenting on a possible reason for my desire for company when I eat." "I know, Mulder. Sorry. I just get sad sometimes when I think about how rotten your parents were to you." He smiled a sad, little smile. "That's a long time ago, Scully. I know they were horrible at expressing any kind of encouragement or affection, but they did the best they could with what they had. Unfortunately, they didn't have much." This was said without rancor, just as a statement of fact. "I don't hate them anymore. They're both dead, little point in hating them now. I pity them actually. They never knew the meaning of true friendship. They lived a life of lies and secrets. They never knew real love, I don't think, even for each other, even in the beginning. We all loved Sam. That was probably the only genuine love any of us experienced. We all loved her unconditionally, she was the baby of the family." "After she was gone, ... so was all the love." He shrugged. I found myself drawn to him again, just as I was last night. I stepped behind him and placed my palms flat on his back. He shivered slightly and slid my eggs onto a plate. Cracking another two into the pan. I delighted in the play of his muscles moving over his shoulders as he worked. He was so ... solid. His skin was smooth and warm and felt wonderful under my hands. I found them wandering slightly back and forth, taking in the texture of his skin. He went still and I could hear him breathing quickly. The only sound was the eggs frying in the pan. I sighed and stepped away. "Better finish your eggs, Mulder, or they'll burn." "Yeah ... uh, yeah," he stuttered. I felt a rush of tingling excitement, realizing that I had surprised him. My touch had affected him. The feel of my hands on his back had unnerved him slightly. I wanted to do it again. I liked Mulder unnerved. But now was not the time. I carried our coffee and my eggs to the table. I returned for the plate of bacon and then sat down at one end of the table and began to eat. The eggs were perfect and I began to wolf them down, realizing that I was a lot hungrier than I had thought. He turned with his own plate and grinned at me shoveling the food into my mouth. I stopped chewing, swallowing suddenly. I was embarrassed for no particular reason. He sat down slowly. "Don't stop on my account. I love to see you enjoy your food. You don't eat enough usually." "I do so!" "Rabbit food, while good for you, is not considered a well rounded diet, Scully. Woman cannot live on lettuce alone!" I chuckled and then quipped. "Well, that rabbit food as you called it, allows me to stay a decent weight and be in shape for our job. I do a lot of running since I joined up with you, Mulder. I don't want to be left behind. I have to watch my figure." He leered at me and I felt it coming before the innuendo made it out of his mouth. "Oh, don't worry, Scully, I'll watch your figure. I do it all the time anyway." I coughed lightly and focused on my plate, feeling the blush wash over my face. He chuckled a little and began eating his eggs. We finished eating in silence and then we stood and just as silently did the dishes. I poured us each another cup of coffee and we wandered into the living room. He said lightly, "You were wearing my tee shirt last night." I looked at him sharply, wondering why he had brought it up. It was another dirty little secret of mine that he had discovered. I'd pilfered several of his tee shirts. I even had a few ruined dress shirts that I'd kept because they smelled like him and they were comforting when I couldn't sleep. No wonder I dreamt about the man. I went to sleep half the nights surrounded by his smell. "Yeah," I barely whispered. He smiled. "Got any more of them hanging around?" I jumped into action, relieved that he hadn't pursued WHY I was wearing one of his shirts. I trotted into the bedroom and opened my dresser draw and pulled out one of the ten tee shirts of his that I'd stolen over the years. I heard him come in behind me and slammed the drawer shut, whirling around and holding the shirt out to him as I went to speed past him. He darted his hand out and clasped my shoulder. I stopped dead in my tracks, my escape thwarted. "Thanks, Scully." I looked at him then. He had an amused smile on his face. He tossed the shirt onto the bed and strolled to my dresser. "What are you doing, Mulder?!" I sounded over excited. He simply reached down to the second drawer and drew it open. I knew what he was seeing, two piles of his tee shirts. He stared into the drawer for several seconds and then slowly closed it. He turned and locked his gaze to mine. He smiled a knowing smile. Damn him! The man had no sense of boundaries and privacy. He lazily picked up the shirt and pulled it over his head, tousling his still semi damp hair. He ran his fingers through it making it spike up all over his head. I made my escape to the living room. I was sitting on the couch, coffee in hand when he approached and sat next to me. He usually sat on the opposite end of the couch. This time, though, he sat in the middle, leaving him a mere five or six inches away from me. He was not going to make this easy for me. He was going to keep teasing me, making sure I knew of his presence until I cracked. If he only knew just how aware I was of him whenever he was in a room, he wouldn't have been bothering to push into my personal space. I glanced at him and he grinned at me. "I'll replace it for you tomorrow." "Mulder, I don't ... that's not necessary ... it's your tee shirt, for Christ's sake!" I stuttered out. He grinned wider. "I know, but you seem to like them and who am I to deprive you of my clothing. You can steal any of my clothing that you like ... any time." The invitation in that comment was explicit and clear. I looked away, swallowing harshly, suddenly feeling like crying and fleeing his presence. This was all too much. I couldn't figure this out now. "Mulder, I can't do this right now." "Do what?" "This!" I waved a hand between us, hoping he would understand. He sighed and retreated to his corner of the couch. I sighed in relief, still not able to look at him. At least I couldn't feel his body heat anymore. That was a relief. Paradoxically, I missed it dreadfully. What the hell was wrong with me? The silence was heavy and he sat, sipping his coffee and waiting for me to talk. I opened my mouth several times, but then closed it again. I was wondering how to tell him to give me some time to process this. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Finally, he sighed loudly, setting his coffee mug on the table. "Look, Scully. I told you last night that I didn't want the knowledge of my feelings to make you uncomfortable. But it seems that's exactly what I've done. I'm sorry. I didn't ... I didn't want it to go this way. I shouldn't have teased and I don't ... I don't mean to push you into a conversation that you're obviously not ready to have. I just hoped ... I want so much ... I just ... forget it." He stood and walked into the kitchen. I heard his mug clank into the sink. He was upset and I hadn't said a word. How many times had my silence hurt him? My unwillingness to share my own feelings hurt him? Shit! I had to say something. He reemerged with an empty grocery bag from under my sink. He knew where they were too. He walked to the chair by the couch and tossed his clothes from yesterday into the bag. He made his way to his coat, hanging on the coat rack and slung it over his arm. He said, "I'll get going now. I'll talk to you later, O.K.?" He waited, his hand on the door knob, waiting for me to say something. I was overwhelmed with a slight feeling of panic. He was leaving! He was going to walk out of here, just like last night and I didn't want him to go. But today was different. If he walked out of here, what would happen tomorrow or on Monday? Would we be uncomfortable again. This was silly. I had no reason to be uncomfortable around Mulder. He would never do anything out of line that I didn't ask him to do. I knew that. But my heart fluttered in my chest every time I thought about Mulder being 'inappropriate or out of line' with me. I was scared. He mumbled, "Well, I'll call you ... tomorrow or something." He turned the knob and heard myself whisper. "I'm scared, Mulder." He stopped and turned to face me, waiting. I still couldn't look at him just yet. "Don't go." He hung his jacket slowly and set the bag with his clothes down. He hesitated and then walked slowly back to the couch. He looked tentative but then sat in the corner of the couch, one leg curled under him and facing me. He was silent, and waited patiently. "I still have nine questions to ask." He laughed then, choking out an abrupt bark of laughter. His mirth died as suddenly as it started and he went silent again waiting. Finally, he said. "Well, ask me a question, then. We aren't going to get very far if neither of us talks." I nodded, licking my lips. I turned to him to find his eyes riveted to my lips. My mouth was suddenly dry and I licked my lips again and then took a sip of my coffee. He make a quick humming noise and then cut it off. I turned again to find him staring off into space, looking over my head toward the kitchen, avoiding looking at me. I decided I better ask something quick before this degenerated into another uncomfortable silence. "Have you ever wanted ... to be married?" I asked suddenly, not even really knowing where that question came from. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his head whip back to face me. "Do you mean in general, have I ever wanted to be married? Or do you mean, is there anyone I've ever wanted to marry?" I cleared my throat. "I was just wondering if that was something that you wanted ... someday." "Yes," he said firmly, no hesitation. "I've always wanted it. Just never found any good candidates." I nodded again. "Is there anyone you ever wanted to marry?" "In the past or now?" "In the past." "No." "Now?" My breath hitched in my chest and I studied my coffee mug as though it were the most interesting thing I'd ever seen. "Hmmm, dangerous question, Scully." "I know. I guess I just want to know your ... views on this topic." "Oh, well, in that case ... yes, I want to be married ... someday. Yes, I now know who I would want that to be ... if ... if it ever came to that ... ever went that far." "What about children? Do you want any?" "Equally dangerous question." "Yes, but I need to know." I realized sort of peripherally, that I was getting these questions answered because they were germane to any long term relationship that I would get into. These issues were big ones that broke couples up all the time. If I were to cross that line with Mulder, I needed to know where he stood on these things. And I didn't. "O.K. I love children. I've thought about what it would be like to have them. But I was always afraid that I would mess it up. I mean, I didn't exactly have Ozzie and Harriet as role models. I don't really have the first clue about how to raise a kid, I just know my parents did a lousy job." He took a deep breath. "So, yes, I would like to have children someday." My heart sunk, knowing that I couldn't give that to him. Already, there was something that I could not give him that he wanted. But then he continued. "But do I NEED them to feel ... happy and fulfilled? No. I could easily live without children in my life. I wouldn't ... resent that I couldn't have them, or ... pine for them. If it happened, I would be happy about it, but if it didn't, that would be O.K., too." I looked at him, trying to gauge his sincerity. He looked me square in the eyes. "I know what your thinking, Scully, and I want you to stop it right now. It isn't an issue. The fact that you can't ... have children, in NO WAY affects the way I feel about you. It isn't an issue where we are concerned." "I didn't say it was," I blurted out. "You didn't have to. And besides, IF we ever got together ... and IF you wanted children, we could ... there's always adoption, Scully. And I'd do anything to make you happy. And IF ... adopting children would do that, then I would gleefully go along for the ride, if that's what you wanted ... with me." I knew my eyes were wide as saucers at that point, but I couldn't help it. He knew why I was asking these questions, that much was clear. But the fact that he would be willing to adopt children, and commit to raising them, just because it would make me happy was unbelievable. Did he really love me that much? My eyes grew moist as I watched him look at my face, a sad expression on his face. I knew what he was thinking too. He thought that my barrenness was his fault. It wasn't, but he'd made it clear in the past that he thought it was. "You're not saying that just because you feel that ... agreeing to that would ... somehow atone for your misguided belief that this ... condition is your fault, ... are you?" He looked at me, licking his lips. "No. I do think it's partially my fault. I always will, but that's not why I'm saying it. I'm saying it because ... " "Because?" "Because I love you Scully and I'd do anything for you. Haven't you figured that out by now?" The tears I'd been trying to blink back fell now and scudded down my cheeks, hot and large, soaking my face. He was instantly there and prying my coffee cup out of my hands. I let him have it and he set it on the table. Without hesitation, he wrapped me into his arms, turning me to fall against his chest. He scooted back, easily dragging my body with him and reclined against the armrest on a forty-five degree angle, my body sprawled on top of him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and held on tight. I knew I shouldn't do this right now. But I couldn't pull away. It felt too damn good to have his arms wrapped around me. He squeezed me tight and rocked me gently, cooing into my hair. "Shhh, don't cry, Scully. Don't cry. That wasn't supposed to make you cry!" I looked up from his chest to see his frown. He wiped at my tears with his thumbs, unable to keep up with the spillage. I hiccuped and felt silly but it brought a little smile to his face. His smile faded and the air was suddenly charged between us, crackling with suppressed energy that was zipping back and forth from his eyes to mine. He began to pant gently, not moving, my face hovering a couple inches from his. "Scully, ... I want to kiss you, Scully." I swallowed, licking my lips again. He closed his eyes briefly and opened them again, capturing my gaze again. "Scully ... please, just one kiss." He looked so lost at that moment. I could feel him start to tremble from holding back his desire. But he didn't loosen his grip. I could feel his breath, hot and moist against my chin. He drifted toward me, eyes flickering between my lips and my eyes, giving me ample chance to stop this. I should stop this. I wasn't ready. I looked at him again, seeing the colors swirl in his eyes, his eyelids growing heavy. Oh God, he was so sexy. I couldn't stop him. I couldn't. His lips touched mine, feather light, brushing carefully, then pulling away just a hair. He was panting lightly. He pressed those warm, soft lips to mine again, not demanding, just pressing. I felt a wave of warmth wash down my body. He moved his lips over mine, pulling my lips between his, sucking lightly. It was all over. I moaned as I felt desire rip through me. My mouth hung open and he was on me in a flash, crushing me to him, kissing me hard. His tongue flew inside and swirled around my tongue, painting my cheeks and the roof of my mouth with wet heat. I moaned again into his mouth and he deepened the kiss, humming low in the back of his throat. I lost sight of the rest of the room. All that existed at that moment was the man on my couch. He was my partner, my best friend, my savior more times than I cared to count ... and if I wanted, he could be my lover. Lover! I wanted him for a lover. Oh, how I wanted it. The desire was crashing through me now as he continued his assault. I felt him grow hard against my belly. Some ancient , primitive instinct made me grind my hips into him at that moment, because it wasn't my conscience decision. He broke the kiss then, groaning harshly and throwing his head back against the arm of the couch. "Oh God, Scully." His neck was exposed and I decided to stop thinking. My lips descended to his throat, sucking and nipping on the tendons there, licking his pulse until he undulated beneath me, pressing himself into me and making my body swell and grow soft in preparation for him. He choked out, "Scu...Scully, you have ... to stop." I stopped suddenly. Oh no! What if he didn't want this yet? What if he didn't want to ... wasn't ready ... He wasn't done. "If you don't stop, I'm not going to be able to." He smirked a self-deprecating smirk and said, "Thought it was only fair to warn you." I felt flooded with arousal and a sudden surge of confidence. I was unprepared for what a turn on it would be to turn him on. I always imagined what he could do to me. I never considered that I would have the same effect on him. But I was, and I realized that this was right. So right. Nothing had ever been so right. This could get real complicated. But right at that moment, I didn't care. I knew only that I wanted him with a fierce desire that I'd never experienced before. We stared at each other for several moments as these thoughts ran around in my head. He wilted against the couch, taking my silence as my answer. I got my knees under me and lifted off his body slightly, seeing a tear leak out of the corner of his eye. He definitely thought I was stopping this. Then he nearly levitated off the couch when I reached between us and cupped his hardness in my palm, squeezing gently. He shouted and bucked his hips off the couch, his eyes flying open. "Jesus, Scully!" I chuckled. My decision made, I looked him the eye and said the words from so many of my dreams. "Don't stop." He groaned and pulled me down on top of him again, pinning my arm between us. He pushed into my hand and I squeezed him firmly. He said, "Not here, Scully." I nodded and extricated myself from his grip. I stood gingerly and waited for him to do the same. Then I took his hand and led him into the bedroom. I stopped near the bed and turned to face him. His eyes were riveted on me, desire writ all over his face. Oh God, we were really going to do this. My only other thought was, 'Finally!' XXXXXXXXXXXXXX PART 4 (NC-17) DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT SATURDAY, 12:00 NOON She looked at me with an expression I didn't expect. It was look of relief. As if she hadn't been sure it could actually lead to this, us standing in her bedroom, me looking at her like she was chocolate covered cherry. I wasn't tired now. My body and mind were both wide awake. She stepped into me slowly and wrapped her arms around my waist. "Are you sure you're ready for this, Scully?" I asked. She mumbled, "Ready for what?" I felt a stab of panic and then registered that her voice had been a total tease and she was chuckling against my chest. She lifted my shirt and I yanked it over my head. Her lips contacted with my breastbone and her tongue came out to give me an open mouthed lick with the flat of her tongue. I shuddered and gasped out, "Scully, Jesus!" "You taste good." I nearly choked. I had meant to tease her, now that I knew she'd been admiring my body. But her roughly textured tongue lapping at my skin was more incredible than I had ever imagined. "Scully, you won't ... you won't regret this later ... will you?" She tilted her head back, her eyes dark, her lips puckered slightly. "Not a chance," she murmured. I smiled. "I still have five questions." I chuckled. "Still on that are we?" "Gives me an excuse to ask you things." "You don't need an excuse." "I know, but even though I want this, I'm ... still unsure." She was staring at my chest again, not meeting my eyes. "Unsure about what? If you're unsure, Scully, we should wait." "No, not unsure that way. Unsure what ... how I should ... start this." "Oh. However you want, Scully. I can't believe I'm standing here, so anything you do is going to be like a ... fantasy come true." She tilted her head up to look at me again. "What do you want to do ... first?" "I want to undress you." She smiled and nodded and stepped back a step, opening her arms to the side as if offering herself to me. I felt my heart beating out of control in my chest. I reached out and grasped the hem of her light weight sweater and pealed it upwards. She raised her arms and let me yank it over her head, tousling her hair as it fell back into place. The soft expanse of pure white skin revealed across her chest and abdomen were mesmerizing. I stared at her, my eyes wandering down to her navel and back up to her neck. I was breathing quickly and make an effort to slow it down. I didn't want to get overexcited yet and I didn't want to hyperventilate. That would certainly put a damper on things. I reached out and trailed my fingers over the top half of her breasts which were spilling over the top of her skimpy, little, white bra. She sucked in her breath and her eyes fluttered and closed. It was a heady feeling to see her react to me this way. How many times had I imagined this? Too many to count. I quickly unclasped her bra from its mooring in the front and without ceremony, pushed it down and off her arms. It fell to the floor. I sucked in a deep breath and blew it out through pursed lips as I gazed at her breasts, finally revealed to me after so many years. I'd seen them once before, when I pulled her out of that ship in the Antarctica, but let's face it. I was a little too preoccupied at the time to appreciate them. They were perfect. I decided I should tell her when I saw the look of apprehension flicker across her face. "You're so beautiful, Scully. They're perfect." She sighed as if in relief and I lowered my head to suck one pert nipple into my mouth and swirl my tongue around the hardened bud. She gasped and my other hand moved to her other breast, teasing the nipple with my thumb. She moaned and grabbed my head, holding me to her chest. I was bent over at a precarious angle, but hardly cared at this point. I moved to the other breast after lapping a few times at the first one and teased the other the same way. She hummed in the back of her throat. "Oh God, Mulder, that feels so good." "Hmmm," was all I could manage as I feasted on her little bud. I got coordinated and reached down to undo the fly of her jeans, pushing them past her hips. I had to release her breast to get them the rest of the way off. I heard her hiss as the cold air hit her damp nipple. "Uggg," she grunted. I snickered to myself. "Don't worry, Scully. I won't leave them alone for long." She giggled then and I enjoyed the sound of it as I kneeled down and reached for her panties. I yanked them down and braced her as she stepped out of them. I could see dampness on the bottom of her curls between her legs and licked my lips. I wanted to taste her but I didn't know how uninhibited Scully would be as a lover. This was our first time and I didn't want to overdo it or get too extravagant. She looked down and must have seen me staring at her apex and licking my lips because she asked. "What do you want to do, Mulder?" Her voice was low and sultry and I felt another surge of blood in my groin as my engorged flesh began to throb steadily. I glanced up at her and back at her juncture. "I want to go down on you. I want to taste you." She swayed slightly and I grabbed the back of her thighs to balance her. "Are you sure?" she whispered. "Most men hate to do that?" I smiled up at her. "Then they're fools, they don't know what they're missing." She grinned and sat on the bed. She made to scoot back but I stopped her and pulled her hips to the edge. I knelt down and placed her legs over my shoulders. She levered up onto her elbows to watch. I looked up at her as I smoothed my hands up the inside of her thighs and lowered my head. I smiled a fairly triumphant smile at her and she laughed, shaking her head as if amused. Knowing she was going to watch me excited me even more. Better make this good. I made an experimental lick from bottom to top, making sure that I hit her tight little bundle of nerves at the top. She bucked her hips slightly and then settled them back into the mattress. I used my thumb to maneuver first one lip and then the other, sucking each into my mouth and tasting the wetness that was glistening there. She mewled in the back of her throat. Then I opened her and leisurely pushed my tongue inside as far as it would go. She grunted softly and I began to swirl my tongue. "Oooohhhh," was all she said. I continued my assault, taking my time, sucking her wetness into my mouth. I backed away and looked at her as I swallowed. "Hhhhuuuhhhh," was the sound she made this time. She began worrying her lower lip with her teeth and it was adorable. I carefully slid my finger inside and began to massage the front wall of her tunnel. Jesus, she was tight in there. My cock throbbed in response, knowing how good it was going to feel when I sunk into her. He walls pulsed around my finger as I worked it in and out slowly. Shortly, I added a second finger and then used my free hand to pull the hood off her pleasure center and gently coax it out of the nest of curls surrounding it. It was hot and slick. She whimpered and I felt my balls cringe deliciously in response. Her head was thrown back, her eyes squeezed shut now, her chest heaving slightly with her panting. I lowered my mouth to her and gently sucked her clit into my mouth. She shouted, "Muullddeerr!" I used my free hand to hold her hips down and attacked in earnest. I sped up my fingers while sucking, nipping and licking her clit. About thirty seconds later she shouted again, "Mmuullddeerr, OhMyGooodddd!" I felt her walls pulse rapidly around my fingers. Her clit danced and vibrated against my lower lip as I sucked hard. She bucked hard into my face and I held fast, slowing my fingers and lapping at her nerves until she shuddered to a stop. I lifted my head and gently extracted my fingers, glorying in the gush of wetness that flowed out of her once my fingers were no longer blocking the way. She groaned and then sighed. I stood and leaned over her, kissing her tenderly. I pulled back to look at her. Her eyes opened and she gave me a lazy smile, her cheeks red, her chest flushed pink. She was still panting gently. "Mulder," she whispered my name with reverence and I felt my chest tighten. God, I loved this woman and I was so glad that I had been able to make her come that way. I knew it would be pleasurable for her whether she came or not. For women, it always felt good, but you couldn't always count on them coming from oral stimulation. She was so responsive to every touch and I was thrilled by it. I smoothed her damp bangs off her forehead and kissed her again. "So gorgeous, Scully. You're so beautiful to me." She kissed me hard then and then broke off to scoot back on the bed. I crawled after her, staying on all fours. She looked down as I sat back on my haunches. My dick was tenting my sweats and a wet spot had formed where I was leaking precum. "Lose the sweats, Mulder." I fell to my side and untied them, pushing them down and kicking them off the bed. I hadn't worn underwear as I didn't have any clean ones on me and I heard her suck in her breath. I looked up to find her eyes locked on my cock. I actually felt it swell even more, growing harder still and pulling up towards my abdomen. My balls felt tight and they were tingling with anticipation. She whispered, "My God, Mulder, I had no idea." I smiled a cocky smile at her. "No idea about what?" I asked, putting my most innocent face on. She smirked at me, knowing I knew exactly what she was referring to. I wasn't overly proud of my anatomy, but I'd been told it was above average, so it was one thing I hadn't been worried about in regard to being with her or any other woman. I wasn't a porn star but I wasn't small either. Besides, it was what you did with it that counted! She swallowed and raised her face to mine. "What now? What do want next?" she asked. I smirked. "That's 18, Scully, want to finish this game off, your side of it anyway." She nodded. "Are you sure you want me taking the reins on this?" She nodded again and said, "For now." She was letting me know that this was my choice now but that could change later. I felt a little sizzle of excitement at the thought of Scully being aggressive with me. I couldn't wait. God, I hoped she would be. "O.K.," I said slowly. "Tell me a fantasy, Mulder." I shivered and crawled up next to her and kissed her and then rolled over onto my back, pulling her from the side to my chest. I looked into her eyes, enjoying the feel of her naked skin against mine. I pulled her head down so I could whisper in her ear. "I want to feel your mouth on me." She shivered and I smoothed my hands over her back. "But you don't have to do it if it's something you don't ... like to do." I held my breath, nearly shaking with anticipation. Would she do it? I wanted it so badly. I'd fantasized so many times about her swollen red lips wrapped around the head of my cock. She lifted her head and gave me an impish smile, her eyes twinkling. I released my breath in a whoosh as she began to slide down my torso, kissing and licking her way down. I was moaning softly by the time she straddled my legs and reached for me. I nearly jumped out of my skin when her hand finally wrapped around the base of cock. She squeezed and I groaned. I decided to mimic her and lifted up onto my elbows to watch. She grinned at me and stuck her tongue out, slowly licking her lips. I began to pant with anticipation. He slowly lowered her head, making the anticipation almost unbearable. She flicked her tongue out and lapped at the head, swirling it around my glans and tasting the precum that was spreading there. I bucked slightly at that little contact and retreated into the bed. And then she proceeded to give me, bar none, the best blow job of my entire life. And I'd had a few. She sunk her mouth over me, nearly burning me with the heat of her mouth. Her tongue was strong as it lapped the underside and traced the veins, now bulging with blood. She squeezed her thumb and forefinger tightly around the base, using her fingers like a cock ring and I don't ever remember being that hard. I was throbbing so hard a pulsing ache was washing through my shaft as she began to retreat and descend. She sucked lightly at first but each stroke she sucked a little harder. Near the end, she was squeezing and sucking so hard, scraping her teeth lightly over my head at the top before sinking down again. So hard she was sucking, that my balls were vibrating, and my thighs trembled where they lay against her side, slightly raised. She kept me there, vibrating and trembling on the edge of orgasm for what seemed like forever. But that was longer than anyone had ever been able to keep me on the edge. I'd never been sucked so hard. I forced my eyes open to watch her. Her face was wild with intense concentration, her lips swollen, her cheeks hollowing with every stroke behind the force of her suction. Yet, I didn't come. Each time I felt that mighty throb in my shaft and balls that preceded a killer orgasm, her fingers tightened on the base of my cock. "Ahhh, Ahhh, Ahhh, Scully, oh my god, oh yeah. Oh my God! I've never been sucked ... so hard. Oh God, so hard." Then I just groaned. After being brought to the absolute edge at least five or six times, I finally choked out, "Stop, Scully, Stop!" I gritted my teeth, knowing full well that I might come when she released her iron grip on my cock. She backed off slowly, letting her suction lighten. Instead of letting go like I thought she would, she let her finger grip loosen very slowly. I yelped as I felt the coiling in my balls. "Oh, shit, I'm gonna come, Scully." Shit! I didn't want this to happen. I closed my eyes, gritting my teeth to make one last effort at holding back. Then I felt her other hand fly between my legs, pressing hard on the tendon at the base of my cock below her fingers with her free thumb. The other one pressed behind my balls and held there. She loosened her grip a little suddenly and squeezed hard again. Her mouth latched onto the head of my cock sucking so hard. "Ahhhhhh, Scully, Oh yeah, suck! Oh suck it." I felt the orgasm rip through me, my balls clenching, my shaft jerking almost painfully with every surge as I bucked into her face. The pleasure was exquisite and I shouted her name and then wailed, forcing my eyes open to watch as I realized I was NOT ejaculating. Oh my fucking God, I was coming, and she preventing me from ejaculating. HOW? My head flew back and I just rolled with the waves of pleasure. I let out a howl as the throbbing receded and I felt her fingers lift from my balls and shaft. She crawled up my torso and leaned in, waiting patiently. I was in shock. I forced my eyes open to find her nose about two inches away. She was grinning like the cat that ate the canary. I shook my head in disbelief, still feeling my shaft, pulsing hard between our bodies. That had never, every happened to me. I'd heard about things like that, but 'd never experienced it. She grinned even wider seeing the expression on my face. My voice was ragged as I asked, "What the fuck was that, Scully?" She laughed, "A little trick I had up my sleeve." I just shook my head in disbelief again and she giggled. "God, Scully, I thought I was going to explode. I've never felt pleasure like that, and I didn't, I didn't, ... come." She smiled. "Yes you did, you just didn't ejaculate." I nodded. "I'm going to ask you how you did that, but not now." She nodded again, smiling. She was so proud of herself. She had a right to be. Here I was worried that she would inhibited and she knew all these kinky doctor tricks! I rolled her over quickly and covered her body. She squealed but went willingly. I kissed her hard, feeling my tender cock skin brush the inside of her thigh. My God, her thighs were soaking wet. "Nineteen lady, before you ask is, ... this." I lifted her legs high around my waist and slipped an arm under her, supporting and raising her lower back off the bed. She was small enough that I could do this and still reach her the way I wanted to . I reached between us to guide myself. My cock was so tender from coming. I'd never felt it be so tender before, well, before an orgasm, but I'd had an orgasm, hadn't I. I shook my head to clear it. I still couldn't figure that one out yet. I was so sensitive. What was this going to feel like now? I braced my weight and placed myself at her entrance, lowering my weight onto both elbows. I nudged her gently and she sucked in her breath. "God, Scully, you're so wet." She nodded. "Do it, Mulder, please." I lowered my head into the crook of her neck and slid into her slowly and steadily, immediately hissing at the feel of wet heat surrounding my tender flesh. She groaned at the half way point and I stopped, raising my head. She said, "No, don't you dare stop." I smiled and resumed my push inside until I was embedded to the hilt and could feel the head of my cock bumping the entrance to her womb. I stayed still, struggling for control. I'd never had such a struggle to remain in control. I was generally a considerate lover. And although it had been a long time, this was ridiculous. I had my doubts as to whether I was going last more than thirty seconds. She must have read my mind because she said, "Don't worry about it, Mulder. You can move. I know how sensitive that makes you. I wanted you to feel that way. We've both already come, remember. You feel so good filling me up. I've never been this full." He words tumbled around in my head for a second and I began to move slowly, gritting my teeth and clenching my stomach muscles. Her hands came down to grip my ass and pull my in so deep as she was bent nearly in half. I groaned feeling the wet slurp of suction on my shaft each time I tried to retreat. I kept it slow for as long as I could, reveling in the intense sensation of being inside Scully. Jesus! I was inside Scully! I murmured to her as I pressed her open over and over again. "Scully, exquisite, you feel exquisite. So tight. God, you're squeezing me so tight." She smiled. "You too. You feel so good, Mulder." "I love you so much, Scully." I saw her eyes grow moist and she began to meet my thrusts with urgency. I took the hint and sped up, feeling my orgasm creep into the base of my spine with the speed of lightening. Almost immediately I began to yell, agonized by the intense pleasure and the effort to hold back. "Oh, Scully, Oh, Scully. Oh, SHIT, I'm gonna come, Scully. I'm gonna come. I can't, I can't help it! Oh, damn, I'm gonna come." I let go, unable to fight the tidal wave of bliss that rolled through me as lights flashed behind my eyelids and cock burned with harsh, stinging jolts as I emptied into her, over and over and over again; jerking my hips harshly into her thighs. She shouted, "So hot! Oh Jesus, Mulder. Your come is so hot!" And her walls fluttered around me, her nails digging into my ass and holding me jammed inside. I couldn't believe it, she was coming. She was coming. I was going soft inside her but I ground my hips into her harshly, grinding my hips into her pubic bone, crushing her clit between us, trying to make it last for her. She spasmed twice more and then lay still. Sweat slicked both our bodies and we panted, trying to regain control. I finally opened my eyes. She was smiling a lazy smile as she licked her lips. "So good," she murmured. I collapsed onto her, unable to hold myself up on my shaking arms anymore. I mumbled, "Crushing you, sorry." I began to roll, but she held me in place, locking her ankles at the small of my back and her arms around my neck. "No, weight feels good," she mumbled. I nodded and rested against her like a dishrag. The air soon became cooled and I grabbed the comforter and slung it around us, not bothering to try and get under the covers. We were cacooned in her comforter now, half below us and half above. I rolled off her and pulled her up onto my chest. She lay boneless on my chest, her hot breathe tickling the hairs on my chest. I sighed in contentment and held her close. She mumbled into my chest, "I have one more question, you know?" I chuckled. "Yeah, I guess you do." "If you could have anything from me, what would it be?" I sighed, feeling tears sting the back of my eyes. What I wanted, I didn't think she was ready to give to me. I sucked in a deep breath and blinked rapidly in an effort to hold back the tears that wanted to fall. I was so emotionally raw after sex, it took nothing to make me loose it. I hated that. It made me feel like a bit of a sissy, but I couldn't help it. She raised her head and my struggle didn't escape her. "What is it?" she asked, suddenly alarmed. "Mulder? What's wrong?" "Nothing's wrong, Scully. I'm just ... really happy right now." She looked at me for a few seconds and then shook her head in the negative. "That's not it, why are you fibbing to me, Mulder?" I closed my eyes. Damn her and her uncanny perception. "Scully, if I could have anything from you it would be ... just ... " "What? Just what?" I couldn't open my eyes. "Just love me. Oh God, I just want you to love me back." Her lips descended on mine, her tongue forcing it's way between my lips. I kissed her back, knowing I would never be able to push her away when she touched me, in any way, whether she loved me or not. I was helpless when it came to my feelings for this woman. She finally broke the kiss and cradled my head between her hands, her thumbs brushing my cheek bones. "Open your eyes, Mulder." I pried them open, feeling silly now for being so selfish. It was amazing that she even let me be here like this with her. I should be grateful for what she was willing to give and not grousing about the rest. I needed to concentrate on what I DID have, instead of what I DIDN'T. That was against my nature though and it was going to be tough. She lowered her nose to the tip of mine and gave me an Eskimo kiss. I smiled gently. Without any further hesitation, she said, "I do love you, Mulder. I always have." I felt my head swim as her words filtered into my ears. My chest was suddenly tight and the tears I'd been struggling to keep in check, fell down my face. She cooed to me, "Shhh, Mulder. I'm so sorry. I should have told you before, before we did this. I'm so sorry." I shook my head. "Nothing to be sorry for." She smiled. "I love you and don't worry. I'm going to keep loving you, no matter what. I don't have any choice in the matter anymore. Not after this." I smiled through my tears and pulled her into another kiss. This one was soft, tender and full of unspoken promises for the future. We were bound together now in every way, and God help the person that tried to separate us now. She was stuck with me now. It would take an act of God to pry me away from her. She sunk down into my chest and snuggled close. She fell asleep and I enjoyed feeling her breath against my chest. It was a soothing, relaxing feeling, knowing she was so close. I whispered to the top of her head, pulling her hair away from her face, "I love you so much, Scully. It's fucking scary." I thought she was asleep but she mumbled, "Mmm, Mulder, you ain't seen scary yet. We Scully's are a handful." I chuckled. "Oh yeah, it's my turn to ask twenty questions now." "Tomorrow. I'm too tired now. You wiped me out." "No chickening out." "I won't. I promise. And Mulder?" "Yeah?" "I love you too." She squeezed her arms tightly around my waist I sighed in contentment as I felt myself fall toward sleep. I couldn't remember the last time I felt this relaxed. I murmured to myself, "Going to have to think of some really good questions. You had several revelations from me with your questions. I'm going to have see how much I can turn up about you." I felt her chest bounce slightly on mine in slow motion. "I'm in so much trouble. Revelations indeed." She paused. "Bring it on, babe!" We both chuckled and then settled into sleep, too tired to keep teasing. THE END.